Crackfic: Pickup Lines
Title: Pickup Lines
Author: cornfields
Rating: R, for language only
Character(s): Jayne Cobb, Rose Tyler, various crew members
Word Count: 2600ish
Warning: This is a crossover. Very AU. *points to icon* Also, spoilers for the Big Damn Movie and Doomsday. You've been duly warned.
Author's Note: This cracked out Jaynefic was especially written for meinterrupted because she's had a rough couple of days and I'm hoping this cheers her up. *snugs and glomps* This hasn't been beta'd, so please be gentle with me. :)
==
Jayne liked to think himself a wily sort of guy, good with smokescreens, evasion, and self preservation; a survivor. So exactly how, he wondered to himself, did he manage to get caught in a trap of his own devising?
He'd been beyond bored, and restless after a month or so in the black. He needed to find himself some decent liquor, and even better trim, hopefully in that order. Mal grudgingly allowed the entire crew three-day's leave after running their last successful job, and soon enough Jayne found himself in a casino bar in a low-rent part of Beylix, extra coin burning a hole in his pocket.
Of course it'd taken him less than three minutes to spot the curvy blond seated at the end of the main bar. She wore blue denim breeches that seemed painted on, and a barely-there black shirt designed to expose an almost obscene amount of flesh. She had her fingers, with their chipped cherry red polish, loosely wrapped around a glass containing a blue fruity drink with a tiny pink umbrella sticking out the top. It was something he'd imagine Kaylee'd like to order.
He enjoyed a cigar, several glasses of decent whiskey, and played two hands of high-stakes poker while he watched the girl out of the corner of his eye. It didn't seem as if she waited for someone to join her; she simply watched the Alliance News Network on the bar's main holo and occasionally dipped her head to sip at her drink. She looked a little lonely, or maybe even a little lost, a thought which made him grin to himself predatorily.
He bowed out of the card game, gathered his winnings and his whiskey, and ambled up the bar. He eased himself into the chair closest to the blond, signaling 'til he had the bartender's attention. "I'll take the rest of that bottle of whiskey there," he said, and turned to motion negligently at the girl. "And another drink for the lady here."
She looked up at him in surprise before returning his lazy smile with a dimpled version of her own. "You're going to try to chat me up, aren't you?" she said, and finished off her first drink. "It won't work."
"'S that right?" He grinned and slapped a bill on the bar as the bartender arrived with their drinks. "Not even if I keep you in them fancy umbrellas?"
"No," she said, cheerfully. "Sorry."
"What if I told you I'm a ferocious space pirate what travels all over the 'verse, plundering and pillaging and whatnot?"
"Not impressed." Her expression brightened a bit. "You have a ship, yeah?"
He shot her a grin, leaned back in his chair and draped his arm over the back of hers. He knew some girls, like Kaylee, got off on ships and engines and the like. The engine room wasn't the most comfortable or clean place to grapple, but it'd definitely do in a pinch.
"Sure do," he said easily. "She's a pretty little thing, docked not too far from here. You wanna go see for yourself?"
She shrugged, making a noncommittal noise. "Maybe later."
"What about you," he asked, changing tactics. "What's a lovely lady like you doing in a seedy dive like this?"
"Oh, God," she laughed. "Horrible line, that. Like I haven't heard a million combinations of the same, a million different times, on a million different planets."
Jayne bit back his annoyance; if she wasn't so gorram good-looking, he would've already jumped ship. She had a rack good enough to kill, or at the very least maim for, and he was already committed to an attempt to bed this girl, armed with the knowledge that she was interested in "his" ship. Besides, he just dropped good coin on her second drink, so there was no sense in cutting his loses yet. He'd just have to try a different approach until she finished it off and gave him an excuse to get the hell out of dodge.
"Sounds like you get around a bit, then," he hazarded.
And that's when her mouth opened. It opened, and words started pouring out, and he found himself trapped. He couldn't even comprehend half of what she was going on about -- Earth-That-Was, and worlds made of ice, and aliens, and ships that were bigger on the inside, and a man who died and came back, only when he did he came back different. At one uncomfortable point he thought she was going to cry, but she didn't, and she just kept talking, and he was beginning to think she wasn't ever going to stop.
"You know, you talk mighty pretty," he finally interrupted. It was at least an hour and a half later, and he was desperate to shut her up.
It wasn't the most profound statement he'd ever uttered, but it seemed to work; the girl abruptly stopped yapping and blinked heavily-mascara'd eyes at him, her mouth forming a little "O" of surprise. She then burst into peals of bright laughter and nudged him sharply in the ribcage with an elbow.
"Well, that one was interesting, anyway," she said, her expression coy. He found himself quite fascinated by her smile, and the flash of pink tongue at the corner of her mouth. "Have you used it on anyone before?"
He was so grateful that she'd stopped talking nonsense that he laughed out loud. "Nah," he said, unconsciously leaning in toward her. "First time I've tried that one. Did it work?"
"Maybe." She dimpled and bat her eyelashes at him as she toyed with her straw. "I'm Rose Tyler, by the way. What's your name?"
"Jayne. Jayne Cobb." He offered her his hand, and she took it briefly in her own.
"A family name, I hope?" she said with an arch smile.
"On my dad's side," he replied. "So about my ship-"
Rose took a sip of her drink before interrupting, "Are you really a space pirate?"
"Sort of." He shrugged a little ruefully. "Are you really from Earth-That-Was?"
"You people keep saying that," she said, her tone sharpening. "Like it doesn't exist anymore. Have you ever even been, to see for yourself?"
Jayne was terrified she was going to start talking again. "Way I understand it, ain't no one been there, not for a long time. It's been used up, burnt out. Can't nobody live there anymore, so we came out this way."
She groaned and her head abruptly dropped down into her hands. "I've done it again," she all but wailed. "I've gotten myself stuck in another bloody alternate universe."
He poked her in the shoulder to get her attention, more than uncomfortable with the dramatics. "You okay, there?"
"No, I'm not bloody okay!" Rose exclaimed, raising her head to glare at him. She had tears standing in her eyes.
Jayne cursed long and angrily in Mandarin, grabbing his glass and bottle before climbing to his feet. Okay, that was it. He was done. "It was nice talking at you, Rose Tyler," he said with barely restrained disgust. "But I think I gotta move along."
She blinked. "What do you mean?" she wondered out loud, her tone indignant.
He set the bottle back on the bar, turned, and leaned over until his face was inches from hers. Her eyes were very wide and very dark as they stared up at him. "What I mean to say is you're talking crazier than our moonbrained pilot, and I got only three days left on this rock to get liquored and get laid. I ain't got any more time for talking, and I already wasted half the night as it is." Her eyes narrowed, and he gave her an unrepentant smile. "I'm sorry if you was under the impression I had any other motive for coming over here than to get you in my bunk. So unless you're of a mind to get naked, I'm afraid I must be on my merry way."
"Bastard," she spat. Her eyes glittered at him angrily. "I suppose I should be relieved there are at least some constants in this fucked-up universe."
"I suppose." He straightened and shrugged, not really catching her drift. "If you change your mind about the getting naked thing, We're docked at Kensington Downs, number 115. Name's Serenity."
"Fat chance," she muttered, dropping her gaze. She stared darkly at the drink he'd purchased for her, her hands curled into tight fists in her lap.
"Suit yourself, darlin'," he said with a chuckle. He reached for his bottle again and, without further ado, wandered off to find better prospects.
==
Jayne woke in his bunk the next morning to the shriek of feedback and female voices from the comm speaker across the room. He buried his aching head under his pillow and grumbled about a certain mechanic's tendency to be too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at vulgar hours of the morning.
"Jayne Cobb, you answer me this instant," said mechanic shrilled into the mic. "We know you're in there, and we know your door combination."
Jayne snarled and hurled his pillow across the bunk. "Who the gorram hell is 'we'?" he demanded, glaring at the pin-up girls above his head.
"Me an' River," Kaylee replied over the comm speaker.
"516985," River sang airily in the background.
"See?" Kaylee said reasonably. "You're needed in the cargo bay, pronto."
"Aw, c'mon, Kaylee," he groaned. It was too gorram early for this go se. "Tell Mal I'll help him with the cargo later." He contemplated the relentless pounding in his head. "Much later. Be sure you put emphasis on the 'much.'"
"It ain't Mal," Kaylee replied, insistent. "Cap'n and Zoe left over an hour ago for the pickup. You got yourself a visitor."
Jayne sat up in surprise, and was instantly sorry he had. It felt as if something sharp and heavy rattled right behind his eyes. "What kinda visitor?" he warily asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"A flower," River said, nonsensical, and Kaylee agreed laughingly, "A flower in a skirt."
Jayne automatically reached for his pants. "Would this 'flower' happen to be called 'Rose,' by any chance?" he growled.
"So you were expecting a Rose," Kaylee said, sounding pleased. River giggled. "She seems pretty annoyed with you, Jayne."
"Yeah, well, she was cramping my style." Jayne pulled the cleanest shirt he could find over his head. "You mean she hasn't talked your damn ear off yet? I think she's crazier than Crazy."
River explained to him clearly in Mandarin just where he could shove it. He grinned. "You keep sweet-talking me like that, girl, and I'm liable to take it the wrong way."
"Jayne," Kaylee's voice held a note of warning. "Please, for me... At least try to be a decent human being. She's actually paid... In cash!"
"Ain't I always?" he said, rubbing a hand over the scruff on his face and the wildness of his hair before heading for the ladder.
River snorted, and Kaylee made an exasperated noise. "We got ourselves an honest-to-god paying customer for once," she snapped. "If you run her off, I'll -- I'll do something you'll regret!"
Despite the way the world seemed to tilt on its axis, and the driving sharp pain in his skull, he managed a genuine laugh. "I'm on it."
He found Rose in the cargo hold, indeed wearing a skirt, and perched on the edge of a shipping container. She held a strange, small plastic device in her hand, and she stared at its tiny screen intently, her expression distant and sad. There was an overstuffed olive drab rucksack on the floor beneath her feet.
"Fancy finding you here," he drawled as he descended the stair into the hold.
She leapt off the container, half in surprise, half in consternation. "You."
"Me." He grinned. "So I guess this means you changed your mind about getting naked?"
"Hardly," she replied coldly. "I paid for a one-way trip. I'm going with you to Persephone."
"I thought you were all addlepated and wanted nothing to do with me." he said, crossing his arms.
Rose replied stiffly, "I don't."
"So, you didn't come down here and ask to see me?" Jayne's brow furrowed.
"No," Rose said, her tone sharp. "I didn't. I was hoping to avoid you, in fact."
He gave her a slow smile. "It's a small boat, darlin', and Persephone's a week out."
"I think we'll manage," she sniffed, tossing her head.
There was an extended and uncomfortable silence between them before Jayne broke it by clearing his throat. "So. What's in Persephone?"
"It's not Beylix," Rose replied grudgingly, eliciting a snort of agreement from Jayne. "And, from what I gather, closer to the Core worlds. I'm hoping to find some more answers there." Her eyes narrowed. "And maybe even a bit more class."
"Money don't equal class, darlin'," he said, unperturbed. "And all the Core worlds've got that we don't is money."
"I'm not crazy," she said abruptly, surprising him with her vehemence.
"Wouldn't make a lick of difference to me." He shot a glance toward the bridge. "Some of the nicest folks I know is crazy."
"Yes, but I'm not crazy, and I'm not terribly nice, anymore." Her expression had gone rather distressed. "I did try last night."
Jayne felt a twinge of something like regret. "Yeah, well, I guess I'm not used to nice."
Rose looked away, and he followed suit. "You do a smashing job at pretending to be."
"Aw, hell," he muttered, angry and embarrassed. He furiously glared at the patterns in the floor grating. "I guess I'm sorry, okay? It's not like I weren't obvious about what I was after."
"I'm not daft," she said distantly. "You were very obvious. I just misread your character, is all."
"I'm sorry," he repeated, but was no longer sure what he was apologizing for. "I ain't gonna bother you none, if that's what you're getting at. You don't got nothing I can't pay for. I may be a bastard, but I ain't that kind of bastard."
Rose finally met his gaze and gave him a crooked smile. "Thanks, I think."
"You-all made nice yet?" Kaylee called out sweetly from the catwalk above. She looked as if she was struggling to keep her innocent expression. River leaned on the rail next to the mechanic, watching Rose with frank curiosity.
Jayne was becoming increasingly agitated by all this talk of 'nice'. "We got this under control," he ground out, shooting her a pained glance.
"Just checking," Kaylee said. "I can show you to your quarters, Rose, if you're ready."
"I am," Rose replied with a smile. "Thank you." She turned and bent to retrieve something in her rucksack, giving Jayne a good long look of ample round backside. He was relatively sure she'd done it on purpose.
He muttered something about some people having a gorram lot of work to do, and Rose chirped out an innocent reply. It was all he could do not to watch as the hem of her skirt hiked up with each step as she climbed the stair to join Kaylee and River.
Zoe and Mal chose that exact moment to arrive on the fully-laden mule. Zoe cut the engine and raised a brow at Jayne, motioning toward the catwalk where Rose, Kaylee, and River were already nattering on about something girly. "We got ourselves a passenger?"
"A paying passenger this time, I hope," the captain added, with meaningful emphasis on the bit about paying.
"I'll be in my bunk," Jayne snapped in lieu of reply, and stalked away.
"What the hell's got into him?" he heard Mal wonder out loud, bemused and reproachful. "She looks nice enough."
Jayne knew from that point on, it was going to be a long trip to Persephone.
==
Aaaaaand, now my brain is breaky. I can't believe I wrote that. :)
Author: cornfields
Rating: R, for language only
Character(s): Jayne Cobb, Rose Tyler, various crew members
Word Count: 2600ish
Warning: This is a crossover. Very AU. *points to icon* Also, spoilers for the Big Damn Movie and Doomsday. You've been duly warned.
Author's Note: This cracked out Jaynefic was especially written for meinterrupted because she's had a rough couple of days and I'm hoping this cheers her up. *snugs and glomps* This hasn't been beta'd, so please be gentle with me. :)
==
Jayne liked to think himself a wily sort of guy, good with smokescreens, evasion, and self preservation; a survivor. So exactly how, he wondered to himself, did he manage to get caught in a trap of his own devising?
He'd been beyond bored, and restless after a month or so in the black. He needed to find himself some decent liquor, and even better trim, hopefully in that order. Mal grudgingly allowed the entire crew three-day's leave after running their last successful job, and soon enough Jayne found himself in a casino bar in a low-rent part of Beylix, extra coin burning a hole in his pocket.
Of course it'd taken him less than three minutes to spot the curvy blond seated at the end of the main bar. She wore blue denim breeches that seemed painted on, and a barely-there black shirt designed to expose an almost obscene amount of flesh. She had her fingers, with their chipped cherry red polish, loosely wrapped around a glass containing a blue fruity drink with a tiny pink umbrella sticking out the top. It was something he'd imagine Kaylee'd like to order.
He enjoyed a cigar, several glasses of decent whiskey, and played two hands of high-stakes poker while he watched the girl out of the corner of his eye. It didn't seem as if she waited for someone to join her; she simply watched the Alliance News Network on the bar's main holo and occasionally dipped her head to sip at her drink. She looked a little lonely, or maybe even a little lost, a thought which made him grin to himself predatorily.
He bowed out of the card game, gathered his winnings and his whiskey, and ambled up the bar. He eased himself into the chair closest to the blond, signaling 'til he had the bartender's attention. "I'll take the rest of that bottle of whiskey there," he said, and turned to motion negligently at the girl. "And another drink for the lady here."
She looked up at him in surprise before returning his lazy smile with a dimpled version of her own. "You're going to try to chat me up, aren't you?" she said, and finished off her first drink. "It won't work."
"'S that right?" He grinned and slapped a bill on the bar as the bartender arrived with their drinks. "Not even if I keep you in them fancy umbrellas?"
"No," she said, cheerfully. "Sorry."
"What if I told you I'm a ferocious space pirate what travels all over the 'verse, plundering and pillaging and whatnot?"
"Not impressed." Her expression brightened a bit. "You have a ship, yeah?"
He shot her a grin, leaned back in his chair and draped his arm over the back of hers. He knew some girls, like Kaylee, got off on ships and engines and the like. The engine room wasn't the most comfortable or clean place to grapple, but it'd definitely do in a pinch.
"Sure do," he said easily. "She's a pretty little thing, docked not too far from here. You wanna go see for yourself?"
She shrugged, making a noncommittal noise. "Maybe later."
"What about you," he asked, changing tactics. "What's a lovely lady like you doing in a seedy dive like this?"
"Oh, God," she laughed. "Horrible line, that. Like I haven't heard a million combinations of the same, a million different times, on a million different planets."
Jayne bit back his annoyance; if she wasn't so gorram good-looking, he would've already jumped ship. She had a rack good enough to kill, or at the very least maim for, and he was already committed to an attempt to bed this girl, armed with the knowledge that she was interested in "his" ship. Besides, he just dropped good coin on her second drink, so there was no sense in cutting his loses yet. He'd just have to try a different approach until she finished it off and gave him an excuse to get the hell out of dodge.
"Sounds like you get around a bit, then," he hazarded.
And that's when her mouth opened. It opened, and words started pouring out, and he found himself trapped. He couldn't even comprehend half of what she was going on about -- Earth-That-Was, and worlds made of ice, and aliens, and ships that were bigger on the inside, and a man who died and came back, only when he did he came back different. At one uncomfortable point he thought she was going to cry, but she didn't, and she just kept talking, and he was beginning to think she wasn't ever going to stop.
"You know, you talk mighty pretty," he finally interrupted. It was at least an hour and a half later, and he was desperate to shut her up.
It wasn't the most profound statement he'd ever uttered, but it seemed to work; the girl abruptly stopped yapping and blinked heavily-mascara'd eyes at him, her mouth forming a little "O" of surprise. She then burst into peals of bright laughter and nudged him sharply in the ribcage with an elbow.
"Well, that one was interesting, anyway," she said, her expression coy. He found himself quite fascinated by her smile, and the flash of pink tongue at the corner of her mouth. "Have you used it on anyone before?"
He was so grateful that she'd stopped talking nonsense that he laughed out loud. "Nah," he said, unconsciously leaning in toward her. "First time I've tried that one. Did it work?"
"Maybe." She dimpled and bat her eyelashes at him as she toyed with her straw. "I'm Rose Tyler, by the way. What's your name?"
"Jayne. Jayne Cobb." He offered her his hand, and she took it briefly in her own.
"A family name, I hope?" she said with an arch smile.
"On my dad's side," he replied. "So about my ship-"
Rose took a sip of her drink before interrupting, "Are you really a space pirate?"
"Sort of." He shrugged a little ruefully. "Are you really from Earth-That-Was?"
"You people keep saying that," she said, her tone sharpening. "Like it doesn't exist anymore. Have you ever even been, to see for yourself?"
Jayne was terrified she was going to start talking again. "Way I understand it, ain't no one been there, not for a long time. It's been used up, burnt out. Can't nobody live there anymore, so we came out this way."
She groaned and her head abruptly dropped down into her hands. "I've done it again," she all but wailed. "I've gotten myself stuck in another bloody alternate universe."
He poked her in the shoulder to get her attention, more than uncomfortable with the dramatics. "You okay, there?"
"No, I'm not bloody okay!" Rose exclaimed, raising her head to glare at him. She had tears standing in her eyes.
Jayne cursed long and angrily in Mandarin, grabbing his glass and bottle before climbing to his feet. Okay, that was it. He was done. "It was nice talking at you, Rose Tyler," he said with barely restrained disgust. "But I think I gotta move along."
She blinked. "What do you mean?" she wondered out loud, her tone indignant.
He set the bottle back on the bar, turned, and leaned over until his face was inches from hers. Her eyes were very wide and very dark as they stared up at him. "What I mean to say is you're talking crazier than our moonbrained pilot, and I got only three days left on this rock to get liquored and get laid. I ain't got any more time for talking, and I already wasted half the night as it is." Her eyes narrowed, and he gave her an unrepentant smile. "I'm sorry if you was under the impression I had any other motive for coming over here than to get you in my bunk. So unless you're of a mind to get naked, I'm afraid I must be on my merry way."
"Bastard," she spat. Her eyes glittered at him angrily. "I suppose I should be relieved there are at least some constants in this fucked-up universe."
"I suppose." He straightened and shrugged, not really catching her drift. "If you change your mind about the getting naked thing, We're docked at Kensington Downs, number 115. Name's Serenity."
"Fat chance," she muttered, dropping her gaze. She stared darkly at the drink he'd purchased for her, her hands curled into tight fists in her lap.
"Suit yourself, darlin'," he said with a chuckle. He reached for his bottle again and, without further ado, wandered off to find better prospects.
==
Jayne woke in his bunk the next morning to the shriek of feedback and female voices from the comm speaker across the room. He buried his aching head under his pillow and grumbled about a certain mechanic's tendency to be too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at vulgar hours of the morning.
"Jayne Cobb, you answer me this instant," said mechanic shrilled into the mic. "We know you're in there, and we know your door combination."
Jayne snarled and hurled his pillow across the bunk. "Who the gorram hell is 'we'?" he demanded, glaring at the pin-up girls above his head.
"Me an' River," Kaylee replied over the comm speaker.
"516985," River sang airily in the background.
"See?" Kaylee said reasonably. "You're needed in the cargo bay, pronto."
"Aw, c'mon, Kaylee," he groaned. It was too gorram early for this go se. "Tell Mal I'll help him with the cargo later." He contemplated the relentless pounding in his head. "Much later. Be sure you put emphasis on the 'much.'"
"It ain't Mal," Kaylee replied, insistent. "Cap'n and Zoe left over an hour ago for the pickup. You got yourself a visitor."
Jayne sat up in surprise, and was instantly sorry he had. It felt as if something sharp and heavy rattled right behind his eyes. "What kinda visitor?" he warily asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"A flower," River said, nonsensical, and Kaylee agreed laughingly, "A flower in a skirt."
Jayne automatically reached for his pants. "Would this 'flower' happen to be called 'Rose,' by any chance?" he growled.
"So you were expecting a Rose," Kaylee said, sounding pleased. River giggled. "She seems pretty annoyed with you, Jayne."
"Yeah, well, she was cramping my style." Jayne pulled the cleanest shirt he could find over his head. "You mean she hasn't talked your damn ear off yet? I think she's crazier than Crazy."
River explained to him clearly in Mandarin just where he could shove it. He grinned. "You keep sweet-talking me like that, girl, and I'm liable to take it the wrong way."
"Jayne," Kaylee's voice held a note of warning. "Please, for me... At least try to be a decent human being. She's actually paid... In cash!"
"Ain't I always?" he said, rubbing a hand over the scruff on his face and the wildness of his hair before heading for the ladder.
River snorted, and Kaylee made an exasperated noise. "We got ourselves an honest-to-god paying customer for once," she snapped. "If you run her off, I'll -- I'll do something you'll regret!"
Despite the way the world seemed to tilt on its axis, and the driving sharp pain in his skull, he managed a genuine laugh. "I'm on it."
He found Rose in the cargo hold, indeed wearing a skirt, and perched on the edge of a shipping container. She held a strange, small plastic device in her hand, and she stared at its tiny screen intently, her expression distant and sad. There was an overstuffed olive drab rucksack on the floor beneath her feet.
"Fancy finding you here," he drawled as he descended the stair into the hold.
She leapt off the container, half in surprise, half in consternation. "You."
"Me." He grinned. "So I guess this means you changed your mind about getting naked?"
"Hardly," she replied coldly. "I paid for a one-way trip. I'm going with you to Persephone."
"I thought you were all addlepated and wanted nothing to do with me." he said, crossing his arms.
Rose replied stiffly, "I don't."
"So, you didn't come down here and ask to see me?" Jayne's brow furrowed.
"No," Rose said, her tone sharp. "I didn't. I was hoping to avoid you, in fact."
He gave her a slow smile. "It's a small boat, darlin', and Persephone's a week out."
"I think we'll manage," she sniffed, tossing her head.
There was an extended and uncomfortable silence between them before Jayne broke it by clearing his throat. "So. What's in Persephone?"
"It's not Beylix," Rose replied grudgingly, eliciting a snort of agreement from Jayne. "And, from what I gather, closer to the Core worlds. I'm hoping to find some more answers there." Her eyes narrowed. "And maybe even a bit more class."
"Money don't equal class, darlin'," he said, unperturbed. "And all the Core worlds've got that we don't is money."
"I'm not crazy," she said abruptly, surprising him with her vehemence.
"Wouldn't make a lick of difference to me." He shot a glance toward the bridge. "Some of the nicest folks I know is crazy."
"Yes, but I'm not crazy, and I'm not terribly nice, anymore." Her expression had gone rather distressed. "I did try last night."
Jayne felt a twinge of something like regret. "Yeah, well, I guess I'm not used to nice."
Rose looked away, and he followed suit. "You do a smashing job at pretending to be."
"Aw, hell," he muttered, angry and embarrassed. He furiously glared at the patterns in the floor grating. "I guess I'm sorry, okay? It's not like I weren't obvious about what I was after."
"I'm not daft," she said distantly. "You were very obvious. I just misread your character, is all."
"I'm sorry," he repeated, but was no longer sure what he was apologizing for. "I ain't gonna bother you none, if that's what you're getting at. You don't got nothing I can't pay for. I may be a bastard, but I ain't that kind of bastard."
Rose finally met his gaze and gave him a crooked smile. "Thanks, I think."
"You-all made nice yet?" Kaylee called out sweetly from the catwalk above. She looked as if she was struggling to keep her innocent expression. River leaned on the rail next to the mechanic, watching Rose with frank curiosity.
Jayne was becoming increasingly agitated by all this talk of 'nice'. "We got this under control," he ground out, shooting her a pained glance.
"Just checking," Kaylee said. "I can show you to your quarters, Rose, if you're ready."
"I am," Rose replied with a smile. "Thank you." She turned and bent to retrieve something in her rucksack, giving Jayne a good long look of ample round backside. He was relatively sure she'd done it on purpose.
He muttered something about some people having a gorram lot of work to do, and Rose chirped out an innocent reply. It was all he could do not to watch as the hem of her skirt hiked up with each step as she climbed the stair to join Kaylee and River.
Zoe and Mal chose that exact moment to arrive on the fully-laden mule. Zoe cut the engine and raised a brow at Jayne, motioning toward the catwalk where Rose, Kaylee, and River were already nattering on about something girly. "We got ourselves a passenger?"
"A paying passenger this time, I hope," the captain added, with meaningful emphasis on the bit about paying.
"I'll be in my bunk," Jayne snapped in lieu of reply, and stalked away.
"What the hell's got into him?" he heard Mal wonder out loud, bemused and reproachful. "She looks nice enough."
Jayne knew from that point on, it was going to be a long trip to Persephone.
==
Aaaaaand, now my brain is breaky. I can't believe I wrote that. :)