(no subject)
Wed. Nov. 5th; early morning
[Private]
Merlin, Circe and Hecate! I don't know where to begin.
I went to bed as soon as I got back from Professor Snape. I took a few books with me, and closed the curtains, cast a locking and a silencing charm. I just needed to be alone after that. At first I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep at all, but I did, even if I woke up early. I slept like a baby, so relaxed.
I made my report to Snape, I told him how I had failed to obey him several times. With Adrian, as well as with Blaise. He seemed less concerned about that though, than with other parts of my doings... And I had no reason to be concerned that he wouldn't keep me. Oh boy, did he keep me!!! There's nothing weird or wrong about me and my strange need to kneel and be controlled by someone, by him. It's just not talked about openly I think. Like being introduced to sex at the age of eleven I suppose. It's there, but only those in the know talk about it.
There are rules to this. There are limits, and apparently, even if I submit completely to someone I should have some control then too. It's odd, and I don't understand it all yet, there was so much information. I think he cautioned me against Adrian. Maybe I should ask him about that later. If he doesn't want me to have sex with Adrian I'll try to find a way to talk to him about it and say no.
Anyway, things have changed. There's a new agreement between us. If I were his toy earlier, I'm now his servant or something. For pleasure... I have to obey him; if I do, I'm rewarded, if I don't, I'm punished. Like last night. He hit me with a riding crop because I didn't show him proper respect. I won't forget that again. He will teach me things, show me, help me find my limits with pain, and with other things too I suppose. The punishment wasn't that bad actually, and the welts are almost gone. It was weird though how good it felt afterward. Probably those body-chemicals he told me about. They take away the pain-sensation of pain... like a pain killer. Pretty cool, I have to say. He explained that after he fucked me raw again. Damn, but he's good at that. I'm still a bit sore after that, but in that nice way... Merlin! The way he prepared me! I get horny from thinking about it. Just too good, no hurry, taking his time. He sure knows what he's doing.
And he let me kneel next to him afterwards. Just kneel and be there, touch, come down from that odd feeling, the slightly woozy and dizzy feeling. I'm ... his? It just felt so good, so relaxing to be under his control like that. Like I was in the right place, doing the right things. If he wants something he'll tell me, straight. I won't have to try to second-guess his intensions, his needs, his wants... It's good, but it's such a new thing I realise. I see things about my parents now that I never thought of before. But I need time, I think.
He spoke some of my parents and Mr. G. He said Mr. G had abused me. That's quite a revelation to me, because I've never seen it like that. Of course I tried defending him, against Snape. But the man has a point, I just never thought about it that way. He said Mr. G could have shown affection in a different way, not through sex. I'm not so sure about that though. Is there any other affection? I haven't experienced any. Well, there's Cho, but I'm pretty sure she's affectionate to get pleasure, to get comfort, to get... I don't know. Girls are different I think. Perhaps I should ask Ginny about that?
I received another of these anonymous owls just before leaving for Snape's office. I was so tense and worried though, that I didn't read it until I returned to the dorms. Whoever it is sure has a very interesting mind. There was the honey, there has been deep throating and other nice things. Now, there was suggestions of tying me up to my bed and spank me, or fuck me really hard... Damn! But that's hot. I've just realised myself that being restrained is really nice and turns me on. It seems that someone else has similar thoughts. But is this someone I can trust enough to do that?
I would trust Snape, but then again, I trust him with everything already. Adrian seems to enjoy restraining me in the showers, but I can't see him sending these notes. It's still a mystery... Draco? Harry? Blaise? Probably not Harry, he seems to be a little too new at these things to be thinking bondage. Or is this someone I haven't had sex with at all?
[Private]
Life is good. Time for fencing practice. Oh, and a little breakfast-snuggle with Cho.
[Private]
Merlin, Circe and Hecate! I don't know where to begin.
I went to bed as soon as I got back from Professor Snape. I took a few books with me, and closed the curtains, cast a locking and a silencing charm. I just needed to be alone after that. At first I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep at all, but I did, even if I woke up early. I slept like a baby, so relaxed.
I made my report to Snape, I told him how I had failed to obey him several times. With Adrian, as well as with Blaise. He seemed less concerned about that though, than with other parts of my doings... And I had no reason to be concerned that he wouldn't keep me. Oh boy, did he keep me!!! There's nothing weird or wrong about me and my strange need to kneel and be controlled by someone, by him. It's just not talked about openly I think. Like being introduced to sex at the age of eleven I suppose. It's there, but only those in the know talk about it.
There are rules to this. There are limits, and apparently, even if I submit completely to someone I should have some control then too. It's odd, and I don't understand it all yet, there was so much information. I think he cautioned me against Adrian. Maybe I should ask him about that later. If he doesn't want me to have sex with Adrian I'll try to find a way to talk to him about it and say no.
Anyway, things have changed. There's a new agreement between us. If I were his toy earlier, I'm now his servant or something. For pleasure... I have to obey him; if I do, I'm rewarded, if I don't, I'm punished. Like last night. He hit me with a riding crop because I didn't show him proper respect. I won't forget that again. He will teach me things, show me, help me find my limits with pain, and with other things too I suppose. The punishment wasn't that bad actually, and the welts are almost gone. It was weird though how good it felt afterward. Probably those body-chemicals he told me about. They take away the pain-sensation of pain... like a pain killer. Pretty cool, I have to say. He explained that after he fucked me raw again. Damn, but he's good at that. I'm still a bit sore after that, but in that nice way... Merlin! The way he prepared me! I get horny from thinking about it. Just too good, no hurry, taking his time. He sure knows what he's doing.
And he let me kneel next to him afterwards. Just kneel and be there, touch, come down from that odd feeling, the slightly woozy and dizzy feeling. I'm ... his? It just felt so good, so relaxing to be under his control like that. Like I was in the right place, doing the right things. If he wants something he'll tell me, straight. I won't have to try to second-guess his intensions, his needs, his wants... It's good, but it's such a new thing I realise. I see things about my parents now that I never thought of before. But I need time, I think.
He spoke some of my parents and Mr. G. He said Mr. G had abused me. That's quite a revelation to me, because I've never seen it like that. Of course I tried defending him, against Snape. But the man has a point, I just never thought about it that way. He said Mr. G could have shown affection in a different way, not through sex. I'm not so sure about that though. Is there any other affection? I haven't experienced any. Well, there's Cho, but I'm pretty sure she's affectionate to get pleasure, to get comfort, to get... I don't know. Girls are different I think. Perhaps I should ask Ginny about that?
I received another of these anonymous owls just before leaving for Snape's office. I was so tense and worried though, that I didn't read it until I returned to the dorms. Whoever it is sure has a very interesting mind. There was the honey, there has been deep throating and other nice things. Now, there was suggestions of tying me up to my bed and spank me, or fuck me really hard... Damn! But that's hot. I've just realised myself that being restrained is really nice and turns me on. It seems that someone else has similar thoughts. But is this someone I can trust enough to do that?
I would trust Snape, but then again, I trust him with everything already. Adrian seems to enjoy restraining me in the showers, but I can't see him sending these notes. It's still a mystery... Draco? Harry? Blaise? Probably not Harry, he seems to be a little too new at these things to be thinking bondage. Or is this someone I haven't had sex with at all?
[Private]
Life is good. Time for fencing practice. Oh, and a little breakfast-snuggle with Cho.