Private entry
Sun. Nov. 23rd
I was quite disappointed when I got the Owl from Professor Snape, cancelling out regular Saturday session. I had been looking forward to it... Even if he wouldn't tie me up again, I would be there, on my knees. In front of a man that knows how to take what he wants from me, knows how to do these wonderful things to me. Merlin! I want it again! It felt so good to be tied up like that, exposed, just... there for him to use. It was so hot, so exciting!
I've been thinking more about what he said, that it gives freedom to be tied up. It's weird, because when I think back on Tuesday, and I read the things in his books, I think perhaps I'm beginning to see what he meant. It's not freedom in a physical sense... although... maybe it is? I didn't think about anything that worries me, only his cock, his hands, his pleasure, my body, the sensations, the incredible feeling when I was tied up on that table. The only thing I could do was to enjoy all of it. I want to feel that way again.
I feel safe with him. It's like... I feel bad for writing this, but I feel more safety and caring from him than from my parents. It's scary in a way. If my father had me tied up, I doubt he'd check on my wrists and ankles for abrasions and rub healing balm on them, or use a healing charm afterwards. There's that difference between these men in my life. Snape uses me, I'm aware of that, but I like the way he uses me. I love it, love learning more of this wonderful world! He uses me for his own purposes, but he cares for me when it's over, makes sure I'm okay... and there's a time limit. My parents use me all the time.
And I'm falling more and more in love with Blaise! I didn't think that was possible, but I do. I want to be near him, touch him, always. But it's actually not only for sex! It's enough sometimes to just sit close, feel his leg against mine, his hand on my arm, as we do our homework or plan for Snape's classes as his TAs.
I love talking to him. He has such a soft, sexy voice... love kissing his hands, his fingers, lick them. I love his hands. I love him! But at the same time, I'm afraid that he'll see whatever it is in me that has so far kept everyone else away. I fear for the day when he will tell me he's lost interest in me, or found someone else. Will he still want the sex? Can I go through with that? I could with François, but what I feel for Blaise is more!
Merlin! Reading that over, I realise I sound like a girl! Sheesh! I don't want to lose him!
I was quite disappointed when I got the Owl from Professor Snape, cancelling out regular Saturday session. I had been looking forward to it... Even if he wouldn't tie me up again, I would be there, on my knees. In front of a man that knows how to take what he wants from me, knows how to do these wonderful things to me. Merlin! I want it again! It felt so good to be tied up like that, exposed, just... there for him to use. It was so hot, so exciting!
I've been thinking more about what he said, that it gives freedom to be tied up. It's weird, because when I think back on Tuesday, and I read the things in his books, I think perhaps I'm beginning to see what he meant. It's not freedom in a physical sense... although... maybe it is? I didn't think about anything that worries me, only his cock, his hands, his pleasure, my body, the sensations, the incredible feeling when I was tied up on that table. The only thing I could do was to enjoy all of it. I want to feel that way again.
I feel safe with him. It's like... I feel bad for writing this, but I feel more safety and caring from him than from my parents. It's scary in a way. If my father had me tied up, I doubt he'd check on my wrists and ankles for abrasions and rub healing balm on them, or use a healing charm afterwards. There's that difference between these men in my life. Snape uses me, I'm aware of that, but I like the way he uses me. I love it, love learning more of this wonderful world! He uses me for his own purposes, but he cares for me when it's over, makes sure I'm okay... and there's a time limit. My parents use me all the time.
And I'm falling more and more in love with Blaise! I didn't think that was possible, but I do. I want to be near him, touch him, always. But it's actually not only for sex! It's enough sometimes to just sit close, feel his leg against mine, his hand on my arm, as we do our homework or plan for Snape's classes as his TAs.
I love talking to him. He has such a soft, sexy voice... love kissing his hands, his fingers, lick them. I love his hands. I love him! But at the same time, I'm afraid that he'll see whatever it is in me that has so far kept everyone else away. I fear for the day when he will tell me he's lost interest in me, or found someone else. Will he still want the sex? Can I go through with that? I could with François, but what I feel for Blaise is more!
Merlin! Reading that over, I realise I sound like a girl! Sheesh! I don't want to lose him!