A stark realization
I really do think I might need to start talking to someone about my mental health. I am being plagued by two anxiety issues. One about traveling. I know when it started (2005) but not why. Even going up to the hotel on Sunday was BIG DEAL. I have no clue why. I love traveling but I'm getting tied up into knots preparing for it.
And I'm learning that I need to buy a house just to have a generator or wood burning stove because depending on electricity for heat in a winter storm is causing me ANXIETY that is unbearable. I have been making myself nuts. Running around the house (almost literally) bursting into tears, packing things (in case I had to leave), writing down numbers of hotels, literally sick to my stomach and my chest is heavy from the anxiety. I edited a project that I have been fucking around with to the point I know I was becoming a problem. I edited 66 pages in a few hours because I was trying not to think about the ice storm. This is not me doing good. This is me manic. This is not healthy.
We did get off half a day today at work. I came home to seriously flooding because it hasn't stopped raining in 36 hours. It's STILL raining but it's almost 11 pm and I still have power (so I guess I am glad I didn't panic and go to a hotel like I almost did at 1 pm) I'm sure most of that rain is now ice. I'm not brave enough to look.
I'm overheating the apartment (so it'll take longer to cool off if I DO lose power) and I'm worried. My heater is struggling. I need to talk to the landlord. My heat pump is 18 years old and my hot water tank is 16. They are probably on their last legs. I even saw some YouTubes (thanks to a friend) about using terra cotta pots and tea lights as a radiant heater to warm a room. I brought some back from the greenhouse. I'm not sure how that's hotter than a candle but it's probably a surface area thing. Then I thought will I get carbon monoxide poisoning from this??
So for all of you who had said some prayers for me and this weather, thank you. I'm still hanging in. I just pray it lasts. I can handle being snowed in. Iced in with no power not so much.
And I'm learning that I need to buy a house just to have a generator or wood burning stove because depending on electricity for heat in a winter storm is causing me ANXIETY that is unbearable. I have been making myself nuts. Running around the house (almost literally) bursting into tears, packing things (in case I had to leave), writing down numbers of hotels, literally sick to my stomach and my chest is heavy from the anxiety. I edited a project that I have been fucking around with to the point I know I was becoming a problem. I edited 66 pages in a few hours because I was trying not to think about the ice storm. This is not me doing good. This is me manic. This is not healthy.
We did get off half a day today at work. I came home to seriously flooding because it hasn't stopped raining in 36 hours. It's STILL raining but it's almost 11 pm and I still have power (so I guess I am glad I didn't panic and go to a hotel like I almost did at 1 pm) I'm sure most of that rain is now ice. I'm not brave enough to look.
I'm overheating the apartment (so it'll take longer to cool off if I DO lose power) and I'm worried. My heater is struggling. I need to talk to the landlord. My heat pump is 18 years old and my hot water tank is 16. They are probably on their last legs. I even saw some YouTubes (thanks to a friend) about using terra cotta pots and tea lights as a radiant heater to warm a room. I brought some back from the greenhouse. I'm not sure how that's hotter than a candle but it's probably a surface area thing. Then I thought will I get carbon monoxide poisoning from this??
So for all of you who had said some prayers for me and this weather, thank you. I'm still hanging in. I just pray it lasts. I can handle being snowed in. Iced in with no power not so much.