"stay or sway my way, but dont come and go..."
i have 2 things i would like to say:
#1.) whenever paul and kimber sing at school (and lydia actually) i am nothing short of mesmorized. they have this way of connecting my entire body into what they're singing. i was so annoyed at the "pep rally" today and tried to kinda sleep through it but as soon as i heard they were singing i tuned into them and out of the rest of the world. it is weird. they both just have unbelievible voices and they are both so good at what they do. so props to them. to be honest, i am jealous. i have always been jealous of people who are musically inclined. yeah im decent at sports but i have always wanted to be good at something in the music area. whether it be singing or playing an instrument or anything.
#2.) when you have a best friend that you dont see very often, is it natural to feel like your drifting or is it just paranoia? almost all the best friends i have ever had in my life have been far from me. different city, didnt county, even different state, and i do this alot. one little thing happens and inside i freak out. i get scared and i start to tell myself that we are drifting and that something bad is going to happen. on the surface i feel like it is all spirling down hill for the friendship, but when i think about it i just feel really stupid. something small isnt going to make a friendship come to a hault right? well lets hope. but no one really knows how sad it makes me to think that my best friends are no closer then like 7 miles south of my house.
i would also like to say that i think jeana is amazing and her writing is amazing and i copied and pasted this from her because it is amazing, and i liked it and it felt like what i was thinking in my head came out as her words in her livejournal-
***aimless, with no need of direction***
There are not enough words in the world to describe a certain feeling. That one feeling of complete and utter euphoria...not the euphoria most common...but the euphoria without happiness. I know what you're thinking... "How can Euphoria exist without happiness?" Well, it's possible. It's somewhere between fainting and just being dizzy. Between blackouts and the white light that overpowers your eyes. It's that feeling right before you hit the ground. I wonder what people think about before they pull the trigger or plunge themselves off a high edifice. What do they think right before it all goes down? Do they feel regret? Does the gunman feel regret right before the muscles in his finger contract? Does the jumper feel regret right before they smash into the car window below? Is the regret strong enough to stop the gunman (for he has one more chance)? The jumper has already made his decision and has no time to turn back. It's over before it's even started...for one of them. I wonder which one I would choose. To freefall a thousand feet before that pang of regret takes place? Or to feel the racing tension of the trigger. This isn't about suicide or murder. This isn't a plan for revenge or redemption. This is it. This is what it all comes down to.
#1.) whenever paul and kimber sing at school (and lydia actually) i am nothing short of mesmorized. they have this way of connecting my entire body into what they're singing. i was so annoyed at the "pep rally" today and tried to kinda sleep through it but as soon as i heard they were singing i tuned into them and out of the rest of the world. it is weird. they both just have unbelievible voices and they are both so good at what they do. so props to them. to be honest, i am jealous. i have always been jealous of people who are musically inclined. yeah im decent at sports but i have always wanted to be good at something in the music area. whether it be singing or playing an instrument or anything.
#2.) when you have a best friend that you dont see very often, is it natural to feel like your drifting or is it just paranoia? almost all the best friends i have ever had in my life have been far from me. different city, didnt county, even different state, and i do this alot. one little thing happens and inside i freak out. i get scared and i start to tell myself that we are drifting and that something bad is going to happen. on the surface i feel like it is all spirling down hill for the friendship, but when i think about it i just feel really stupid. something small isnt going to make a friendship come to a hault right? well lets hope. but no one really knows how sad it makes me to think that my best friends are no closer then like 7 miles south of my house.
i would also like to say that i think jeana is amazing and her writing is amazing and i copied and pasted this from her because it is amazing, and i liked it and it felt like what i was thinking in my head came out as her words in her livejournal-
***aimless, with no need of direction***
There are not enough words in the world to describe a certain feeling. That one feeling of complete and utter euphoria...not the euphoria most common...but the euphoria without happiness. I know what you're thinking... "How can Euphoria exist without happiness?" Well, it's possible. It's somewhere between fainting and just being dizzy. Between blackouts and the white light that overpowers your eyes. It's that feeling right before you hit the ground. I wonder what people think about before they pull the trigger or plunge themselves off a high edifice. What do they think right before it all goes down? Do they feel regret? Does the gunman feel regret right before the muscles in his finger contract? Does the jumper feel regret right before they smash into the car window below? Is the regret strong enough to stop the gunman (for he has one more chance)? The jumper has already made his decision and has no time to turn back. It's over before it's even started...for one of them. I wonder which one I would choose. To freefall a thousand feet before that pang of regret takes place? Or to feel the racing tension of the trigger. This isn't about suicide or murder. This isn't a plan for revenge or redemption. This is it. This is what it all comes down to.