"...and im surrounded by a million people i, still feel all alone..."
i have often times talked with a certain person about those feelings you get that you cant seem to put your finger on. those feelings that make you feel useless and incomplete. sad. empty. desolate. just everything that makes you feel depressed, but you can not for the life of you figure out why you are feeling all these hollow feelings. you had a decent week and a decent weekend thus far. you parents for once havent been on your case about every little thing. your not fighting with anyone. yet...they linger. they just stick around making you feel like you want to stay in your sweats all day watching random movies, on the brink of tears when you stumble across a corny non-realistic "love story". the one that puzzles me the most however, is that empty feeling. that feeling that makes you yurn(sp?) for the prescence of a friend. the one that makes you feel like your dog has just been hit by a bus. the one that makes you feel like you have nothing. that that is all there is, just nothing. and more nothing. as teenagers- i think we go to fill that void with one certain something or someone. it can be anything or any one, and it will always varry. as human beings- we dont want that inanimate object, it simply will just not sufice. i think we want that person. that one person who can make the world slow down when everything is moving too fast. the person who crys when you cry, feels pain when you feel pain. that person whose touch solves your toughest problems, and whose hugs make you never want to let go. it could be a best friend i suppose, or maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend. are we supposed to have that person already? are we supposed to know who to run to? are we supposed to feel safe? if we are....im not sure what to do. ive always attached myself to not nessicarily the wrong people, just people i didnt intend to. i know that i dont have that person in a boyfriend, lets face it, you know as well as i do i cant make a relationship work to save my life!! which is ok, its worked out so far for me...i suppose. i get confused with my friends. the line that is drawn between those friends, and that best friend, is fine. too fine. im weird when it comes to my friends. like i said, the attachment issue is weird. i dont show it, and i dont even realize it until something certain happens, and that always varries as well. i just dont want to live an empty life. i dont want to feel empty with out that one person, who ever they are.