My FIRST of MANY rants...
Alright, I absolutely hate these things. I mean, I don't have anything against them I just find them pointless, yet here I sit writing an entry for what I deem 'pointless'. It's crazy how that works out. Nothing really happening with my life, not like I expect it too. It just seems to get more and more hectic as High School comes to a close. In all honesty, I guess I'm scared. I mean, I'm not sure I'm ready to grow up. For years I've lived a mostly sheltered life. There were a few events involving my step-dad that continue to plague me, but I can't really complain. I don't go slicing my wrists because I was raped, so I think I'm doing alright. I did the conselouing thing for awhile there, and moved in with my Mom. I'm fairly sure that was the biggest mistake of my life, but none of that matters because... I'll be gone. Soon enough. June 8th, 2008 I head towards Seattle Washington. Why? Because I have to. Not going to say why or nothing, it's just something I have to do.
If High School wasn't enough stress, I had to deal with Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed that day throughly. I recieved 12 yellow roses, a few red roses, and 24 white roses. I -loved- every single present I got, because I was thought about with each and every one. But... There was always that nagging feeling in the back of my head, that tiny voice that made me feel like utter crap. I mean, here I was stocking up on presents but I had NO ONE to call my own. My last relationship was great, I admit that. But... it just wasn't -right-. Actually, it was slightly against the law, and after getting bitched at constantly I decided to end it. Sure, me and Ryan are still friends, it's just... different. I can't stand that voice. ><. It's always there, even when I am contemplating entering a relationship. I constantly find flaws, and use them to distance myself from the person. Every single time. I could have a boyfriend, right this second, but I don't. Why? Because I'm an ignorant slut. Seriously. I mean, I don't sleep with every guy that walks in front of me, but... I've got the tendancy to flirt, and I do it a lot, and I do it pretty damn well.
What the hell are friends? I mean, really? They claim they are there to help, to care, to comfort, console and all that bloody crap, but where is it when you need it? I don't care if you live a hundred effin miles away, there's no reason you can't be-friend someone. Say, I live in Ky (Which I do) And a person I talk to lives in... Australia. Now, when they have a problem, why can't I help them? Why do they push me away each and every time?! I mean, dammit! It's not like I'm prying my way into their lives, I'm TRYING to be a friend. It's not that hard. And then I start to care for someone, not in a 'love' way, but a 'friend' way, and what happens? They claim addiction to the internet? I'm at 6 times and counting on how many times I've heard that. Look, people, it's not that hard to get away from your damned computer. If you've got any shred of backbone, you can do it. Believe me.
Fine-fine-fine, I'm done ranting on matters. I just had to vent, because 'friends' aren't there, 'lovers' don't care, and 'family' causes tears. So, screw it all. Am I emo? Hell yes, I don't think I can argue that anymore. I'd like to slit the wrists of anyone and everyone who reads this and pities me, and I'll do it too, because I'm just -that- mean. Suck it, seriously.
If High School wasn't enough stress, I had to deal with Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed that day throughly. I recieved 12 yellow roses, a few red roses, and 24 white roses. I -loved- every single present I got, because I was thought about with each and every one. But... There was always that nagging feeling in the back of my head, that tiny voice that made me feel like utter crap. I mean, here I was stocking up on presents but I had NO ONE to call my own. My last relationship was great, I admit that. But... it just wasn't -right-. Actually, it was slightly against the law, and after getting bitched at constantly I decided to end it. Sure, me and Ryan are still friends, it's just... different. I can't stand that voice. ><. It's always there, even when I am contemplating entering a relationship. I constantly find flaws, and use them to distance myself from the person. Every single time. I could have a boyfriend, right this second, but I don't. Why? Because I'm an ignorant slut. Seriously. I mean, I don't sleep with every guy that walks in front of me, but... I've got the tendancy to flirt, and I do it a lot, and I do it pretty damn well.
What the hell are friends? I mean, really? They claim they are there to help, to care, to comfort, console and all that bloody crap, but where is it when you need it? I don't care if you live a hundred effin miles away, there's no reason you can't be-friend someone. Say, I live in Ky (Which I do) And a person I talk to lives in... Australia. Now, when they have a problem, why can't I help them? Why do they push me away each and every time?! I mean, dammit! It's not like I'm prying my way into their lives, I'm TRYING to be a friend. It's not that hard. And then I start to care for someone, not in a 'love' way, but a 'friend' way, and what happens? They claim addiction to the internet? I'm at 6 times and counting on how many times I've heard that. Look, people, it's not that hard to get away from your damned computer. If you've got any shred of backbone, you can do it. Believe me.
Fine-fine-fine, I'm done ranting on matters. I just had to vent, because 'friends' aren't there, 'lovers' don't care, and 'family' causes tears. So, screw it all. Am I emo? Hell yes, I don't think I can argue that anymore. I'd like to slit the wrists of anyone and everyone who reads this and pities me, and I'll do it too, because I'm just -that- mean. Suck it, seriously.