Torn...
Illusion never changed,
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn...
I'm not really sure what to say. I just want to leave, like now. And just... go. I want away from this computer, this house, these people. I just want to be, well, free. But I can't. It seems that I'm attatched to all the drama and crap my life comes with. No matter what I do, what I say, I always cause something.
'Kay. For those who dun know, I'm sick as hell. Seriously. I've got a doctor appt. and all tomorrow. It seems some of the medication they put me on is back-firing, what a joy. I guess that's what led me to going out walking earlier, just to get some fresh air and clear my head. It seems I wasn't the only one with that idea. Ryan, my ex was out doing the same thing. Normally, I wouldn't mind it. I'm friends with him and all, but... He was walking with some older lady, I've never met her. He didn't say a word to me, just gave me a smug look and kept walking. It's like he wanted me to see him with her, wanted to rub it in my face that I've yet to move on. Guys... What a joy.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate the male race... I just, don't know what else to say about it. One of my good friends, from Hollow, is sorta-kinda diggin' this one guy. Now, I KNOW he's a liar, she knows he's a liar, yet she clings to a hope that his promises are real. She's hoping he'll fulfill what he says he will. Maybe I was being catty, but the subject came up and I basically told her she was stupid for beliving him. He made her this promise, 'I'll come down for spring break and buy you a puppy'. Fuckin' hell. He's lyin' and I know it. I'm hoping she'll come to the realization of it... She ended up confronting him about certain issues, and once again he LIED to her. UGH. What the hell is up with that? Is it too much to just admit the truth and be shunned for it now, then lie and cause hearts to break? Heh, maybe I'm cynical because my love-life is down the effin' drain...
SPEAKING OF hatred of the male species, I've got one last rant. Based on compliments and observations of other people, I've come to the conclusion that I'm pretty. I may not be 'hot' or 'beautiful', but I'm alright-looking. I'm short, and I've got a big of.. well, chubbiness to me? I guess that's the right word... But what the hell does that matter? I went to the store today, followed by a trip to the tanning beds. Now, at said tanning beds, there are pictures of skimpy bikini-clad women. I admit it, if I had a body like -that- I'd show it off. Anyhow, while entering the place there were 4 or 5 guys standing outside it. There's a Cici's a few doors down, a pizza buffet, so I could understand why they were standing there... But, ugh. Vulgar. I'm walking past, and they make the typical male comments. I've grown used to the stupid things, suprisingly enough. But one of them had the NERVE to say, and I quote, 'I'd tap that ass were it a bit bigger. I don't want to screw no skinny chick, it's like boning a skeleton.'. I KID YOU NOT. What the hell? How the hell can I be viewed as 'good' in a guys eyes? I mean, I TRY to look suitable, I do the make-up thing, perfume, I tan, I try to watch what I eat, yet I'm STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And I thought women were picky. I swear, if I could just get over the kissing another female or even being close to another female, I'd go lesbian. It'd save me a lotta trouble.
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn...
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn...
I'm not really sure what to say. I just want to leave, like now. And just... go. I want away from this computer, this house, these people. I just want to be, well, free. But I can't. It seems that I'm attatched to all the drama and crap my life comes with. No matter what I do, what I say, I always cause something.
'Kay. For those who dun know, I'm sick as hell. Seriously. I've got a doctor appt. and all tomorrow. It seems some of the medication they put me on is back-firing, what a joy. I guess that's what led me to going out walking earlier, just to get some fresh air and clear my head. It seems I wasn't the only one with that idea. Ryan, my ex was out doing the same thing. Normally, I wouldn't mind it. I'm friends with him and all, but... He was walking with some older lady, I've never met her. He didn't say a word to me, just gave me a smug look and kept walking. It's like he wanted me to see him with her, wanted to rub it in my face that I've yet to move on. Guys... What a joy.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate the male race... I just, don't know what else to say about it. One of my good friends, from Hollow, is sorta-kinda diggin' this one guy. Now, I KNOW he's a liar, she knows he's a liar, yet she clings to a hope that his promises are real. She's hoping he'll fulfill what he says he will. Maybe I was being catty, but the subject came up and I basically told her she was stupid for beliving him. He made her this promise, 'I'll come down for spring break and buy you a puppy'. Fuckin' hell. He's lyin' and I know it. I'm hoping she'll come to the realization of it... She ended up confronting him about certain issues, and once again he LIED to her. UGH. What the hell is up with that? Is it too much to just admit the truth and be shunned for it now, then lie and cause hearts to break? Heh, maybe I'm cynical because my love-life is down the effin' drain...
SPEAKING OF hatred of the male species, I've got one last rant. Based on compliments and observations of other people, I've come to the conclusion that I'm pretty. I may not be 'hot' or 'beautiful', but I'm alright-looking. I'm short, and I've got a big of.. well, chubbiness to me? I guess that's the right word... But what the hell does that matter? I went to the store today, followed by a trip to the tanning beds. Now, at said tanning beds, there are pictures of skimpy bikini-clad women. I admit it, if I had a body like -that- I'd show it off. Anyhow, while entering the place there were 4 or 5 guys standing outside it. There's a Cici's a few doors down, a pizza buffet, so I could understand why they were standing there... But, ugh. Vulgar. I'm walking past, and they make the typical male comments. I've grown used to the stupid things, suprisingly enough. But one of them had the NERVE to say, and I quote, 'I'd tap that ass were it a bit bigger. I don't want to screw no skinny chick, it's like boning a skeleton.'. I KID YOU NOT. What the hell? How the hell can I be viewed as 'good' in a guys eyes? I mean, I TRY to look suitable, I do the make-up thing, perfume, I tan, I try to watch what I eat, yet I'm STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And I thought women were picky. I swear, if I could just get over the kissing another female or even being close to another female, I'd go lesbian. It'd save me a lotta trouble.
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn...