guys at work are jerks and won't even allow me to eat the candy i earned
on monday, at work, i did things. i was sitting. i got bored after two hours of that. i stood up, sat down. it was boring. i took my headset off, ventured on over to the break room and walked around in there for about ten minutes. suddenly friends, something took over me. the cro-magnon in me took hold. i was not myself!! at the whim of my own innate, macho, ape-like ways, i got on the candy machine, friends! i climbed atop the metal hunk, and i pounded my chest with pure burning vigor. then, i rested my feet inside the retrieval dock. you know, where you get your candy from after you have paid the ridiculous price it asks for. i put my feet in there, and i put my hands on top of the machine. i started shaking it!! hard!! i was more animal than man!! honestly, i have no idea why i did this, but i did. but wait, there's more! i kept shaking the machine until i heard something inside it drop. i looked down at the candy hole and there i saw a brand new hershey bar. i got a free candy bar!! it was so thin that it slid throught those spiral metal dealies!! it was A Hershey Nut Lovers Limited Edition Chocolate Bar. i walked back to my seat and noticed that on my way back everyone looked at me. their open eyes stared and asked the inaudible question "what was that thunderous noise we heard in the break room?". i left their stares unanswered and sat down at my seat. the guy next to me asked what i was doing in there and i told him i got a free candy bar. he asked how and i told him. "just go shake the candy machine a lot", i said. he replied with this inquiry.
"you know you screwed everything up right?"
"yes", i replied
"what if i wanted a chocolate bar?" he asked "now i won't be able to get one. i will have to pay double"
i then proceeded to put the unopened candy bar on the floor and repeatedly stepped on it. he roared with anger and we fought. he was fired. i was promoted...because i won...with a knockout dragon kick to the throat.
"you know you screwed everything up right?"
"yes", i replied
"what if i wanted a chocolate bar?" he asked "now i won't be able to get one. i will have to pay double"
i then proceeded to put the unopened candy bar on the floor and repeatedly stepped on it. he roared with anger and we fought. he was fired. i was promoted...because i won...with a knockout dragon kick to the throat.