Myriad of emotions
I feel stupid. I feel dumb. I feel used. I am ashamed and embarrased. I am also extremely glad that tomorrow is my last day at Picano's.
I guess I just dont understand why something like this had to happen to me. It makes sense now looking back, but I didn't see it coming. I guess I should have listened to my gut feeling when it was telling me that something was not right.
I am mad. I am sad. I am kicking myself for not catching on to something that apparently everybody else knew but me. Turns out I had a reason to be cynical.. and although a part of me feels like I will become even more cynical and cautious the next time something like this happens to me, another part is extremely happy that I was not emotionally involved.. that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me though.
I am not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow and having to explain why I blew him off tonight. I also feel as though it is what he deserves, so why the heck should I feel bad about it? Why should I feel bad about blowing him off when he obviously doesn't feel too bad about using me or leading me on.. or whatever the heck he did.. I still dont fully understand it all.
Will I ever be able to find someone who will actually like me.. and not just take advantage of the fact that I take things seriously or can be gullible when it comes to things? I know the answer to that.. and I am only asking this because I want someone to assure me that there is someone out there for me. I know I will get over this because like I said, I was only a little emotionally involved and only because I liked the idea of someone liking me.. not so much him.
Why would someone do that to a person? I just cannot fathom it.. which is why I dont think I saw it coming. Why is it that I always think the best in people? I know that is basically what we are supposed to do.. but I always end up getting burned.. and then the next time around.. I forget experience and think the best again.. why is that?
I dont want to go into details so I apologize for this being extremely vague.. I am actually too embarrased to go into details. I know I probably drove everyone crazy that read this because I am not really telling what happened.. and for that I apologize. If you want to ask me about it, I will tell you in a little bit more detail what happened.. just probably not tonight.
I guess I just dont understand why something like this had to happen to me. It makes sense now looking back, but I didn't see it coming. I guess I should have listened to my gut feeling when it was telling me that something was not right.
I am mad. I am sad. I am kicking myself for not catching on to something that apparently everybody else knew but me. Turns out I had a reason to be cynical.. and although a part of me feels like I will become even more cynical and cautious the next time something like this happens to me, another part is extremely happy that I was not emotionally involved.. that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me though.
I am not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow and having to explain why I blew him off tonight. I also feel as though it is what he deserves, so why the heck should I feel bad about it? Why should I feel bad about blowing him off when he obviously doesn't feel too bad about using me or leading me on.. or whatever the heck he did.. I still dont fully understand it all.
Will I ever be able to find someone who will actually like me.. and not just take advantage of the fact that I take things seriously or can be gullible when it comes to things? I know the answer to that.. and I am only asking this because I want someone to assure me that there is someone out there for me. I know I will get over this because like I said, I was only a little emotionally involved and only because I liked the idea of someone liking me.. not so much him.
Why would someone do that to a person? I just cannot fathom it.. which is why I dont think I saw it coming. Why is it that I always think the best in people? I know that is basically what we are supposed to do.. but I always end up getting burned.. and then the next time around.. I forget experience and think the best again.. why is that?
I dont want to go into details so I apologize for this being extremely vague.. I am actually too embarrased to go into details. I know I probably drove everyone crazy that read this because I am not really telling what happened.. and for that I apologize. If you want to ask me about it, I will tell you in a little bit more detail what happened.. just probably not tonight.