Some good, some bad and some inbetween
I am going to try to write a drama free entry but I am not making any promises.
There is alot going on right now, some things positive and some things negative but isn't that life? I guess I will start with the negative so that I can end up on a positive note.
We just recently found out that my grandpa (my dad's dad) has been diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancer and has only been given a few weeks to live. We were originally going to go to Maine this weekend to see him before the funeral, but then his prognosis changed from a few months to a few weeks, so we decided it was kind of pointless to go down there, and then come home just to turn around to go back. My dad is going there tomorrow and spending a few days with his family and with his dad. It is so weird because for most of my life, all of my grandparents were alive. Then, my grandma died about nine years ago from cancer and I was too young to really understand what was going on. Then, just last year my grandpa died from cancer, and now here is another grandpa dying from cancer. It is just all happening so fast. The thing is though that since I have not lived anywhere near both sets of grandparents I did not really know them that well, so as cold as it seems.. I am not really that affected by it. I hate to admit that because it makes me sound horrible, but I am more sad by the fact that my dad is having to deal with this so much. Pepe is ninety years old and so he has lived a good life, and of course it's sad, so why am I not more sad?
I am not sure if this goes under the negative category or the positive category but I am putting it here because it has caused me alot of introspection the last few days so I feel like I need to share it. The last lj entry I mentioned that someone at work was starting to show an interest in me and asked for my phone number. Well, he now has my phone number and now I am freaking out. It has been a few days and he has not called, and a part of me is relieved because.. well I dont really know why. I am scared. What if he is a psychopath? I dont even know if he is single or married. I have to keep convincing myself that he only has my phone number.. it's not that big of a deal. Why is it that when something that is supposed to be a good thing happens to me.. I cannot really enjoy it because all of the doubts and suspicions creep in and I drive myself crazy and I drive myself to think that I would just be better off alone without all of this crap to worry about. Is this a normal reaction?
I have been put in charge of Vacation Bible School at my church and even though there are times when it seems like such a huge undertaking and I feel overwhelmed I am actually quite excited about it. It is forcing me out of my comfort zone and I am actually really suprised by all of the support and encouragment that the people in my church have shown me. It seems weird because I am younger than every single person that I am asking to help out and so I feel as if I should not be the one in charge.. so that is a new adjustment to me.
My new room is done. It is painted and the only thing I really have left to do is move all of my furniture in. I really like it. It is light purple at the top, and then a darker purple on the bottom and it matches my comforter perfectly. I am excited because I can set up my computer up there and buy a lamp and just do more things than I could before because I have the space.
Ok well I think I am done. Sorry it is so choppy.. I really tried not to go off on some emotionally wrenching tangent and that was really really hard for me.
There is alot going on right now, some things positive and some things negative but isn't that life? I guess I will start with the negative so that I can end up on a positive note.
We just recently found out that my grandpa (my dad's dad) has been diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancer and has only been given a few weeks to live. We were originally going to go to Maine this weekend to see him before the funeral, but then his prognosis changed from a few months to a few weeks, so we decided it was kind of pointless to go down there, and then come home just to turn around to go back. My dad is going there tomorrow and spending a few days with his family and with his dad. It is so weird because for most of my life, all of my grandparents were alive. Then, my grandma died about nine years ago from cancer and I was too young to really understand what was going on. Then, just last year my grandpa died from cancer, and now here is another grandpa dying from cancer. It is just all happening so fast. The thing is though that since I have not lived anywhere near both sets of grandparents I did not really know them that well, so as cold as it seems.. I am not really that affected by it. I hate to admit that because it makes me sound horrible, but I am more sad by the fact that my dad is having to deal with this so much. Pepe is ninety years old and so he has lived a good life, and of course it's sad, so why am I not more sad?
I am not sure if this goes under the negative category or the positive category but I am putting it here because it has caused me alot of introspection the last few days so I feel like I need to share it. The last lj entry I mentioned that someone at work was starting to show an interest in me and asked for my phone number. Well, he now has my phone number and now I am freaking out. It has been a few days and he has not called, and a part of me is relieved because.. well I dont really know why. I am scared. What if he is a psychopath? I dont even know if he is single or married. I have to keep convincing myself that he only has my phone number.. it's not that big of a deal. Why is it that when something that is supposed to be a good thing happens to me.. I cannot really enjoy it because all of the doubts and suspicions creep in and I drive myself crazy and I drive myself to think that I would just be better off alone without all of this crap to worry about. Is this a normal reaction?
I have been put in charge of Vacation Bible School at my church and even though there are times when it seems like such a huge undertaking and I feel overwhelmed I am actually quite excited about it. It is forcing me out of my comfort zone and I am actually really suprised by all of the support and encouragment that the people in my church have shown me. It seems weird because I am younger than every single person that I am asking to help out and so I feel as if I should not be the one in charge.. so that is a new adjustment to me.
My new room is done. It is painted and the only thing I really have left to do is move all of my furniture in. I really like it. It is light purple at the top, and then a darker purple on the bottom and it matches my comforter perfectly. I am excited because I can set up my computer up there and buy a lamp and just do more things than I could before because I have the space.
Ok well I think I am done. Sorry it is so choppy.. I really tried not to go off on some emotionally wrenching tangent and that was really really hard for me.