Relationship Ramblings
As usual, this entry is going to be long and it's going to be full of emotion and probably alot confusing.. but it is me.. and that is probably what my few and faithful readers have come to expect. I dont know why I dont write unless I feel as if I am going to burst if I don't.. but that is the case with me.
Now that the preface is done, I will start to dive in to what I want to talk about in this entry. I have not written alot about guys and relationships on here, which is actually kind of weird because it used to be all I wrote about, but lately it has just been kind of something that I don't really think about, so I dont really write about it. Well, recently some things have happened that has caused me to think about how I feel about certain things and I guess I just really want to share what is in my heart about issues concerning with romantic relationships and the like. I dont really want to go into a whole lot of detail, but if you are interested in hearing about details let me know and I can share them with you.
Recently I have begun to feel like there is this tug of war between those who are single and those who are in relationships. Most of my friends in Troy are in a relationship, whereas most of my friends from school are single and I have never really felt out of place in either of the group dynamics. In fact, two of my closest friends are in serious relationships and I am learning alot about what I want and dont want out of a relationship when it comes time for me to be involved in one. I know that my identity is not dependant on whether or not I am in a relationship. I am single and am perfectly content being single and I really do mean that. Sure, I have those moments after watching a romantic movie or being around those who are in love and I get that pang.. but I am a girl and that happens, but it is not something I dwell on. I see advantages to being single, and I see advantages to being in relationships and I know that when the time is right, I will find someone, but right now I am just trying to figure out what I want first. I am getting alot more comfortable around being with guys and actually am friends with more guys at my work then I am with the girls. I dont feel awkward and I am not constantly worrying about what I say or dont say. I had a discussion with my friend Sara tonight about stuff like this and I really like talking about this with her because she is in a serious relationship and the way her and her boyfriend are is what I want to be in a relationship. She has a cool perspective on things, and as much as she wants me to be in a relationship she knows that I am not going to go out and actively pursue it unless I am ready. I am not about to get into a discussion about who should be the pursuer.. the guy or the girl because that is a totally different topic for a different day, but anyway..
So recently a guy began to show the signs of being interested in me. I know that sounds a little weird and like I said before, I wont go into details because I dont really want to make a bigger deal out of it than it really is, and the only reason I am bringing this up is because it has been something I have been thinking and debating about since it happened and just want a little perspective of how to deal with it. He asked if I had a boyfriend and those kind of leading questions, and I of course blew it by saying something stupid, then later regretted it. The next day he asked for my phone number and I debated with myself whether or not to give it to him. Since I did not seem sure, he kind of dismissed the issue and I feel bad. The thing is, I dont really know him that well and I dont really know if he is someone I am interested in. I guess I am the kind of person who wants to be friends with someone first before it goes to the next level, but after doing some thinking and talking to people, I have realized that is not always realisitic. A big part of dating is taking the risk by going out with someone you dont know and who could be a complete psychopath. So anyway, I regret not giving him my phone number and I regret giving him some mixed messages (even though I honestly did not realize I was) because ever since then, he has acted a little differently to me and I dont blame him. Sara's boyfriend said that from a guy's perspective, he is interested and now feels rejected and that pretty much he wont continue to "pursue" me if that is the right word because I "crushed him". I dont remember his exact choice of words, but it was something along those lines and that made me start to regret being.. indifferent. I guess I dont know if I am even considering something because he seems to be a bit interested in me. I honestly did not think anything before this happened. Sure, there was some flirting that occured, but I did not take it seriously. He treated me like everyone else treated me at work (well the guys anyway) it is just part of the atmosphere so when he asked me if I had a boyfriend it completely took me off guard because I was not expecting it at all. I dont have alot of experience and tend to panic when stuff like this happens, which is why I pretty much scared the guy off. So now why do I regret scaring him off? Is it just simply because I like the attention.. or is it something else? I don't really know how to tell the difference. And I wish he would stop acting weird to me (which this could just be in my head.. I dont know). See the thing is that before this happened, I did not worry about what I said to him and did not constantly analyze it later, and now.. things are more complicated so now I worry about what I say and how I act.
A part of me feels like it might have been a good thing and I blew it.. and another part of me feels like.. if he is really interested.. this wont be the end of it. But, as Sara and Art pointed out, I should not make him do all the work.. he did the initial "work" and now feels as if I am not interested and is moving on. I am not trying to play hard to get.. and I am not trying to make him be the one who pursues me.. but I just dont know how I feel about him and I am just tempted to see what happens. Sara thinks I should act on it, give him my phone number to let him know I would be open to seeing if something would work. I guess I am just scared of.. I dont really know. Not of rejection.. but because I am so unsure.
So to my readers I pose a few questions for you to answer for me. I need some advice.. and I would welcome whatever I could get.. both from a guys perspective and from a girl's perspective. What do I do now? Do I wait to see what happens or do I just take the next step and give him my number? Is this something that I should even be worried about.. was it just flirting or is he really interested? And if he is really interested and I just ruined it by being stupid, is that it or will he continue to "pursue" me even though I am unsure? I guess I am just really confused and need some insight.
Now that the preface is done, I will start to dive in to what I want to talk about in this entry. I have not written alot about guys and relationships on here, which is actually kind of weird because it used to be all I wrote about, but lately it has just been kind of something that I don't really think about, so I dont really write about it. Well, recently some things have happened that has caused me to think about how I feel about certain things and I guess I just really want to share what is in my heart about issues concerning with romantic relationships and the like. I dont really want to go into a whole lot of detail, but if you are interested in hearing about details let me know and I can share them with you.
Recently I have begun to feel like there is this tug of war between those who are single and those who are in relationships. Most of my friends in Troy are in a relationship, whereas most of my friends from school are single and I have never really felt out of place in either of the group dynamics. In fact, two of my closest friends are in serious relationships and I am learning alot about what I want and dont want out of a relationship when it comes time for me to be involved in one. I know that my identity is not dependant on whether or not I am in a relationship. I am single and am perfectly content being single and I really do mean that. Sure, I have those moments after watching a romantic movie or being around those who are in love and I get that pang.. but I am a girl and that happens, but it is not something I dwell on. I see advantages to being single, and I see advantages to being in relationships and I know that when the time is right, I will find someone, but right now I am just trying to figure out what I want first. I am getting alot more comfortable around being with guys and actually am friends with more guys at my work then I am with the girls. I dont feel awkward and I am not constantly worrying about what I say or dont say. I had a discussion with my friend Sara tonight about stuff like this and I really like talking about this with her because she is in a serious relationship and the way her and her boyfriend are is what I want to be in a relationship. She has a cool perspective on things, and as much as she wants me to be in a relationship she knows that I am not going to go out and actively pursue it unless I am ready. I am not about to get into a discussion about who should be the pursuer.. the guy or the girl because that is a totally different topic for a different day, but anyway..
So recently a guy began to show the signs of being interested in me. I know that sounds a little weird and like I said before, I wont go into details because I dont really want to make a bigger deal out of it than it really is, and the only reason I am bringing this up is because it has been something I have been thinking and debating about since it happened and just want a little perspective of how to deal with it. He asked if I had a boyfriend and those kind of leading questions, and I of course blew it by saying something stupid, then later regretted it. The next day he asked for my phone number and I debated with myself whether or not to give it to him. Since I did not seem sure, he kind of dismissed the issue and I feel bad. The thing is, I dont really know him that well and I dont really know if he is someone I am interested in. I guess I am the kind of person who wants to be friends with someone first before it goes to the next level, but after doing some thinking and talking to people, I have realized that is not always realisitic. A big part of dating is taking the risk by going out with someone you dont know and who could be a complete psychopath. So anyway, I regret not giving him my phone number and I regret giving him some mixed messages (even though I honestly did not realize I was) because ever since then, he has acted a little differently to me and I dont blame him. Sara's boyfriend said that from a guy's perspective, he is interested and now feels rejected and that pretty much he wont continue to "pursue" me if that is the right word because I "crushed him". I dont remember his exact choice of words, but it was something along those lines and that made me start to regret being.. indifferent. I guess I dont know if I am even considering something because he seems to be a bit interested in me. I honestly did not think anything before this happened. Sure, there was some flirting that occured, but I did not take it seriously. He treated me like everyone else treated me at work (well the guys anyway) it is just part of the atmosphere so when he asked me if I had a boyfriend it completely took me off guard because I was not expecting it at all. I dont have alot of experience and tend to panic when stuff like this happens, which is why I pretty much scared the guy off. So now why do I regret scaring him off? Is it just simply because I like the attention.. or is it something else? I don't really know how to tell the difference. And I wish he would stop acting weird to me (which this could just be in my head.. I dont know). See the thing is that before this happened, I did not worry about what I said to him and did not constantly analyze it later, and now.. things are more complicated so now I worry about what I say and how I act.
A part of me feels like it might have been a good thing and I blew it.. and another part of me feels like.. if he is really interested.. this wont be the end of it. But, as Sara and Art pointed out, I should not make him do all the work.. he did the initial "work" and now feels as if I am not interested and is moving on. I am not trying to play hard to get.. and I am not trying to make him be the one who pursues me.. but I just dont know how I feel about him and I am just tempted to see what happens. Sara thinks I should act on it, give him my phone number to let him know I would be open to seeing if something would work. I guess I am just scared of.. I dont really know. Not of rejection.. but because I am so unsure.
So to my readers I pose a few questions for you to answer for me. I need some advice.. and I would welcome whatever I could get.. both from a guys perspective and from a girl's perspective. What do I do now? Do I wait to see what happens or do I just take the next step and give him my number? Is this something that I should even be worried about.. was it just flirting or is he really interested? And if he is really interested and I just ruined it by being stupid, is that it or will he continue to "pursue" me even though I am unsure? I guess I am just really confused and need some insight.