YAY!
I don't think that Lionel and my relationship could get any better... I don't know if that even made any sense... 'Lionel and my.' He makes me so happy, and I am sooo happy that I am with him... HAHAHA saturday is 16 months... That's right, a year and 4 months. I can't believe it. It's so long, but, it feels so short. But, it is so nice to be with someone like him.
Man, today was just, I don't know, just a good day for some reason. Nothing special happened... It was just... good. I'm so happy, and I'm not quite sure why. Who knows right? lOl. I'm really giggly right now, and there is absolutely no reason for it... I miss Lionel though. It sucks that his brother didn't pay the phone bill and now Lionel and I can't talk... I can't wait until he gets the bill in his name. That way, when HE pays it, he will know that it's getting paid. I don't know, just, things feel so perfect now, and I want this to last for forever. I fucked up with Lionel, and to be honest, it was the worst thing that I could do. Jeff was a mistake, not only a mistake, but a big mistake. I almost completely ruined something so perfect and so loving. I can't say sorry to Lionel enough, and I can't continously beat myself up mentally for doing something so stupid. Honestly, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!? It just gets me so worked up when I think about what I almost completely ruined with Lionel. God. I wrote a poem about Lionel, and I think it's really cliche, but I really like it, and I want to put it in here... Here goes nothing...
Opening Them Wide
As I open my eyes,
I see that this is real.
A relationship so full of love,
Happiness,
And friendship.
The only friend I can trust,
And the only friend I have.
The one person that fills my life only with joy;
Not with heartache, not with tears,
All with happiness.
I am complete with you,
I don’t need anyone else.
I don’t need anything else;
Because I have found what I have been looking for.
All the qualities that I ever wanted, you have.
The things that I yearn for,
You have.
Everything you have,
I need.
Everything I want,
You hold.
Every time you smile,
I smile.
Every time I cry,
You make me smile.
What more do I need?
I have someone so perfect,
So loving,
And so caring.
Someone who doesn’t put me down,
But builds my self esteem.
You make me so happy.
No word can express this much happiness.
This love feels so surreal.
But, I have learned.
This is as real as anything in my life.
You are the only real person,
That holds all the pieces of my scattered life together.
You know about all of it,
And somehow you help me cope and understand.
Grandma, thank you for answering my prayers;
You sent me a true Angel from Heaven.
Someone that I will forever give my heart to,
Someone I will always love,
And someone that will always love me.
You answered my prayers more than I thought you could.
My angel,
My soul,
My love,
Thank you.
I haven't let Lionel see it yet, just because I don't feel it's complete, or as R-N would say "polished."
Honestly, I don't know how to explain what we have... We finish each other's sentences, we know what each other are thinking, we both know when either one of us lying, and we know how to make either one of us to smile... I don't know what else I could of asked for that I didn't receive.
Thank you Lionel, for not only being the love of my life, but, being my angel! I love you.
.court.