(no subject)
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to die. I have no money, I don’t have a plan I don’t know what is going to happen in the next few months. I feel disconnected from friends or any other people at all. I have no person to love and cherish. I’m alone, even this rant isn’t said to a real person it’s said to an empty emotionless computer that will not respond in any way at all. I don’t know what to do I don’t know where to go I just want to curl up and cry my eyes out. The communication I have with other people and my so called friends is always initiated by me with very few exceptions and even that communication is limited to heys and whats ups and not lets hang out or anything like that. I seem to initiate all activities in my life. I feel like no one wants to hangout with me they just do because I come up with something for them to go along with. Especially considering most of them don’t have cars. I hate this feeling its crap. I think about Zach constantly or at least multiple times a day and that only makes me more sad and depressed That’s why I played WoW for so long because even when I was isolated and alone literally I felt connected to other people and a goal. I don’t know why I walk around a campus full of thousands of people and I know maybe 10 of them. Of that 10 none of them are my friends. Even the tenuous Gabe friendship is dwindling but apparently so is his relationship with Elliott. I just feel useless and insignificant. Did I mention I’m pretty much totally broke and will only barely be able to pay my bills on the 1st and I have no idea if I will be able to pay them on June 1st. I don’t know if I should take on more debt or sell things. I just don’t know what to do I feel like giving up completely and just getting off the merry go round of my life that’s just spinning way to fast for me. I never face reality and that’s probably why my emotions are so strong right now because instead of escaping into music and tv and games I just wrote it all out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.