when did the drug start beating me?
today i saw a little girl with her mom, she must have been 7 or 8, and it got me thinking about when i was that young and all i ever wanted to do was grow up and do cool things and have lots of adult fun. Ive come to realize that i am just a little girl still, that ive never really grown up yet. Im almost 22 and i keep thinking when am i going to start acting like im supposed? when is responsibility going to hit me in the face already? i mean ive got responsibilities, ive fucked up real bad. Its as if my mind and my heart are two different people, like my heart doesnt care who it hurts just as long as it gets what it wants when it wants it, where as my mind gets clouded so quickly these days, its like morals and judgement have flown away from me and i can't find them when i need them most, why is it that we fall apart so quick but it takes ages to put ourselves right again?
How can you lose yourself in less than a month? My mind and my heart are not as one, we are seperate selfish things that never inhabit the same place.
what happens when you stop eating? And when you cry yourself to sleep night after night with regret and dissappointment? when did the love for some fucking thing cloud all the people that actually love me and care for me? When did i get lost, and where? Ive always heard people say that we are on paths in life....that sometimes you fall down but it isnt a reason to shut out everything and give up, its just a bump we all tell ourselves but this is a fucking landfill filled with aspestis, and im dying in the background, but no one can tell cause they aren't watching, no one cares when you fall down, they only care when your up and good.
Im fucking depressed....and i dont know how to cure it.....and my mouth is KILLING me from the dentist, and im just not myself.......i havent been right for a long time now....its like you think your ok and you do just fine for a few months but then the feelings all come crashing back to you when you decide to give it a try again, see if you can handle it, im on the verge of never coming back.....
im killing myself and everyone around me that actually gives a shit about what happens in the end....
who have i become.....i hate this me.
i guess this is the price you pay for a loss of control....
How can you lose yourself in less than a month? My mind and my heart are not as one, we are seperate selfish things that never inhabit the same place.
what happens when you stop eating? And when you cry yourself to sleep night after night with regret and dissappointment? when did the love for some fucking thing cloud all the people that actually love me and care for me? When did i get lost, and where? Ive always heard people say that we are on paths in life....that sometimes you fall down but it isnt a reason to shut out everything and give up, its just a bump we all tell ourselves but this is a fucking landfill filled with aspestis, and im dying in the background, but no one can tell cause they aren't watching, no one cares when you fall down, they only care when your up and good.
Im fucking depressed....and i dont know how to cure it.....and my mouth is KILLING me from the dentist, and im just not myself.......i havent been right for a long time now....its like you think your ok and you do just fine for a few months but then the feelings all come crashing back to you when you decide to give it a try again, see if you can handle it, im on the verge of never coming back.....
im killing myself and everyone around me that actually gives a shit about what happens in the end....
who have i become.....i hate this me.
i guess this is the price you pay for a loss of control....