Loose ends chapter 39 - Reciprocation
Lupin realises how he really feels and Snape doesn’t react well. PG.
This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I make no claim or profit etc.
Reciprocation
Lucretia, Wormwood and Snape had discussed the potion for a couple of hours without coming to any firm conclusion. They all agreed it was close, but there was something not right. Eventually, Lucretia reminded the two men that they needed to eat, sending them to the dining hall while she checked on Lupin.
She joined them a short time later, looking a little more relaxed.
“He’s doing okay, although he’s still asleep with the potions I gave him. One of the knees is looking so good, I won’t need to redo the treatment. The other needs one more dose, but I don’t need to do it for a couple more hours.”
“You said you’ve done that treatment dozens of times. On Remus.”
Snape was hesitant to raise it again, but he couldn’t get Lupin’s agony out of his head.
“When he first came to the Institute,” Lucretia replied, “his injuries were severe. He nearly died, and for wounds like that… the treatment needed to be… repeated. Both the external treatment, and taking the potion. Someone less determined would not have survived it. And he was so nice about it. I hated doing the treatment, but he… he thanked me. Every time.”
Lucretia’s face showed more expression than Snape had ever seen. She almost looked as if she would cry.
“It’s so horrible. In my family… the men are always sent out if there is any danger. That’s how it is. So if anyone got shot, it would be a man. And while the women thought it was worth their while to save their men if they were injured, they didn’t see the point in coming up with at treatment that was less… traumatic.”
Lucretia looked at her plate and sighed again. Then she composed herself.
“Sorry about that. If there’s one thing that gets me, it’s the Argyria treatment.”
“You should just rejoice that it exists, Lucretia,” Wormwood said. “No alunar potion maker cared enough to create any treatment to help werewolves, except wolfsbane, and that was aimed at making werewolves harmless to others, not enhancing the lives of werewolves. I’m certainly grateful to your family for the creation of Argyria. Because it means Remus is alive.”
Lucretia gave Wormwood a small smile.
“You are right of course, love. Thank you.”
Lucretia sat and ate for a few minutes, before looking up at Snape.
“Did you want to go and sit with him for a bit? He’s still sleeping, but he’s likely to wake within the next hour or so. It would be good if someone was there. He’d be glad to see you.”
“That’s hardly likely. Not after what I did to him today.”
“He’s not upset with you Severus.”
Snape gave her a sceptical look.
“Please, just go and sit with him. Someone needs to watch him, and Wormwood and I have things to do.”
Snape nodded and left the dining hall. He realised that he didn’t know whether he wanted to sit with Lupin or not. All he could feel was guilt for having hurt him. Seeing Lupin in pain because of his own stupid actions was agony. But, he reminded himself, he deserved the agony of watching, if it helped Lupin. If Lupin could stand to see him there.
He opened the door to his room with some trepidation. There was no response from Lupin, whose face was unusually relaxed in his drugged sleep. Lupin’s chair was there, and he brought it over beside the bed. Then he sat and watched. He suspected that Lucretia hadn’t literally meant that someone needed to watch Lupin, but he did it anyway. He watched the slow rise and fall of his chest, the frown and smile lines, the paleness of the skin marred by still-red or white scars and the way a few stray hairs clung to his cheek. He seldom had the opportunity to watch Lupin without him noticing, and he carefully memorised each scar, each blemish, each angle where skin stretched over bone.
Snape watched the werewolf for half an hour before he noticed tension creep back into the face.
“Lupin?” he said softly.
Lupin opened his eyes.
“Remus,” he replied. “I thought I was Remus now.”
Snape looked away.
“Sorry, Remus.”
“It’s alright, Severus.”
Lupin’s words were spoken with an intensity that made Snape look back at him.
“It’s alright, Severus,” he said again.
“No it’s not. I hurt you.”
“Well, I was the one who didn’t look where I was kneeling and failed to notice the broken glass and spilled potions.”
“But I… I…”
“Yes, Severus, you are an idiot. Please promise me you won’t test potions again like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yes, I know. I forgive you, alright.”
Snape nodded, looking away in embarassment under Lupin’s intense gaze. There was an uncomfortable silence.
“Are you trying to take my job, Remus?” Snape said eventually.
“Severus?”
“Calling me an idiot. It’s my job to call you an idiot.”
“Well, you know,” Lupin replied, a lighter tone to his voice. “Sharing the load and all that.”
Snape looked up to see Lupin’s lovely smile on him. There was something in his eyes that he couldn’t place though. The werewolf began to move, struggling awkwardly to a seated position. Snape stepped closer, putting his arms around him, lifting him up and putting pillows behind his back. He pulled away, but found himself trapped, Lupin’s arm around his waist.
Snape looked into unreadable blue eyes, then away.
“I thought I’d lost you today,” Lupin said softly. “I realised… I’ve lost so many people I loved. I realise that I didn’t want to lose you too. I am an idiot. I didn’t see how much you meant to me until I nearly lost you.”
Lupin leaned forward and kissed him, his lips brushing Snape’s for just the briefest moment. He pulled back briefly, then moved closer again. This time his lips were firmer, warm and lingering.
For a few moments, Snape was still with surprise. He felt himself begin to respond, melting into the embrace and the searching lips, before his brain caught up with his body and he jerked away, breaking out of Lupin’s embrace.
“Lupin, what are you doing?”
“It’s Remus,” Lupin replied, and captured his hand.
“Remus,” Snape replied. “Why…? Have you gone insane?”
“Severus. I’m not insane. Just a bit dense for not realising what I wanted until I thought it was gone.”
“And what makes you think it’s what I want,” Snape replied, his jaw tense.
“Severus,” Lupin said. “I said I was a bit dense. But I’m not completely blind.”
He leaned forward again, brushing another soft kiss against Snape’s lips.
Snape pulled his hand free from Lupin’s and fled the room.
This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I make no claim or profit etc.
Reciprocation
Lucretia, Wormwood and Snape had discussed the potion for a couple of hours without coming to any firm conclusion. They all agreed it was close, but there was something not right. Eventually, Lucretia reminded the two men that they needed to eat, sending them to the dining hall while she checked on Lupin.
She joined them a short time later, looking a little more relaxed.
“He’s doing okay, although he’s still asleep with the potions I gave him. One of the knees is looking so good, I won’t need to redo the treatment. The other needs one more dose, but I don’t need to do it for a couple more hours.”
“You said you’ve done that treatment dozens of times. On Remus.”
Snape was hesitant to raise it again, but he couldn’t get Lupin’s agony out of his head.
“When he first came to the Institute,” Lucretia replied, “his injuries were severe. He nearly died, and for wounds like that… the treatment needed to be… repeated. Both the external treatment, and taking the potion. Someone less determined would not have survived it. And he was so nice about it. I hated doing the treatment, but he… he thanked me. Every time.”
Lucretia’s face showed more expression than Snape had ever seen. She almost looked as if she would cry.
“It’s so horrible. In my family… the men are always sent out if there is any danger. That’s how it is. So if anyone got shot, it would be a man. And while the women thought it was worth their while to save their men if they were injured, they didn’t see the point in coming up with at treatment that was less… traumatic.”
Lucretia looked at her plate and sighed again. Then she composed herself.
“Sorry about that. If there’s one thing that gets me, it’s the Argyria treatment.”
“You should just rejoice that it exists, Lucretia,” Wormwood said. “No alunar potion maker cared enough to create any treatment to help werewolves, except wolfsbane, and that was aimed at making werewolves harmless to others, not enhancing the lives of werewolves. I’m certainly grateful to your family for the creation of Argyria. Because it means Remus is alive.”
Lucretia gave Wormwood a small smile.
“You are right of course, love. Thank you.”
Lucretia sat and ate for a few minutes, before looking up at Snape.
“Did you want to go and sit with him for a bit? He’s still sleeping, but he’s likely to wake within the next hour or so. It would be good if someone was there. He’d be glad to see you.”
“That’s hardly likely. Not after what I did to him today.”
“He’s not upset with you Severus.”
Snape gave her a sceptical look.
“Please, just go and sit with him. Someone needs to watch him, and Wormwood and I have things to do.”
Snape nodded and left the dining hall. He realised that he didn’t know whether he wanted to sit with Lupin or not. All he could feel was guilt for having hurt him. Seeing Lupin in pain because of his own stupid actions was agony. But, he reminded himself, he deserved the agony of watching, if it helped Lupin. If Lupin could stand to see him there.
He opened the door to his room with some trepidation. There was no response from Lupin, whose face was unusually relaxed in his drugged sleep. Lupin’s chair was there, and he brought it over beside the bed. Then he sat and watched. He suspected that Lucretia hadn’t literally meant that someone needed to watch Lupin, but he did it anyway. He watched the slow rise and fall of his chest, the frown and smile lines, the paleness of the skin marred by still-red or white scars and the way a few stray hairs clung to his cheek. He seldom had the opportunity to watch Lupin without him noticing, and he carefully memorised each scar, each blemish, each angle where skin stretched over bone.
Snape watched the werewolf for half an hour before he noticed tension creep back into the face.
“Lupin?” he said softly.
Lupin opened his eyes.
“Remus,” he replied. “I thought I was Remus now.”
Snape looked away.
“Sorry, Remus.”
“It’s alright, Severus.”
Lupin’s words were spoken with an intensity that made Snape look back at him.
“It’s alright, Severus,” he said again.
“No it’s not. I hurt you.”
“Well, I was the one who didn’t look where I was kneeling and failed to notice the broken glass and spilled potions.”
“But I… I…”
“Yes, Severus, you are an idiot. Please promise me you won’t test potions again like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yes, I know. I forgive you, alright.”
Snape nodded, looking away in embarassment under Lupin’s intense gaze. There was an uncomfortable silence.
“Are you trying to take my job, Remus?” Snape said eventually.
“Severus?”
“Calling me an idiot. It’s my job to call you an idiot.”
“Well, you know,” Lupin replied, a lighter tone to his voice. “Sharing the load and all that.”
Snape looked up to see Lupin’s lovely smile on him. There was something in his eyes that he couldn’t place though. The werewolf began to move, struggling awkwardly to a seated position. Snape stepped closer, putting his arms around him, lifting him up and putting pillows behind his back. He pulled away, but found himself trapped, Lupin’s arm around his waist.
Snape looked into unreadable blue eyes, then away.
“I thought I’d lost you today,” Lupin said softly. “I realised… I’ve lost so many people I loved. I realise that I didn’t want to lose you too. I am an idiot. I didn’t see how much you meant to me until I nearly lost you.”
Lupin leaned forward and kissed him, his lips brushing Snape’s for just the briefest moment. He pulled back briefly, then moved closer again. This time his lips were firmer, warm and lingering.
For a few moments, Snape was still with surprise. He felt himself begin to respond, melting into the embrace and the searching lips, before his brain caught up with his body and he jerked away, breaking out of Lupin’s embrace.
“Lupin, what are you doing?”
“It’s Remus,” Lupin replied, and captured his hand.
“Remus,” Snape replied. “Why…? Have you gone insane?”
“Severus. I’m not insane. Just a bit dense for not realising what I wanted until I thought it was gone.”
“And what makes you think it’s what I want,” Snape replied, his jaw tense.
“Severus,” Lupin said. “I said I was a bit dense. But I’m not completely blind.”
He leaned forward again, brushing another soft kiss against Snape’s lips.
Snape pulled his hand free from Lupin’s and fled the room.