When you do something you give it full heart.

[coreybickford]

I think I have trouble discerning when someone is bad to have in my life. I keep fair weather friends around who treat me like dirt in regards to what I need. There are people who are only there when they want to be. Eventually you have to admit to yourself when someone is a bad friend. And it's never simple. . . I know that.

I've never been too good at cutting people out, though. If someone wants back in, I tend to just bend. I've always thought that was a good thing. When someone needs me, I don't want them to feel alone. I'm selfish in plenty of other ways, so I'm not sure what keeps me repeating these kinds of behaviors. Whatever it is, I'm hoping I can break the cycle of it because at 24 it's starting to feel a bit too damaging and immature.

But it's early now. I'm by no means a morning person, but a lot of the time I wish I was. I mean. . . I spend plenty of time wishing that things from the previous night hadn't happened. Most of it isn't too bad, but that is the way it works. I give in. There's just too much in the past 365 days that I wish hadn't gone down the way it did. Maybe I'm pathetic. Maybe I need something in my life to act as a sort of filter to keep me from making bad choices. Ugh.

It's too early to have scrambled egg brains.