(no subject)
The low rumbling of his voice like a knife sliding it’s way up your back, his warm damp hands on your skin like some kind of leech, your thoughts so contradictory your actions.
Holding him as though you may fall into oblivion if it were not for his grasp, taking in every word he says, as if it’s as precious as air. Looking deeply into his eyes like a lover, but you hate his stare.
You hate the way he looks at you, holds you, talks to you; but for some reason you can’t stop looking, listening and being held. He is the last person you want to be with and the only, disgusted by him and yet at the same time completely fascinated.
The time in which you have been with him seems like only a few moments yet it pulls at your heart, twisting it coldly whenever he says something that hurts. You decide to hide your feelings and tread cautiously around him with your emotions, what would be the point of this love and loathing if he were given any idea of what power he has over you. His self awareness becoming a dangerous weapon, you an easy target.
But the real reason you hold back all these thoughts? The fear of hurting him, the knowledge of your hating him really being that you hate yourself and striking out at the nearest and dearest to your heart- him. Your own over-reacting jealous moments, unexplained rage at nothing and no-one other than yourself. Stop hating, stop going too deep, scars will not heal but people will comfort, let them.
Holding him as though you may fall into oblivion if it were not for his grasp, taking in every word he says, as if it’s as precious as air. Looking deeply into his eyes like a lover, but you hate his stare.
You hate the way he looks at you, holds you, talks to you; but for some reason you can’t stop looking, listening and being held. He is the last person you want to be with and the only, disgusted by him and yet at the same time completely fascinated.
The time in which you have been with him seems like only a few moments yet it pulls at your heart, twisting it coldly whenever he says something that hurts. You decide to hide your feelings and tread cautiously around him with your emotions, what would be the point of this love and loathing if he were given any idea of what power he has over you. His self awareness becoming a dangerous weapon, you an easy target.
But the real reason you hold back all these thoughts? The fear of hurting him, the knowledge of your hating him really being that you hate yourself and striking out at the nearest and dearest to your heart- him. Your own over-reacting jealous moments, unexplained rage at nothing and no-one other than yourself. Stop hating, stop going too deep, scars will not heal but people will comfort, let them.