BtVS Fic: Outside Pride (Spike/Xander, 6/10, PG-13)
Today’s my second posting day at spring_with_xan and I'm pleased to be posting the next three chapters of Outside Pride. So that means today I'll be posting chapters 6, 7 and 8! I had initially hoped to post all remaining five chapters but life got very very busy and exhausting. But I am delighted to have chapter eight for you today, especially since yesterday morning it was only a couple hundred words long. I feel that you won't be disappointed with where chapter eight ends, and then I plan to finish the last two chapters asap and if there's still a free day at the comm, I'll snag that day to post. But definitely keep an eye on my LJ for updates!
Title: Outside Pride
Author: cordelianne
Chapter: 6/10
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,315
Feedback: Comments will be very encouraging. Concrit is very welcome by email.
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, Joss own them.
Summary: AU set at a summer camp.
Whoever said that when God closes a door he opens a window was full of shit.
Xander winces. Outside Pride and it’s insistence that Xander be a good Christian role model - whatever that means - have infiltrated his brain. He now feels guilty just thinking a swear word.
A/N: Thanks to the completely awesome and wonderful savoytruffle and spookymonkey for their invaluable pre-reading, betaing and support. Any mistakes are mine.
Previous chapters here.
Previously...
They break apart, panting.
Spike looks over his shoulder, then at the ground. “Listen. I shouldn’t - ‘s a mistake.”
Xander’s heart plummets to his feet, his face feels hot.
Spike nods towards the singing. “Should get back,” he says and does just that. Walks away and doesn’t look back.
Mistake. The word rings in Xander’s head as he stumbles toward the campfire. He slumps down beside Willow, not sure how he made it without walking into a tree. Doesn’t even try to smile.
Without thinking, he sings along with the next line: “As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you.”
His throat chokes on the words.
It’s gonna be a long summer.
Outside Pride
by Cordelianne
CHAPTER SIX
Whoever said that when God closes a door he opens a window was full of shit.
Xander winces. Outside Pride and it’s insistence that Xander be a good Christian role model - whatever that means - have infiltrated his brain. He now feels guilty just thinking a swear word. Xander glares at an imaginary Wesley who gestures righteously and tells him thinking is as bad as doing.
But how is Xander supposed to control his thoughts?
They start out all innocent and pure and then some other Xander he didn’t know existed grabs the torch and races around his head setting it all on fire. And does this mean Xander’s flaming, as in a big gay flamer? Can he say that if he’s not sure he’s gay? It was just one kiss.
And now, not only is he thinking bad gay thoughts, he’s also thinking bad thoughts about gays, which is bad.
Without interrupting the Xander in his head, who’s still running around in full freak-out mode, he reaches over and grabs the ketchup from Jackie Rodowsky, who is in the middle of pouring the entire bottle onto his lap. The other campers are laughing at ketchup-covered Jackie, whose outfit is now as red as his hair, but Jackie just grins.
Xander’s eyes wander in the direction of the staff table. No, not the staff table. He should not be looking there and he’s definitely not looking at a certain blond groundskeeper.
Sure Spike may have been right about it being a mistake - a mistake of Biblical proportions - but it’s not like that makes everything magically okay or something. Not that Xander isn’t trying. Trying to forget about Spike, forget about Spike’s lips, forget about Spike’s lips pressing against his … and this is the road that should be a whole lot less traveled.
Sane Xander reclaims the torch, puts the car in reverse and speeds out of this dead-end backwards.
That’s probably a mixed metaphor but he’s not in school, so who cares?
Of course, this whole forgetting thing would go better if he didn’t have to see Buffy and Angel exchanging love-struck glances across the room. Xander really hopes that this new romance isn’t the window that opened ’cause, well, he’s just not that nice a guy.
It makes him want to hit the gas and smash through his own ‘do not enter’ sign.
Why did his friend have to start a romance with the guy Spike spends most of his time with? It’s enough to make Xander hate Angel, which isn’t fair. Angel seems like a nice enough guy. He even brings Buffy flowers. Sappy but sweet.
“Hi Xander!” It’s Andrew, hovering over him with a stack of comics under his arm, visibly bouncing. “What’s your stance on whether Star Wars comics are in the same canon as the movies?”
If this is Xander’s window, he’s gonna hurl himself out of it.
***
They bounce and bump along. The kids shriek, tumbling around on the hay as the trailer trundles through the woods. Xander rubs his butt and reconsiders the wiseness of calling shotgun - there’s no hay up here to cushion him.
The insides of his stomach jostle about and he almost regrets eating all those fish sticks. Almost, because how could he ever think anything but good thoughts about frozen breaded yumminess?
He glances back, sees Riley separate two campers who were shoving each other and remembers why he’s up here. Some peace and quiet. And quiet is definitely what you get with Oz, which is good ’cause Xander doesn’t want to talk.
Except his brain forgets to send that message to his mouth. “It’s nice out here, isn’t it? Nice to get away from the rat race - well, the camp rat race which is more like a relay race or something ’cause they like us to be co-operative. Anyway, it’s nice.”
Oz glances at him, then nods slowly. “Yeah, nice”
He really should stop with the talking. Oz goes in for neither chit nor chat. “So, how’s it going being vehicle guy?” Xander’s mouth continues to ignore his brain. “Must be nice not to be looking after kids - it’s exhausting.”
“The driving’s good.” Oz steers them around a sharp turn.
“Good, good.” Xander nods like he’s a cool guy who knows all about driving instead of some guy whose mom lets him drive the minivan occasionally. “I have a countdown going until my campers go on a canoe trip. Only five days now.”
“You not going?” Oz’s eyes remain on the road.
“Nah, Riley and Graham have that under control. I’ll only get in the way.” Oz tilts his head which Xander interprets as quizzical. “It’s true, they actually said that.” He shrugs. “A break from being a role model is all good with me.”
The trees are whizzing by now and he watches them until everything becomes a green blur.
Green shouldn’t remind him of Spike, but it does. Xander’s beginning to think that anything will remind him of Spike. If someone showed him those ink blot things he’s sure they’d all look like Spike, well Spike in ink blot form. And now he has a very weird image in his head. Okay, maybe he is going a little crazy.
“So, Oz,” Xander says, his eyes on the passing trees. “I have a question for you.”
There’s a pause, but Xander doesn’t look over to see why. “Fire away.”
He takes a breath. “Okay, so let’s say that everyone’s really into, uh, apples. And all your life you’ve heard how great they are and how when you’re old enough you’ll get to enjoy them and that hasn’t sounded that bad. You’ve been around apples and they seem good.”
Xander glances over at Oz who has his usual unexpression happening.
“But then you see an orange. You’ve seen some before, but it’s like you’re seeing oranges for the first time ’cause this one looks so good. Like way way better than you can ever imagine an apple tasting.”
“So, we’re talking apples and oranges here?” Oz asks, the flicker of a smile on his face.
“Very funny. But in a way, yes.” Xander leans down and tightens his sandal. “But what if everyone tells you that you should want an apple, and that it’s wrong to want an orange? What do you do if you really want an orange?”
He braves it and looks at Oz, who’s definitely looking thoughtful, like he may actually be trying to come up with an answer. Or maybe understand the meaning of life, you never know with Oz.
“I think…” Oz slows down as they drive through a narrow gap in the trees, “just because everyone says something is wrong doesn’t mean it is.” Oz scratches behind his ear. “But doesn’t mean it’s right. You’re the only one who can decide if something’s right or not - and I think you’ll know if something’s wrong.”
“So you’re saying it’s up to me. I mean, not me of course, this hypothetical orange-loving guy?”
Oz nods. They emerge back into the compound. “Shouldn’t it have been the apples as the forbidden fruit? They have a history of playing that role.”
“Didn’t want to typecast. And have I mentioned, Bible Study? Not my best subject.”
Oz brings the ride to a halt, turns off the engine and faces Xander. “The thing about eating the forbidden fruit is that it also gave knowledge. It wasn’t all about the badness of the fall.”
“I’m guessing you pay more attention in Bible Study than me.”
“Maybe.”
Xander hops down. “Thanks man, now you have me thinking deep thoughts.”
“Glad to help.”
Time for Xander to resume the glamorous role of counselor. He grins at Oz and goes to collect his campers. Maybe the bouncing wore them out.
It didn’t. Now they’re bouncing and rolling around on the ground.
Let the excitement begin.
Chapter Seven is here.
Title: Outside Pride
Author: cordelianne
Chapter: 6/10
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,315
Feedback: Comments will be very encouraging. Concrit is very welcome by email.
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, Joss own them.
Summary: AU set at a summer camp.
Whoever said that when God closes a door he opens a window was full of shit.
Xander winces. Outside Pride and it’s insistence that Xander be a good Christian role model - whatever that means - have infiltrated his brain. He now feels guilty just thinking a swear word.
A/N: Thanks to the completely awesome and wonderful savoytruffle and spookymonkey for their invaluable pre-reading, betaing and support. Any mistakes are mine.
Previous chapters here.
Previously...
They break apart, panting.
Spike looks over his shoulder, then at the ground. “Listen. I shouldn’t - ‘s a mistake.”
Xander’s heart plummets to his feet, his face feels hot.
Spike nods towards the singing. “Should get back,” he says and does just that. Walks away and doesn’t look back.
Mistake. The word rings in Xander’s head as he stumbles toward the campfire. He slumps down beside Willow, not sure how he made it without walking into a tree. Doesn’t even try to smile.
Without thinking, he sings along with the next line: “As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you.”
His throat chokes on the words.
It’s gonna be a long summer.
Outside Pride
by Cordelianne
CHAPTER SIX
Whoever said that when God closes a door he opens a window was full of shit.
Xander winces. Outside Pride and it’s insistence that Xander be a good Christian role model - whatever that means - have infiltrated his brain. He now feels guilty just thinking a swear word. Xander glares at an imaginary Wesley who gestures righteously and tells him thinking is as bad as doing.
But how is Xander supposed to control his thoughts?
They start out all innocent and pure and then some other Xander he didn’t know existed grabs the torch and races around his head setting it all on fire. And does this mean Xander’s flaming, as in a big gay flamer? Can he say that if he’s not sure he’s gay? It was just one kiss.
And now, not only is he thinking bad gay thoughts, he’s also thinking bad thoughts about gays, which is bad.
Without interrupting the Xander in his head, who’s still running around in full freak-out mode, he reaches over and grabs the ketchup from Jackie Rodowsky, who is in the middle of pouring the entire bottle onto his lap. The other campers are laughing at ketchup-covered Jackie, whose outfit is now as red as his hair, but Jackie just grins.
Xander’s eyes wander in the direction of the staff table. No, not the staff table. He should not be looking there and he’s definitely not looking at a certain blond groundskeeper.
Sure Spike may have been right about it being a mistake - a mistake of Biblical proportions - but it’s not like that makes everything magically okay or something. Not that Xander isn’t trying. Trying to forget about Spike, forget about Spike’s lips, forget about Spike’s lips pressing against his … and this is the road that should be a whole lot less traveled.
Sane Xander reclaims the torch, puts the car in reverse and speeds out of this dead-end backwards.
That’s probably a mixed metaphor but he’s not in school, so who cares?
Of course, this whole forgetting thing would go better if he didn’t have to see Buffy and Angel exchanging love-struck glances across the room. Xander really hopes that this new romance isn’t the window that opened ’cause, well, he’s just not that nice a guy.
It makes him want to hit the gas and smash through his own ‘do not enter’ sign.
Why did his friend have to start a romance with the guy Spike spends most of his time with? It’s enough to make Xander hate Angel, which isn’t fair. Angel seems like a nice enough guy. He even brings Buffy flowers. Sappy but sweet.
“Hi Xander!” It’s Andrew, hovering over him with a stack of comics under his arm, visibly bouncing. “What’s your stance on whether Star Wars comics are in the same canon as the movies?”
If this is Xander’s window, he’s gonna hurl himself out of it.
***
They bounce and bump along. The kids shriek, tumbling around on the hay as the trailer trundles through the woods. Xander rubs his butt and reconsiders the wiseness of calling shotgun - there’s no hay up here to cushion him.
The insides of his stomach jostle about and he almost regrets eating all those fish sticks. Almost, because how could he ever think anything but good thoughts about frozen breaded yumminess?
He glances back, sees Riley separate two campers who were shoving each other and remembers why he’s up here. Some peace and quiet. And quiet is definitely what you get with Oz, which is good ’cause Xander doesn’t want to talk.
Except his brain forgets to send that message to his mouth. “It’s nice out here, isn’t it? Nice to get away from the rat race - well, the camp rat race which is more like a relay race or something ’cause they like us to be co-operative. Anyway, it’s nice.”
Oz glances at him, then nods slowly. “Yeah, nice”
He really should stop with the talking. Oz goes in for neither chit nor chat. “So, how’s it going being vehicle guy?” Xander’s mouth continues to ignore his brain. “Must be nice not to be looking after kids - it’s exhausting.”
“The driving’s good.” Oz steers them around a sharp turn.
“Good, good.” Xander nods like he’s a cool guy who knows all about driving instead of some guy whose mom lets him drive the minivan occasionally. “I have a countdown going until my campers go on a canoe trip. Only five days now.”
“You not going?” Oz’s eyes remain on the road.
“Nah, Riley and Graham have that under control. I’ll only get in the way.” Oz tilts his head which Xander interprets as quizzical. “It’s true, they actually said that.” He shrugs. “A break from being a role model is all good with me.”
The trees are whizzing by now and he watches them until everything becomes a green blur.
Green shouldn’t remind him of Spike, but it does. Xander’s beginning to think that anything will remind him of Spike. If someone showed him those ink blot things he’s sure they’d all look like Spike, well Spike in ink blot form. And now he has a very weird image in his head. Okay, maybe he is going a little crazy.
“So, Oz,” Xander says, his eyes on the passing trees. “I have a question for you.”
There’s a pause, but Xander doesn’t look over to see why. “Fire away.”
He takes a breath. “Okay, so let’s say that everyone’s really into, uh, apples. And all your life you’ve heard how great they are and how when you’re old enough you’ll get to enjoy them and that hasn’t sounded that bad. You’ve been around apples and they seem good.”
Xander glances over at Oz who has his usual unexpression happening.
“But then you see an orange. You’ve seen some before, but it’s like you’re seeing oranges for the first time ’cause this one looks so good. Like way way better than you can ever imagine an apple tasting.”
“So, we’re talking apples and oranges here?” Oz asks, the flicker of a smile on his face.
“Very funny. But in a way, yes.” Xander leans down and tightens his sandal. “But what if everyone tells you that you should want an apple, and that it’s wrong to want an orange? What do you do if you really want an orange?”
He braves it and looks at Oz, who’s definitely looking thoughtful, like he may actually be trying to come up with an answer. Or maybe understand the meaning of life, you never know with Oz.
“I think…” Oz slows down as they drive through a narrow gap in the trees, “just because everyone says something is wrong doesn’t mean it is.” Oz scratches behind his ear. “But doesn’t mean it’s right. You’re the only one who can decide if something’s right or not - and I think you’ll know if something’s wrong.”
“So you’re saying it’s up to me. I mean, not me of course, this hypothetical orange-loving guy?”
Oz nods. They emerge back into the compound. “Shouldn’t it have been the apples as the forbidden fruit? They have a history of playing that role.”
“Didn’t want to typecast. And have I mentioned, Bible Study? Not my best subject.”
Oz brings the ride to a halt, turns off the engine and faces Xander. “The thing about eating the forbidden fruit is that it also gave knowledge. It wasn’t all about the badness of the fall.”
“I’m guessing you pay more attention in Bible Study than me.”
“Maybe.”
Xander hops down. “Thanks man, now you have me thinking deep thoughts.”
“Glad to help.”
Time for Xander to resume the glamorous role of counselor. He grins at Oz and goes to collect his campers. Maybe the bouncing wore them out.
It didn’t. Now they’re bouncing and rolling around on the ground.
Let the excitement begin.
Chapter Seven is here.