BtVS Fic: Outside Pride (Spike/Xander, 5/10, PG-13)
And I bring you the final chapter of Outside Pride ... for today!! Do not fear, I will be posting the remaining (likely 5) chapters on my next spring_with_xan day on May 17th. Thanks for the wonderful support, I've had such a fun posting day! *g*
Title: Outside Pride
Author: cordelianne
Chapter: 5/10
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,366
Feedback: Comments will be very encouraging. Concrit is very welcome by email.
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, Joss own them.
Summary: AU set at a summer camp.
Xander’s never prided himself on being big with the strategizing - he leaves that to Willow - but he had thought his plan of ‘avoid the guy I’m having sexy dreams about’ would be easy to follow.
A/N: Thanks to the completely awesome and wonderful savoytruffle and spookymonkey for their invaluable pre-reading, betaing and support. Any mistakes are mine.
Previous chapters here.
Outside Pride
by Cordelianne
CHAPTER FIVE
Xander’s never prided himself on being big with the strategizing - he leaves that to Willow - but he had thought his plan of ‘avoid the guy I’m having sexy dreams about’ would be easy to follow.
Connect-the-dots easy.
And it was, until the part where he asked Spike on a date.
Okay, not really a date, and not really asking, but it was a situation with date asking qualities. Not that Xander’s ever asked anyone on a date before, but the sweaty palms and inability to string words together seem like dead giveaways.
And the not-date isn’t even a not boy-girl date, but a not boy-boy date, which is a whole new not-dating territory that no one has ever sat him down and given him advice about. Not that he expects advice; this is no trespassing, do not eat the apple, do not pass go territory.
Xander decides to fire himself from any future planning.
Of course the problem with that plan - no, not plan, decision - is that he’s going to have to hire someone else to take his place. And then he’s going to have to confess his gah - his guy-centered gah - to that someone else. And then… well, he foresees an apocalypse worthy of Revelations.
Friendships will end; jobs will be lost; Scarlet Letters will be doled out at the very least and…
He really needs to breathe.
Xander collapses onto his bed, sucks air into his empty lungs and stares at the knots in the ceiling’s wood paneling, lets the cool quiet of the cabin wash over him.
What he needs to do is not think about Spike. Block out those intense blue eyes, forget the smirk that sends shivers down his spine. Repress all imaginings of those muscles and how they would feel under his hands if, say, he were to run them over Spike’s abs and down to Spike’s waistband.
In the spirit of repression, Xander pretends his hands aren’t drifting down to his waistband, aren’t sliding inside. His eyes close when his hand doesn’t wrap around his dick.
Oh yeah, finally a plan he can go with.
***
Xander is calm now. Cool, collected and fully in control of his hormones.
That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
He jogs to catch up with Willow and Buffy, grinning back at the big smiles he receives. He gives himself an imaginary pat on the back for not asking how his hair looks. A guy’s got to take a stand and since Xander’s running out of options, he’s going with hair. He stops himself when he realizes he’s patting his head, and turns to Buffy. “Ready for the big campfire? Last one before our impressionable charges arrive.”
“So, it’s like our last night of ‘freedom’?” Buffy makes air quotes. “Should I expect lots of wild partying?” Her eyes wander in the direction of the staff quarters. Xander follows her gaze. The bright white of the building mocks him with a lack of helpful - or really any - information.
Willow giggles. “If by wild, you mean playing ‘Chubby bunny,’ then, yes!”
Buffy tilts her head. “You know, that sounds kinda dirty.”
“Only if you don’t like marshmallows.” Xander holds up a hand. “And I’d like to state for the record that I am not competing this year.”
He ignores Willow’s, “Aw,” because he doubts that stuffing his mouth full of marshmallows will impress Spike. He replays that thought and reflects that he doesn’t know what would impress another guy, let alone impress Spike. And that he’s not supposed to be thinking about that anyway.
As if on cue, Spike emerges from his room - number four, Xander files away - and leans against the wall. A cigarette - and Spike’s fingers twitch like he wants to be holding one - would complete the tough guy look and it’s a look that Xander has discovered he likes. Likes so much that he’s no longer calm, cool or in any way in control of his hormones.
“Xander?” Willow’s looking at him with those wide concerned eyes of hers, and he realizes that he’s stopped walking and is quite possibly openly checking Spike out.
He flashes a big smile. “Oh! Right. I just - let’s get moving people!”
Xander tries to follow his own advice but bangs into Buffy. She’s staring at Angel, who has just stepped out of his room. Great, Xander’s become a teenage girl.
Buffy’s not the only girl who’s noticed Angel. “Hello, salty goodness!” Cordelia says to Harmony - and pointedly not to Xander, Willow and Buffy - as she brushes by.
Xander reassures himself that if he’s turning into any teenage girl, at least it’s Buffy and not Cordelia.
Jesse is beckoning to them from the grove of trees leading to the campfire pit. Time for some good wholesome campfire-related fun.
Kumbaya.
***
Xander’s thoughts are neither good, nor wholesome, nor campfire-related and he blames Spike. Which isn’t fair to Spike since all he’s doing is leaning across two benches.
Man, Xander needs to stop this train of thought. If only he knew where the emergency brake is. Maybe he can get off at the next station and take a new train, going in the opposite direction on a whole different set of tracks. Or maybe the train thing’s all wrong and he should be switching to another form of transportation, like a plane or an automobile.
He tries to focus on the singing but can’t remember any of the lyrics other than, “My God is an awesome God.” This means that he knows the instant Spike looks his way and they make eye contact. It doesn’t last long because Xander looks down, but he looks up a second later and knows the instant Spike sits up, the instant he stands up, the instant he catches Xander’s eye.
The world around Xander slips into slow motion. He can’t hear anything over the pounding of his heart. In a haze, he stands up, mutters “bathroom” to Willow, and follows Spike.
Somehow it’s not surprising to be yanked into a dense clump of trees. Xander’s happy to let it happen. It means he doesn’t have to think, which is good because it feels like his brain has been switched to ‘off.’
He’s less happy when he comes face-to-face with an angry-looking Spike. “Why’re you staring at me?”
“I want to kiss you.”
The absolute silence that greets Xander’s unplanned admission isn’t surprising either. Xander is as shocked by his own words as Spike is.
Or maybe more shocked, because before Xander can shift gears and get his brain out of neutral, Spike closes the space between them. “Go ahead then.”
He hears the challenge in Spike’s tone but is so stuck on Spike saying yes to his crazy crazy statement that it doesn’t sink in. For once Xander can think of nothing to say.
He may not know what to say, but his hands know what to do. They place themselves on Spike’s shoulders and Xander finds himself leaning forward, brushing his lips against Spike’s. He almost pulls away, startled by how that brief contact leaves him wanting so much more.
He kisses Spike again and it must not completely suck because Spike’s hands slide around his back. So this is what forbidden fruit tastes like, Xander thinks, in a brief moment of clarity before sinking back under.
He’s got the whole world in his hands…
The hymn floats up from the campfire, bursts through the trees, jerking him back to reality.
They break apart, panting.
Spike looks over his shoulder, then at the ground. “Listen. I shouldn’t - ‘s a mistake.”
Xander’s heart plummets to his feet, his face feels hot.
Spike nods towards the singing. “Should get back,” he says and does just that. Walks away and doesn’t look back.
Mistake. The word rings in Xander’s head as he stumbles toward the campfire. He slumps down beside Willow, not sure how he made it without walking into a tree. Doesn’t even try to smile.
Without thinking, he sings along with the next line: “As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you.”
His throat chokes on the words.
It’s gonna be a long summer.
Chapter Six is here.
Title: Outside Pride
Author: cordelianne
Chapter: 5/10
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,366
Feedback: Comments will be very encouraging. Concrit is very welcome by email.
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, Joss own them.
Summary: AU set at a summer camp.
Xander’s never prided himself on being big with the strategizing - he leaves that to Willow - but he had thought his plan of ‘avoid the guy I’m having sexy dreams about’ would be easy to follow.
A/N: Thanks to the completely awesome and wonderful savoytruffle and spookymonkey for their invaluable pre-reading, betaing and support. Any mistakes are mine.
Previous chapters here.
Outside Pride
by Cordelianne
CHAPTER FIVE
Xander’s never prided himself on being big with the strategizing - he leaves that to Willow - but he had thought his plan of ‘avoid the guy I’m having sexy dreams about’ would be easy to follow.
Connect-the-dots easy.
And it was, until the part where he asked Spike on a date.
Okay, not really a date, and not really asking, but it was a situation with date asking qualities. Not that Xander’s ever asked anyone on a date before, but the sweaty palms and inability to string words together seem like dead giveaways.
And the not-date isn’t even a not boy-girl date, but a not boy-boy date, which is a whole new not-dating territory that no one has ever sat him down and given him advice about. Not that he expects advice; this is no trespassing, do not eat the apple, do not pass go territory.
Xander decides to fire himself from any future planning.
Of course the problem with that plan - no, not plan, decision - is that he’s going to have to hire someone else to take his place. And then he’s going to have to confess his gah - his guy-centered gah - to that someone else. And then… well, he foresees an apocalypse worthy of Revelations.
Friendships will end; jobs will be lost; Scarlet Letters will be doled out at the very least and…
He really needs to breathe.
Xander collapses onto his bed, sucks air into his empty lungs and stares at the knots in the ceiling’s wood paneling, lets the cool quiet of the cabin wash over him.
What he needs to do is not think about Spike. Block out those intense blue eyes, forget the smirk that sends shivers down his spine. Repress all imaginings of those muscles and how they would feel under his hands if, say, he were to run them over Spike’s abs and down to Spike’s waistband.
In the spirit of repression, Xander pretends his hands aren’t drifting down to his waistband, aren’t sliding inside. His eyes close when his hand doesn’t wrap around his dick.
Oh yeah, finally a plan he can go with.
***
Xander is calm now. Cool, collected and fully in control of his hormones.
That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
He jogs to catch up with Willow and Buffy, grinning back at the big smiles he receives. He gives himself an imaginary pat on the back for not asking how his hair looks. A guy’s got to take a stand and since Xander’s running out of options, he’s going with hair. He stops himself when he realizes he’s patting his head, and turns to Buffy. “Ready for the big campfire? Last one before our impressionable charges arrive.”
“So, it’s like our last night of ‘freedom’?” Buffy makes air quotes. “Should I expect lots of wild partying?” Her eyes wander in the direction of the staff quarters. Xander follows her gaze. The bright white of the building mocks him with a lack of helpful - or really any - information.
Willow giggles. “If by wild, you mean playing ‘Chubby bunny,’ then, yes!”
Buffy tilts her head. “You know, that sounds kinda dirty.”
“Only if you don’t like marshmallows.” Xander holds up a hand. “And I’d like to state for the record that I am not competing this year.”
He ignores Willow’s, “Aw,” because he doubts that stuffing his mouth full of marshmallows will impress Spike. He replays that thought and reflects that he doesn’t know what would impress another guy, let alone impress Spike. And that he’s not supposed to be thinking about that anyway.
As if on cue, Spike emerges from his room - number four, Xander files away - and leans against the wall. A cigarette - and Spike’s fingers twitch like he wants to be holding one - would complete the tough guy look and it’s a look that Xander has discovered he likes. Likes so much that he’s no longer calm, cool or in any way in control of his hormones.
“Xander?” Willow’s looking at him with those wide concerned eyes of hers, and he realizes that he’s stopped walking and is quite possibly openly checking Spike out.
He flashes a big smile. “Oh! Right. I just - let’s get moving people!”
Xander tries to follow his own advice but bangs into Buffy. She’s staring at Angel, who has just stepped out of his room. Great, Xander’s become a teenage girl.
Buffy’s not the only girl who’s noticed Angel. “Hello, salty goodness!” Cordelia says to Harmony - and pointedly not to Xander, Willow and Buffy - as she brushes by.
Xander reassures himself that if he’s turning into any teenage girl, at least it’s Buffy and not Cordelia.
Jesse is beckoning to them from the grove of trees leading to the campfire pit. Time for some good wholesome campfire-related fun.
Kumbaya.
***
Xander’s thoughts are neither good, nor wholesome, nor campfire-related and he blames Spike. Which isn’t fair to Spike since all he’s doing is leaning across two benches.
Man, Xander needs to stop this train of thought. If only he knew where the emergency brake is. Maybe he can get off at the next station and take a new train, going in the opposite direction on a whole different set of tracks. Or maybe the train thing’s all wrong and he should be switching to another form of transportation, like a plane or an automobile.
He tries to focus on the singing but can’t remember any of the lyrics other than, “My God is an awesome God.” This means that he knows the instant Spike looks his way and they make eye contact. It doesn’t last long because Xander looks down, but he looks up a second later and knows the instant Spike sits up, the instant he stands up, the instant he catches Xander’s eye.
The world around Xander slips into slow motion. He can’t hear anything over the pounding of his heart. In a haze, he stands up, mutters “bathroom” to Willow, and follows Spike.
Somehow it’s not surprising to be yanked into a dense clump of trees. Xander’s happy to let it happen. It means he doesn’t have to think, which is good because it feels like his brain has been switched to ‘off.’
He’s less happy when he comes face-to-face with an angry-looking Spike. “Why’re you staring at me?”
“I want to kiss you.”
The absolute silence that greets Xander’s unplanned admission isn’t surprising either. Xander is as shocked by his own words as Spike is.
Or maybe more shocked, because before Xander can shift gears and get his brain out of neutral, Spike closes the space between them. “Go ahead then.”
He hears the challenge in Spike’s tone but is so stuck on Spike saying yes to his crazy crazy statement that it doesn’t sink in. For once Xander can think of nothing to say.
He may not know what to say, but his hands know what to do. They place themselves on Spike’s shoulders and Xander finds himself leaning forward, brushing his lips against Spike’s. He almost pulls away, startled by how that brief contact leaves him wanting so much more.
He kisses Spike again and it must not completely suck because Spike’s hands slide around his back. So this is what forbidden fruit tastes like, Xander thinks, in a brief moment of clarity before sinking back under.
He’s got the whole world in his hands…
The hymn floats up from the campfire, bursts through the trees, jerking him back to reality.
They break apart, panting.
Spike looks over his shoulder, then at the ground. “Listen. I shouldn’t - ‘s a mistake.”
Xander’s heart plummets to his feet, his face feels hot.
Spike nods towards the singing. “Should get back,” he says and does just that. Walks away and doesn’t look back.
Mistake. The word rings in Xander’s head as he stumbles toward the campfire. He slumps down beside Willow, not sure how he made it without walking into a tree. Doesn’t even try to smile.
Without thinking, he sings along with the next line: “As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you.”
His throat chokes on the words.
It’s gonna be a long summer.
Chapter Six is here.