a little long, but worth the read. trust me.
so, lately, there have been a lot of talks among people about life and religion and blah blah blah. and i find it only appropriate to put my 2 cents in.
i was raised a christian in a non denominational church, Central Christian Church, if youve heard of it. And i will admit, i hated going when i was little, but mostly bcuz my father hated going and so i didnt want to go either. i thought it was all a bunch of hoo hah and i didnt need it. but i was young and i just wanted to sleep in on sunday. but as i got older, got to a place where i was able to actually think about things on a deeper level, i made a choice about it all.
Walking along the PCH in some ocean cove on a church trip with my friend Kat (who later baptized me), me and her had the best and most memorable talk. We talked about life, religion, love, sexuality, and everything else there is to talk about it. I came to the realization that i wanted God in my life, i wanted him to be the one person that i could always depend on and the one person to hjave love and watch over me through everything. When i got back from that church trip, i had kat baptize me and thus starting my life on the path of God.
I have nothing against organized religion (as do most people). I have nothing against the bible and what it stands for, in fact thhere isnt a single thing in it that i dont agree with, and ive read it and everything else you can read on the same topic. God has had such an impact on my life that i still think of him first, no matter what. even now. but i got to a point in my life where i couldnt do what i really wanted and still be a god fearing christian who is on fire for god. i had to come to a decision that was probably the hardest thing ive ever had to do. I chose to turn my back on everything i stoood for and believed in to be the person i am now.
and i think it was a mistake. at least sometimes i do. i remember how happy i used to be inside, knowing i was secure and that i had all these people around me that felt the same way.
but i couldnt deny the feelings i had inside. i couldnt get past the homosexual feelings that were ruining everything for me. i couldnt hold it in anymore and ignore them. all the therapists, and the medications, and the prayer groups, and the meetings with my pastor were not enough.
i gave in.
i embraced the feelings i had. and that was NOT a mistake. with as happy as i was before, i could not be more happy now knowing that im not lying to myself. knowing who i am, and finally being ok with it. i used to do anything for anybody. and i still do it now. but i came to a point where i couldnt sacrifice myself anymore. it got to a point where i was denying myself for the sake of others. and thats what made it so hard. and wrong. and i will state this:
for me, being gay was a choice. as i believe it is for everyone else.
i cannot stand those people that say being gay is something youre born with. or some inbalance in your brain, or something that is out of our control. that is total and utter BULLSHIT. everything you do is a choice. everything. god gave us free will on everything. everything!!! now i know some people have said, "well if you believe everything the bible says than being gay is wrong."
and to be honest, they're right. it is. and i know that. but no one sin is bigger or worse than any other. a sin is a sin. period.
and so many people try to argue that but i have read and studied more than anyone else ive ever met. and i came to my own beliefs about everything. which i think is better than believeing something with your whole heart that you dont completely understand.
for those of you out there that have every struggled, or those of you that are struggling, hang in there. if you ever doubted who you are, dont. you always know deep in your heart who you really are. whether or not you accept that is different. there are many factors that contribute to it as well. i know whats it like to fight inside yourself. to have this constant battle that is raging inside of you. to never really be sure of anything and to always, ALWAYS, have doubt. but it does get bettter. and it is all up to you to make it better. and this may be cheesy, but no matter what you do in your life, and this goes for everyone who is reading this and everyone else, NO MATTER WHAT CHOICES YOU MAKE IN YOUR LIFE, WHATEVER DIRECTION YOU DECIDE TO TAKE IT...
there is always someone there for you. someone who loves you and someone who you can always count on. someone that would do an ything for you, even die. someone that is always waiting for you to accept the offer of help that has always been there and will always been there. someone. always that someone.
and if you dont know who that person is, contact me and i will be more than happy to inform you.
(side note: my 2 cents turned into about $486.39. but oh well.)
i was raised a christian in a non denominational church, Central Christian Church, if youve heard of it. And i will admit, i hated going when i was little, but mostly bcuz my father hated going and so i didnt want to go either. i thought it was all a bunch of hoo hah and i didnt need it. but i was young and i just wanted to sleep in on sunday. but as i got older, got to a place where i was able to actually think about things on a deeper level, i made a choice about it all.
Walking along the PCH in some ocean cove on a church trip with my friend Kat (who later baptized me), me and her had the best and most memorable talk. We talked about life, religion, love, sexuality, and everything else there is to talk about it. I came to the realization that i wanted God in my life, i wanted him to be the one person that i could always depend on and the one person to hjave love and watch over me through everything. When i got back from that church trip, i had kat baptize me and thus starting my life on the path of God.
I have nothing against organized religion (as do most people). I have nothing against the bible and what it stands for, in fact thhere isnt a single thing in it that i dont agree with, and ive read it and everything else you can read on the same topic. God has had such an impact on my life that i still think of him first, no matter what. even now. but i got to a point in my life where i couldnt do what i really wanted and still be a god fearing christian who is on fire for god. i had to come to a decision that was probably the hardest thing ive ever had to do. I chose to turn my back on everything i stoood for and believed in to be the person i am now.
and i think it was a mistake. at least sometimes i do. i remember how happy i used to be inside, knowing i was secure and that i had all these people around me that felt the same way.
but i couldnt deny the feelings i had inside. i couldnt get past the homosexual feelings that were ruining everything for me. i couldnt hold it in anymore and ignore them. all the therapists, and the medications, and the prayer groups, and the meetings with my pastor were not enough.
i gave in.
i embraced the feelings i had. and that was NOT a mistake. with as happy as i was before, i could not be more happy now knowing that im not lying to myself. knowing who i am, and finally being ok with it. i used to do anything for anybody. and i still do it now. but i came to a point where i couldnt sacrifice myself anymore. it got to a point where i was denying myself for the sake of others. and thats what made it so hard. and wrong. and i will state this:
for me, being gay was a choice. as i believe it is for everyone else.
i cannot stand those people that say being gay is something youre born with. or some inbalance in your brain, or something that is out of our control. that is total and utter BULLSHIT. everything you do is a choice. everything. god gave us free will on everything. everything!!! now i know some people have said, "well if you believe everything the bible says than being gay is wrong."
and to be honest, they're right. it is. and i know that. but no one sin is bigger or worse than any other. a sin is a sin. period.
and so many people try to argue that but i have read and studied more than anyone else ive ever met. and i came to my own beliefs about everything. which i think is better than believeing something with your whole heart that you dont completely understand.
for those of you out there that have every struggled, or those of you that are struggling, hang in there. if you ever doubted who you are, dont. you always know deep in your heart who you really are. whether or not you accept that is different. there are many factors that contribute to it as well. i know whats it like to fight inside yourself. to have this constant battle that is raging inside of you. to never really be sure of anything and to always, ALWAYS, have doubt. but it does get bettter. and it is all up to you to make it better. and this may be cheesy, but no matter what you do in your life, and this goes for everyone who is reading this and everyone else, NO MATTER WHAT CHOICES YOU MAKE IN YOUR LIFE, WHATEVER DIRECTION YOU DECIDE TO TAKE IT...
there is always someone there for you. someone who loves you and someone who you can always count on. someone that would do an ything for you, even die. someone that is always waiting for you to accept the offer of help that has always been there and will always been there. someone. always that someone.
and if you dont know who that person is, contact me and i will be more than happy to inform you.
(side note: my 2 cents turned into about $486.39. but oh well.)