Revelation?
....making a post without my laptop (virus issues, should be cleared up this week) is a bit like painting a portrait without brushes. No taking my sweet time crafting the words, no searching for just the right images... something is lost.
Anyway, I wish to record that Sage showed me this link about attachment disorders.
I'm only just now researching what this would look like if the kid goes untreated until he's say...30, but I think we already know.
It would explain A LOT.
----------EDIT #1-----------For example, Web MD says among other things,
What Is the Outlook for Children With RAD?
If not treated, RAD can have a negative impact on a child's physical, emotional, behavioral, social, and moral development. Children with RAD generally are at higher risk for:
----------EDIT#2----------
This link mentions that adults with attachment disorders fall in to one of two categories; "Avoidant" (not me) and "Anxious/Ambivilent"
The symptoms of that second group are...
Compulsive CaregivingFeel overinvolved and underappreciatedRapid relationship breakupsIdealizing of othersStrong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationshipDesire for extensive contact and declarations of affectionsOverinvests his/her emotions in a relationshipPerceives relationships as imbalancedRelationship is idealizedPreoccupation with relationshipDependence on relationshipHeavy reliance on partnerViews partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)Perceives others as difficult to understandRelationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of securityUnlikely to view others as altruisticSensitive to rejectionDiscomfort with angerExtreme emotionsJealousPossessiveViews self as unlovableSuicide attemptsMood swingsTendency toward anaclitic depression (dependent depression)I can only assume that not having my photo next to this list on the website is the result of a technical error.
Comments would be so very appreciated here.
----------EDIT #3----------
A few days later, Abby had this to say (by way of a Facebook convo)
"I know a little bit about attachment disorder, because I've done a lot of reading on the adoption of orphans from eastern European countries. It is hard for me to believe that you could possibly have it. From what I know, your mother was a fine mother to you when you were a baby and a toddler--she was consistently around, and she was affectionate. Even kids who spend ten-hour days in daycares with large turnovers (so that they have new caregivers every few months) don't develop attachment disorder unless they're actually neglected. In Romania, there were orphans who didn't even have names. They were babies who didn't even cry when they were hungry or hurt or alone, because they had cried so much with no response that they gave up. Those are the babies who have radical attachment disorder. Your mother may not have been perfect--which one of us is?--but there's not that little wiggle-room in the emotional development of an infant.
Here are two other symptoms of attachment disorder: first, huge, huge meltdowns during childhood. I'm talking about the kind where you call an ambulance. Second, kids and teens with attachment disorder don't respect other people's private space. They "attach" affectionately to any old stranger. They are physically inappropriate.
I met you when you were 11. I don't remember any of those problems then. Am I right? Your depression hit when you were about 14. To me this has always suggested a neurological/chemical root, though of course any disease with emotional symptoms can be made better or worse by psychological things.
I understand that the list of symptoms sounds like you, but that is what we call a "non-specific" list of symptoms: it means that although people with attachment disorder have those symptoms, not everyone who has those symptoms has attachment disorder. Some of them are symptoms of other disorders, and some of them are just personality traits. In fact, I think that some of the ones that describe you are _good_ personality traits: your capacity for devotion in a relationship, your gift for being a caregiver (I would never describe you as "compulsive" in this regard. You have a life-long love of animals and children. That is a gift and a virtue, and you have never done either of these things in a way that wasn't positive). I read things like "strong desire for partner to reciprocate in a relationship," and I think: that's supposed to be pathological, if you love someone and strongly desire that she loves you back? Really? You are, and always have been, a warm-hearted person with a large capacity for love and devotion. That belongs on the list of things that _aren't_ wrong with you.
There may very well (in fact, I'd bet on it) be an element of bad relationships with your parents, mother and father both, to your current problems, but I strongly doubt that you have attachment disorder.
Abby"
Anyway, I wish to record that Sage showed me this link about attachment disorders.
I'm only just now researching what this would look like if the kid goes untreated until he's say...30, but I think we already know.
It would explain A LOT.
----------EDIT #1-----------For example, Web MD says among other things,
What Is the Outlook for Children With RAD?
If not treated, RAD can have a negative impact on a child's physical, emotional, behavioral, social, and moral development. Children with RAD generally are at higher risk for:
Depression Check
Aggressive and/or disruptive behavior Suppressed anger counts, right?
Learning difficulties and behavior problems in school My College experience would testify.
Inability to form meaningful relationships Oh my yes.
Low self-esteem Me? Never... okay, yea.
----------EDIT#2----------
This link mentions that adults with attachment disorders fall in to one of two categories; "Avoidant" (not me) and "Anxious/Ambivilent"
The symptoms of that second group are...
Compulsive CaregivingFeel overinvolved and underappreciatedRapid relationship breakupsIdealizing of othersStrong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationshipDesire for extensive contact and declarations of affectionsOverinvests his/her emotions in a relationshipPerceives relationships as imbalancedRelationship is idealizedPreoccupation with relationshipDependence on relationshipHeavy reliance on partnerViews partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)Perceives others as difficult to understandRelationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of securityUnlikely to view others as altruisticSensitive to rejectionDiscomfort with angerExtreme emotionsJealousPossessiveViews self as unlovableSuicide attemptsMood swingsTendency toward anaclitic depression (dependent depression)I can only assume that not having my photo next to this list on the website is the result of a technical error.
Comments would be so very appreciated here.
----------EDIT #3----------
A few days later, Abby had this to say (by way of a Facebook convo)
"I know a little bit about attachment disorder, because I've done a lot of reading on the adoption of orphans from eastern European countries. It is hard for me to believe that you could possibly have it. From what I know, your mother was a fine mother to you when you were a baby and a toddler--she was consistently around, and she was affectionate. Even kids who spend ten-hour days in daycares with large turnovers (so that they have new caregivers every few months) don't develop attachment disorder unless they're actually neglected. In Romania, there were orphans who didn't even have names. They were babies who didn't even cry when they were hungry or hurt or alone, because they had cried so much with no response that they gave up. Those are the babies who have radical attachment disorder. Your mother may not have been perfect--which one of us is?--but there's not that little wiggle-room in the emotional development of an infant.
Here are two other symptoms of attachment disorder: first, huge, huge meltdowns during childhood. I'm talking about the kind where you call an ambulance. Second, kids and teens with attachment disorder don't respect other people's private space. They "attach" affectionately to any old stranger. They are physically inappropriate.
I met you when you were 11. I don't remember any of those problems then. Am I right? Your depression hit when you were about 14. To me this has always suggested a neurological/chemical root, though of course any disease with emotional symptoms can be made better or worse by psychological things.
I understand that the list of symptoms sounds like you, but that is what we call a "non-specific" list of symptoms: it means that although people with attachment disorder have those symptoms, not everyone who has those symptoms has attachment disorder. Some of them are symptoms of other disorders, and some of them are just personality traits. In fact, I think that some of the ones that describe you are _good_ personality traits: your capacity for devotion in a relationship, your gift for being a caregiver (I would never describe you as "compulsive" in this regard. You have a life-long love of animals and children. That is a gift and a virtue, and you have never done either of these things in a way that wasn't positive). I read things like "strong desire for partner to reciprocate in a relationship," and I think: that's supposed to be pathological, if you love someone and strongly desire that she loves you back? Really? You are, and always have been, a warm-hearted person with a large capacity for love and devotion. That belongs on the list of things that _aren't_ wrong with you.
There may very well (in fact, I'd bet on it) be an element of bad relationships with your parents, mother and father both, to your current problems, but I strongly doubt that you have attachment disorder.
Abby"