All We Are (1/?)
Title: All We Are
Author: coquilleon
Summary: Cook finally has who he wants, but soon realizes that this doesn't mean a happy ending. Especially when everything begins spinning out of control.
Rating: MA
Notes: Sequel to Hometown Glory. AU. And a thousand thank you's to persephone_20 for being my beta. She is truly wonderful.
=..=..=
Sunday
Freddie silently thanks Liliana for never bothering to move the spare key for the front door and places it back under the potted plant. Easing the door open just enough for slip inside, he closes it gently behind him and looks around.
Everything is quiet, but he knows Raleigh is here, somewhere. It's only a little past twelve and she's always been a late sleeper. He doesn't call out for her, preferring instead to walk around and take a look at the place. He hasn't been inside since she has moved back, and nostalgia floats around him; running up the stairs with J.J to drag her out of bed to come out to the park with them and getting high in her living room when her parents were out of town. He grins and fingers the scratch on the end table; he'd knocked it over during one of the latter memories. Had broken a vase and everything. His smile widens a bit more when he sees that Lily has replaced it with a sweets bowl.
He suddenly remembers the sleepovers they'd had, when they were, God, maybe eight and Freddie lets out a huff of a laughter at the image of Raleigh in the pink pajamas that she will deny she's ever owned.
A few chairs have changed and the furniture arranged a bit differently, but this is still the Cook house. It even smells the same, like fresh laundry and grass from the open windows, and sweet batter.
He walks down the hallway and is about to go up the stairs to head to her bedroom when a sound catches his attention. Changing direction, he walks a few feet and his simile reappears at the sight before him. From his position against the door jamb he can see her determined expression as she stands on her tip toes to reach the shelf that houses the laundry detergent. He can't help but be a little amused when her tongue pokes out and to the side.
They both seem to realize that this is a lost cause because she lets out a frustrated breath, and Freddie is about to offer Raleigh a hand, when she lifts one leg to climb on top of the washing machine. He swallows a laugh at how ridiculous she looks, one leg up, the other hanging off, and half her body stretched with fingers wiggling.
Said fingers touch the bottle but end up only pushing it backwards, and at her irritated expression Freddy finally decides to give her a hand.
:::
Almost there. Raleigh silently curses her mum for putting the bottles way up here in the first place. Why put a new shelf in? Makes no sense... She adjusts her position, her knee fucking hurts, and reaches forward again... The sudden appearance of tan arm reaching up beside hers makes her let out a little yelp of surprise and she feels her leg slip out from under her. She squeezes her eyes shut preparing for collision with the hard floor even as a strong arm wraps around her waist, preventing injury.
Heart beating quickly in her chest, Raleigh whips around to find a smirking Freddie standing in front of her, holding the plastic red bottle in hand. "What the fuck, Freddie?" she huffs out, her surprise causing her words to come out angrier than usual. She pulls her purple shirt down where it's ridden up and yanks the bottle out of his hand. She knows she should probably thank him, but she's only woken up forty-five minutes ago and, well, she's never been a good morning person, even after a cold shower.
"Good morning to you too." He smiles and seems not to have taken too much offense, and she's grateful; she doesn't want to scare him away. She's didn't know she missed him being in her house until he's actually scaring the shit out of her on a random visit.
"It's afternoon," she still sounds grumpy, but the actual feeling is abating some and continues to do so with his next words.
"Yeah, but we've all just woken up, haven't we?" She shrugs one shoulder, and pours the thick blue liquid into the machine. "I can tell," he goes on. "You're always a little less than pleasant when you first wake up." His voice is playful; they've woken up in enough of the same places together for him to know this. Raleigh wonders if he remembers the sleepovers of their younger days; how she would kick him in the side when he'd hog all of the covers, and he'd grumble, and call her a bad name before giving the sheets over. A smile flits across her face at the memory as she recaps the bottle and closes the lid to the washing machine.
::
Freddie sees the small smile spread across her face and is glad for it; she really is kind of impossible to deal with when she first wakes up. He watches her finish up in the laundry room and turn around to walk towards the hallway. "Did I leave the front door unlocked again?"
"Nah," He pushes off of the door jamb when she passes him. "Key." As she walks by he catches a waft of her shampoo; that soft baby powder smell that carries a hint of something else he can't identify, but is so used to. Her hands on his shoulders and the feel of her soft skin under his lips- The scent triggered memory rears up out of no where and it makes Freddie's heart jump both pleasantly and unpleasantly. He loved having her body up against his - he is a teenage male and she is more than attractive - but no more than usual. No more than usual, but its still causing problems. That one moment in time, the only time he'd ever really touched her like that, and Cook had seen them, and still has crazy ideas in his head...
"I've got to tell mum to hide that thing somewhere else." Raleigh 's voice cuts sharply into his musings and it takes a moment for his brain to catch up to her words. He's about to promise her that he won't use the key again when he realizes it was just a joke and there is no heat behind her tone.
She opens the refrigerator, and is momentarily out of sight as she bends to rifle around. "I would love to think that you've stopped by just to enjoy my early afternoon company, Freddiekins, but for some reason I have a feeling that that's not why you're here." She doesn't mention that she's rarely seen him at all in the last two and a half months and he's grateful for it. She comes back into view as she straightens up, and when she closes the door he can see her holding a carton of milk.
He automatically goes to where he remembers the bowls being kept, and has time to wonder if he's even heading for the right cabinet before he pulls it open and sees again that Lilianna really hasn't changed anything around. At least someone, somewhere is always constant. He grabs the bowls and the cereal ("ah, not the bran kind, Freddie, you know I hate that one") and she proceeds to make short work of 'breakfast'
Freddie takes a few bites from his own bowl, before answering her implied question. He doesn't know how to ask subtly (but why should he, Cook is still his friend. Right?), and avoids her gaze from where she's perched on the kitchen counter when he says "Have...you seen Cook lately?"
"Course I have," she answers right away. She rolls her eyes, swings her feet, and takes another bite of cereal. "He's upstairs in the shower, isn't he?"
So she is still grumpy.
"No need to be sarcastic," he retorts, feeling irate. "A 'no' would have been fin-"
"No really," she swallows quickly, and insists "he's in the shower. Mum and Da are off for the week. Bath to see my grandmum. She rang on Thursday; said she's dying."
"Again?" Freddie laughs. Grandmum Spence pulls this every few years - often enough that Freddie was unsure up until this point if she were alive or dead.
"Yup," she takes another bite of cereal. "They've gone off - don't want to call it a false alarm and she actually snuffs it this time - and since I've got Uni... Anyway, Cookie's been keeping me company."
Freddie's heart gives a nervous jump but he ignores it. "I bet he is," he mumbles, but Raleigh just smiles in a satisfied manner and gets a far away look in her eyes. A silence falls in the kitchen for a few minutes, in which Raleigh 's cereal gets soggy and Freddie's heart continues to gives those nervous beats. He clears his throat loudly. "So... I can see him." It's less of a question and more of a thought spoken aloud. Cook has been avoiding him for coming on a two and a half months now (they've only had contact because of college) and Cook, like Raleigh , is great at avoiding people - Freddie has wondered who learned from whom. But now they're finally in the same place and unless Cook decides to dart out the window, Freddie will finally see him. It shouldn't be like this.
The faraway look on Raleigh 's face is replaced by one of affection and exasperation. "Of course you can," she laughs. "I'm his girlfriend, not his mum."
Relief floods through Freddie at her light tone. "So... he's not upset with me, then?"
Raleigh 's smile fades as she remembers the problem and the relief Freddie felt just moments ago is replaced quite suddenly by a heavy feeling in his stomach.
::
She fixes her expression into a mix of rueful and apologetic as she places her bowl to the side and searches for the right words. "He's... he's... not angry, just... cautious?" The feeling of frustration that has been building up as of late returns. She doesn't know how to explain to Freddie just how odd Cook has been acting lately when it comes to him and just in general, and she says as much. "I don't know what about - he acts funny whenever I mention you. I assumed it was, you know," she hesitates. It's still a sensitive subject for her; even though she and Cook made up that night his words right before hand still make her insides feel cold, and causes her eyes to prick. "He... thought we'd slept together, but," she follows up quickly, "he's insisted that's not it. Said he's over it. I don't know what else it could be, though." She lets out a heavy sigh. She knows it has to be the reason why he's been acting the way he has; overly cautious when it comes to who's going to party, or holding on to her whenever Freddie is in the vicinity. She wishes she could just talk to him about it but...
"Thing is," she continues, "he doesn't act upset enough for me to accuse him of anything without it seeming like I'm nagging, but he's not being, you know, Cookie, either..." She trails off and looks at nothing, choosing instead to stare off into space to get lost in her own thoughts, her fingers picking absently at the grey fabric of her shorts. It's getting frustrating, this thing hanging in the room between them. This isn't how she figured them being together would be. Not that it isn't amazing most of the time- because it really really is, her heart feels so full of love sometimes she has to sit down and take a breath - but she hates this issue between them. Especially because if it is what she thinks it is, it's really a non-issue that is putting stress on their relationship.
She sighs and shrugs to herself as she hops off of the counter. She turns back to Freddie. "If you told me what it was, I could help you know. Well, I'd try at least."
::
Freddie watches her dump her soggy cereal into the bin and turn towards the sink. She doesn't know that she's right, he thinks. Raleigh doesn't know that she's right about Cook still being upset about that night at the club when he saw them dancing. Even though it's nearing maybe three months that it all happened (and it was nothing really. It was just a dance and a laugh) Cook is still being unreasonable. Unreasonable and overprotective; if Freddie thought Cook was possessive when it came to Effy, it doesn't compare to how he is with Raleigh . At least, he is when Freddie is around. And the worst part is, Raleigh doesn't even notice. If she did, it's almost certain that she would have given Cook a talking to by now. But they've always been grabby, touchy, feely when it came to each other, and so far, as far as Freddie can tell, she hasn't noticed anything out of order. And Freddie won't be the one to draw her attention to it. Knowing his luck, Cook will turn it all around, and they'd end up pounding each other into the ground. Hair trigger, that boy.
Raleigh takes his empty bowl, and it's when she gives him a faint smile Freddie considers just telling her; telling her that Cook is mad at him because he touched her. Maybe then he could just ask her to talk to him about it, if she hasn't already. But he decides against it. She hates Cook and Freddie fighting over anything, and if she knew she was the cause of it and it was for something so stupid... he doesn't know how that would go down, and quite honestly he doesn't want to find out.
No, he can handle this on his own. He just needs Cook to talk to him-
"What are you doing here, Freddiekins?" Freddie's pulse quickens at the voice and he turns his head to see Cook walk into the kitchen. His words and tone are both genial but his expression is guarded; his eyes slightly harder then they would normally be, and his mouth is set in a straight line. He moves to stand next to Raleigh and gives her a kiss on the head, before settling next to her, arms folded, back against the counter.
The mood in the space shifts so quickly that Freddie can swear he can see the air displace. All is quiet except for the sound of the running water, and the slap of the wet rag against painted porcelain. With Raleigh facing away from them both she can't see the tension, but Freddie is sure that she feels it, because as soon as it gets to be too much she turns the water off, dries her hands, and rolls her eyes as she leaves the room.
Freddie stands from his chair and Cook's hard gaze makes him want to fidget. God, he hates this. Hates feeling on edge with his best mate since before he can really remember. Before primary school his brain helpfully supplies.
College was supposed to be their time, his, Cook's and J.J's, and everything was supposed to... not get easier exactly, but was supposed to bring them together. But instead everything is spinning out of control, and with a small jolt, Freddie admits to himself, yet again in many days, that at least half of this is his fault. He's always been the neglectful one; Cook has always told him that he loves him, and Freddie's never once has a reason to doubt it.
He can't think of a time when he's once said it back seriously.
He takes a small inhalation of air.
"I'm here to see you. You haven't been around lately."
"Yeah, well, bit busy," comes Cook's flat answer. They stand at opposite ends of the kitchen, Cook's arms still folded across his chest and Freddie's hands in his own pockets. Freddie takes this time to take him in; his hair is rumpled, some pieces in tufts while others, still damp from his shower, cling to his forehead, and the sides and back of his neck. He's in his usual fitted polo shirt (navy) and fitted trousers (grey), and Freddie can't help but think that even though Cook lives on his own in a tiny flat, and acts like a mad man, one can still tell he comes from money. It's so odd to see him like this, so controlled and calm. Cook is fueled by emotion; happy, sad, angry. But here, now, he's tense and silent, and the quietness rubs against Freddie's nerves. Makes him feel like he's the one who's out of control. He tries again.
"Yeah." Freddie is sure that he has been preoccupied; now that Cook and Raleigh have finally gotten together, they've been kind of wrapped up in one another, but even so, he still sees Raleigh a great deal more than he does Cook. "Yeah, well, how've you been?"
"Good. Great." He doesn't add anything else, doesn't ask how Freddie has been.
He doesn't care.
The truth hits him like a punch in the spot under his ribs and suddenly, Freddie can't take it -the flat tone, the controlled stance, and hard eyes - and he can hear the slightly pleading tone to his voice when he bursts out with, "Listen, Cook, about that night. At the club, it was nothing. You know I wouldn't..." He trails off. He wouldn't what? Try and take away the girl Cook fancies like mad? Disregard his feelings and their friendship? Freddie can't finish that sentence because it's isn't true.
Cook doesn't know that, and he can't know that because for the past five months that's all that they've been doing to each other.
Cook must be thinking the same thing because Freddie sees the muscles tighten in his neck and his arms flex slightly. But he still doesn't move, not right away. He stares that unforgiving stare at Freddie, and quite suddenly a small smile crosses his face. But Freddie doesn't like it at all; it doesn't reach his eyes when he says, his tone once again faux friendly, "It's fine, man. Really."
Freddie feels his frustration mount; he's trying here, but Cook won't let him. He wants to grab the other boy, his best mate, and shake him until he drops the mask that's so unfamiliar it makes Freddie's eyes want to water. But it's too late to do so now. Cook has pushed himself off of the counter, and brushes past him, saying "It was great of you to come round," as he walks away.
Freddie stands numbly in the kitchen, the knowledge that everything is worse than he thought it was coursing through his body. He listens to Cook walk away from him and up the stairs, most likely into Raleigh 's room where she's probably waiting for him.
His stomach gives another tumble when he realizes that the girl that he's done all this for, ruined all of this for, isn't going to be waiting for him when he gets home.
He lets himself out.
( Part 2)
Author: coquilleon
Summary: Cook finally has who he wants, but soon realizes that this doesn't mean a happy ending. Especially when everything begins spinning out of control.
Rating: MA
Notes: Sequel to Hometown Glory. AU. And a thousand thank you's to persephone_20 for being my beta. She is truly wonderful.
=..=..=
Sunday
Freddie silently thanks Liliana for never bothering to move the spare key for the front door and places it back under the potted plant. Easing the door open just enough for slip inside, he closes it gently behind him and looks around.
Everything is quiet, but he knows Raleigh is here, somewhere. It's only a little past twelve and she's always been a late sleeper. He doesn't call out for her, preferring instead to walk around and take a look at the place. He hasn't been inside since she has moved back, and nostalgia floats around him; running up the stairs with J.J to drag her out of bed to come out to the park with them and getting high in her living room when her parents were out of town. He grins and fingers the scratch on the end table; he'd knocked it over during one of the latter memories. Had broken a vase and everything. His smile widens a bit more when he sees that Lily has replaced it with a sweets bowl.
He suddenly remembers the sleepovers they'd had, when they were, God, maybe eight and Freddie lets out a huff of a laughter at the image of Raleigh in the pink pajamas that she will deny she's ever owned.
A few chairs have changed and the furniture arranged a bit differently, but this is still the Cook house. It even smells the same, like fresh laundry and grass from the open windows, and sweet batter.
He walks down the hallway and is about to go up the stairs to head to her bedroom when a sound catches his attention. Changing direction, he walks a few feet and his simile reappears at the sight before him. From his position against the door jamb he can see her determined expression as she stands on her tip toes to reach the shelf that houses the laundry detergent. He can't help but be a little amused when her tongue pokes out and to the side.
They both seem to realize that this is a lost cause because she lets out a frustrated breath, and Freddie is about to offer Raleigh a hand, when she lifts one leg to climb on top of the washing machine. He swallows a laugh at how ridiculous she looks, one leg up, the other hanging off, and half her body stretched with fingers wiggling.
Said fingers touch the bottle but end up only pushing it backwards, and at her irritated expression Freddy finally decides to give her a hand.
:::
Almost there. Raleigh silently curses her mum for putting the bottles way up here in the first place. Why put a new shelf in? Makes no sense... She adjusts her position, her knee fucking hurts, and reaches forward again... The sudden appearance of tan arm reaching up beside hers makes her let out a little yelp of surprise and she feels her leg slip out from under her. She squeezes her eyes shut preparing for collision with the hard floor even as a strong arm wraps around her waist, preventing injury.
Heart beating quickly in her chest, Raleigh whips around to find a smirking Freddie standing in front of her, holding the plastic red bottle in hand. "What the fuck, Freddie?" she huffs out, her surprise causing her words to come out angrier than usual. She pulls her purple shirt down where it's ridden up and yanks the bottle out of his hand. She knows she should probably thank him, but she's only woken up forty-five minutes ago and, well, she's never been a good morning person, even after a cold shower.
"Good morning to you too." He smiles and seems not to have taken too much offense, and she's grateful; she doesn't want to scare him away. She's didn't know she missed him being in her house until he's actually scaring the shit out of her on a random visit.
"It's afternoon," she still sounds grumpy, but the actual feeling is abating some and continues to do so with his next words.
"Yeah, but we've all just woken up, haven't we?" She shrugs one shoulder, and pours the thick blue liquid into the machine. "I can tell," he goes on. "You're always a little less than pleasant when you first wake up." His voice is playful; they've woken up in enough of the same places together for him to know this. Raleigh wonders if he remembers the sleepovers of their younger days; how she would kick him in the side when he'd hog all of the covers, and he'd grumble, and call her a bad name before giving the sheets over. A smile flits across her face at the memory as she recaps the bottle and closes the lid to the washing machine.
::
Freddie sees the small smile spread across her face and is glad for it; she really is kind of impossible to deal with when she first wakes up. He watches her finish up in the laundry room and turn around to walk towards the hallway. "Did I leave the front door unlocked again?"
"Nah," He pushes off of the door jamb when she passes him. "Key." As she walks by he catches a waft of her shampoo; that soft baby powder smell that carries a hint of something else he can't identify, but is so used to. Her hands on his shoulders and the feel of her soft skin under his lips- The scent triggered memory rears up out of no where and it makes Freddie's heart jump both pleasantly and unpleasantly. He loved having her body up against his - he is a teenage male and she is more than attractive - but no more than usual. No more than usual, but its still causing problems. That one moment in time, the only time he'd ever really touched her like that, and Cook had seen them, and still has crazy ideas in his head...
"I've got to tell mum to hide that thing somewhere else." Raleigh 's voice cuts sharply into his musings and it takes a moment for his brain to catch up to her words. He's about to promise her that he won't use the key again when he realizes it was just a joke and there is no heat behind her tone.
She opens the refrigerator, and is momentarily out of sight as she bends to rifle around. "I would love to think that you've stopped by just to enjoy my early afternoon company, Freddiekins, but for some reason I have a feeling that that's not why you're here." She doesn't mention that she's rarely seen him at all in the last two and a half months and he's grateful for it. She comes back into view as she straightens up, and when she closes the door he can see her holding a carton of milk.
He automatically goes to where he remembers the bowls being kept, and has time to wonder if he's even heading for the right cabinet before he pulls it open and sees again that Lilianna really hasn't changed anything around. At least someone, somewhere is always constant. He grabs the bowls and the cereal ("ah, not the bran kind, Freddie, you know I hate that one") and she proceeds to make short work of 'breakfast'
Freddie takes a few bites from his own bowl, before answering her implied question. He doesn't know how to ask subtly (but why should he, Cook is still his friend. Right?), and avoids her gaze from where she's perched on the kitchen counter when he says "Have...you seen Cook lately?"
"Course I have," she answers right away. She rolls her eyes, swings her feet, and takes another bite of cereal. "He's upstairs in the shower, isn't he?"
So she is still grumpy.
"No need to be sarcastic," he retorts, feeling irate. "A 'no' would have been fin-"
"No really," she swallows quickly, and insists "he's in the shower. Mum and Da are off for the week. Bath to see my grandmum. She rang on Thursday; said she's dying."
"Again?" Freddie laughs. Grandmum Spence pulls this every few years - often enough that Freddie was unsure up until this point if she were alive or dead.
"Yup," she takes another bite of cereal. "They've gone off - don't want to call it a false alarm and she actually snuffs it this time - and since I've got Uni... Anyway, Cookie's been keeping me company."
Freddie's heart gives a nervous jump but he ignores it. "I bet he is," he mumbles, but Raleigh just smiles in a satisfied manner and gets a far away look in her eyes. A silence falls in the kitchen for a few minutes, in which Raleigh 's cereal gets soggy and Freddie's heart continues to gives those nervous beats. He clears his throat loudly. "So... I can see him." It's less of a question and more of a thought spoken aloud. Cook has been avoiding him for coming on a two and a half months now (they've only had contact because of college) and Cook, like Raleigh , is great at avoiding people - Freddie has wondered who learned from whom. But now they're finally in the same place and unless Cook decides to dart out the window, Freddie will finally see him. It shouldn't be like this.
The faraway look on Raleigh 's face is replaced by one of affection and exasperation. "Of course you can," she laughs. "I'm his girlfriend, not his mum."
Relief floods through Freddie at her light tone. "So... he's not upset with me, then?"
Raleigh 's smile fades as she remembers the problem and the relief Freddie felt just moments ago is replaced quite suddenly by a heavy feeling in his stomach.
::
She fixes her expression into a mix of rueful and apologetic as she places her bowl to the side and searches for the right words. "He's... he's... not angry, just... cautious?" The feeling of frustration that has been building up as of late returns. She doesn't know how to explain to Freddie just how odd Cook has been acting lately when it comes to him and just in general, and she says as much. "I don't know what about - he acts funny whenever I mention you. I assumed it was, you know," she hesitates. It's still a sensitive subject for her; even though she and Cook made up that night his words right before hand still make her insides feel cold, and causes her eyes to prick. "He... thought we'd slept together, but," she follows up quickly, "he's insisted that's not it. Said he's over it. I don't know what else it could be, though." She lets out a heavy sigh. She knows it has to be the reason why he's been acting the way he has; overly cautious when it comes to who's going to party, or holding on to her whenever Freddie is in the vicinity. She wishes she could just talk to him about it but...
"Thing is," she continues, "he doesn't act upset enough for me to accuse him of anything without it seeming like I'm nagging, but he's not being, you know, Cookie, either..." She trails off and looks at nothing, choosing instead to stare off into space to get lost in her own thoughts, her fingers picking absently at the grey fabric of her shorts. It's getting frustrating, this thing hanging in the room between them. This isn't how she figured them being together would be. Not that it isn't amazing most of the time- because it really really is, her heart feels so full of love sometimes she has to sit down and take a breath - but she hates this issue between them. Especially because if it is what she thinks it is, it's really a non-issue that is putting stress on their relationship.
She sighs and shrugs to herself as she hops off of the counter. She turns back to Freddie. "If you told me what it was, I could help you know. Well, I'd try at least."
::
Freddie watches her dump her soggy cereal into the bin and turn towards the sink. She doesn't know that she's right, he thinks. Raleigh doesn't know that she's right about Cook still being upset about that night at the club when he saw them dancing. Even though it's nearing maybe three months that it all happened (and it was nothing really. It was just a dance and a laugh) Cook is still being unreasonable. Unreasonable and overprotective; if Freddie thought Cook was possessive when it came to Effy, it doesn't compare to how he is with Raleigh . At least, he is when Freddie is around. And the worst part is, Raleigh doesn't even notice. If she did, it's almost certain that she would have given Cook a talking to by now. But they've always been grabby, touchy, feely when it came to each other, and so far, as far as Freddie can tell, she hasn't noticed anything out of order. And Freddie won't be the one to draw her attention to it. Knowing his luck, Cook will turn it all around, and they'd end up pounding each other into the ground. Hair trigger, that boy.
Raleigh takes his empty bowl, and it's when she gives him a faint smile Freddie considers just telling her; telling her that Cook is mad at him because he touched her. Maybe then he could just ask her to talk to him about it, if she hasn't already. But he decides against it. She hates Cook and Freddie fighting over anything, and if she knew she was the cause of it and it was for something so stupid... he doesn't know how that would go down, and quite honestly he doesn't want to find out.
No, he can handle this on his own. He just needs Cook to talk to him-
"What are you doing here, Freddiekins?" Freddie's pulse quickens at the voice and he turns his head to see Cook walk into the kitchen. His words and tone are both genial but his expression is guarded; his eyes slightly harder then they would normally be, and his mouth is set in a straight line. He moves to stand next to Raleigh and gives her a kiss on the head, before settling next to her, arms folded, back against the counter.
The mood in the space shifts so quickly that Freddie can swear he can see the air displace. All is quiet except for the sound of the running water, and the slap of the wet rag against painted porcelain. With Raleigh facing away from them both she can't see the tension, but Freddie is sure that she feels it, because as soon as it gets to be too much she turns the water off, dries her hands, and rolls her eyes as she leaves the room.
Freddie stands from his chair and Cook's hard gaze makes him want to fidget. God, he hates this. Hates feeling on edge with his best mate since before he can really remember. Before primary school his brain helpfully supplies.
College was supposed to be their time, his, Cook's and J.J's, and everything was supposed to... not get easier exactly, but was supposed to bring them together. But instead everything is spinning out of control, and with a small jolt, Freddie admits to himself, yet again in many days, that at least half of this is his fault. He's always been the neglectful one; Cook has always told him that he loves him, and Freddie's never once has a reason to doubt it.
He can't think of a time when he's once said it back seriously.
He takes a small inhalation of air.
"I'm here to see you. You haven't been around lately."
"Yeah, well, bit busy," comes Cook's flat answer. They stand at opposite ends of the kitchen, Cook's arms still folded across his chest and Freddie's hands in his own pockets. Freddie takes this time to take him in; his hair is rumpled, some pieces in tufts while others, still damp from his shower, cling to his forehead, and the sides and back of his neck. He's in his usual fitted polo shirt (navy) and fitted trousers (grey), and Freddie can't help but think that even though Cook lives on his own in a tiny flat, and acts like a mad man, one can still tell he comes from money. It's so odd to see him like this, so controlled and calm. Cook is fueled by emotion; happy, sad, angry. But here, now, he's tense and silent, and the quietness rubs against Freddie's nerves. Makes him feel like he's the one who's out of control. He tries again.
"Yeah." Freddie is sure that he has been preoccupied; now that Cook and Raleigh have finally gotten together, they've been kind of wrapped up in one another, but even so, he still sees Raleigh a great deal more than he does Cook. "Yeah, well, how've you been?"
"Good. Great." He doesn't add anything else, doesn't ask how Freddie has been.
He doesn't care.
The truth hits him like a punch in the spot under his ribs and suddenly, Freddie can't take it -the flat tone, the controlled stance, and hard eyes - and he can hear the slightly pleading tone to his voice when he bursts out with, "Listen, Cook, about that night. At the club, it was nothing. You know I wouldn't..." He trails off. He wouldn't what? Try and take away the girl Cook fancies like mad? Disregard his feelings and their friendship? Freddie can't finish that sentence because it's isn't true.
Cook doesn't know that, and he can't know that because for the past five months that's all that they've been doing to each other.
Cook must be thinking the same thing because Freddie sees the muscles tighten in his neck and his arms flex slightly. But he still doesn't move, not right away. He stares that unforgiving stare at Freddie, and quite suddenly a small smile crosses his face. But Freddie doesn't like it at all; it doesn't reach his eyes when he says, his tone once again faux friendly, "It's fine, man. Really."
Freddie feels his frustration mount; he's trying here, but Cook won't let him. He wants to grab the other boy, his best mate, and shake him until he drops the mask that's so unfamiliar it makes Freddie's eyes want to water. But it's too late to do so now. Cook has pushed himself off of the counter, and brushes past him, saying "It was great of you to come round," as he walks away.
Freddie stands numbly in the kitchen, the knowledge that everything is worse than he thought it was coursing through his body. He listens to Cook walk away from him and up the stairs, most likely into Raleigh 's room where she's probably waiting for him.
His stomach gives another tumble when he realizes that the girl that he's done all this for, ruined all of this for, isn't going to be waiting for him when he gets home.
He lets himself out.
( Part 2)