Touch (8/?)
Title: Touch (8/?)
Author: coquilleon
Pairing: Tyler/Jeremy
Based on: TV series
Spoilers: None
Disclaimers: I do not own The Vampire Diaries.
Notes: This chapter is a thank you to creampuffer5 . She gave me a prompt asking if I could show the steady growth of Jeremy and Tyler's relationship; to show how they progressed from their first kiss, to where they are now in the story, and I thought it was a great idea. A little background never hurt anyone. :) Hope you enjoy.
The morning after he first let Jeremy Gilbert kiss him, Tyler is a nervous wreck.
He doesn't remember right away; he wakes up to an alarm he smacks away, he drifts between asleep and awake, and wonders why he's so damn tired in the first place. Then he recalls only getting two hours of sleep because he'd stayed up so late the night before. Sitting in that clearing with a bottle of booze and Gilbert.
Jeremy.
Tyler's eyes fly open at the rush of memories and images, and his heart immediately starts to pound in his chest.
What-
Jeremy's face so close to his that Tyler can count his eyelashes.
He was drunk.
The feel of Jeremy's soft mouth on his own, gently urging them to let him in.
He was drunk. They both were.
The taste of Jeremy's mouth, surprisingly sweet, like he'd just had an apple or a peach.
Both Tyler's heart and stomach jump violently, and he sits up in bed quickly.
He was drunk. They were both drunk, and it didn't mean anything. It didn't matter. But even as he thinks this, his heart gives a strange twist. He ignores it.
Right, so, it meant nothing. Tyler nods to himself as he runs his hand though his hair - Jeremy's hair tickling his cheekbones- and he jumps out of bed to get ready for school.
He'll just walk in. Walk into school like nothing strange happened, like nothing happened at all, and everything will be fine. And if Gilbert brings it up, he'll push him aside; will say he has no idea what he's talking about because Tyler Lockwood is not gay. He's not.
He was drunk.
He jumps into the shower, and scrubs himself raw trying to resist the insane urge to punch the bathroom tiles. But it's hard when he can remember the feel of Jeremy's skin brushing against his, and the look in his eyes right before and right after they kissed. The curve of his mouth when it was turned up in a small relieved smile-
Tyler punches the bathroom wall, and lets out a sound of frustration. He barely winces when the hot water runs over his cut knuckles.
He gets dressed, barely noticing what he's pulling on until he realizes that the shirt he's pulled over his head is the same color Jeremy was wearing last night. He rips it off, and searches for another. Its when he goes to rifle through his dresser that he sees the bottle of whisky sitting on top of the wood.
The nearly full bottle.
He manages not to hurl it at the wall, but just barely.
Tyler sits heavily on the edge of his bed, plants his elbows on his knees, and buries his head in his hands. Maybe he should just stay home; fuck school for today, it's not like it's going anywhere. He scrubs at his face, and sighs deeply.
No. He's not going to hide. Nothing happened, and he's not going to hide form Jeremy Gilbert of all people for nothing. He stands again and finds a black polo shirt to throw on before he grabs his book bag and leaves his house.
He manages to act perfectly natural all day despite the fact that inside he's on pins and needles, expecting to see Jeremy's big frame moving through the hallways. Moving towards him.
But turns out Tyler didn't have to worry because Jeremy isn't there; not that day, or the next day, or the day after that, and by the fourth day Tyler is simultaneously relieved, curious, annoyed, and pissed.
Somehow, during the course of four days alone and ample amount of time to think, Tyler has convinced himself that Gilbert has no right to hide from him. He's the one who started this. How dare he not finish it? And what if Tyler had felt something when they'd kissed? He hadn't of course, but what if he had? What then? Was he supposed to just sit and wait for Jeremy to show up one day and drop the bomb that it was all a mistake?
Because it wasn't; Tyler knows that now. The bottle was more full than empty and that means they were, for the most part, sober. Tyler tries hard not to acknowledge that this means he let Jeremy Gilbert kiss him, but the notion is getting harder and harder to deny.
So when he finally sees Jeremy in the hallway in between fourth and fifth period on Thursday, Tyler has had it up to here with his behavior.
He walks as quickly as he can towards where the other boy is rifling through his locker, (trying not to draw any curious stares with his hurried pace), and when he gets close enough, opens his mouth to say... Well he hasn't thought that far yet. But it doesn't matter that he doesn't know what he's going to say, because when Jeremy catches sight of him, his dark brown eyes light up, and that small smile tilts his lips, and Tyler's step stutters, and his heart gives a funny kind of thud.
It doesn't matter that Tyler doesn't know what he was going to say because the angry words would have died on his lips anyway.
And that's when Tyler Lockwood knows that he's fucked.
=.=
He ends up catching the cold that had Jeremy out for the better part of a week, but he finds himself not caring as much as he should. Especially when Jeremy stops by everyday after school to sit on the end of his bed and just talk to him, or touch his hand briefly and ask what happened to his knuckles.
=..=..=
"How did you feel when your parents died?"
Tyler doesn't look at Jeremy when he asks this. Just stares out into the rippling surface of the lake and waits for the answer.
Jeremy is quiet for such a long time that Tyler wonders if he's pissed him off, or made him so sad that he can't manage to speak, but he can't make himself move his head to look over and see. Finally, he hears Jeremy clear his throat.
"I felt devastated... and lost. And I felt really, really, angry."
Tyler latches on to the last emotion. "Angry at what?"
"At everything." Jeremy's voice is quiet, but the undercurrent of past anger can still be heard, and Tyler feels a brief stab of guilt at asking Jeremy to relive this. But he has to know. "At everyone. At Elena, and my mom and dad. At the fucking bridge. At that night." He lets out a huff of air.
They stay silent for minutes, just the sound of the small waterfall soothing in the background.
"Is it bad that I only feel angry?" Tyler asks suddenly. "That I only feel lost because I never knew what he was building me up to be and he died before he could finish?" He inhales quickly and forces the words out. "That I don't feel devastated that he's gone? That if anything I feel kind of relived? Does that make me a bad person?"
Tyler can feel Jeremy's eyes on him, but he still doesn't turn around to meet his gaze. There's the soft noise of grass being displaced and he's sitting slightly closer to Tyler; the voice he uses is soft enough that it could have easily been carried away if a slight breeze decided to blow. "No."
Tyler lets his eyes fall shut for a moment as he feels a little of the weight on his heart and shoulders lift.
=..=..=
"What are we doing?"
Tyler asks this one evening as they lay on Jeremy's bed watching the color shift from yellow to orange on the ceiling as the sun sets. Soon it'll be dark and the knowledge that he'll be laying in the darkness with a guy he feels... something for prompts him to ask the question.
"Watching the sun set?" Jeremy says half jokingly.
Tyler turns his head away from the high ceiling, and looks out of the window. "You know what I mean," his voice is quiet and serious, and he can feel Jeremy sober up next to him.
His voice is just as quiet when he answers. "I don't know. But... it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to right now." he pauses. "It just ours, no one knows. We don't have to figure it out yet."
The room completes its transition to darkness as Jeremy's words play in his mind.
Ours.
It was theirs.
And his. Jeremy is his.
A burst of something light, and airy, and wonderful flits through Tyler's body at the thought, and he tentatively moves the hand that has been laying so close to Jeremy's. The first brush of skin is hesitant, but when Jeremy's fingers move slightly, but stay where they are, Tyler feels braver. He runs his fingers lightly over the inside of Jeremy's arm and marvels at how soft his skin is; he feels him shiver at his touch and Tyler can't stop the smirk that graces his face.
He moves his hand down so that he can stroke the inside of Jeremy's wrist with his thumb. This time Jeremy lets out a small sound of contentment that sends another wave of feeling rushing through Tyler; this time its so warm and satisfied that for a brief second his heart flips.
His smirk falls into a small smile, and he turns his head to look at Jeremy's profile in the dark.
=..=..=
"How long have you been wanting to kiss me?" Tyler watches as Jeremy's cheeks flush slightly at the question. They haven't brought it up since it happened a little over a month ago, but it's been there. Hovering. When the air gets too still and their faces too close.
They still haven't kissed again.
Jeremy tries to shrug nonchalantly, but the red stain on his face makes it less than convincing. Tyler smirks and Jeremy gets a fire in his eyes.
"Why did you let me kiss you?"
Tyler doesn't answer, and ignores the slight heat stealing across his own face, opting instead to use his controller to gesture towards the television screen and grunting, "Pick your team already."
=..=..=
The second time they kiss, Jeremy is laughing over something Tyler has just said; he can't remember what it is, but he does remember the way Jeremy's eyes crinkled at the sides, and how his mouth looked so wonderful, pulled into a big smile.
Before he can tell himself no, Tyler has put his hand on the nape of Jeremy's neck and is pulling him forward, and their lips are pressed together, and he can feel Jeremy's smile get wider before he slips his fingers into Tyler's hair and kisses back.
=..=..=
Tyler is getting tackled by a team member during a practice when he realizes that the reason why he didn't get out of the way in time is because he was too busy thinking about seeing Jeremy in a few hours. As he lays on the grass, watching the clouds pass by, panting heavily and his body aching, he realizes for the second time, in less than two months, that he's completely fucked when it comes to Jeremy Gilbert.
=..=..=
"You never told me what happened to Anna."
Jeremy's head whips up from his textbook and an odd expression flits over his face. Tyler eyes him and wonders if he's said something wrong. Tyler knows how broken up Jeremy seemed to be after Anna was gone. He remembers because it was right around the time his father died, and he recalls thinking that Jeremy looked more upset about his girlfriend moving away than he did about his father biting the dust. "Jere?"
The expression passes and Jeremy looks down at his book again. "It... just didn't work out. Her mom was moving and she went with her." His voice is tight and controlled, and his eyes aren't moving as he stares at the page.
Tyler doesn't think that this is the whole story, but he leaves it alone anyway.
=..=..=
Their friends and Jeremy's family (Tyler's own mother is more out of the picture now than she was before) notice the shift in his and Jeremy's relationship, and ask a couple questions - "why the sudden change?" "is this some sort of weird joke" - and make a few comments - "you'll be beating each other senseless again," "finally. All the fighting was getting old" - but all in all, it's no big deal. Everyone seems to have their own things to deal with lately, which Tyler is more than grateful for.
=..=..=
The first time Tyler feels Jeremy's large, warm, hand wrap around his cock they're in the backseat of his car, and he lets out a whine that is easily swallowed by Jeremy's mouth. They've been touchy feely lately; it's getting harder and harder to keep their hands off one another. But every time they'd get carried away, be so close to doing what they both want so badly, one boy would pull away, the confusion as to what exactly is going on between them clear in his eyes.
But this time, when Jeremy cautiously puts his hand on Tyler's knee and moves it up slightly every few seconds, as Tyler drives them home, he can't take it anymore.
He makes a few turns, ends up parking near a part of the forest few wander into, and pulls Jeremy to him so fiercely, their teeth clack against each other and Jeremy lets out a muffled moan, before responding enthusiastically. Somehow, they make it to the back seat, and Tyler only notices because when he comes up briefly for air he realizes that the stick shift is no longer pressing into the side of his thigh.
Hands fumble against hands, and fingers get tangled, but when he felt Jeremy wrap his hand around him, all Tyler can think is that he is in heaven. He only comes down long enough to force his hand down Jeremy's jeans and wrap his own fingers around that hard, hot, velvety soft part of him.
Jeremy rips his mouth from Tyler's and his hips snap forward automatically as he buries his face into Tyler's neck. He lets out a sound so deep and breathy it causes Tyler's pulse to quicken even more, and he throbs in Jeremy's grip.
Its fast, and hard, and sweaty, and when Jeremy cups Tyler's jaw with one hand, and bites into his neck to muffle his cries as comes thickly in Tyler's hand, Tyler follows immediately. Their breathing is harsh and takes a while to level out. He feels so fucking good, with Jeremy's weight on him, and the fingers of his free hand are threaded through Jeremy's hair; all he can acknowledge is the bliss running through his veins, and the fogged windows, the latter of which he laughs at weakly before closing his eyes briefly. Eventually, he only ends up moving because his angle in the backseat is starting to make his back ache.
The goodbye kiss Jeremy gives him right outside of his house makes Tyler grin and not give a fuck about who could have seen.
=..=..=
"Do you ever think about Vicki?"
"Sometimes. You."
"Yeah... but probably for a different reason than you do."
Jeremy doesn't elaborate, and Tyler doesn't ask him to. He's got that same look in his eyes that he had when Tyler mentioned Anna.
=..=..=
The first time Jeremy asks Tyler to stay the night starts out like any normal evening. They've done some talking, some homework, and fooling around (which Tyler just can't get enough of, really.) Tyler throws his book bag over one shoulder and is halfway to the door when Jeremy blurts out "You don't have to go. I mean, it's pretty late, and if you don't want to drive... you could stay."
Tyler turns back around to see Jeremy's eyes fixed on his face. His expression seems calm at first glance, but Tyler can see traces of worry, as if he expects Tyler to make a joke, or laugh at him.
"I don't know," Tyler says, slowly. "I'm sure my uncle is probably waiting around for me." Tyler isn't one to really try and get home on time, but there's something about his uncle that makes Tyler want to be extra cautious when he's involved.
"Right." Jeremy looks down at his books, and starts to close them. "No problem. Next time."
Tyler can't help but smile a little at Jeremy as he watches him try to act nonchalant, and that odd warmth spreads through his body again. He thinks for maybe a second before letting the book bag slide off of his shoulder. "But I'm sure it'll be fine."
Jeremy pauses for a moment, but starts gathering books again, avoiding Tyler's gaze. "Are you sure?"
Tyler's smile widens."Yeah, I'm sure."
Jeremy deposits the books on his desk before he turns back to Tyler. "Alright, my clothes are in that dresser. Just take whatever you want. You know where the bathroom is. I'll just go tell Jenna..." He stops his rambling as their eyes linger on each other for a bit too long and finally Jeremy breaks eye contact with a small smile before he brushes past Tyler, to head downstairs to the kitchen.
=..=..=
"I tried to kill myself. After Anna was gone."
Tyler doesn't know why that surprises him as much as it does. Ever since his parents died it's been obvious that Jeremy's been depressed. He'd gotten better for a while, when he started dating Anna, but after she left it seemed as if he'd gotten worse than before.
Tyler supposes what he's actually surprised at the fact that Jeremy chose to tell him at all, let alone in The Grill where anyone could overhear. But Jeremy either doesn't seem to notice, or just doesn't care.
"How?"
"Pills."
"Why?"
"Because," Jeremy fixes his gaze at some unknown spot, and Tyler knows that he's not really looking at anything, but going over the words in his head. He clears his throat, "Because everyone I care about dies... or goes away. It's like everyone I touch disappears, or something bad happens to them, or..." He stops talking and sighs, before looking down at the salt shaker resting in front of them. He lets out a small self-depreciating laugh. "I'm surprised no one has caught on yet; realized that if I care about them the best thing they could do for themselves is stay away."
Tyler doesn't know what to say, but his throat feels tight for a moment before he clears it; he hopes that he's not being presumptuous when he stretches his leg out to press against Jeremy's, trying to tell him without words that he's not going anywhere.
The look in Jeremy's eyes when they flit up to look at Tyler's face, along with the small smile barely visible on his lips. assures him that he's not.
=..=..=
The first time they have sex Tyler is terrified.
He doesn't let on of course; the first thing all Lockwood men learn is to never show fear. Fear is equal to weakness. But Tyler does feel weak - in his knees, in his fluttering chest.
All night the air has carried a mood of difference; something is going to happen, they both know it. They've been quieter as they study on Jeremy's bed; the only kiss they've shared today lingered and Jeremy bumped his nose gently against Tyler's before pulling away. And when Jeremy quietly asks him if he's staying tonight, Tyler just nods.
His heart leaps into his throat when he locks the bedroom door behind him and looks up to see Jeremy settling down on top of the covers in only his navy blue boxer shorts. To hide the sudden rush of heat in his face (which is ridiculous - he's seen Jeremy in nothing but his boxers plenty of times before) he runs the towel roughly through his damp hair, making sure the fabric covers most of his face.
When he finally thinks enough of his blush has disappeared, he throws the towel over a chair, and looks back at Jeremy. He's reclined into the pillows, with his hands behind his head and his eyes fixed on Tyler's body; he didn't bother with anything but a pair of boxers either - it's a warm night.
The pure hunger in Jeremy's eyes causes goosebumps to erupt all over Tyler's skin, and a shiver to run down his spine. To cover it up he gives a cocky smirk, and says jokingly, "like what you see?"
Jeremy's eyes run the length of his body once more. "Yeah," his voice is quiet and intense, and sends a stronger shiver coursing through Tyler's body. He wets his bottom lip, slightly. "Yeah, I do."
The smirk slips slightly at Jeremy's tone, and that's when the 'weak in the knees' part of the situation makes itself known.
There's no reason for him to still be standing, so Tyler pulls the metal string to turn off Jeremy's desk lamp, and the room is dark suddenly except for the light of the waxing moon that filters in. As Tyler moves onto the bed his heart is pounding, but he doesn't have that much time to think about it, because before he knows it, Jeremy's lips are on his, coaxing and intoxicating, and he can feel hands all over his chest, and his own hands are on Jeremy's strong back. There is silence, except for the sound of smooth skin sliding against smooth skin, soft murmurs of encouragement, and sighs of satisfaction.
Everything is going fine until Tyler has Jeremy naked and glorious on his back, and he doesn't know what to do. As he kneels on the bed between Jeremy's legs, his panic floods back and he freezes as he looks down, panting, at the beautiful sight of moonlight streaming over the boy's chest.
What does he do now? He doesn't want to hurt him, he's never done this with a guy before. His heart pounds and he feels like an idiot.
His utter loss of what to do in this situation must show on his face, because Jeremy gives a little smile and smooths his hand up Tyler's chest to wrap his fingers around the back of his neck, and pull him down gently. He kisses him softly and smiles against his lips.
"It's okay," he whispers. "It's fine. Just..." He shifts a bit and his hand reaches for something on the nightstand that Tyler hasn't noticed. Jeremy's arm is back and he presses a small bottle into Tyler's hand. "Just... be gentle. You won't hurt me." Tyler buries his face into Jeremy's neck and inhales; the clean smell of shampoo, and soap, and something so inherently Jeremy floods his senses, and it triggers both a sense of calm and excitement inside of him.
As he slips a slick finger into Jeremy, Tyler watches his face closely through heavily lidded eyes. He's feeling more confident now, even more so when he slips another finger in at a certain angle and Jeremy gives a sharp intake of breath and a muttered curse. He tries for the angle again, and after a few more pumps finds it. Jeremy moves his hips down to meet his fingers and his hands tighten on Tyler's shoulders.
Slipping a third finger inside causes a small wince of pain, but Tyler soothes it quickly by finding that spot and massaging it. He's breathing just as heavily as the boy underneath him now, and his lips hover over Jeremy's; he's fascinated by what he sees on Jeremy's face. If he presses on that bundle of nerves gently, Jeremy's breath hitches and his eyelids flutter; harder and he squeezes his eyes shut and bites his bottom lip. But Tyler likes the reaction he gets when he taps on that small part of him the most- when he does, Jeremy's eyes roll to the back of his head and his breathing becomes so labored Tyler is surprised he isn't shouting at how good he feels. At how good Tyler is making him feel. Another surge of power goes through him at the thought, and he throbs.
He stops tapping, and goes back to pumping his fingers in and out slowly. Jeremy's chest is heaving and Tyler smiles deviously against his lips. The glare Jeremy shoots him isn't so effective with mused hair and flushed cheeks. He tightens around Tyler's fingers, and suddenly he can imagine that hot slick hold gripping his cock and the smile is gone, replaced by a determined set of his lips.
He slips his fingers out of Jeremy and his own heavy cock jumps at the sound of displeasure that slips from the boys lips. He finds the small bottle on the bedspread and pours some of the slick liquid into the palm of his hand, slicking himself up quickly before he settles over Jeremy again. The glare is gone; instead he looks a little nervous and Tyler doesn't want that. For some reason the need to have Jeremy feel as safe and comfortable as he possibly can overrides everything else, and Tyler cradles Jeremy's cheek and kisses him deeply as he pushes slowly inside.
There is a muffled moan and Jeremy's back arches, but Tyler keeps his mind off of the temporary discomfort by nipping at his lips and sucking gently on his tongue.
Being inside of Jeremy feels... amazing. Perfect. More than Tyler has ever imagined, could ever imagine. It takes all his might not move right away, instead he waits until Jeremy has adjusted. There are a few moments of stillness in which Tyler squeezes his eyes shut, takes deep breaths, and rests his forehead against Jeremy's while praying for self control. Finally, finally, Jeremy moves his hips up, urging Tyler to move and he lets out his held breath against Jeremy's skin and does.
It feels like being gripped by hot silk; every stroke is quickly pushing Tyler to the edge. Too quickly, but he can't stop moving; every one of his thrusts are met by Jeremy's hips and the sounds Jeremy is making, God, Tyler has never heard anything so fucking sexy in his life.
He's not going to last as long as he wants to (it feels too fucking good), but he can't come before Jeremy - he wants to see him fall apart before he does. He takes ahold of Jeremy's heavy cock and strokes it. Softly at first, but, at the insistent movements of the other boy's hips, his tugs become more and more rough. The hot pulsing of Jeremy around Tyler's dick is driving him crazy and he needs Jeremy to finish, needs to see him let go-
He angles his hips, and pushes in; he twists his fist, and Jeremy lets out a shout, half of which is swallowed by Tyler's mouth, trapped by a tongue against his, and he comes hard. He arches so he's flush against hot skin, and he grips Tyler's hair tightly, and the pain pushes him over the edge ,and Tyler is coming too, emptying into that tight heat so hard and quick that he gets light headed and feels the room spin.
He pulls his lips from Jeremy's - he needs to air. He takes a deep breath, and the room stops spinning, but the light headed feeling prevails. He collapses on top of Jeremy's broad chest and buries his face into his neck again. Jeremy tightens around his softening cock again three or four times quickly, milking him, and the muffled "Fuck!" causes Jeremy to give a breathy laugh, and Tyler knows it's pay back for his teasing earlier.
They don't move for a long while, except for Tyler shifting so only half his body covers Jeremy's. When he does this, he slips out of him, and they both make small sounds of discontent.
Tyler wonders idly if he should move to the other side of the bed fully and give Jeremy his space, but he's too tired to move a muscle. Also, when he feels Jeremy's tentative touch to his hair, the long fingers softly carding through, Tyler assumes he's being asked to stay put.
At least for now.
( Part Nine)
Author: coquilleon
Pairing: Tyler/Jeremy
Based on: TV series
Spoilers: None
Disclaimers: I do not own The Vampire Diaries.
Notes: This chapter is a thank you to creampuffer5 . She gave me a prompt asking if I could show the steady growth of Jeremy and Tyler's relationship; to show how they progressed from their first kiss, to where they are now in the story, and I thought it was a great idea. A little background never hurt anyone. :) Hope you enjoy.
The morning after he first let Jeremy Gilbert kiss him, Tyler is a nervous wreck.
He doesn't remember right away; he wakes up to an alarm he smacks away, he drifts between asleep and awake, and wonders why he's so damn tired in the first place. Then he recalls only getting two hours of sleep because he'd stayed up so late the night before. Sitting in that clearing with a bottle of booze and Gilbert.
Jeremy.
Tyler's eyes fly open at the rush of memories and images, and his heart immediately starts to pound in his chest.
What-
Jeremy's face so close to his that Tyler can count his eyelashes.
He was drunk.
The feel of Jeremy's soft mouth on his own, gently urging them to let him in.
He was drunk. They both were.
The taste of Jeremy's mouth, surprisingly sweet, like he'd just had an apple or a peach.
Both Tyler's heart and stomach jump violently, and he sits up in bed quickly.
He was drunk. They were both drunk, and it didn't mean anything. It didn't matter. But even as he thinks this, his heart gives a strange twist. He ignores it.
Right, so, it meant nothing. Tyler nods to himself as he runs his hand though his hair - Jeremy's hair tickling his cheekbones- and he jumps out of bed to get ready for school.
He'll just walk in. Walk into school like nothing strange happened, like nothing happened at all, and everything will be fine. And if Gilbert brings it up, he'll push him aside; will say he has no idea what he's talking about because Tyler Lockwood is not gay. He's not.
He was drunk.
He jumps into the shower, and scrubs himself raw trying to resist the insane urge to punch the bathroom tiles. But it's hard when he can remember the feel of Jeremy's skin brushing against his, and the look in his eyes right before and right after they kissed. The curve of his mouth when it was turned up in a small relieved smile-
Tyler punches the bathroom wall, and lets out a sound of frustration. He barely winces when the hot water runs over his cut knuckles.
He gets dressed, barely noticing what he's pulling on until he realizes that the shirt he's pulled over his head is the same color Jeremy was wearing last night. He rips it off, and searches for another. Its when he goes to rifle through his dresser that he sees the bottle of whisky sitting on top of the wood.
The nearly full bottle.
He manages not to hurl it at the wall, but just barely.
Tyler sits heavily on the edge of his bed, plants his elbows on his knees, and buries his head in his hands. Maybe he should just stay home; fuck school for today, it's not like it's going anywhere. He scrubs at his face, and sighs deeply.
No. He's not going to hide. Nothing happened, and he's not going to hide form Jeremy Gilbert of all people for nothing. He stands again and finds a black polo shirt to throw on before he grabs his book bag and leaves his house.
He manages to act perfectly natural all day despite the fact that inside he's on pins and needles, expecting to see Jeremy's big frame moving through the hallways. Moving towards him.
But turns out Tyler didn't have to worry because Jeremy isn't there; not that day, or the next day, or the day after that, and by the fourth day Tyler is simultaneously relieved, curious, annoyed, and pissed.
Somehow, during the course of four days alone and ample amount of time to think, Tyler has convinced himself that Gilbert has no right to hide from him. He's the one who started this. How dare he not finish it? And what if Tyler had felt something when they'd kissed? He hadn't of course, but what if he had? What then? Was he supposed to just sit and wait for Jeremy to show up one day and drop the bomb that it was all a mistake?
Because it wasn't; Tyler knows that now. The bottle was more full than empty and that means they were, for the most part, sober. Tyler tries hard not to acknowledge that this means he let Jeremy Gilbert kiss him, but the notion is getting harder and harder to deny.
So when he finally sees Jeremy in the hallway in between fourth and fifth period on Thursday, Tyler has had it up to here with his behavior.
He walks as quickly as he can towards where the other boy is rifling through his locker, (trying not to draw any curious stares with his hurried pace), and when he gets close enough, opens his mouth to say... Well he hasn't thought that far yet. But it doesn't matter that he doesn't know what he's going to say, because when Jeremy catches sight of him, his dark brown eyes light up, and that small smile tilts his lips, and Tyler's step stutters, and his heart gives a funny kind of thud.
It doesn't matter that Tyler doesn't know what he was going to say because the angry words would have died on his lips anyway.
And that's when Tyler Lockwood knows that he's fucked.
=.=
He ends up catching the cold that had Jeremy out for the better part of a week, but he finds himself not caring as much as he should. Especially when Jeremy stops by everyday after school to sit on the end of his bed and just talk to him, or touch his hand briefly and ask what happened to his knuckles.
=..=..=
"How did you feel when your parents died?"
Tyler doesn't look at Jeremy when he asks this. Just stares out into the rippling surface of the lake and waits for the answer.
Jeremy is quiet for such a long time that Tyler wonders if he's pissed him off, or made him so sad that he can't manage to speak, but he can't make himself move his head to look over and see. Finally, he hears Jeremy clear his throat.
"I felt devastated... and lost. And I felt really, really, angry."
Tyler latches on to the last emotion. "Angry at what?"
"At everything." Jeremy's voice is quiet, but the undercurrent of past anger can still be heard, and Tyler feels a brief stab of guilt at asking Jeremy to relive this. But he has to know. "At everyone. At Elena, and my mom and dad. At the fucking bridge. At that night." He lets out a huff of air.
They stay silent for minutes, just the sound of the small waterfall soothing in the background.
"Is it bad that I only feel angry?" Tyler asks suddenly. "That I only feel lost because I never knew what he was building me up to be and he died before he could finish?" He inhales quickly and forces the words out. "That I don't feel devastated that he's gone? That if anything I feel kind of relived? Does that make me a bad person?"
Tyler can feel Jeremy's eyes on him, but he still doesn't turn around to meet his gaze. There's the soft noise of grass being displaced and he's sitting slightly closer to Tyler; the voice he uses is soft enough that it could have easily been carried away if a slight breeze decided to blow. "No."
Tyler lets his eyes fall shut for a moment as he feels a little of the weight on his heart and shoulders lift.
=..=..=
"What are we doing?"
Tyler asks this one evening as they lay on Jeremy's bed watching the color shift from yellow to orange on the ceiling as the sun sets. Soon it'll be dark and the knowledge that he'll be laying in the darkness with a guy he feels... something for prompts him to ask the question.
"Watching the sun set?" Jeremy says half jokingly.
Tyler turns his head away from the high ceiling, and looks out of the window. "You know what I mean," his voice is quiet and serious, and he can feel Jeremy sober up next to him.
His voice is just as quiet when he answers. "I don't know. But... it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to right now." he pauses. "It just ours, no one knows. We don't have to figure it out yet."
The room completes its transition to darkness as Jeremy's words play in his mind.
Ours.
It was theirs.
And his. Jeremy is his.
A burst of something light, and airy, and wonderful flits through Tyler's body at the thought, and he tentatively moves the hand that has been laying so close to Jeremy's. The first brush of skin is hesitant, but when Jeremy's fingers move slightly, but stay where they are, Tyler feels braver. He runs his fingers lightly over the inside of Jeremy's arm and marvels at how soft his skin is; he feels him shiver at his touch and Tyler can't stop the smirk that graces his face.
He moves his hand down so that he can stroke the inside of Jeremy's wrist with his thumb. This time Jeremy lets out a small sound of contentment that sends another wave of feeling rushing through Tyler; this time its so warm and satisfied that for a brief second his heart flips.
His smirk falls into a small smile, and he turns his head to look at Jeremy's profile in the dark.
=..=..=
"How long have you been wanting to kiss me?" Tyler watches as Jeremy's cheeks flush slightly at the question. They haven't brought it up since it happened a little over a month ago, but it's been there. Hovering. When the air gets too still and their faces too close.
They still haven't kissed again.
Jeremy tries to shrug nonchalantly, but the red stain on his face makes it less than convincing. Tyler smirks and Jeremy gets a fire in his eyes.
"Why did you let me kiss you?"
Tyler doesn't answer, and ignores the slight heat stealing across his own face, opting instead to use his controller to gesture towards the television screen and grunting, "Pick your team already."
=..=..=
The second time they kiss, Jeremy is laughing over something Tyler has just said; he can't remember what it is, but he does remember the way Jeremy's eyes crinkled at the sides, and how his mouth looked so wonderful, pulled into a big smile.
Before he can tell himself no, Tyler has put his hand on the nape of Jeremy's neck and is pulling him forward, and their lips are pressed together, and he can feel Jeremy's smile get wider before he slips his fingers into Tyler's hair and kisses back.
=..=..=
Tyler is getting tackled by a team member during a practice when he realizes that the reason why he didn't get out of the way in time is because he was too busy thinking about seeing Jeremy in a few hours. As he lays on the grass, watching the clouds pass by, panting heavily and his body aching, he realizes for the second time, in less than two months, that he's completely fucked when it comes to Jeremy Gilbert.
=..=..=
"You never told me what happened to Anna."
Jeremy's head whips up from his textbook and an odd expression flits over his face. Tyler eyes him and wonders if he's said something wrong. Tyler knows how broken up Jeremy seemed to be after Anna was gone. He remembers because it was right around the time his father died, and he recalls thinking that Jeremy looked more upset about his girlfriend moving away than he did about his father biting the dust. "Jere?"
The expression passes and Jeremy looks down at his book again. "It... just didn't work out. Her mom was moving and she went with her." His voice is tight and controlled, and his eyes aren't moving as he stares at the page.
Tyler doesn't think that this is the whole story, but he leaves it alone anyway.
=..=..=
Their friends and Jeremy's family (Tyler's own mother is more out of the picture now than she was before) notice the shift in his and Jeremy's relationship, and ask a couple questions - "why the sudden change?" "is this some sort of weird joke" - and make a few comments - "you'll be beating each other senseless again," "finally. All the fighting was getting old" - but all in all, it's no big deal. Everyone seems to have their own things to deal with lately, which Tyler is more than grateful for.
=..=..=
The first time Tyler feels Jeremy's large, warm, hand wrap around his cock they're in the backseat of his car, and he lets out a whine that is easily swallowed by Jeremy's mouth. They've been touchy feely lately; it's getting harder and harder to keep their hands off one another. But every time they'd get carried away, be so close to doing what they both want so badly, one boy would pull away, the confusion as to what exactly is going on between them clear in his eyes.
But this time, when Jeremy cautiously puts his hand on Tyler's knee and moves it up slightly every few seconds, as Tyler drives them home, he can't take it anymore.
He makes a few turns, ends up parking near a part of the forest few wander into, and pulls Jeremy to him so fiercely, their teeth clack against each other and Jeremy lets out a muffled moan, before responding enthusiastically. Somehow, they make it to the back seat, and Tyler only notices because when he comes up briefly for air he realizes that the stick shift is no longer pressing into the side of his thigh.
Hands fumble against hands, and fingers get tangled, but when he felt Jeremy wrap his hand around him, all Tyler can think is that he is in heaven. He only comes down long enough to force his hand down Jeremy's jeans and wrap his own fingers around that hard, hot, velvety soft part of him.
Jeremy rips his mouth from Tyler's and his hips snap forward automatically as he buries his face into Tyler's neck. He lets out a sound so deep and breathy it causes Tyler's pulse to quicken even more, and he throbs in Jeremy's grip.
Its fast, and hard, and sweaty, and when Jeremy cups Tyler's jaw with one hand, and bites into his neck to muffle his cries as comes thickly in Tyler's hand, Tyler follows immediately. Their breathing is harsh and takes a while to level out. He feels so fucking good, with Jeremy's weight on him, and the fingers of his free hand are threaded through Jeremy's hair; all he can acknowledge is the bliss running through his veins, and the fogged windows, the latter of which he laughs at weakly before closing his eyes briefly. Eventually, he only ends up moving because his angle in the backseat is starting to make his back ache.
The goodbye kiss Jeremy gives him right outside of his house makes Tyler grin and not give a fuck about who could have seen.
=..=..=
"Do you ever think about Vicki?"
"Sometimes. You."
"Yeah... but probably for a different reason than you do."
Jeremy doesn't elaborate, and Tyler doesn't ask him to. He's got that same look in his eyes that he had when Tyler mentioned Anna.
=..=..=
The first time Jeremy asks Tyler to stay the night starts out like any normal evening. They've done some talking, some homework, and fooling around (which Tyler just can't get enough of, really.) Tyler throws his book bag over one shoulder and is halfway to the door when Jeremy blurts out "You don't have to go. I mean, it's pretty late, and if you don't want to drive... you could stay."
Tyler turns back around to see Jeremy's eyes fixed on his face. His expression seems calm at first glance, but Tyler can see traces of worry, as if he expects Tyler to make a joke, or laugh at him.
"I don't know," Tyler says, slowly. "I'm sure my uncle is probably waiting around for me." Tyler isn't one to really try and get home on time, but there's something about his uncle that makes Tyler want to be extra cautious when he's involved.
"Right." Jeremy looks down at his books, and starts to close them. "No problem. Next time."
Tyler can't help but smile a little at Jeremy as he watches him try to act nonchalant, and that odd warmth spreads through his body again. He thinks for maybe a second before letting the book bag slide off of his shoulder. "But I'm sure it'll be fine."
Jeremy pauses for a moment, but starts gathering books again, avoiding Tyler's gaze. "Are you sure?"
Tyler's smile widens."Yeah, I'm sure."
Jeremy deposits the books on his desk before he turns back to Tyler. "Alright, my clothes are in that dresser. Just take whatever you want. You know where the bathroom is. I'll just go tell Jenna..." He stops his rambling as their eyes linger on each other for a bit too long and finally Jeremy breaks eye contact with a small smile before he brushes past Tyler, to head downstairs to the kitchen.
=..=..=
"I tried to kill myself. After Anna was gone."
Tyler doesn't know why that surprises him as much as it does. Ever since his parents died it's been obvious that Jeremy's been depressed. He'd gotten better for a while, when he started dating Anna, but after she left it seemed as if he'd gotten worse than before.
Tyler supposes what he's actually surprised at the fact that Jeremy chose to tell him at all, let alone in The Grill where anyone could overhear. But Jeremy either doesn't seem to notice, or just doesn't care.
"How?"
"Pills."
"Why?"
"Because," Jeremy fixes his gaze at some unknown spot, and Tyler knows that he's not really looking at anything, but going over the words in his head. He clears his throat, "Because everyone I care about dies... or goes away. It's like everyone I touch disappears, or something bad happens to them, or..." He stops talking and sighs, before looking down at the salt shaker resting in front of them. He lets out a small self-depreciating laugh. "I'm surprised no one has caught on yet; realized that if I care about them the best thing they could do for themselves is stay away."
Tyler doesn't know what to say, but his throat feels tight for a moment before he clears it; he hopes that he's not being presumptuous when he stretches his leg out to press against Jeremy's, trying to tell him without words that he's not going anywhere.
The look in Jeremy's eyes when they flit up to look at Tyler's face, along with the small smile barely visible on his lips. assures him that he's not.
=..=..=
The first time they have sex Tyler is terrified.
He doesn't let on of course; the first thing all Lockwood men learn is to never show fear. Fear is equal to weakness. But Tyler does feel weak - in his knees, in his fluttering chest.
All night the air has carried a mood of difference; something is going to happen, they both know it. They've been quieter as they study on Jeremy's bed; the only kiss they've shared today lingered and Jeremy bumped his nose gently against Tyler's before pulling away. And when Jeremy quietly asks him if he's staying tonight, Tyler just nods.
His heart leaps into his throat when he locks the bedroom door behind him and looks up to see Jeremy settling down on top of the covers in only his navy blue boxer shorts. To hide the sudden rush of heat in his face (which is ridiculous - he's seen Jeremy in nothing but his boxers plenty of times before) he runs the towel roughly through his damp hair, making sure the fabric covers most of his face.
When he finally thinks enough of his blush has disappeared, he throws the towel over a chair, and looks back at Jeremy. He's reclined into the pillows, with his hands behind his head and his eyes fixed on Tyler's body; he didn't bother with anything but a pair of boxers either - it's a warm night.
The pure hunger in Jeremy's eyes causes goosebumps to erupt all over Tyler's skin, and a shiver to run down his spine. To cover it up he gives a cocky smirk, and says jokingly, "like what you see?"
Jeremy's eyes run the length of his body once more. "Yeah," his voice is quiet and intense, and sends a stronger shiver coursing through Tyler's body. He wets his bottom lip, slightly. "Yeah, I do."
The smirk slips slightly at Jeremy's tone, and that's when the 'weak in the knees' part of the situation makes itself known.
There's no reason for him to still be standing, so Tyler pulls the metal string to turn off Jeremy's desk lamp, and the room is dark suddenly except for the light of the waxing moon that filters in. As Tyler moves onto the bed his heart is pounding, but he doesn't have that much time to think about it, because before he knows it, Jeremy's lips are on his, coaxing and intoxicating, and he can feel hands all over his chest, and his own hands are on Jeremy's strong back. There is silence, except for the sound of smooth skin sliding against smooth skin, soft murmurs of encouragement, and sighs of satisfaction.
Everything is going fine until Tyler has Jeremy naked and glorious on his back, and he doesn't know what to do. As he kneels on the bed between Jeremy's legs, his panic floods back and he freezes as he looks down, panting, at the beautiful sight of moonlight streaming over the boy's chest.
What does he do now? He doesn't want to hurt him, he's never done this with a guy before. His heart pounds and he feels like an idiot.
His utter loss of what to do in this situation must show on his face, because Jeremy gives a little smile and smooths his hand up Tyler's chest to wrap his fingers around the back of his neck, and pull him down gently. He kisses him softly and smiles against his lips.
"It's okay," he whispers. "It's fine. Just..." He shifts a bit and his hand reaches for something on the nightstand that Tyler hasn't noticed. Jeremy's arm is back and he presses a small bottle into Tyler's hand. "Just... be gentle. You won't hurt me." Tyler buries his face into Jeremy's neck and inhales; the clean smell of shampoo, and soap, and something so inherently Jeremy floods his senses, and it triggers both a sense of calm and excitement inside of him.
As he slips a slick finger into Jeremy, Tyler watches his face closely through heavily lidded eyes. He's feeling more confident now, even more so when he slips another finger in at a certain angle and Jeremy gives a sharp intake of breath and a muttered curse. He tries for the angle again, and after a few more pumps finds it. Jeremy moves his hips down to meet his fingers and his hands tighten on Tyler's shoulders.
Slipping a third finger inside causes a small wince of pain, but Tyler soothes it quickly by finding that spot and massaging it. He's breathing just as heavily as the boy underneath him now, and his lips hover over Jeremy's; he's fascinated by what he sees on Jeremy's face. If he presses on that bundle of nerves gently, Jeremy's breath hitches and his eyelids flutter; harder and he squeezes his eyes shut and bites his bottom lip. But Tyler likes the reaction he gets when he taps on that small part of him the most- when he does, Jeremy's eyes roll to the back of his head and his breathing becomes so labored Tyler is surprised he isn't shouting at how good he feels. At how good Tyler is making him feel. Another surge of power goes through him at the thought, and he throbs.
He stops tapping, and goes back to pumping his fingers in and out slowly. Jeremy's chest is heaving and Tyler smiles deviously against his lips. The glare Jeremy shoots him isn't so effective with mused hair and flushed cheeks. He tightens around Tyler's fingers, and suddenly he can imagine that hot slick hold gripping his cock and the smile is gone, replaced by a determined set of his lips.
He slips his fingers out of Jeremy and his own heavy cock jumps at the sound of displeasure that slips from the boys lips. He finds the small bottle on the bedspread and pours some of the slick liquid into the palm of his hand, slicking himself up quickly before he settles over Jeremy again. The glare is gone; instead he looks a little nervous and Tyler doesn't want that. For some reason the need to have Jeremy feel as safe and comfortable as he possibly can overrides everything else, and Tyler cradles Jeremy's cheek and kisses him deeply as he pushes slowly inside.
There is a muffled moan and Jeremy's back arches, but Tyler keeps his mind off of the temporary discomfort by nipping at his lips and sucking gently on his tongue.
Being inside of Jeremy feels... amazing. Perfect. More than Tyler has ever imagined, could ever imagine. It takes all his might not move right away, instead he waits until Jeremy has adjusted. There are a few moments of stillness in which Tyler squeezes his eyes shut, takes deep breaths, and rests his forehead against Jeremy's while praying for self control. Finally, finally, Jeremy moves his hips up, urging Tyler to move and he lets out his held breath against Jeremy's skin and does.
It feels like being gripped by hot silk; every stroke is quickly pushing Tyler to the edge. Too quickly, but he can't stop moving; every one of his thrusts are met by Jeremy's hips and the sounds Jeremy is making, God, Tyler has never heard anything so fucking sexy in his life.
He's not going to last as long as he wants to (it feels too fucking good), but he can't come before Jeremy - he wants to see him fall apart before he does. He takes ahold of Jeremy's heavy cock and strokes it. Softly at first, but, at the insistent movements of the other boy's hips, his tugs become more and more rough. The hot pulsing of Jeremy around Tyler's dick is driving him crazy and he needs Jeremy to finish, needs to see him let go-
He angles his hips, and pushes in; he twists his fist, and Jeremy lets out a shout, half of which is swallowed by Tyler's mouth, trapped by a tongue against his, and he comes hard. He arches so he's flush against hot skin, and he grips Tyler's hair tightly, and the pain pushes him over the edge ,and Tyler is coming too, emptying into that tight heat so hard and quick that he gets light headed and feels the room spin.
He pulls his lips from Jeremy's - he needs to air. He takes a deep breath, and the room stops spinning, but the light headed feeling prevails. He collapses on top of Jeremy's broad chest and buries his face into his neck again. Jeremy tightens around his softening cock again three or four times quickly, milking him, and the muffled "Fuck!" causes Jeremy to give a breathy laugh, and Tyler knows it's pay back for his teasing earlier.
They don't move for a long while, except for Tyler shifting so only half his body covers Jeremy's. When he does this, he slips out of him, and they both make small sounds of discontent.
Tyler wonders idly if he should move to the other side of the bed fully and give Jeremy his space, but he's too tired to move a muscle. Also, when he feels Jeremy's tentative touch to his hair, the long fingers softly carding through, Tyler assumes he's being asked to stay put.
At least for now.
( Part Nine)