dear journal : for once
so i need to talk.
i need to talk to someone.
anyone.
mostly myself.
has anyone ever pointed out things they see as flaws?
and you have to question their motives.
why are they telling me all these things are wrong with me.
especially when it is someone you love and care about.
and they claim to love and care about you.
someone has made many accusations against me.
i am self centered.
rude.
moody.
things are always black or white with me.
i dont compromise.
blah blah blah.
most of the time i want to cry when people say these things.
i tried to be mature about it.
i said i would compromise.
i appologized.
i got treated as if i were a stranger.
someone not cared about.
my appology didnt count.
to many times we just tear each other down.
i choose to not point out flaws.
that wasnt what i was there for.
i was there cause i wanted to hang out and spend time with someone i love and care about more than anything.
i wasnt there to start a fight.
but thats what i got.
it sucked.
complete opposite of what i wanted to happen.
so i called people i have supposedly offended and appoliogized to them.
they werent upset.
they didnt expect and appology i assume.
they thought i was jokeing.
which i was.
so as i was being treated as if i was invisible i got passed by.
he went out the door.
left on his bike.
thats how it was.
i went to the person i supposedly offended house to watch a movie.
then i went back to his house.
it was hell.
sleeping in the same bed but not touching at all the whole night.
i had horrible dreams about our relatonship.
by morning it seemed nothing had changed.
i kissed him on his cheek trying not to wake him.
he told me goodbye and he would call later.
and he loved me.
maybe out of habit.
now im here wondering what to do.
i sent him a text.
no reply.
guess i am waitng for something.
anything.
i need to talk to someone.
anyone.
mostly myself.
has anyone ever pointed out things they see as flaws?
and you have to question their motives.
why are they telling me all these things are wrong with me.
especially when it is someone you love and care about.
and they claim to love and care about you.
someone has made many accusations against me.
i am self centered.
rude.
moody.
things are always black or white with me.
i dont compromise.
blah blah blah.
most of the time i want to cry when people say these things.
i tried to be mature about it.
i said i would compromise.
i appologized.
i got treated as if i were a stranger.
someone not cared about.
my appology didnt count.
to many times we just tear each other down.
i choose to not point out flaws.
that wasnt what i was there for.
i was there cause i wanted to hang out and spend time with someone i love and care about more than anything.
i wasnt there to start a fight.
but thats what i got.
it sucked.
complete opposite of what i wanted to happen.
so i called people i have supposedly offended and appoliogized to them.
they werent upset.
they didnt expect and appology i assume.
they thought i was jokeing.
which i was.
so as i was being treated as if i was invisible i got passed by.
he went out the door.
left on his bike.
thats how it was.
i went to the person i supposedly offended house to watch a movie.
then i went back to his house.
it was hell.
sleeping in the same bed but not touching at all the whole night.
i had horrible dreams about our relatonship.
by morning it seemed nothing had changed.
i kissed him on his cheek trying not to wake him.
he told me goodbye and he would call later.
and he loved me.
maybe out of habit.
now im here wondering what to do.
i sent him a text.
no reply.
guess i am waitng for something.
anything.