LJ Idol Exhibit A (Second Chance), Round 6: "Can't Get There From Here"
Stupid Ocean!
Skype chat transcript, September 24th, 6pm PST
Mike: So when can I expect this cake you're baking me to show up in the mail?
Katie: You'll have to give me your address first.
Mike: Oh yeah, that minor detail. [gives address in San Mateo, CA, USA]
Katie: Does it need to be written in that specific format?
Mike: Pretty much.
Mike: So how would I write your address?
Katie: Sneaky... [gives address in West Midlands, UK]
So, of course, I did what anyone who's made a good friend in a faraway land does, and asked Google Maps to take me from point A to point B.
Apparently, they have fixed the algorithm such that it can't take you from one landmass to another. However, this is before that bug was fixed, and hence the good folks at Google were more than happy to give me directions for how to get across the ocean.
One slight problem: They sent me across the wrong one.
The suggested route from just south of San Francisco to just north of Birmingham took me to Seattle, Honolulu (by sailboat), the northern tip of Japan (by kayak), across the entirety of Japan, and over the South China Sea (by jetski). And that was just to the point where I could actually use a car.
After that, I'd have to continue across China and Mongolia into Russia, then travel west for about eight thousand miles--mirroring the path of the Trans-Siberian Railroad--before finally reaching mainland Europe. Once there, I would then have to navigate across several more countries, finally reaching the Chunnel, before making my way via the M-roads to Katie's house.
All told, the journey would span approximately 17,000 miles, take 28 days, and likely break the laws of at least a half-dozen countries.
Don't get me wrong: It would be an epic journey. It includes several places I've always wanted to visit, and I do want to ride the Trans-Siberian Railroad someday. But seriously, couldn't Google Maps have figured out a way to get to New York and kayak across the Atlantic?
Skype chat transcript, September 28th, 5:30pm PST
Mike: I don't understand this. If the Atlantic Ocean was good enough for the Pilgrims, it's good enough for me!
Katie: Plus, how much would it cost in fuel to drive across Russia?
Mike: There is that. Plus, how would I fit a sailboat, kayak, and jetski in my car?
Katie: And then fit the car in the sailboat.
Mike: Good point.
Katie: In other news, I've been trying to find out if it's legal to ship cake into America...
Eventually, I gave up on this idea and hopped on a plane. The rest, as they say, is history. (Though I'm still waiting on that cake.)