"I want my heart back"
I now understand why people buy a plot in the cemetery before they are dying... wishful thinking. It shouldn't be too costly for me since I have so many people volunteering to dig me an early grave. I have a "career" as a Loss Prevention Specialist at Lowe's; quite possibly the most depressing job I could've taken. I once excelled at what I did, but as reality has slowly set in, I have lost my motivation. They spend so much time hyping you and telling you how imporant you are, but the deceit is unbelievable. They are hiding the truth: no one cares. Normally, I don't let these facts bother me, but worthlessness eventually took a toll on my spirit. I have felt like my life is a waste because I'm not making a difference in anything I do. Tonight, I felt especially bad. I was glad to get home because I thought I could talk to the one person that was on my mind. But I quickly suspected she didn't care to hear what I had to say. We were chatting on AIM. Before I really got started, she said bye. Then as I sat there wondering what I must have done wrong, she returned only to say, "I want my heart back." I came home feeling as though I was worthless, now I sit here knowing that I am. Now before the relationship could really take off, it has been shot down; like a fighter jet bombed on the runway. As most people at the end of a relationship, I can't help to feel like it's my fault. What did I do to deserve this? How did I bring this upon myself? Why is it that I must feel this way? I know she is going to read this.
I've been in relationships before, and all have ended the same way: I devoted all my feelings for the other person, while they go out and find someone else; someone they feel is better. Oddly enough, they don't seem to be with this "better person" for long, then they make contact with me again and want to be friends... or more. And after experiencing the lies, deceit, and excuses at the end of those relationships, I can't help but wonder if "she" ended this relationship to free herself up for the next guy she had in mind. If she did, then she does not realize her mistake. I used to imagine what a life with her could be like while I was drifting off to sleep in my bed...
I've lost all motivation to do anything tonight. I think there was more I was going to add to this post, but I don't remember what it was. I don't even care to expense the energy to remember what it was. Hopefully, I will be able to get out of bed in the morning. Good night.
I've been in relationships before, and all have ended the same way: I devoted all my feelings for the other person, while they go out and find someone else; someone they feel is better. Oddly enough, they don't seem to be with this "better person" for long, then they make contact with me again and want to be friends... or more. And after experiencing the lies, deceit, and excuses at the end of those relationships, I can't help but wonder if "she" ended this relationship to free herself up for the next guy she had in mind. If she did, then she does not realize her mistake. I used to imagine what a life with her could be like while I was drifting off to sleep in my bed...
I've lost all motivation to do anything tonight. I think there was more I was going to add to this post, but I don't remember what it was. I don't even care to expense the energy to remember what it was. Hopefully, I will be able to get out of bed in the morning. Good night.