A failed attempt...
I recently found a file on my computer. At one point, I tried to keep a private journal on my hard drive that no one else could read. I only ever managed to make one entry... This is that entry. It's amazing how little things have changed.
10/27/2003 9:30pm.
So here I am thinking about all my problems again. I have no motivation to do anything. I sit around thinking about everything I don’t like about myself and imagine things being so much better. I do nothing to work towards my goals; my completely possible yet somehow unreachable goals. I’m letting myself get distracted by television again. I always do this. I feel a certain way and want to do something about it, then I get involved in something else and let it all go. I let it go and then it comes back someday… and I want to do something about it, then I get distracted and let it go. I don’t understand how I can do this to myself? Is it normal?? Why did I feel motivated to do this until I started? Do I always turn my back on important things like this? I have no motivation to finish what I start. And I’m a total hypocrite. I always want things to be perfect. I am writing this, which no one else is supposed to read, and I’m making sure all the spelling and grammar are perfect. I’m worrying about losing my job. I’m thinking now about all the things I can do to fix the problems at work, but by the time I get there, I won’t have the motivation to do anything. I can’t continue with this, I’m far too distracted. Maybe it’s because I’m not getting nearly enough sleep at night. I will have to come back to this when I am in more of a thinking mood.
10/27/2003 9:30pm.
So here I am thinking about all my problems again. I have no motivation to do anything. I sit around thinking about everything I don’t like about myself and imagine things being so much better. I do nothing to work towards my goals; my completely possible yet somehow unreachable goals. I’m letting myself get distracted by television again. I always do this. I feel a certain way and want to do something about it, then I get involved in something else and let it all go. I let it go and then it comes back someday… and I want to do something about it, then I get distracted and let it go. I don’t understand how I can do this to myself? Is it normal?? Why did I feel motivated to do this until I started? Do I always turn my back on important things like this? I have no motivation to finish what I start. And I’m a total hypocrite. I always want things to be perfect. I am writing this, which no one else is supposed to read, and I’m making sure all the spelling and grammar are perfect. I’m worrying about losing my job. I’m thinking now about all the things I can do to fix the problems at work, but by the time I get there, I won’t have the motivation to do anything. I can’t continue with this, I’m far too distracted. Maybe it’s because I’m not getting nearly enough sleep at night. I will have to come back to this when I am in more of a thinking mood.