To the point. But hardly concise.
Today, I am going to rant about: Listerine. It is a horrible, horrible thing to put in your mouth. Sure, it cleans your mouth really well. But it sucks, really badly. Here's a motion-through-motion list of what happens when one decides to use Listerine. For the sake of better visualization, I used the spearmint one.
1. You pour a cap full of the stuff. Heck, the colour's actually quite pretty! You might even be compelled to sniff it! Go ahead. Sniff it!
2. Poor, senseless fool. As instructed, you pour the contents of the cap into your mouth. Well what do you know, it's quite good!
3. Again, I stress that you should not be fooled by the pretty colour! Don't! While you are still in some foreign planet thinking about the nice minty flavour in your mouth, that's when it strikes! The Listerine monster attacks inside your mouth! It betrays you! Stabs you in the back!
4. Your mouth feels a horrible pain! It's shocking, that such a pretty liquid would do that! As you reach for the bottle with the instructions, your eyes fall upon the line 'Gargle for 30 seconds'. You look at your watch, oh no! It's only been 8 seconds! Everything in your mouth feels tight, like someone is stabbing bits of it! Yet you have to endure another 22 seconds! I TOLD YOU LISTERINE WAS CRAFTY!
5. During the next twenty odd seconds you experience more pain! Your eyes start to tear, and it feels like Listerine is coming out through your sockets! It burns, doesn't it? THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT LISTENING TO ADVICE, FOOLS.
6. At last! Time's up! You hurry to spit it out, down the drain. As your face is rather near the sink, you can hear a hiss down the pipes. The hissing voice goes 'we'll get you next time!'. It's over! It's finally over! And I swear, the feeling's better than when the O levels ended! FOR LISTERINE IS EE-VILLE
And that is why you should never bother with Listerine.
I AM EVIL MUAHAHAHAHA
1. You pour a cap full of the stuff. Heck, the colour's actually quite pretty! You might even be compelled to sniff it! Go ahead. Sniff it!
2. Poor, senseless fool. As instructed, you pour the contents of the cap into your mouth. Well what do you know, it's quite good!
3. Again, I stress that you should not be fooled by the pretty colour! Don't! While you are still in some foreign planet thinking about the nice minty flavour in your mouth, that's when it strikes! The Listerine monster attacks inside your mouth! It betrays you! Stabs you in the back!
4. Your mouth feels a horrible pain! It's shocking, that such a pretty liquid would do that! As you reach for the bottle with the instructions, your eyes fall upon the line 'Gargle for 30 seconds'. You look at your watch, oh no! It's only been 8 seconds! Everything in your mouth feels tight, like someone is stabbing bits of it! Yet you have to endure another 22 seconds! I TOLD YOU LISTERINE WAS CRAFTY!
5. During the next twenty odd seconds you experience more pain! Your eyes start to tear, and it feels like Listerine is coming out through your sockets! It burns, doesn't it? THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT LISTENING TO ADVICE, FOOLS.
6. At last! Time's up! You hurry to spit it out, down the drain. As your face is rather near the sink, you can hear a hiss down the pipes. The hissing voice goes 'we'll get you next time!'. It's over! It's finally over! And I swear, the feeling's better than when the O levels ended! FOR LISTERINE IS EE-VILLE
And that is why you should never bother with Listerine.
I AM EVIL MUAHAHAHAHA