where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart.
I find it kind of funny and sad that while I have lost being close with one friend (because he is shit at balancing things), I am becoming closer with another guy friend of mine. I don't think we've talked like this in a very long time.
I had a feeling he cared a lot more for his ex than he thought he did. I believe I am correct, that she probably thinks like me, and that is that she is hoping he'll try. He's not going to give up, and I'm happy for that, because I know it's what I always wished for. He also told her he loves her, which is good. I had wished to hear it rather than hear myself say it aloud. It means so much more, instead I'm left in doubt of that even. BUT, all things aside, I think he can get her back.
Support support. That's what friends are for, eh (hanging out with Canadians too much)? indeed!
I am also quite glad my new friends are over the whole weed thing. It absolutely drove me nuts, and I feel like an ass, but should've been said and done with at 19. A waste of time, and I was tired of feeling like I was fighting for time with people with it around. I also don't like the people associated with it. Well, the type of person they are, don't get me wrong, they could be nice, and probably are, but I just don't NEED people of that low moral standard and immaturity around me anymore. I'm in a different stage of my life, and just...yea, don't need it.
I just sound so hoity toity, don't I?
Hopefully, I am not too bitchy flat out if this friend ever bothers to find the time to get back to his friends. I can only try so many times before I'm just frank with you.
I want some of the old, stronger me (tough girl ain't got no feelings, lmao) to combine with now, I think it would be a perfect balance. I think I can achieve it again. I was able to do it with the Joe situation, though that still hurts somewhat. Fucker. I am such a sucker for hoping things could work out as they were in the past, especially seeing it still alive with my other friends.
It's kind of funny some of my friends are so surprised at how well I adapted/am doing. PSHH. dur. It's like pledging, got no choice.
It'll be fun to see how I come back home, personality wise, for Christmas. I'll probably be the same exact me. Just same ol' Betta. As much as my aggravation always pushes me to feel like changing, I just suck at it. I can't. I don't have it in me. LOL, I must sound so ridiculous right now. THAT'S right, I want to be a bitch, and a whore, and not give a fuck, and I can kind of do the not give a fuck (kind of! but even then, I got yelled at for caring/worrying the other night), but not the other two...I guess that's a good thing. Karma can be the bitch instead. (Not that I'm even sure I believe in that).
"So here I am, I'm taking my first step
Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself
I kinda like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm gonna make it past the very start
It's always been the hardest part
But I, I, I, I, I'm gonna stay in control
I must admit this crutch is getting old
I am gonna throw it right out of my hand
I'm finally here, I understand
I know I'll get there on my own"
I had a feeling he cared a lot more for his ex than he thought he did. I believe I am correct, that she probably thinks like me, and that is that she is hoping he'll try. He's not going to give up, and I'm happy for that, because I know it's what I always wished for. He also told her he loves her, which is good. I had wished to hear it rather than hear myself say it aloud. It means so much more, instead I'm left in doubt of that even. BUT, all things aside, I think he can get her back.
Support support. That's what friends are for, eh (hanging out with Canadians too much)? indeed!
I am also quite glad my new friends are over the whole weed thing. It absolutely drove me nuts, and I feel like an ass, but should've been said and done with at 19. A waste of time, and I was tired of feeling like I was fighting for time with people with it around. I also don't like the people associated with it. Well, the type of person they are, don't get me wrong, they could be nice, and probably are, but I just don't NEED people of that low moral standard and immaturity around me anymore. I'm in a different stage of my life, and just...yea, don't need it.
I just sound so hoity toity, don't I?
Hopefully, I am not too bitchy flat out if this friend ever bothers to find the time to get back to his friends. I can only try so many times before I'm just frank with you.
I want some of the old, stronger me (tough girl ain't got no feelings, lmao) to combine with now, I think it would be a perfect balance. I think I can achieve it again. I was able to do it with the Joe situation, though that still hurts somewhat. Fucker. I am such a sucker for hoping things could work out as they were in the past, especially seeing it still alive with my other friends.
It's kind of funny some of my friends are so surprised at how well I adapted/am doing. PSHH. dur. It's like pledging, got no choice.
It'll be fun to see how I come back home, personality wise, for Christmas. I'll probably be the same exact me. Just same ol' Betta. As much as my aggravation always pushes me to feel like changing, I just suck at it. I can't. I don't have it in me. LOL, I must sound so ridiculous right now. THAT'S right, I want to be a bitch, and a whore, and not give a fuck, and I can kind of do the not give a fuck (kind of! but even then, I got yelled at for caring/worrying the other night), but not the other two...I guess that's a good thing. Karma can be the bitch instead. (Not that I'm even sure I believe in that).
"So here I am, I'm taking my first step
Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself
I kinda like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm gonna make it past the very start
It's always been the hardest part
But I, I, I, I, I'm gonna stay in control
I must admit this crutch is getting old
I am gonna throw it right out of my hand
I'm finally here, I understand
I know I'll get there on my own"