nail.
About a month ago, Marc and I were having one of our rare actual conversations. I say actual because through kik, it gets difficult and tedious to explain your life and have lengthy conversations, as it's basically text. And he sucks at Skype dates, and I suck at Skype when I don't have a date.
In it, I had told him Glenn had started answering my questions, but had stopped once I suggested that he gave up.
To this, he replied, why do you want these answers. What questions do you have. As well as, no one likes being told they've given up or admitting it.
Feeling frustrated, and like very few people get it, I said, "He was my best friend, Marc. I don't know. That should've meant something. Best friends wouldn't give up, and neither does love."
He calmed down a bit on attacking me and said, "Ah, I get it. The final nail in the coffin."
"YES!" I exclaimed. I think I deserve at least that. "I just want to kill this fucking lingering hope that things will change."
Marc said, "Well, that never goes away, let me tell you that."
Thinking about it, I remarked that what happened with my ex and I and his and his ex wasn't too different. On the whole that is. His ex didn't cheat on him and go back to the past and bring it into the future, but his ex broke up with him and essentially gave up on them. It's a harsh feeling. He said he feels like if they give up they never loved you really, because if they loved you they wouldn't give up. That or they're scared and don't know how or want to fight for it.
The only time when I got slightly testy was when he remarked that my ex was not a good person and I'm much better off without him. I don't like slating people, and I wasn't sitting there slating his ex.
Nonetheless, on the overall, it seems like many people find it difficult to understand why I need this. I want closure, I deserve it. Why I can't be okay with it.
We were best friends, friends, and significant others, or X^3 was the referral of him two years ago. Those first two should've meant/should mean enough in themselves for it. And it's hard to get over the past, when it's still in the PRESENT in my face, and I was the one that got slated, while the mistake is still there.
People tell me I've learned from it. I don't know what I've learned. I still care the same, which is what got me screwed in the first place. I'm still nice, which had me make errors, and has me still asking friends how he is, even though I'm damn sure he never asked/asks them how I am. Maybe that people aren't worth your time and trying and fighting for? Aren't worth forgiveness or allowed to make mistakes... Even then...
While I'm not sure what I've learned from it, it was nice finally talk to someone on a level of understanding and getting why I'm frustrated with not having my answers. For once.
This also was written better in my head, and was going somewhere more definitively a month ago. :T