rejection.
As I looked around for jobs, I realized a BS in Biology was not really getting me anywhere I wanted to be. Bachelor's are becoming so common, all my friends and I, who had not intended on going to graduate school, found ourselves looking into programs, and applying. I, if you didn't know, looked into programs in Wildlife Biology and Conservation. My chances, I knew, weren't too high, as my classes were mostly Genetics based and I went on a whole different track entering undergraduate.
I remember telling my parents what I was looking into, and my father going, "You living or working in somewhere like Montana, I don't see it. Home, home on the range..." I applied, regardless, I was used to my parents' apathy about me following a science career. They've always been skeptical, as science is not my strong suit. When my grades started slipping, I heard I told you sos. When I graduated, and found out I had to take a summer class, more "I told you so", "You shouldn't have done this." OR, my favorite, "You were second in your class in high school, what happened?"
I saw that one coming from miles away. The arguments got so frustrating and heated, my parents bet I wouldn't even get an A in my Bio class in the summer. I proved them wrong, all the while leaving them out of my personal life. Last thing I needed them to know was that I let stupid personal things affect me, which I refused to do again.
I looked at all the schools, and applied. I also saw there was a program in Scotland, and the application was free. I started it, but the stopped, letting myself be ruled by my fears temporarily of going so far away, and a relationship, which I only admitted to one or two friends. Null. I wound up making myself doing it, because it was so stupid to put my life on hold for people, plus they will always be there when I come back. I got in.
I got rejected from SUNY ESF, and it stung, like when my Yale rejection stung, although I still and never had a "dream" school. My father surprised me, though, telling me, "Don't let a rejection from a school you don't even need to be at deter you."
It meant a lot to me, to know they felt this way, and how excited my mom was for me over Scotland. It's still a big leap, but the campus looks gorgeous, and I've been yearning to go to Scotland forever, and was super bummed when my parents told me I couldn't do study abroad there. Additionally, the Master's program is only a year there - three trimesters, and I could potentially visit my sister in Milan, and my mom's friends in the Netherlands.
Rejection always stings, and it's a part of life, but like they say, "When you're going through hell, just keep going."
As Michele told me, be the Betta only you can be. Go to Scotland, don't worry about all those who are confused in your life. You know what you want. I gotta' find her, that Betta, the one who was so fearless and determined back in high school, and early college. She's somewhere, and I think I'm starting to find her again...~