best night.
All I had been hoping for was a bunch of fun nights out when I was home. That's all. Except I didn't want to plan them. But waiting on my friends to do it was a shame. There came a point where I got annoyed because someone asked why I was doing something, and I wanted to shout BECAUSE THEY'RE MAKING PLANS WITH ME. It's not me having to seek them out.
I told my friends I would be back in November next, I told them when I was home, that's all I wanted to do.
It's funny, because, in the end, one of the last nights out that I tried to do again (after Mark attempted to do it for me, which I was so grateful for), was the best night home. In a way better than New Year's and in a way, better than my birthday.
We went to the Black Dog Grill on Forest Ave, and more people came than I thought would at last minute. It was followed by me buying drinks for my friends. I bought them for everyone, even the ex even though he gave it to Chris, because I more left it on the table than handed it to him and said, Cheers. This was promptly followed by a STOP CARING from a Leigh-Ann.
Hey, when's the next time I'm going to buy my friends drinks? A long time from now considering I'm fairly certain no one is visiting me.
Observing everyone, all problems aside, it was like old times. I don't care how many times people tell me things have changed and everything's different and I'm a person of the past - they yearn for it too and enjoy it. So fuck off. They had just as grand a time as I was having - I know because I watched their faces.
For that night, in that moment - nothing mattered: it didn't matter that I was leaving for 10 months, it didn't matter that Chris has sucked at being a good friend to everyone, it didn't matter that Glenn and I are still unresolved, it didn't matter that we are thinking of the future, it didn't matter that we are young and don't really have our lives together yet, it didn't matter that I was sad and scared once again of leaving. Nothing, nothing mattered.
We drank, we talked as we always used to. I was confronted again in a typical way of Why are you mad at me? Well, isn't it good you don't care anymore? (No, not really, it means our friendship is shitty). and followed later by, It really hurts that you don't care anymore. Think about it, if I didn't care, would I be mad?
I was texted dumb texts and a friend was told to convince me to play something, as it always was in the past, like with soup cup.
Then I was told if I didn't really care, I would dance. I looked at it, and continued my conversation, and drank some more, then went out and danced. Fuck it like. I don't really care anymore. And I danced like an ass, I danced like they danced here, and so did most of the group.
And it was like any night before we had owned together. Drunk, dancing like fools, with fools, not giving a fuck if people were watching us, and they were because we did look like idiots and it's impossible to not be noticed with Chris around. We hopped up and down and for that moment, if only that night, all was as it was.
And it was beautiful, because it does show, that at the end of the day, things can be as they were.
As Marc suggested, maybe it's a sign of better things to come, or maybe it's a sign that we will all always find each other. Maybe too optimistic, but it was cute.
Anyway, we owned the night. And it was the best, and one, like any other night at a lounge, at Park or wherever we used to go, that forever is held in my heart.
Suck on change, and growing. We are still, in the end, the same and think what you want of me, I don't care anymore.
It reminded me of nights like this and possibly looked like it:
I told my friends I would be back in November next, I told them when I was home, that's all I wanted to do.
It's funny, because, in the end, one of the last nights out that I tried to do again (after Mark attempted to do it for me, which I was so grateful for), was the best night home. In a way better than New Year's and in a way, better than my birthday.
We went to the Black Dog Grill on Forest Ave, and more people came than I thought would at last minute. It was followed by me buying drinks for my friends. I bought them for everyone, even the ex even though he gave it to Chris, because I more left it on the table than handed it to him and said, Cheers. This was promptly followed by a STOP CARING from a Leigh-Ann.
Hey, when's the next time I'm going to buy my friends drinks? A long time from now considering I'm fairly certain no one is visiting me.
Observing everyone, all problems aside, it was like old times. I don't care how many times people tell me things have changed and everything's different and I'm a person of the past - they yearn for it too and enjoy it. So fuck off. They had just as grand a time as I was having - I know because I watched their faces.
For that night, in that moment - nothing mattered: it didn't matter that I was leaving for 10 months, it didn't matter that Chris has sucked at being a good friend to everyone, it didn't matter that Glenn and I are still unresolved, it didn't matter that we are thinking of the future, it didn't matter that we are young and don't really have our lives together yet, it didn't matter that I was sad and scared once again of leaving. Nothing, nothing mattered.
We drank, we talked as we always used to. I was confronted again in a typical way of Why are you mad at me? Well, isn't it good you don't care anymore? (No, not really, it means our friendship is shitty). and followed later by, It really hurts that you don't care anymore. Think about it, if I didn't care, would I be mad?
I was texted dumb texts and a friend was told to convince me to play something, as it always was in the past, like with soup cup.
Then I was told if I didn't really care, I would dance. I looked at it, and continued my conversation, and drank some more, then went out and danced. Fuck it like. I don't really care anymore. And I danced like an ass, I danced like they danced here, and so did most of the group.
And it was like any night before we had owned together. Drunk, dancing like fools, with fools, not giving a fuck if people were watching us, and they were because we did look like idiots and it's impossible to not be noticed with Chris around. We hopped up and down and for that moment, if only that night, all was as it was.
And it was beautiful, because it does show, that at the end of the day, things can be as they were.
As Marc suggested, maybe it's a sign of better things to come, or maybe it's a sign that we will all always find each other. Maybe too optimistic, but it was cute.
Anyway, we owned the night. And it was the best, and one, like any other night at a lounge, at Park or wherever we used to go, that forever is held in my heart.
Suck on change, and growing. We are still, in the end, the same and think what you want of me, I don't care anymore.
It reminded me of nights like this and possibly looked like it: