A lot of updating!
I've got a bit to talk about so... CUTS AWAY!
Ok, good news first is that I told my mom about failing Mustang Daily and SHE DIDN'T GET MAD AT ME! AT ALL!
Oh that was wonderful... I really really really dreaded her reaction, but she was simply surprised that I was doing so poorly and rather insensitive about the fact that I was depressed. I couldn't explain it well to her and so she laid the guilt trip on me about being a privileged kid and other people having it MUCH worse off.
That being said, the utter relief of getting that over with has made me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Much much better than I have in months. I still feel guilty and ashamed that I did so poorly with a class I have passed before, but now I don't feel like I've utterly disappointed my mother and that I've been keeping this horrible secret from her. Plus, my editor at Tokyopop said she would love to have me back for an internship.
So pretty much, I just have the stress of getting all the paperwork done before I leave for Columbia. That is going to SUCK ASS because the guy who oversees internships at Tokyopop is in Japan for an unknown amount of time and my editor is also there until the 8th. I need their approval and possible signatures and input on stuff, so that could get bad because school ends on the 11th and I think my department has limited services that day (aka my department head/advisor isn't there.)
Plus I might need to get the teacher from the Mustang Daily involved because he's kind of the internship coordinator for the department. I hate him and I've been skipping classes so... AWKWARD. -GULP- I am not sure what to tell him because he's a real hard-ass.
So my blog, All About Comics, has actually been going REALLY WELL for me. I've been steadily increasing in my page views and thanks to a recent scandal, I've gotten a LOT of attention lately. Plus I just posted a shojo manga gift guide for the holidays. Check it out. I pretty much moved my other blog, The Manga Cliche Review, there because I really like WordPress a lot better than Blogger. Anyway... this whole blogging thing I've been doing is AMAZING for me. It's been the only thing I've truly enjoyed doing (other than hanging out with awesome people) for the ENTIRE QUARTER. I've learned so much from it and from the classes that I've taken with Professor Leach (the guy who made me start the blog for one of his classes.) I feel so in-tune with the internet and all it's possibilities. I feel like I could do so much with this stuff, potentially. It's just a matter of working at it because on the internet you almost always start at zero
I hope you all enjoy my blog and support me in this. It would really mean SO MUCH to me if you did.
So the last time Tamar came up to visit me was Halloween weekend. I did get to see him on Monday, but since he had to go to work the next day, I only saw him that evening. NOT THE SAME AS AN ENTIRE WEEKEND TOGETHER. I also saw him for approximately three hours on Thanksgiving and I'll see him on Sunday, but I just know he's going to be so busy with moving that he won't have much time for me. T__T Then, when he comes to SLO for my graduation, I'll be spending much of the time with my parents as well and a lot of time will be spent moving out of the dorms too. Then I leave for Columbia a few days later for two and a half weeks and I won't get to see him because he'll be working that week. So all-in-all I've gotten almost no alone time with him since October and I won't really get any good solid alone time with him until January. TWO WHOLE MONTHS OF ALMOST NO ALONE TIME WITH TAMAR DOESN'T SIT RIGHT WITH ME!!!
If these were normal months, he would have seen me 4-6 times during this period!! I am having such bad withdrawals because for a small period during the deep deep depths of my depression, I just felt so horrible that I doubted a lot of things about our relationship. I even thought he was ignoring me a lot and that he didn't love me any more and that we weren't going to work out! I know he's been super busy and he did admit to ignoring me a little, but it's all been talked about and fixed. It's just STILL not right until I get to see him for a good chunk of time and really feel it.
Ugh. It makes me realize how much I depend on him to help me relax and enjoy life a little more. He really makes me feel a lot more whole inside. Man, I didn't even mean to be one of those kinds of girls whose emotional states hang on their relationships, but in a lot of ways I feel like I have GOOD REASON to do so. I'd love to spend the rest of my life with Tamar. It's not like we have to get married with Tamar ASAP, I am totally willing to wait for that kind of thing. It's just that: I really have the patience to wait for that right time. I was NOT that patient before. I totally made my previous boyfriend promise we'd get engaged after I graduated college before either of us had graduated college. (In my defense, he was a player and I was trying to lock-in our relationship. Plus that was almost 5 whole years ago and I've changed.)
I will shut up about relationship drama now. Sorry if you actually read through all that. o_o
Ok, good news first is that I told my mom about failing Mustang Daily and SHE DIDN'T GET MAD AT ME! AT ALL!
Oh that was wonderful... I really really really dreaded her reaction, but she was simply surprised that I was doing so poorly and rather insensitive about the fact that I was depressed. I couldn't explain it well to her and so she laid the guilt trip on me about being a privileged kid and other people having it MUCH worse off.
That being said, the utter relief of getting that over with has made me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Much much better than I have in months. I still feel guilty and ashamed that I did so poorly with a class I have passed before, but now I don't feel like I've utterly disappointed my mother and that I've been keeping this horrible secret from her. Plus, my editor at Tokyopop said she would love to have me back for an internship.
So pretty much, I just have the stress of getting all the paperwork done before I leave for Columbia. That is going to SUCK ASS because the guy who oversees internships at Tokyopop is in Japan for an unknown amount of time and my editor is also there until the 8th. I need their approval and possible signatures and input on stuff, so that could get bad because school ends on the 11th and I think my department has limited services that day (aka my department head/advisor isn't there.)
Plus I might need to get the teacher from the Mustang Daily involved because he's kind of the internship coordinator for the department. I hate him and I've been skipping classes so... AWKWARD. -GULP- I am not sure what to tell him because he's a real hard-ass.
So my blog, All About Comics, has actually been going REALLY WELL for me. I've been steadily increasing in my page views and thanks to a recent scandal, I've gotten a LOT of attention lately. Plus I just posted a shojo manga gift guide for the holidays. Check it out. I pretty much moved my other blog, The Manga Cliche Review, there because I really like WordPress a lot better than Blogger. Anyway... this whole blogging thing I've been doing is AMAZING for me. It's been the only thing I've truly enjoyed doing (other than hanging out with awesome people) for the ENTIRE QUARTER. I've learned so much from it and from the classes that I've taken with Professor Leach (the guy who made me start the blog for one of his classes.) I feel so in-tune with the internet and all it's possibilities. I feel like I could do so much with this stuff, potentially. It's just a matter of working at it because on the internet you almost always start at zero
I hope you all enjoy my blog and support me in this. It would really mean SO MUCH to me if you did.
So the last time Tamar came up to visit me was Halloween weekend. I did get to see him on Monday, but since he had to go to work the next day, I only saw him that evening. NOT THE SAME AS AN ENTIRE WEEKEND TOGETHER. I also saw him for approximately three hours on Thanksgiving and I'll see him on Sunday, but I just know he's going to be so busy with moving that he won't have much time for me. T__T Then, when he comes to SLO for my graduation, I'll be spending much of the time with my parents as well and a lot of time will be spent moving out of the dorms too. Then I leave for Columbia a few days later for two and a half weeks and I won't get to see him because he'll be working that week. So all-in-all I've gotten almost no alone time with him since October and I won't really get any good solid alone time with him until January. TWO WHOLE MONTHS OF ALMOST NO ALONE TIME WITH TAMAR DOESN'T SIT RIGHT WITH ME!!!
If these were normal months, he would have seen me 4-6 times during this period!! I am having such bad withdrawals because for a small period during the deep deep depths of my depression, I just felt so horrible that I doubted a lot of things about our relationship. I even thought he was ignoring me a lot and that he didn't love me any more and that we weren't going to work out! I know he's been super busy and he did admit to ignoring me a little, but it's all been talked about and fixed. It's just STILL not right until I get to see him for a good chunk of time and really feel it.
Ugh. It makes me realize how much I depend on him to help me relax and enjoy life a little more. He really makes me feel a lot more whole inside. Man, I didn't even mean to be one of those kinds of girls whose emotional states hang on their relationships, but in a lot of ways I feel like I have GOOD REASON to do so. I'd love to spend the rest of my life with Tamar. It's not like we have to get married with Tamar ASAP, I am totally willing to wait for that kind of thing. It's just that: I really have the patience to wait for that right time. I was NOT that patient before. I totally made my previous boyfriend promise we'd get engaged after I graduated college before either of us had graduated college. (In my defense, he was a player and I was trying to lock-in our relationship. Plus that was almost 5 whole years ago and I've changed.)
I will shut up about relationship drama now. Sorry if you actually read through all that. o_o