Evolution
I'm finally realizing what I want from life. I was just talking to this guy about spiritual stuff and we had a really good talk. Here are some of the things that I have been realizing about myself.
I'm changing - in more ways than one. I'm realizing what my convictions are in this world and it's strange and good at the same time. I was joking around last night that I wanted to have Joaquin Phoenix's babies - which wouldn't be that bad of a thing (because he is gorgeous and super talented!). But I found myself saying that I didn't need to be married to have that. I found that I was saying things denying who I was as a person. I was denying who I am.
God has given me firm ground to stand on, why was I denying that? From talking with my friend today I came to the conclusion that maybe I am lacking the courage to make my intentions known. Maybe I am just too damn afraid of my own self changing that I am scared when it happened. As I told him before, I felt like I was dead before the hospitilizations. But what I forgot to mention to him is that I think it was God who put that desire back into my heart to want to live again, and to really make the best of things.
I guess overall I want to say that I am evolving as a human being. And that means that many things are changing about me. I have a different conception of what I want in life. I know this for certain: I want to get married and have kids. I don't want to have just random relationships. I want to have what the Bible speaks of as marriage. Now what I need to work on is the courage to speak up for myself when these things come up and not just randomly change my mind every five seconds. I need the courage of my convictions.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. [Philippians 4:13]
I'm changing - in more ways than one. I'm realizing what my convictions are in this world and it's strange and good at the same time. I was joking around last night that I wanted to have Joaquin Phoenix's babies - which wouldn't be that bad of a thing (because he is gorgeous and super talented!). But I found myself saying that I didn't need to be married to have that. I found that I was saying things denying who I was as a person. I was denying who I am.
God has given me firm ground to stand on, why was I denying that? From talking with my friend today I came to the conclusion that maybe I am lacking the courage to make my intentions known. Maybe I am just too damn afraid of my own self changing that I am scared when it happened. As I told him before, I felt like I was dead before the hospitilizations. But what I forgot to mention to him is that I think it was God who put that desire back into my heart to want to live again, and to really make the best of things.
I guess overall I want to say that I am evolving as a human being. And that means that many things are changing about me. I have a different conception of what I want in life. I know this for certain: I want to get married and have kids. I don't want to have just random relationships. I want to have what the Bible speaks of as marriage. Now what I need to work on is the courage to speak up for myself when these things come up and not just randomly change my mind every five seconds. I need the courage of my convictions.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. [Philippians 4:13]