Fanfic - Sirius/Remus

[coooodes]

 
Title: It's you
Author: coooodes
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius, James, Lily, Peter
Rating: R/NC-17
Warnings: Slash, porn, boyxboy
Disclaimer: All belong to JKR. Not mine.
Summary: Sirius and Remus are waiting in the cottage they've rented, waiting for James and the others to arrive... But can a puppy and a werewolf get along peacefully?
A/N: Wrote this as for my boyfriend as I was joining in on his lesson a couple of months ago. Hope you guys like it!

His heart was racing, his breath quick as he moved faster, just because of the fact he felt good because of it of course. He then closed his eyes for a flashing moment as both pain and pleasure-filled satisfaction was shot through his body. God, this was better than it had ever been before.

“Oh come on Sirius...” Remus complained as he for the third time shot the book he was reading and looked up at his friend. “DO you HAVE to work out while I'm trying to study?”

Sirius sighed and collapsed on the rough underneath him while panting like a tired animal. Then he looked up to meet his friend's eyes, annoyed but with that slightly amused smirk on his lips still. “Really Mooney, you of all people should be used to my moans by now”

“Oh be quiet you!”

Really, he had heart those words every time he had complained about Sirius being noisy, even during term at school he had not had the time to study... because he had had to complain about his friend's obsessive behavior to always seem to want to piss him off.

Now, he and his half-time furry friend had been staying in this cottage together for two days, waiting for the others to arrive... And somehow, due to mysterious circumstances, they were taking twice as long as they should be taking to get here. 'They should have been here already' Remus had though, over and over but by now he had calmed himself and gotten used to the fact that the love of his LIFE was moaning on the floor while he was trying to study. Great. Brilliant. Not disturbing at all. No. Absolutely not.

“Remus really...” Sirius now complained and sat up slowly, his dark locks falling over his young shoulders and the T-shirt snuck to his torso like a glove. (That was just mean...) “Weren't you the one who said you wanted to do something else than studying..?”

Remus looked up again and sighed, since the time it took for Sirius to start talking had been long enough for him to go back to his reading (He did NOT want to look at the one on the floor all too much, it was bad for his health). But... When had he said something like that? Wasn't that just absurd..? He would never say he wanted to do something else than studying, he had to study to keep up after all, and besides, he liked reading these old books... feeling the rough paper against his fingertips and smelling the fragrance of old binding... So there was no way he would... oh wait. Remus shook his head and shot his book again as he remembered that he had actually said something like “Okay, let's do something fun tonight”. Now though he realized that Sirius could not really think it was “fun” to be sitting by the fireplace while he himself was reading an old book.

“Okay then...” he smiled and felt a little more at ease as he saw a soft smile on Sirius lips, he was like a puppy who was granted a walk even though he had already been out enough for a day. “What do you have in mind..?”

Asking Sirius what he wanted to do was always a bad approach, he knew that, but nothing really made him happier than pleasing this guy, in any way... As long as it made his best mate smile like that, he would do anything. Okay, not ANYTHING, but... oh well, anything... almost... Now, this particular day, Remus had really payed no attention to his friend so wasn't it about time he did show him some friendliness..? Even though it meant him taking the risk to ask him what HE wanted to do.

***

Sirius. Well. To tell the truth... the work out earlier had not at all been hard enough for him to be moaning the way he had but it was always so utterly pleasing to see that look of annoyed embarrassment in Remus sweet face. He really did not want to cause THAT much trouble for his friend but seeing those eyes looking back at him made him want to be as annoying as possible just to be able to see them watch him again. He had in fact been looking forward to this evening all day now, hoping that he could get to spend some more personal time with the boy before the others were to arrive. Oh how he had wished they would be delayed even further... because, even though it was utterly displeasing that Remus kept reading and behaving like a book-worm, Sirius did not want to take his eyes off of him for a second...

Honestly. He had never felt like this, ever before...

“I don't know...” he now answered and looked over at the fireplace while feeling slightly sad somehow. He actually felt stupid every time he caught himself feeling like this, thinking things like 'I just wish he would be close to me' or when he felt like saying “I want to... you know” . He had dreamt all too much scenes like that to be able to even think straight when his friend asked something like “what do YOU want to do?”.

“Of course you know” Remus half laughed and stood up, slowly stretching his tired body after putting his book away, he had indeed been sitting down for quite a while now that he thought about it and his back was hurting like an old man's aching limbs. “you're not as stupid as you pretend to be, besides, you always know what you want to do, don't you?”

“I want to do you”

That was NOT something Sirius had planned to say but in a moment of blind madness he had forgotten the fact that he was supposed to shut his big mouth and now, Remus was standing there with his mouth open and eyes large as tea-cups.

“You...?” Remus obviously tried but the words did not want to come out as he had planned them too. Sirius blinked at his own foolishness and Remus took a deep breath before... “You WHAT!?”

“...nothing”

Sirius now felt such and annoying blush cover his cheeks that he got up from the floor almost immediately, as soon as his friend had yelled those words out, heading for the kitchen in a hurry. How the hell could he have been so stupid?! And for the love of God, why (?!) hadn't he even tried to make it into a big joke instead of running away? He could at least have TRIED to save his own skin! Surely, even if he had in fact been blushing, Remus would have been more likely to believe “Haha I got you with that one!” than “Yeah, I want to take you from behind, mate”. So why had he just walked away when he had had the perfect time to defend himself..? Was it... because of the fact that denying that he wanted Remus in every way was painful enough to make him run away rather than lying?

“Fuck...” he hissed and dashed his palm into the kitchen table. Remus would probably never want to speak to him ever again...

“Hey!” Remus suddenly called behind him, even being more noisy than when he had had too much butter beer to drink combined with an under-dosage of book-reading. “You get back here and you tell me what in the world it was that you meant, Mr Black!” He was now following Sirius through the kitchen though, which, to be honest, Sirius both loved and hated... The fact that Remus was actually still speaking to him, he loved, but the fact that he seemed to be pissed at him for what he had said, not so much.

“Sirius!”

“What?!” he snapped and turned so suddenly towards his book-reading friend that the boy jumped in his pants and a bowl filled with apples hit the floor, sending the green fruits rolling around over the floor. “What exactly do you want me to say Remus..?” He did not really have time to think himself about what he was about to say or what he was doing, the only thing he noticed was that his breath was uneven and there was a slight shaking tone in his voice. “That I want to kiss you every time you speak to me? That I want to hold you close to me as son as I hear you whimper with nightmares in your sleep? That I want to push you down and take you right here and right now just because of the fact that your top button on your pants is unbuttoned - and yes! I DID see that earlier and never told you!”

Remus seemed too shoved of his feet to be able to even speak, his hand slowly reached up to correct his thick, knitted sweater, almost like a nervous movement.

“So please...!” Sirius continued after taking a deep breath, the blush raging on his burning cheeks and his eyes feeling like filled with sand, in terrible need to blink like hell. “Please don't make me repeat myself or explain to you what I meant with what I said... because honestly... I will just disgust you...”

“W-what are you talking about...?” Remus stuttered at this, still holding his sweater in a tight grip as if needing to hold onto something that was not trembling quite as much as his heart and body. “Sirius... I don't-”

“Look!” Sirius said, and as soon as he had said it he regretted the harsh tone he had used in his manner of addressing the slightly younger one, but there was no going back an that he knew. “I know you don't understand! But I assure you, you don't even need to understand! This is about me and my blown up ego, it's something I have to deal with and you don't have anything to do with it..!”

But with those words, Sirius suddenly noticed a change in the other one's expression. In just seconds he went from a small, innocently confused boy to someone who had had his face bitch-slapped an was prepared to hit back twice as hard if he just got the chance.

“You said what?!” Remus then spat out before any of them could react and it was obvious Sirius was more surprised than he normally was, since he shrank back like a scared dog with its tail between his legs. “Nothing to do with me?! How can this have nothing to do with me when you just said you want to... to...” His voice broke even though he still wanted to speak and he sighed with annoyance, pulling at his hair with closed eyes. “Sirius... you foolish...”

Sirius just stood there as his friend's voice died into the soft sound of the warm flames in the fireplace and the rough howls of the wind. This kind of silence was not the kind which Sirius dealt best with and as his gaze sank to the floor his heart sank with it to the bottom of the pit that was his stomach. How on earth could he have been so stupid? He had not wanted it to end this way... Of course he wouldn't have told Remus about this, not in his right mind anyway... He had been happy just seeing the young man laugh with them or sit somewhere in a corner with his books and a parchment... Why couldn't he have just shut his big mouth once and for all and let it be the way it had always been..?

“I can't believe you...” Remus tried again and even his voice showed that he was trying to sound angry but he wasn't really that successful when ever he tried. '

“Well, neither can I...” Sirius answered back and turned his head to look out the window, his dark eyes trying to see through the thick snow-filled wind. “And I'm sorry... Remus.... But... you might understand, being the smart kid you are... that we can't really make this undone...”

“What do you mean with that...?”

“I mean, you know...” Sirius sighed and took a step to the side to lean back against the wall behind him. “...I... I understand if you don't want anything to do with me after this.. I practically told you I wanted to molest you, and if a friend tells you that, I guess even I would have been scared shitless one of you told me that and, since you and I are...”

“You're not making any sense Sirius...” Remus almost sighed and looked up from the floor where he too had let his eyes wander. “...you're saying... that you think, now that I know what you think of me... you change? The way I see you change? Do you really think I am that simpleminded..?”

“I never...” When seen from that standpoint, Sirius actually felt guilty for saying such harsh things to the one he cared most for. “...didn't mean it in that way...”

“Well.. it sure sounded like it...” Remus even took a step closer as he hissed out the words like a serpent. “And for the record... I would NEVER turn my back on a friend, not even if he lied to me, if he held the truth from me... Not even if he told me that he wanted me in a way I would never have guessed..!”

Sirius could do nothing but look at his friend now, feeling both guilty and taken from hearing those words and seeing those eyes looking straight back into his own. But Remus wasn't done, not by far. He took yet another, though slightly shaking step closer to his friend and almost gritted his teeth.

“So don't you tell me this has nothing to do with me, because if it really had nothing to do with me, I would not have felt like I was melting when you said those things to me! I would not have felt like the only thing I wanted was for you to do all those things you said yous so desperately wanted to you to me, Sirius! Had this nothing to do with me, I would not have been standing here, screaming at the top of my very sore lunges that I am desperately and utterly in love with you..!”

There was silence.

A terrible silence.

Followed by even more silence that was so thick and suffocating that Remus had to gasp for enough air to fill his lungs. Sirius body and mind took some time before realizing what his friend had just said and by the time he actually recognized the words as the ones he had wanted to speak so desperately himself, his mouth slowly opened and his eyes grew to the size of teacups. Had he really... said that...?

“Remus...?”

The boy in the large sweater before his eyes seemed to shrink slightly, the sweater looking even bigger on him now but he didn't try to go back on his words, though that might partly be because of the fact that he was too shocked to even realize what an impact this might have on his life in the near future.

“You... you're telling me that you.. feel the same as me then...?” Sirius tried, which actually got Remus to look back up instantly with a snort look on his face.

“No..?” He answered harshly and crossed his arms over his chest, as if regaining his normal self in a second. “YOU said you wanted to pin me down and take me right here and right now... I say...” He stopped himself and had to draw a deep breath again as he realized he was about to repeat the words he had just spoken.

“You say...?” Sirius asked back, almost breathlessly now.

“...that...” his cheeks were flushed once more, his eyes almost watery. “...that I wouldn't mind... if you did that...”

As he heard those words, there was no holding Sirius back any longer. How long had he waited for this, wished to hear words like that leave those lips even though he had always known with almost 99 percent certainty that he would never, ever do? How long had he been dreaming dreams about hearing it, feeling those words shiver through him like a soft summers breeze, feeling the boy now standing there not far away, but pressed close against him... How long had he not spent his evenings in silence while his mind had wandered of to a place where there was just the two of them and nothing else mattered but the softness of the kisses he had dreamt about? And now... as he heard it, for the first time for real... (though the words were not as grammatically correct as he would have imagined Remus expressing them), he could not just stand there...

“Then I'm sorry...” He almost gasped out, in such a whisper that Remus had to bend closer to even hear him the slightest. “But if that is the case... I can't restrain myself... even though this is all too sudden for my mind to comprehend what is happening” And with those words he took a firm grip around the younger ones neck with his slim fingertips, not caring if he pulled at those perfectly ruffled curls of light brown hair, harshly pushing the boy close to him in an instant.

Now, if Remus had in any way been used to kissing or the way of expressing passion he might have been able to understand the situation that followed, but seeing he had mostly been studying the art in books, he had not the slightest idea what to do when he suddenly felt warm, hot lips pressed against his own, hands wrapping gently around his trembling torso and his own back turned and pushed up against the wall which Sirius had so recently been leaning.

“nh..?” the softest sound whimpered as it slipped out from his already parting lips, his fingertips digging into the fabric of Sirius' T-shirt, unable to stop his own innocent reactions as he felt Sirius body come ever so close to his own... There was such a warmth spreading through his trembling limbs that he could hardly breath anymore, even less make a movement in the direction he wanted this to lean. For surely, he was not ready for this... right..? But soon even Remus started to realize just how much his body and mind wanted what Sirius was already capable of doing... with him...! The thought blew his mind away instantly as he thought of it and Remus gave up a soft moan, the sound of giving up, as his friend pushed his knee gently in between his legs.
Sirius shivered by that sound, every sound was better than the last... and he could NOT get enough, not now. He knew he might be moving all too quickly with this but he wanted this boy, he wanted Remus more than he had ever wanted anything else, more than he had even let himself feel up until now. But just the fact that Remus actually would like it like this... had made the little self-control he had burst and rupture under the pressure of the love he felt for the trembling one in his arms.

“Please...” he whispered softly, warm breath brushing against the lobe of Remus ear, sending shivers down into those weak knees immediately. “...don't be scared, Remus...”

“I would never be... scared of you”

The boy in his arms managed to get his eyelids open while whispering those words, his breath more uneven than after running a mile and his voice trembling though firm as if he was lecturing his friend. Sirius could not help himself as he looked into those eyes and smiled instinctively when hearing it. This was why he loved him; because this was Remus, and no one else was like him... There was not a chance in heaven nor earth that anyone had those eyes, that expression, that tone in his voice, that soft skin, those perfectly curved lips, that smile, those cheeks, those golden locks... Sirius almost had to shake his head to realize he was dozing of into that dream he had always had about this moment, only to realize that this was for real and Remus was really standing there, trembling with embarrassment and ecstasy in his arms. He did not even need to be reminded of what he had been doing, and since there was a disturbing pain growing below his stomach by now he got all the proof he needed anyway...
“Tell me if I should stop...” he whispered against Remus sensitive earlobe once more, his warm fingertips moving slowly up under the edge of the younger one's sweater, the longing burning almost like furious poison through his veins. “...because I don't know if I can do that if I go any further...”

Remus drew a quick breath, his heart skipping so many beats he almost though he would faint or die from the cause of it. How could he answer to that? He knew he wanted this, God how much he longed for it but... how could he say that so easily? What if the words wouldn't even leave his mouth and Sirius would take that as a “I want you to stop”?. That was the last thing he wanted! He wanted him... He had always wanted him...! Maybe not even thought he really would get him and therefore never really given himself the allowance to think things like this... okay, yes he had dreamt and fantasized of it, but he had always blamed that on the fact that he could not control his dreams..! NOW Sirius was standing there with his fingers moving up over his chest and his knee still pressing against the most intimate and sensitive spot Remus' body had ever been touched at. And what was he supposed to do?! He had never thought it would come to this... even though he had wanted it so much he had cried himself to sleep so many times... So WHAT on earth should he say to something like that..?! other than:

“....shut up Sirius”

Sirius felt his skin tingle and could not help but chuckle before he closed his burning lips around the soft skin of the earlobe in front of his nose. “Okay then...” He then whispered and let his slender fingertips move across the soft skin under them, shivering even more as he felt the goosebumps caused by them and the slight change in texture as he reached the small, sensitive, erected skin which sent Remus into whimpers as he pinched it.

This boy was so innocent, and the fact that he could not possibly have been touched by anyone ever before made Sirius all blown away with amazement over his gentle reactions by his slightest touch, the delicious moans caused by just the small movement of his thumb against one of those nipples... It caused him to go wild inside but he had to control himself, really, this was important... He did not want it to go wrong, did not want to hurt him, no matter how hard it would get when he had to be gentle... He moved his fingertips ever so softly against the sensitive skin and, encouraged by the moans Remus was too weak to hold back, he let his other hand slip down the softness of that abdomen to reach the edge of the pants parting them...

“Ahn...” Remus whimpered and opened his eyes as soon as the other's fingertips as much as nudged at his raging skin through the rough fabric of his pants. He could not help himself and his cheeks were burning with a fire now, he was in both panic and pain-filled longing. Why couldn't it be quicker...? Why couldn't they slow down..? He didn't even know what he would prefer right now and when he suddenly felt those slender fingers entering his pants all thoughts disappeared from his mind, replaced with only longing burning through his torso like fire.

“So... hot..” He managed to get out though, unable to understand at all why he had said it but to him it had seemed like a good thing to say at the time. He could feel how his words made Sirius shiver and those lips once more were locked to his in a matter of seconds. It did not at all strike him as odd that Sirius must be the greatest kisser on the planet (even though he himself had no experience to speak of), his kisses were filled with so much emotion and warmth that they made Remus lose all stamina that once was in his knees.

“Ahh..!” He moaned as Sirius' lips left his for a split second when Remus sank down against his knee, which had caused the gentle, yet surprised moan to escape from the young ones lips. He had not meant for his knees to buckle but it seemed he could do nothing to get himself back on his own feet. Though being unable to even feel embarrassed about himself anymore Remus only looked up at the other with his eyes filled with emotions he never thought he would ever show to anyone. His fingertips tightened their grip around the soft fabric covering Sirius' chest and he drew a deep breath before he was even able to speak up. “I... I can't be standing... if you're going to make me feel like this...”

Sirius met his eyes, those dark eyes of his that were so much smarter than he ever showed now seemed to be filled with the same burning fire as the one Remus could feel in his own chest and he felt more blush ravish his cheeks, but he just smiled, shyly. He knew, if there was anyone he ever wanted to do this with, be this close with, be mad with in a moment just like this, it was only Sirius he thought of, only Sirius he would trust with his body... He wanted this so bad, and that truth was even more intense now than it had ever been before.

“Then we'll have to make sure you don't need to stand...” Sirius grinned, even though he himself was panting and his cheeks flushed with the extreme longing he felt. But he gently moved now, understanding that for Remus to be able to move at all he would need help with those shaking knees of his... So he gently wrapped his arm around the other's smooth waist, pulling in a deep breath and almost getting immediately intoxicated with his smell, that smell that only he had... Remus blushed more as he shifted, making soft moans as soon as he moved, closing his eyes gently while holding on to Sirius in a way Sirius had always dreamed he would do one day. God, he was intoxicating, all of him.

Sirius closed his eyes gently to gather himself together, wondering if to lift the other one and carry him to the bedroom or the sofa, or if to just try to help him walk there. But before his mind was even made up, Remus tried to stand on his own, obviously failed, now clinging harder against Sirius chest, scraping his skin through the fabric of his T-shirt, nudging at his hardened groin with his knee by mistake. This small incident, that tiny touch, no, nudge, sent shivers all the way down into Sirius imaginary tail and he opened his eyes immediately as that knee was pressed ever so sweetly against him.

“Nnh...”

He could not believe his own mouth as he heard the sound he had made and since Remus looked up in surprise he understood the other one didn't either. But he would not deny it, that touch could never have been surpassed by any other touch... He wanted him, now. Before any of them had time to even comment on the moan he had let out, Sirius grabbed his love harder around the back, almost slamming him (maybe a bit to hard) down onto the kitchen table, just some meters away from where they had recently been standing. A plate with left over pasta was the only thing suffering from this sudden act however as it hit the floor and was crushed into two pieces, Remus, who was now lying on his back on the table, panted times thousand and looked up at his friend, astonished and surprised... but before long their lips were once again glued together, Sirius crawling up over him already, slowly but without any dignity what so ever. He was in so much pain right now he could have moaned even more if he just had had the self-discipline to stay away from those lips for longer than seconds.

Remus shivered and immediately buried his fingertips in those thick, smooth locks of black hair that he had longed to bury himself in for so long. His breath was ragged underneath those burning lips and his body moved on it's own, pushing his hip as close to one of Sirius knees as possible. He wanted to speak but there was something in his mind telling him that words, for once in his life, were unnecessary... He wanted more, yet he was scared of what came after this. Would they pretend like this never happened? Would they tell the others? Sirius wouldn't want the humiliation, right? He would want to keep this quiet for as long as possible, rather forget about it than talk about it... Or, was this...

“Remus...?” he suddenly heard his friend ask and he blinked quickly and looked up at Sirius with his innocent eyes.

“Yeah..?”

“You were thinking to much again...” Sirius half chuckled and shook his head slightly, letting a slender finger stroke the soft line of Remus cheekbone. “...don't think so much, key?”

Remus felt himself blush with both embarrassment and shame. He shouldn't have thought that about Sirius. Yes, he knew that the boy was a bit drifty, but when it came to it he was loyal like a dog and would never do anything to hurt the one he cared for. Now, feeling that finger move down over his lips, he shivered with content, kind of proud over himself and the fact that he had not freaked out by now.

***

“Would you hurry up?” James begged his friends, shaking his head as he carried the bags up the hill, the wind hindering them from getting all the way up to the house with any other method than the force of their own legs. “Mooney will be pissed off if he has to spend another second alone with Sirius, you know that”

“Yeah yeah quit your wining James...” the girl behind him sighed and continued helping the other boy through the snow. “If you're in such a hurry, why don't you just run? There are others that are having a hard time getting through this storm... selfish prick...”

“I sure will!” James laughed, actually unable to hear the irony in her voice. “I'll see you inside later!” was the last thing she heard him say before he dashed off into the snow and up the steep hill. She stopped in her step and just let her eyes watch him until he was gone before she cursed and helped the other one up from where he had fallen into a large pile of snow.

“He really IS selfish... has he always been like that...?” she then asked and looked back up against the dark where you soon should be able to see the flicker of lights from the windows. The boy next to her nodded silently and followed her gaze.
“Yup... at least for as long as I've known him...”

“Really..?” he said and started walking once more while thinking for a while. “I had NO idea.”

***

“nng...”

The soft but muffled moan made Sirius neck-hair stand up with pleasure as he let his hungry tongue trace the pounding muscle at the younger ones neck, his fingers tangled into the locks of Remus hair as the boy's legs tightened their hold around his hip. They were so close, so warm... Remus breath hitting the back of Sirius neck as he pulled himself closer, letting out the most gentle moans with pain-filled pleasure.... sounds which made Sirius tremble, unable to move the way he wished he could, unable to do anything else than holding Remus tighter than ever, arms closer around his neck and back, his fingers pulling at his hair in what could almost be interpreted as a desperate act of getting him even closer.

“Ahn...” came that soft voice again and Sirius opened his eyes, gasping for air, feeling Remus nails pierce though the skin on his back, his eyes rolling back into their sockets as he let one, slow, deep moan out into the open air. He could feel the boy underneath him tens up as that sound broke though the air and Sirius thought he would faint...

“Please...” Remus now said and the air went straight out of the other one's lungs. “...more..!”

Now, that was something Sirius would never in his life have dreamt about if it hadn't been for that one time when Remus was faking an orgasm... The boy's voice was trembling and his body was soaked with warmth, he was gripping hard around Sirius's shoulders now, making him look down at the one he had longed for for so long.

“Y-you sure..?” Sirius heard himself pant even though he did not want to speak in a state like this, but the boy only nodded, to his delight and half surprise, those gorgeous lips trembling but still slowly twitching into that gentle smile of his. He really wanted this, him, all of him, just as Sirius had always wanted him back. The warmth of this boy enveloping him was more that Sirius could really handle though and he knew just how close he was already, hoping somehow that the other one was just as close...
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for not more than a second, trying to calm his mind, even though it was more than pointless in this situation. His hair though, was suddenly pulled and his lips locked together with Remus' in that one second when his eyes were closed, he could not help himself as he moaned by that and somehow, Remus did not seem to mind that gentle moan at all as he pushed himself upwards, closer to his “molester” (as he had called Sirius at more than one occasion in their yet so young lives), moaning as Sirius hardness caused him so much pain and pleasure he thought he could die right there and go to heaven.

“You okay?” Sirius managed to get out as he saw the pain in the younger one's face but Remus gave him no other answer than the act of pulling him down by his hair and kissing him deeply again, in a way Sirius would not have guessed a boy, and a bookworm, like Mooney would ever be able to kiss... It was a nice kind of revelation that he himself was not the only one who could act like an animal even though there was no physical sign of transformation. His own body tensed as he then moved his hip the way it seemed his love wanted him to, his mind going completely blank as the moans with pleasure coming from that slender boy now filled the air, Remus' hands grasping the skin of his back, his teeth scraping against Sirius' lips in a half desperate attempt to keep kissing him even though he only wanted to moan at the top of his lungs, which was obvious.

“nng..!” Remus suddenly let out and opened his eyes quickly, his breath hitching in his throat as he felt the warmest sensation in the world run from his abdomen and up his spine. “Sirius I...” he tried but his voice broke in the single most wonderful moan the other had ever heard, followed by warm liquid dampening the space between them, if there was even such a space worth mentioning now that Remus arched his back in pleasure.

Sirius did not even have time to think, because as soon as the other one tensed up, he came just as quickly, without having time to warn the other one for the sudden warmth and both boys went into a shivering state of moans and panting breath...

“Boys, I'm home!” James' voice was then suddenly heard from the hall and both of them tensed on the kitchen-table, unable to stop their moans, unable to hide in the few seconds they knew it would take for James to make his way though the house and into the room where they had been sharing saliva and other kind of bodily juices for over half an hour. There wasn't the slightest chance that even though they would have hidden he wouldn't have understood what they had been doing. They wouldn't even have time to open a window...

'Haha...' Sirius thought and closed his eyes for a split second again, breathing in deeply. 'if I know him right... it's only James, the others he left behind... he won't tell them.. right?” He could somehow feel that the boy underneath him was terrified though and he slowly, and in a calm manner, wrapped his tired arms tighter around him while whispering in his ear: “Don't worry... it's just James, he won't t...-”

“OH MY HOLY FUCKING GOD PADDIE!” came James' voice from the door and both the boys looked up in chock, Remus' heart wanting to jump out through his chest like a scared bunny. “What the FUCK are you doing to Mooney?!”

It was hard to tell weather James was being serious or not. In fact, it was impossible. He could either really be thinking that Sirius had been half raping their friend, or he cold be laughing his ass of inside at the thought that he was in time to see this. If it was the later, he was a sincerely good actor, because the shock in his face was priceless, almost making Sirius want to burst into laughter, if it had not been for the possibility for the first alternative...

“Look... James...” Remus started and pushed Sirius off of him with his surprisingly strong arms, scrambling to his feet but half falling as the pain made him nauseous. Sirius though, was prepared for this and gently threw an arm out to give him support until he could get a hold of his own balance again and speak up once more. “Look it's not like it seems... we didn't... you know...”

But James had already drawn the connections and walked into the kitchen, picking up an apple from the counter and looking at them with his dark, almost evil eyes. “I know perfectly well what this is about...” he said and his voice was just as furious as his eyes had told them. “I NEVER thought you would do this Sirius, I knew you talked about him... but THIS?!”

Even Sirius shivered by this, not replying, only watching his friend, his brother, with silent eyes, feeling Remus tremble with both pain and fright by this sudden act of violent behavior coming from the otherwise so calm James. “James, calm down...” he even whispered and Sirius could see the boy's lips tremble as he spoke, but James only shook his head.

“Seriously Sirius” he continued and helled the apple as if though he was about to throw it hard right at his face. “...I never thought...” Those dark eyes suddenly changed from viscous to laughing and his entire face broke into sunshine as his self-control went to hell. “That you'd actually be able to get him to fall for you, man. You're each others opposites for crying out loud!”
Remus' jaw dropped and Sirius just stood there as James laughed, taking a bite of the apple he had so recently been threating to throw at them. James chewed quickly and laughed even harder as he looked back at his friends.

“Oh come on!” he said while shaking his head. “You really thought I'd be mad? You crazy? And Remus... what ARE you thinking?”

Sirius could not help to laugh now, the panic letting go of him just as quickly as it had struck him. “Jeez man, James you scared my ass off” Remus flinched and bit his lip hard, knowing perfectly well that he was still undressed and well, he wasn't exactly clean either.

“Sirius, that isn't even an expression that exists..:” he muttered and snatched his pants from the floor. “Besides... the others will be here soon... I'm going to dress, I suggest you do the same, Sirius..”

James met Sirius eyes one quickie before he smiled like always. “I'll go slow the others down! Be right back” and then he left the two boys alone again, in some kind of awkward silence. Remus avoided the other's gaze and quickly pulled his pants on, leaving his friend, who was now leaning against the side of the table, in the silence. Sirius shook his head slowly, not really good with words when he was around Remus, especially not in a situation like this when it felt like the boy regretted everything they had just done. But he knew that if he didn't say at least something, this would all be washed out into the sand... he would never feel those lips against his own again... never... Oh what was he thinking?!

“Remus..” he started, feeling slightly shaky as he stood up on his own. “I know.. that this was sudden, and that Christ, you might not even have wanted to do this... And you must be freaked out by the things James said, about me wanting this and all..” He paused and watched the boy who was now standing still, his back turned. “...but I really... I really wanted you, and I still do, Remus... And if there is any chance, that one day you might... want me too...”

“Are you mad?” his friend interpreted and turned to him in a sharp motion, his curly hair flying around his smooth features, the scar over his cheek flashing in the light that hit him from the crooked angle. “Why do you think I DIDN'T push you away? Because I thought you'd hurt me if I did? Unlikely. Because I wanted to make you happy without wanting it myself? Are you stupid?!” Remus eyes were burning, he didn't want to cry, he DIDN'T cry! Sirius just stood there, watching him in silent shock but Remus wasn't finished, and even though he could feel his cheek burn, he didn't step back.

“Did you really, honestly think, that I would do anything to please you? That I wouldn't object to what we were doing if I didn't want it myself? I'm sorry to burst your bubble Sirius, but I'm not scared of you! I'm scared of the fact that this will never happen again, scared that you'll walk out that door with your fancy words and your bright smile and pretend this never happened...” Sirius' eyes widened even more at that. “I'm scared that even though James said those things, this will be nothing more than one of your jokes! That the fact that I love you will not at all matter and...” Suddenly Remus realized what exactly it was that he was about to say, the embarrassment was total but he didn't care if he would be made fun of later... he needed to get this out. Because after all, Sirius had just said that he... wait. It hit him like a punch in the ribs and he gasped for air as Sirius's words echoed in his mind... “I really wanted you, and I still do, Remus...”

The silence after that was almost bone-breaking and Remus could not get his voice to work for minutes it felt like, even though it must have been only seconds. “I...” he finally managed and his eyes - which had darted down to the floor the second he heard those words repeat in his mind - now looked for contact with Sirius's dark ones. “I didn't... think you felt like that...”

“Well I do...” his friend replied and took a step closer, his voice shaking slightly but his movements where firm, even though he was so shocked himself that he thought he might collapse. “I... I really do Mooney... And I'm not the confession kind of guy but... I want you, like... really want you, in every way, have done for a long time to be honest... and..” He looked into the eyes of the younger one whose cheeks were now burning with embarrassed blush. He reached out for Remus's hand slowly, taking it tightly in his own, smiling as he felt the boy trembling just like before. “and I'm sorry that it all went too quickly and that I might have made you feel cheep or something... but... I mean... nh...” The words didn't come out right. He watched the sweet features of his love as the soft smile on the other's lips took his breath away.

“I think I get what you're trying to say, Sirius” he almost laughed and pressed Sirius's fingers, gently. “So... ehm... awkward... what now?”

Sirius half chuckled and scratched his neck with his free hand. This situation, it was killing him. He could hear how James and the other were heading their way, up the small hill, Peter complaining loudly in the show, giving their position away.

“well” he grinned and met Remus's eyes again, after looking out the window. “be mine?”

“Yours?” Remus bit his lip, his cheeks still blushing even though the tension in the room had left as soon as it came. He was nervous, and sad to admit that he was still horny. He silently blamed his animalistic nature but knew that it had nothing to do with that. “Don't be silly...”

“That was the only possible way I can see this ending without you breaking my neck next time you turn..” the older one joked and chuckled while gripping his fingers back more. Remus looked away, still blushing, looking towards the snowy window as they both could hear James laugh at the struggling Peter. “I'm serious...” Sirius added, which only made Remus laugh.

“Yes I know your name, Paddy”

“Oh stop that” he complained and smacked Remus's fingers gently. “I mean it, I'm serious Moony, Remus...” Remus bit his lip and even though he tried to stop it, his cheekbones were once again glowing with slight red shade. Sirius smiled and swallowed all his pride, his eyes glowing slightly as he leaned closer to the younger one, gently brushing his cheek with his slimmed finger. “...I won't let you down, I promise... so... can you at least think it over?”

“Think what over?” Remus responded. Not that he hadn't understood the whole meaning of what his friend had tried to ask him, but he wanted to hear it. Sirius twisted a little and sighed with embarrassed annoyance before speaking again.

“Be mine..?”

“GUYS! WE'RE HOME!!” James suddenly called from the hallway and Sirius twitched, his finger still brushing against the side of Remus's cheek but not for long. The boy chuckled and moved away, making sure he was dressed properly before he left the room, looking back at him with that soft smirk he sometimes flashed when he was in a good mode, leaving no answer for Sirius behind him as he walked to great their friends.

“What kind of answer was that?!” Sirius said, or more like called out, as he followed him though the door, met by snow and cold air as the other tumbled in through the open door. “Moony?”

Remus laughed and met his eyes as he helped Lily with her bags, carrying them up the staircase to where their room were. Sirius followed on quick feet, after of course nodding in a polite way - or as polite as he cold master - towards the girl, up the stairs. He was followed by “What's gotten into that boy?” and then James's laughter as he apparently led the others towards the fireplace.

“Mooney?” he called, deciding he didn't care whether the other heard them or not. He needed an answer, quick. “Where the hell did you run of to?”

“In here stupid” Remus laughed and poked his head out from Lily and James's soon to be bedroom. “it's the most logical place for me to go when carrying Lily's bags, right? Don't lose your brains because of this, please, it would make such a mess...”

“I won't lose my brains..” Sirius sighed and walked into the room, turning to look impatiently at the younger one as he had closed the door behind them. “..at least not if you care to tell me the answer to my question..?”

“What question?” Remus asked once again and Sirius could feel his patient slip between his fingers.

“Remus I want you..” he said and stepped closer, not in that calm matter which he had done down in the kitchen. He mover faster now, wanting to be close to him again, wanting to touch and ravish him. Remus didn't at all seem to mind though, but even though he didn't move away, he didn't move at all. “I can't stand not knowing if you want the same thing...”

“You really are a stupid little dog, aren't you..?” Remus smiled and looked up at him sweetly from underneath his curly bangs. “I'm already yours... why do you even feel the need to ask for an answer that is such a predictable one..?”

Sirius blushed and fought of the urge to look away, instead he closed the distance between them with one large step and locked his lips to the soft ones belonging to his Moony. It was strange, he remember thinking as he felt the younger one once again pull him close this his slimmed fingers, that thin torso pressing against him and those eyes closing as the kiss deepened. It was strange, that even though they had known each other for so long... that little thought of Remus not wanting him had stopped him all this time, from doing something like this. Remus smiled and shook his head as he slowly pulled back from the intense kiss, stroking the soft bend of Sirius's cheekbone with his fingertip.

“Sometimes I wonder which one of us does more wrong...” he said and his eyes glittered gently in the light from the lamp above them. “you, who never think anything through...”

“Hey!” Sirius tried to interrupt but he was immediately silenced by a pale finger against his lips.

“Or me..” Remus continued. “Who always thinks too much...”

“I blame James...” Sirius said, sounding totally serious.

“Haha, why?”

“Because he never told me you liked me... even though I know that you've told him about it...”

Remus blushed but kept smiling and nodded as he closed his eyes, leaning in to kiss him again. This was crazy, but still felt right. 'Guess I can go with crazy...' he thought and felt the butterflies in his stomach shatter and flutter about like little hurricanes of happiness. '...as long as it's you..'