hetalia - america/england - chap 7
Title: My reason to smile
Chapter: seven
Author: coooodes
Pairing/Characters: Alfred F. Jones/Arthur Kirkland (America/England)
Rating: R/NC-17
Warnings: girl on girl on boy, boy on boy, bit of sex and violence so to speak
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters...
A/N: I will be cosplaying these characters in the near future and since we're gonna be casual I thought "why not just write a fanfiction about it and then cosplay them from that one?" So now I am :) Alternative universe you guys! Forget everything you know about the characters if you can ;)
Summary: Arthur and Al find themselves left once more to their fate as Al's mother has other plans. Will Arthur finally open up to Al? And why does he know so mucha bout women anyway? O.o
[ Chapter one] [ Chapter two] [ Chapter three] [ Chapter four] [ Chapter five] [ Chapter six]
Al had been looking around for his cousin during lunch break but had been unable to find him. He didn't really know what to think about that really. Either, Arthur had made new friends and was sitting in the sun somewhere laughing, or... he was getting beat up somewhere where the sun did not reach. For some reason he wanted to believe the first but knew the second was so much more thinkable. However, he had heard form some of his buddies that they found Arthur both pretty cool and intimidating so maybe he WAS okay.
He shook his head to get the unpleasant thoughts away and focused on laughing at Lauren's joke instead. She had been trying to make him laugh all morning, saying that he looked to sad these days when he didn't listen to her, so from now on she'd make him laugh at least ten times a day. He figured it was a way for her to feel that they grew closer to one another. And they did of course. No one else had really tried this hard to make him feel good before.
"So then I said to her that if she wanted to color her hair again, maybe she should go to a professional because frankly... nothing could get worse after that, even if you have an irrational fear of hairdressers." she giggled and met his eyes, looking content when he grinned widely back at her. That was the least he could do, even though he had not been paying attention to the whole story.
"She seems... like a nice girl" he then said and put his arm around her shoulders affectionately, enjoying the smile she then beamed at him.
"She is though, just a little daft I guess"
They had now suffered though the entire afternoon, except for the last lesson which was math, and even though he had been worried since lunch, Al had tried listening to her stories as much as possible. She was so cute when she was cheering him up, laughing and smiling as if there were no problems in the world. She had been drawing little characters and cartoon bubbles on both their books, on the benches and her arms as she spoke. Writing their names and drawing them both in cartoon form. It was super cute but he didn't really get why. She must get something out of it though, otherwise she wouldn't do it after all.
"By the way..." she said as they took their seats in the classroom, her hand sneaking up around his upper arm as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "My parents where talking yesterday, about inviting you over for dinner... this Thursday?"
He could feel the blood leave his face immediately and his skin prickling at the back of his neck. Meet her parents? This thursday? He wasn't good with other people's parents, especially not like this. Not that he had ever tried but just thinking about it made him feel dizzy and cold. He knew Lauren's parents where very strict when it came to who she dated and he had dreaded this day would come... maybe that was one of the reasons he hadn't wanted them to be official just yet. It was hard to tell really why he felt this way but... He swallowed hard and could feel his face growing colder as it grew paler apparently.
"T-this Thursday..?" he asked and cursed inwardly when he couldn't get his voice to go steady even for such a short question. She seemed to get it though. Maybe she had known all along that he didn't want to deal with parents.
"Yeah..." she answered and clenched her grip a little around his arm, seeming to regret that she even said anything to begin with. "They said they heard about it from one of my teachers the other day, I said you might be too busy though so if you really don't want to I understand okay? You can just tell me and we'll forget the whole thing..."
He could hear the slight panic in her voice when she spoke, and the disappointment too. She probably wanted him to meet her parents in some way, telling him that he didn't need to was like saying he didn't need to kiss her when she leaned forward. She was just trying to make him feel comfortable... Even if it meant her sacrificing something for him that she actually wanted.
He smiled a little and gently placed a kiss on her brown hair and leaning a little back against her cute frame. "What time do you want me to be there?" he then asked and smiled even wider as she looked up in surprise at him. "And what's the dress code? Cause if I need to be wearing nice clothes I'll have to by something"
She giggled and the happiness spread through her face as quickly as ever. He liked that, the feeling that he had done something good for her, something that made her happy. He was sure meeting her parents would be worth it. At least if he was really going to give this relationship a serious try. He was going to grow up one way or another and this seemed like the best way to go at the moment.
... ... ...
"Hey cousin!" Arthur called as he saw Al walking towards him over the school yard. He didn't really care that everyone looked up as he called, and it made him kind of happy that Al didn't seem to mind either. "You seem to be in a good mood today, anything awesome happened?"
Al just chuckled as he came closer and they both started walking towards the bus together, side by side.
The talk with the teacher earlier actually had made Arthur feel a bit better, even though they hadn't talked a lot really. He had come to like this school today because of the fact that he had gotten some contacts that he knew he would need in the future. Bonds with people that he knew now that he could talk to. Earlier it had been Al and Tom, the psychology teacher. Now he had Jody and this Daniel guy, which actually has seemed pretty cool. What other teacher would help you like that? Especially since Arthur wasn't even his student.
Breaking down, like he had earlier, always helped him cope with it too, his problems that was. After breaking down a little, he always felt better, like easing some of the pressure that had been building up inside him. Seeing one of the girls in class cry about a broken nail had also helped him, his problems didn't seem so big compared to hers... Ha ha.
"Lauren invited me home on Thursday..." Al suddenly said and brought Arthur back to reality. "...to meet her parents for dinner..."
And there it was again, the stone in his backpack that Arthur thought he had gotten rid off. He smiled though and swallowed hard, to make the suffocating feeling go away as quickly as possible. "That's a big step mr." he said instead of kicking and screaming, grinning as soon as he saw the slight horror in the corner of Al's blue eyes. "You sure you're up for the challenge?"
"Not at all..." his cousin sighed but there was still a slight smile twitching at the side of his gorgeous lips. "But she got so happy it will be worth it, so..."
"Sounds like a good enough reason" Arthur agreed before hopping onto the bus, looking more cheerful than he really was. Thinking about Al being happy with someone else was a pretty hard thought right now, but seeing him happy would also be a good thing... kind of. It was not like he was in love with the guy or anything. He just... wanted him. A lot. Oh not again.
He sat down quickly, not far off in the back since there were a lot of Jocks hanging there and even though he knew Al would probably be wanting to sit there, he couldn't see why he should. To his slight surprise Al however seated himself next to him with a grin and ignored how his football buddies called for him. When Arthur gave his cousin a raised brow the younger one just chuckled.
"I thought I'd sit with you for a change" he then said and buffed at Arthur's shoulder with his own. "I mean... you're a thousand times more fun than the others anyway"
It was interesting how a little thing like that could seem to make everything better at the moment. A lot could get him down, but as soon as Al made some kind of joke or was just plain cute, everything became so much more colorful than just minutes ago and Arthur even forgot that suffocating feeling.
As they laughed and joked the entire way home, he did think about the fact that he might be manic-depressive, at least it seemed like if for the moment. He went so quickly from being happy to being sad again that maybe he should talk to someone about all this... He had always used a diary to talk to... maybe it was time for him to start talking to a friend or something. He was sure he could always use Jody for that. Not that he was looking forward to it. But he needed to get his feelings out... Seeing how just a little spill had made him feel so much better, imagine how it would feel when it all was out in the open.
When they got off the bus, the rain was pouring down over them and they both laughed as they ran up the drive way to get into the shelter of the house. Arthur could feel all his clothes soaking in seconds and as soon as they where inside he pulled his bag off to save all his papers and books for meeting the same fait.
"And all you think about is saving your boring school stuff and not your cellphone?" Al laughed and started undressing so that he would be able to hang the clothes to dry on the handrail next to the staircase.
"Shit!" Arthur half giggled and pulled it from his pocket, not looking at it when the screen flashed to remind him that he had a message. He put it on the small drawer next to him and then made sure not to look at his cousin either. Because he was half naked already...
"You boys sure came home early today?"
They both lucked up in surprise at Al's mother, who was looking at them from the entrance to the living room. She was neatly dressed, not like she usually was at home, even Arthur could see that. She looked like she was wearing quite a lot of make-up too, almost as if she was going to go to a party, though you could clearly see that she was not used to wearing it. She had a bit too much on and she had smooshed the mascara while rubbing the corner of her eye.
"What the hell mom..?" Al seemed embarrassed, seeing her like that and he hardly looked at either her nor Arthur when speaking. "Are you going to a masquerade or something..?"
She sighed and looked beat down for a second but apparently did not let his comment get her happy mood down. Instead she looked at Arthur, as if Al wasn't even there. "I have been on a job interview" she then said and beamed happily when he returned her smile. "And I found out I got the job! Yay"
"Congratulations Diane" he managed to say before she embraced him and he hugged her back. She smelled of perfume and hairspray, clean clothes and wine.
"I'm going out to celebrate, but I trust you two to take care of the house and all while I'm gone" she giggled, obviously a bit intoxicated by alcohol. Al just nodded and hugged her back too, not at all looking like her wanted to.
"Is there any dinner...?"
"Yes dear" she nodded and grabbed her purse as soon as they all heard a car drive up in front of the house and honk its horn. "And by the way..." she was already holding an umbrella and had her shoes on when she stopped in the doorway to look back at them both, him in his wet clothes and Al only in his pants. "...Your father is upstairs, you might want to get some food into him, or else he'll starve I'm afraid"
With those words she left them again and it struck Arthur how little time he really had had with her. He hardly knew how old she was or her middle name (and for Arthur that was the interesting parts about older women, the only interesting parts). The thought left him though as soon as he turned his eyes to Al and realized the younger one was looking terrified.
"What is it..?"
"Nothing..." was the only answer he got and even though Al looked like her was about to cry, he seemed to collect himself fairly quickly and soon, everything was back to normal again.
The food she had left them was not very good but they ate it anyway. Al spoke about some waco teacher that had messed his entire day up and then about how cute Lauren had been when she tried to cheer him up. "She really is a Cheerleader..." he said while looking dreamy and Arthur laughed.
After dinner, Al left him for a while to go up with some food for his father and it didn't take long before he was back. "You want some tea, don't you?" he asked while still hurrying down the stairs and Arthur could see he was pale, but didn't comment on it. Instead he nodded with glossy eyes and fake drool-face.
"Sooo..." he cousin then said, as they crawled up in the sofa with tea and cookies and Arthur looked up in surprise. "Tell me more about yourself my dear cousin... I bet life here is so boring compared to your life in Britain right?"
"Why does everyone here think that England is so much more fun than here?"
"Because everyone here knows how boring this gets in the long run..." Al answered and chuckled drily. "Besides, your life must have been pretty different from ours... even if you yourself don't see it as something extraordinary... we do cause it's a cool story."
"Well..." Arthur smiled and warmed his hands on the cup as he spoke. "I live with my mother half the time and my father half... they got divorced when I was twelve and even though they say it's cool to everyone, they both blame my weirdness on the fact that they split up"
"See? You're already more interesting than any other guy at school"
Arthur chuckled a little and shook his head before continuing. "I have a stepbrother and not many friends but the few I had used to tell me to stop sticking out so much. I ditched them..." he paused and drank some tea, his throat always got so damn dry while talking about home. "...My mother's name is Christa but I bet you knew that already. She always talks so good about you guys, you and your brother I mean, which makes me sound like a total dick..."
"Sorry about that dude"
"Stop interrupting me all the time!" He waited until Al had both stopped laughing and apologized before he continued. "And she always tries to... see through my 'problem' as if it never excised and..."
"Sorry, but, your 'problem'?" Al mimicked and looked slightly confused. Arthur got confused too because he thought it had been pretty obvious..?
"Yeah? You know, the way I am?" he answered and got an 'oh...' back before continuing where he left the earlier sentence. "...and she thought that if I saw a psychologist or something I'd 'get better' and stuff... she really just cares about me and such, can't stand her though. She is a weird woman."
"So in short..." Al said and chewed a little on his lip, trying to look as if though he was thinking things through, even if it was kind of obvious that he wasn't really. "Your mother thinks that you are a useless bastard who should do so much more for the family than you really are, and she would take the first possible chance to change you if she could?"
"Pretty much, yes..." he nodded back and sighed as he leaned back in the sofa. He was glad to be here because even if Diane obviously had a lot in common with his own mother, at least she didn't hate him and his... ways. Not yet at least, which was refreshing.
"Dude, my mom's the same..." Al groaned and made a face of horror which just made Arthur laugh and almost spit tea over the entire table. "Oh how my mother wished I was more like Matt, seriously... Matt has always been such a momma's boy, a real pain in the ass... though I love him. He's so dense he doesn't even notice himself that she loves him more than she loves me, hah!"
"I don't think she loves you less though..." Arthur said weakly and blushed a little when Al looked at him funny. Maybe he should stop with this whole 'I understand women' thing? It didn't exactly make him look any cooler and Al seemed to thing he was weird for it. Still, he kept going, otherwise it would just have been awkward. "I mean... you're her son and she loves you... but maybe she thought you'd grow up to be different you know? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you" he quickly added when he saw a glimpse of hurt in those blue eyes. "But maybe she just wished you two would have more in common? And believe me, all she wants to really do is spend more time with you anyway. She wants to be the one you come and talk to when you're down, the one you cry for and spill your heart out for..."
"But she knows I never do that..?"
Al seemed slightly confused in a cute, funny way and Arthur smiled tenderly. Nothing would ever happen between them, but seeing him like this sure made he wish that maybe some day, when they were older perhaps...
"Yeah that's the thing Al..." he answered and then looked around, pointing at a baby picture of Al next to the TV. His small fingers pointing in every direction and a big, toothless smile shining through the frame, blond hair even thicker than it was now and those blue eyes so big he almost looked like a girl. "When she got you she was so happy and everything was perfect... you laughed and played with her and your brother, wanted her to join you on the floor when you pretended you were in a jungle and was hunted by lions? But as you grew up, you grew away form all that, away from her..."
Al bit his lip, a bit harder than he should have and Arthur could see a tear building at the corner of his right eye. Of course he could not really know if it was from the pain or the guilt that the younger one was already feeling. What ever it was, it made Arthur regret that he even said anything in the first place.
"And that's nothing to feel guilty for or anything like that, jeez... I wouldn't want to be playing on the floor with my mother even if I got money to do it..." he chuckled and scratched his neck. "And mothers don't ask for it, they just go around feeling bad about it, not really knowing the cause of their depression themselves... Wouldn't that make you do idiotic things too?"
Al seemed to be thinking for real right now, before nodding in agreement and looking over at the picture. "But.." he then said and looked back at Arthur, if feeling bad, he surely hid it well. "...how come you know things like this? You're not a mother are you?"
"You daft?" he laughed and shook his head. "As if I could have hidden that from you? You've seen my dick for fucks sake?"
"You could always be transgender?"
"Oh shut up"
Al just smirked in his usual way and Arthur gave up trying to see if he was still feeling bad. This young man was quite the master a hiding his feelings behind that smile, making it look completely believable and real, even if that might not be the case.
"My mother told me..." he said after watching that smirk for a while, now sounding a bit more serious again. "When I came home late one night, I was fourteen.."
"What did she say now?" Al asked, looking confused since he seemed to have partly forgotten what they where talking about. But Arthur didn't have to answer because Al remembered within a second with an: "Oh right... sorry"
"She was pissed off that I hadn't called her to tell her I was going to come home late..." Arthur continued, trying not to think too much about what he was saying because getting emotional right now didn't at all seem like such a good plan. "Which I had but her cellphone had been shut off and I couldn't remember our home-number... anyway. She was pissed and started screaming at me that I needed to think through my life if I still wanted to live in Her house"
"She was going to throw you out?" Al asked in surprise because this he had not at all heard about Arthur apparently. He wasn't surprised though because of course his mother had never told Diane anything bad about him. She WANTED him to come to the US and stay with Diane's family so she couldn't ruin those chances with telling bad things about him, right?
"Nah she just said she would" he assured with a smile. "She didn't like the person I had become, she said and she was crying too... She said she wanted things to go back to the way it had been and I was so fucking shocked that she even said that... I mean, go back to how things used to be? When? When I was tiny and sucked on her tits?"
"Ehw..." Al groaned. "Probably?"
"We had like a major fight that time and she told me what she had been dreaming about when she found out she was getting a son and yada yada..." he sighed and rubbed his forehead slightly. Even talking about it gave him a headache. "AND she told me that sometimes she wished that I was just a tiny little boy again... and that she could be my best friend again, because apparently I told her she was when I was about three..."
"Adorable..."
"Oh yes..."
They fell silent and Arthur felt his head throb even more. His mother had really been mad that time... Gosh, he hadn't though about this in so long. That's when he had screamed at her that he couldn't stand the fact that she hated him so much. That she was so mean because she couldn't accept the fact that he was gay, which she had answered 'It's just a phase! You'll get over it and then you'll be a laughing stock to everyone you've come out to!' Man they had been childish back then... at least she didn't say that anymore, that it was just a phase. But she was still thinking it, at least she thought she was.
"What happened afterwards?" Al asked after a while and you could hear clearly in his voice that he wasn't sure if he should ask.
Arthur shrugged in return and drank some more of the tea to by himself time. "Nothing much... she pretended nothing happened the day after and ever since, I found out a couple of weeks later that she was pregnant... And don't get me wrong, I love my little brother, but when ever I see her on the floor with him, whenever he tells her he loves her, I know she got him because of me... because I don't tell her stuff like that anymore."
"Sucks..." his cousin sighed and wrinkled his eyebrows. It was charming whenever he didn't know what to say. "How old is he now? Your brother I mean..."
"Ehm..." Arthur blushed and counted on his fingers quickly. "He's turning four at the end of this year, I think.. Or was it next year? He is thee... should be."
"What's his name again? I know mom told me about it but I can't really remember cause she always tells me about things I never listen to" He excused and drank some tea again while Arthur watched him with a soft smile.
"Peter... "
... ... ...
Before they knew it, thursday grew with the soft smell of wet asphalt hanging in the air and grey clouds threatening to tare down earth as they walked from the school bus up to the school grounds. Al had made Arthur swear that he would help him pick out some clothes he could wear at the dinner later and Arthur had made sure that Jody would not be sad by inviting her to go with them after school.
First they had to face the horrors that the day would bring however and they took separate paths as they entered though the main doors, not to be late for any lessons. The corridors where noisy as always and both of them felt tired for different reasons.
Once again, Arthur had had trouble sleeping and even though the madras wasn't even hard, he had felt as if he was lying right on the floor, tossing and turning like crazy.
Al, on the other hand, had slept, but dreamt hideous dreams about Lauren's father being close to the Devil himself and her mother having fangs like a viper and claws like a giant bird. It had all ended with Arthur waking him, all pale faced wondering what was wrong. At that moment, Al had just felt like crying. Mostly out of relief that it was over.
Arthur had assured him that he had been awake the entire time and that his sleep had not been disturbed by the grunting Al had made him his sleep but the younger one had chosen not to believe him at all. Arthur had been looking far to tired for someone who claimed he was not tired at all, besides... he knew how little Arthur had slept the passed days, he just couldn't believe that he would never go to sleep.
When he now spent his day thinking about Lauren's damn family all the time, he tried to distract himself in several ways, which all failed eventually. Sadly enough. When they were going to have sex during lunch break, he was so distracted he came without warning and she was mad at him for an hour about that. He tried drawing but realized he needed his glasses to do that so he gave up. He even tried to text Matt to see if he had time to text back but got nothing in return and finally, the only thing that really DID distract him from the dreadful evening that lay ahead was the thought of a naked Arthur in front of him. Though, that didn't really give him the shocking reaction he had been hoping for and he had spent the rest if math laughing at himself.
When the boring school day was over, he met up with Arthur and his new friend outside the gates, greeting them with a bright smile and a knot of nausea in his stomach, nervous was something he did NOT like to be.
"Me and Jody have been thinking by the way.." Arthur said after they had gotten through introductions without much trouble. "Lauren said that you should just wear something nice, right?" Al nodded and Jody smiled.
"Then we think you should just get a new shirt or something, and maybe a neck tie... because your pants are looking good on you today, at least that's what we think" she said with the brightest smile ever and Al marveled a bit at how bold she was. She wasn't the kind of person you'd think would enjoy talking to him without giggling like crazy.
"Sounds good enough for me..." he nodded and Arthur seemed to be relived by this. He was probably looking forward as much to this as Al himself, and he didn't look forward to this at all.
After spending almost two hours looking through stores and outlets, they finally bought a shirt with matching tie, plus some flowers as a gift for her parents. It had been a lot more fun that Al had feared, since the only one he really had gone shopping with was either his mother and sometimes Lauren, and you can imagine that to him, none of them made it fun.
"I think he is ready" Jody said with effect when he came out from the bathroom and into his room, dressed in the new clothes. He had pulled a comb through his hair as well which he himself thought looked ridiculous but she seemed to like it. "You could almost take you for a nice guy Al" she giggled and he could she how Arthur did the same where he sat behind her.
"Very funny" he mumbled and looked at the flowers in his hand as his stomach turned again, violently.
"But seriously though" Arthur smiled and got up. "You look good in these clothes Al... you should ware stuff like this more often." His cold, slimmed fingers reached up to correct the tie around Al's neck, just to make it a bit better, and his smile was genuine. The kind of smile Al could trust. "You're gonna wow them Al, don't look so terrified"
"But I am terrified..."
"She loves you Al..." Arthur smiled and the words caused storms in his mind immediately, like a tornado over calm water. "She won't give you up even IF you screw up... you have nothing to loose here. And if they really love their daughter, they'll see what an awesome guy you are..."
"You think..?"
"I know so Al... Now go out there and show them your awesomeness, yeah?" his cousin chuckled and pate´ted him lightly on the shoulder. The touch was well needed because Al felt as if though his nervous butterflies would soon lift him off the ground if no one held him down.
"Go get them tiger!" Jody smiled as well and tilted her sweet face to the side. "We'll be here when you come back, if it's not to late because then I won't be here... anyway, we'll be here so if there is anything, you know where to find us, kay?"
He nodded. It felt as if though he had known her for so much longer than he really had, just like it felt with Arthur. He had thought that that had been because they were related or something because before him, he had never met anyone her felt so at ease with. Jody however was like that too. The first girl he really didn't feel like he needed to impress... She would be an awesome friend do Arthur and he could see it already. Or maybe more than a friend because they had sure seemed friendly back in the store...
"I'll leave you two love birds then" he joked and took a mental picture of Arthur's adorable face as he blushed like a tomato. "I'll call on my way home or something? And Jody, make sure to take care of my cousin, okay? If he burns the house down, my mother will blame me"
"You can count on me Sir!" She happily declared and put her hand to her forehead in salute.
"Good bye Artie" he said over his shoulder as he walked out the door. "Be a good boy now"
"Yes..."
There was something in that voice that made Al want to turn around and see the expression on the older one's face, but he didn't. He had to hurry now and if he didn't, he'd be late and even he knew that wasn't a good thing. So he hurried down the stairs and sighed slightly at the sound of his bedroom door closing and Jody laughing at something Arthur had said.
Jeez... I wish I could be in there too... stupid dinner.