May 14, 2004 23:45
I am such an insignificant person, just like a star in the sky. I'm one of the billions that suffer (in anyway) each day. That's crazy, I can't even grasp that everyone has a brain, just like I do. It's so easy to assume that everyone, everything is like a robot. That's how I ate meat all those years, that's how I could STILL eat meat! I could still eat a steak, I know it's wrong and if I had befriended the cow (as I am likely to do) then I would be devasted that it had died. But because I live so far from the slaughter house and animal cruelty, I can't even imagine it all. The only thing I have is the feeling that something's not right. When meat made me gag and I needed to have it overcooked, it couldn't be red... That didn't seem right. I could probobly murder someone, but I know it's wrong, so I stop myself. Right now, everyone else in the world is thinking about something, just like I'm thinking now. As I said, that's too big for my tiny brain to comprehend. I am the only one with a brain, who can think for herself, I'm superior. If only things were actually like that, life would be so much simpler. It feels as if I have almost no empathy, whatsoever, I just know how I would feel in a certain situation. And being killed or beaten or paid .13$ an hour, that's just not my idea of a good time, let alone a satisfactory happening! That's thirteen cents an hour, not thirteen dollars. Sweatshops. I dont' even know what to do about it, I feel like it's absolutely immoral and that we have no right to steal their freedom from oppression (which you happen to do everyday by buying your sweatshop made clothing). Sure, I boycott, what's that going to do? Just because I boycott doesn't mean I'm doing anything. How can I get involved? If anyone knows anything about any method I could get involved, please inform me, because I would love to be able to help in someway, but now, I feel so utterly helpless.
I wonder what torture would be like, I feel as if I want to experience it just so I will be able to understand how horrible people can feel. I don't even understand the half of it because I've never had to experience something so wrong. Sure, I have my petty problems or mini-drama. But, that seems as if it is nothing compared to the massive pain (emotional and physical) that others face daily.
Obviously I went to the Fushion Conference which stimulated a whole shit-load of things in my mind. Ah. I'm not used to thinking. In our society, it's easy not to think, I was telling Carly this on my car ride home. We can get up and just do our regular routine. Shower, blow dry hair, brush teeth, eat, bus (what ever your designated schedule). Get to school, copy notes, no point in looking at them now, sometime later, or get someone to explain it to you in simple, lamens terms. Then go home, ignore homework, talk on msn, involving almost no thought. All these thought-provoking subjects kept coming up and seriously, it drained me just thinking and talking about all of it.
Firstly, I had a workshop dealing with drama and how it's used to solve conflicts (the workshop leader did not even connect it, at all. We just played some fun drama games, but had no relevance to equity + drama). So that was... okay I guess. I thought it would be more... Powerful I guess.
Secondly, I had the sexual orientation one, which I thought was super. They had funny stories and sad ones and I was extremely interested in all that they had to say. Especially Marvin and Dave. Their experiences weren't especially intersting, just the stories were fun to hear about.
After that we did a 'Rant' sort of thing. We discussed issues and all the students could stand up and say what ever they felt. It went okay. I sounded like a completel fool. I got nervous and forgot all my points, so I just kind of stated stuff that people already knew. That made me feel stupid.
So after I got home, I was alone and so I called up Carly. She was busy moving funiture so I ate some, then called her back again. My parents had their loud, noisy and, when drunk, abnoxious friends over, so when Carly said she had work to do, I offered to help. Although it's weird that I helped her sort stuff for her garage sale, vaccuumed her basement, watched her clean her room and helped to make a veggie platter, I still had fun. I like how it's not like we have to be doing something interesting to be able to talk and stuff. Carly even commented on that.
So now I'm off to bed and tomorrow will be music filled then my evening is occupied with Party Hardy. Sweet.