Status.
This semester, I've been taking an english class. It's actually a college level reading class. For the most part, we've been applying different techniques to learn the material and get through it faster. Essentially, it is a class I wish I would have had in jr. high or high school. It is really quite informative. I think the reason I have learned a bunch is partially due to my teacher's passion for teaching people valuable skills to take out and apply in real situations. She believes heavily in the value of an education, and is quite determined to convince her students that school is the most important thing they're doing right now. Which brings us into the real meat of this post.
I was thinking about how I don't really feel like I'm doing anything. Sure, I'm working. Sure, I'm going to school. But I'm not going anywhere. I feel like I've been wasting my life up to this point. I'm not sure why I have no drive, but I just know that it has never really been there. I think I need to have a passion for something. There are all kinds of things I want to do. All kinds of things I want to have the passion to do, but I can't force myself to take the first step.
There are 2 things that I find I really like. I like playing guitar, and I like the whole France thing. Sadly, I can't help but think that playing guitar is no more than just a hobby. And France... I'm trying to find out if it really is something I'm fascinated about, or if the feelings are just a result of my experience abroad.
I guess I need some kind of challenge. But not something like "I challenge you to do this". It has to be something I come up with, and something I want to go through with, and something I know will be good for me. Most importantly, it has to be meaningful. So far, I don't think I have been faced with some kind of task or problem that I couldn't solve. I feel like all of my failures and accomplishments can be chalked up to laziness. I either half-ass it at the end, or I just give up. I haven't really tried to do anything.
Perhaps this is my hero's quest. Maybe I'm supposed to find the problem that baffles me, and work on a solution for it. Perhaps I'm destined to be a modern version of one of those crazy thinkers of old who spent their entire life pondering the intricacies of the universe/gravity/medicine/sexuality. I like to think my life will have a noble, and epic course, but on the other hand I may just fritter away everything I have, and end up a tired, broken old man.
Only time will tell, I guess. But I always say that. For once, I've got to do something about it, and do the telling instead.
It's 2:45 in the morning.
Well, I think it's neet that I sort of came up with a conclusion. My original intention was to loop it back around to how I feel like I've been wasting my time. Hooray for wandering minds? Anyhow, this little rant did a lot better than I thought. Seems to flow pretty well, too. And bonus for the awesome quote at the end. I'm stamping that and copyrighting it. Anyhow, in other news:
I spent money today. On what? Here's what:
Ambulance LTD. - New English EP
Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Belle & Sebastian - Tigermilk
Built to Spill - You in Reverse
Caribou - Start Breaking My Heart
Chicago - Chicago XXX
Matisyahu - Youth
My Morning Jacket - It Still Moves
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Radio 4 - Enemies Like This
The Stills - Without Feathers
Jarhead
Punch Drunk Love
If you counted correctly, that was 11 CDs and 2 DVDs. A total of 13 individually priced items, that combined to be a grand total of(drumroll, please):
$67.01
Basically, I went to Tower, and practically all they had left was overplayed(and overstocked) mainstream music, and lots of really obscure stuff. It just so happens that I like the obscure stuff. And there was a lot of it. The movies I haven't seen, but have been told good things. Sadly, they didn't seem to have some of the stuff I really wanted to find, but hey, they're open for 5 more days, and it was all pretty picked over.
I was thinking about how I don't really feel like I'm doing anything. Sure, I'm working. Sure, I'm going to school. But I'm not going anywhere. I feel like I've been wasting my life up to this point. I'm not sure why I have no drive, but I just know that it has never really been there. I think I need to have a passion for something. There are all kinds of things I want to do. All kinds of things I want to have the passion to do, but I can't force myself to take the first step.
There are 2 things that I find I really like. I like playing guitar, and I like the whole France thing. Sadly, I can't help but think that playing guitar is no more than just a hobby. And France... I'm trying to find out if it really is something I'm fascinated about, or if the feelings are just a result of my experience abroad.
I guess I need some kind of challenge. But not something like "I challenge you to do this". It has to be something I come up with, and something I want to go through with, and something I know will be good for me. Most importantly, it has to be meaningful. So far, I don't think I have been faced with some kind of task or problem that I couldn't solve. I feel like all of my failures and accomplishments can be chalked up to laziness. I either half-ass it at the end, or I just give up. I haven't really tried to do anything.
Perhaps this is my hero's quest. Maybe I'm supposed to find the problem that baffles me, and work on a solution for it. Perhaps I'm destined to be a modern version of one of those crazy thinkers of old who spent their entire life pondering the intricacies of the universe/gravity/medicine/sexuality. I like to think my life will have a noble, and epic course, but on the other hand I may just fritter away everything I have, and end up a tired, broken old man.
Only time will tell, I guess. But I always say that. For once, I've got to do something about it, and do the telling instead.
It's 2:45 in the morning.
Well, I think it's neet that I sort of came up with a conclusion. My original intention was to loop it back around to how I feel like I've been wasting my time. Hooray for wandering minds? Anyhow, this little rant did a lot better than I thought. Seems to flow pretty well, too. And bonus for the awesome quote at the end. I'm stamping that and copyrighting it. Anyhow, in other news:
I spent money today. On what? Here's what:
Ambulance LTD. - New English EP
Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Belle & Sebastian - Tigermilk
Built to Spill - You in Reverse
Caribou - Start Breaking My Heart
Chicago - Chicago XXX
Matisyahu - Youth
My Morning Jacket - It Still Moves
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Radio 4 - Enemies Like This
The Stills - Without Feathers
Jarhead
Punch Drunk Love
If you counted correctly, that was 11 CDs and 2 DVDs. A total of 13 individually priced items, that combined to be a grand total of(drumroll, please):
$67.01
Basically, I went to Tower, and practically all they had left was overplayed(and overstocked) mainstream music, and lots of really obscure stuff. It just so happens that I like the obscure stuff. And there was a lot of it. The movies I haven't seen, but have been told good things. Sadly, they didn't seem to have some of the stuff I really wanted to find, but hey, they're open for 5 more days, and it was all pretty picked over.