fanfic: Incomplete
Title: Incomplete
Author(s): coolness_1
Artist(s): monkiainen
Fandom(s): Hawaii Five-0
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~8,473
Characters/Pairings: Steve & Danny bromance, past Cath/Steve, mentioned Steve/OMC, mentioned Danny/OFC
Warnings/Spoilers: -
Summary: You can count on your best friend in every situation, even if your best friend doesn’t return your feelings, at least not in the way you want him to or how Steve learnt to trust Danny in every situation, not only with his life, but in every sense of the word, and found something he didn’t expect along the way.
Author’s Notes: So... my first Big Bang.
Many thanks to CookiesN'Cream124 for beta-reading.
Check the fanmix made by monkiainen.
INCOMPLETE
On December 30th, when they finally finish their latest case, McGarrett lets them go home early in the afternoon, and though it's nothing unusual - after tough cases Steve always tries to give them at least a half-day break - Danny should know better. Steve wasn't himself for the past few days, and he still isn't, but Danny fails to notice. Chin and Kono are no better, but Danny's the one who's going to blame himself later.
They next day is free for everyone because New Year's Eve is coming, and if the governor doesn’t call them, it'll stay that way.
But Danny wakes up at 7 a.m., which is strange - really, really strange - as he never gets up early if he doesn't have to. And worse… he has a pretty bad feeling. He doesn't know how he knows it, but he's sure that something isn't right, that something is wrong with McGarrett. Maybe it's instinct.
Danny had never gotten dressed as fast as he did now. He’s fairly sure that he's broken a record or something, but it doesn't matter, not now, when all he can think about is Steve, and how he failed to notice earlier that something wasn't right. Because something is definitely wrong. Now that Danny thinks about it, he realizes that Steve was behaving strangely for the last two, maybe three days. He was more withdrawn, and sadder than usual.
Danny really should have known better than to let Steve go home by himself the day before.
With a really bad feeling, and a pain in his chest, Danny gets into his car, and drives like madman (meaning: as Steve usually does) to McGarrett's house. When he knocks to the door, no one answers, so he just walks in the door. Steve's house is quiet. Too quiet, and Danny thinks that maybe Steve went for a swim in the sea (he's hoping that Steve went for a swim) as he always does in the morning. Steve had always been a morning person (maybe it's just a military thing, Danny thinks), and it's 7:30 a.m., so he should be back any moment. Yes, that's it, he's going to come back any second, you don't need to worry, Danny tries to tell himself, and when he finally succeeds, he stamps on an empty wine bottle, so he looks around, and sees a lot - a whole lot- of empty wine and beer bottles. There are empty bottles everywhere.
And there is Steve.
He's sitting on the stairs with a blank expression on his face, and a half-empty wine bottle in hand.
Earlier, Danny suspected something wasn’t right, but now he’s one hundred percent sure. Steve is usually a complete control-freak, he hates to lose even the littlest bit of power over things, so when he drinks, he drinks to be just a little relaxed (Danny thinks that he's never actually seen Steve fully relaxed), not for being drunk.
And now he's definitely completely drunk.
Everyone would be drunk after drinking so much, and Danny thinks that either Steve has a really strong head and stomach or he's going to have to take Steve to the nearest hospital if it's an alcohol poisoning.
"Steve?" he asks.
Yes, maybe he sounds really uncertain, but he's just afraid, because his best friend doesn't look very well.
Steve doesn't answer. He doesn't even blink or move.
"Steve?" Danny repeats.
Steve remains silent, so Danny takes the bottle from his hand; Steve still doesn't move, but he lets Danny take it. Some people, while drunk, are all happy and behave as if they loved everyone, while others get angry, even dangerous sometimes.
Steve's just silent.
And it's far more terrifying than the dangerous ones.
"Steve, come on. Let’s put you to bed," Danny takes Steve's hand, and leads him to his bedroom.
And now Steve's sitting on his bed, and he doesn't look at Danny, but he starts talking.
"You should go, Danny," Steve tells him.
"Steve..."
"Danny... Leave me alone... Please," Now Steve's looking at him with such a pain in his eyes that it really hurts Danny.
Danny thinks that maybe he really should Steve alone, because everyone needs to be alone sometimes, but something with Steve’s “please” is telling him that maybe it’d be better if he stayed.
So he stays.
Danny sits down near to Steve, and wants to hug him or something, and Steve’s fighting with him, but in the end he lets him do it.
“What happened to you, Steven?” Danny asks after a few minutes of silence.
Steve doesn’t answer for a while, and Danny starts to think that he’s going to remain silent, but Steve replies, not looking at Danny.
“Cath broke up with me.”
Danny’s surprised. Yes, he knew that they’d dated, sort of, but he didn’t know it was so serious that it’d hurt Steve so much.
“Because it wasn’t,” Steve tells him in a little bit sleepy voice.
Shit, thinks Danny. He said it loudly, and he probably shouldn’t have, and Steve certainly should go sleep, but now when he finally started talking, he’s still speaking, and it isn’t good, because he’s drunk, and he could tell Danny something that he wouldn’t if he was his normal self. It isn’t like Danny’s going to use anything Steve may tell him against him, but Steve should still have a choice about what he’s saying to Danny, and not telling him everything just because he’s drunk.
“I mean… We both knew that it’s going to end some day… but I guess, I didn’t realise that it could happen now…” Steve says, “You know what Cath told me when she broke up with me?”
Of course, Danny doesn’t. In fact just a few minutes ago he wasn’t even aware that Cath and Steve ended their relationship.
Steve doesn’t talk for a while, but Danny waits patiently, because he has a feeling that Steve isn’t going to fell asleep until he finishes.
“That we finally can be who we really are, that we can be ourselves, that we don’t have to hide anymore and… I mean, I’m happy, I really am… but it kinda sucks too, because there always have been certain attraction, and tension between the two of us, and it was good… We were good together… even if… I mean, she was the only woman… and I was the only man, who…” Steve’s speaking quite incoherently, and Danny thinks that maybe they shouldn’t continue this conversation, because it’s getting far too serious for a drunk’s talking, and Steve’s probably going to regret it in the morning, because he normally hates talking about his feelings.
Danny sighs.
“What are you trying to tell me, Steve?” he asks eventually, hoping that Steve isn’t going to remember this conversation in the morning, because knowing Steve, it’d be too awkward for him, and he’d avoid Danny for a long time. Hopefully he isn’t going to remember, and it’s okay, because Danny can be silent, and not mention this ever again.
“I…” Steve starts and then he stops.
His eyes meet Danny’s for a second, and then he averts his eyes.
“I’m gay, Danny,” Steve admits silently.
Danny really didn’t see it coming, and it’s just wow, but it’s okay, and even if he’s in shock, he needs to remain calm, because Steve’s his friend, and he needs him. And Danny doesn’t mind, because he isn’t homophobic or anything. He even had a gay friend in high school, and it was okay, and they were pretty good friends.
“And I think I’m in love with you.”
Danny almost doesn’t hear it, because he’s lost in his thoughts. But he hears it, and it’s a surprise, a big surprise, even bigger surprise than the earlier one, so he closes his eyes just for a moment, because it hurts. It hurts so much, because Steve’s a great guy, and he deserves to be loved, and it’d be great if Danny could return his feelings. But the problem’s that he can’t, he knows he can’t, because he’s completely hetero, and he’s never felt anything to any guy, any attraction at all, and he probably isn’t going to. Yes, he experimented once in a uni, but it didn’t work very well, because he’s always had been only attracted to women, not men. But he loves Steve, in different way than Steve loves him, obviously, but Steve’s his best friend now, and Danny’s never felt before something like that to anyone, and it’s probably love, just a platonic one, but still love, and he explains that to Steve, which causes Steve to start apologizing, “I’m really sorry, Danny. I’m sorry.” Steve’s voice’s breaking Danny’s heart, so he hugs Steve again, and this time Steve’s fighting even longer, but still he eventually lets Danny hugs him.
“I’m sorry,” Steve adds one more time, very quietly, and Danny literally can feel pain in his heart, because this is Steve, and Steve shouldn’t be like this. Steve’s like the only thing stable in his life right now, the only thing Danny can be sure of.
Only that he isn’t. Not now at least.
“No, no… Steve, listen to me, okay?” Danny grabs Steve’s hand, and without even realising it, he’s starting babbling, “Don’t be sorry, okay? Just don’t. Because you don’t have to, okay? I mean, Steve… you really, really don’t need to. I mean… gosh, Steve… I should be the one who apologize, okay? You’re great, Steve, really great, and don’t you ever think otherwise. I love you, Steven, I love you platonically, and I’m so sorry. Gosh, I’m so sorry…”
And Danny knows that Steve, even if he’s drunk and sleepy, understands him, and that he knows what Danny means, even if Danny’s babbling, and he doesn’t finish his sentence. Because it hurts him that he can’t give Steve everything he needs, everything he wants, and it hurts him, because he knows Steve’s even more hurt than he is.
“It’s enough,” Steve says, and then he’s lying on his bed, and he’s sleeping, and Danny just can’t help feeling helpless, and doesn’t know what to do.
So he just takes off Steve’s shoes, and he clothes Steve with a blanket.
*
His head’s hurting him, and Steve thinks (no he doesn’t think, he can’t think right now, it hurts too much) that he probably has never had such a hangover before. When he opens his eyes, and see light, too much light, he closes them immediately, and wishes that he was dead or something. He had to have drunk a whole lot yesterday if he has such a hangover now. And how exactly did he get to his bed? If he was so drunk, he probably wouldn’t make it up the stairs. Actually, Steve doesn’t remember going upstairs at all. His last clear memory is sitting on the stairs drinking. He doesn’t remember how he got himself to bed.
Think, Steve, he tells himself in his thoughts, still keeping eyes close. He’s trying to recall some memories from a last night, but it hurts, his head still horribly hurts. He has a feeling that Danno was there, and that it was light. Both of these things are strange, because they all are supposed to have a free day, so why Danno was here? And light... light is even stranger. It was night, right? It was very late, it shouldn’t be light.
Steve shakes his head, and then he says, “Augh,” because it hurts.
“Steve?” he hears a moment later.
Yes, it’s definitely Danno. Steve doesn’t open eyes to check it, because he recognises Danny’s voice (he hears it almost every day, after all), and he knows it’d hurt too much, because it’s still too light.
“Here, take it,” he hears Danno talking again.
Steve opens his eyes, and closes them a few second later, but he takes a glass of water, and an aspirin from Danno. He doubts that it’s going to help him, but still he’s grateful for it. And he still doesn’t know why Danny’s here.
“Why are you here, Danno?” he asks eventually, because it’s the only reasonable thing to do.
Steve hears Danny’s sigh, but he keeps his eyes closed.
“So…” Danny starts, and he sounds a little bit uncertainly like he was trying to not reveal something, so Steve asks, “Okay, what exactly have I done?”
He even opens his eyes, wanting to know Danny’s reaction on the question. Danny tries to not look at him, and he stand up from the chair on which he was sitting, and goes to a window, and now Steve can only see his back.
“Danny?”
He has a feeling that they talked or maybe just he was talking. The question is how much did he tell Danno, and if he told him everything, why’s he still here?
“How much do you remember from yesterday, Steve?” Danny finally answers, turning around.
“Day?”
He thought it was the night, 29th of December, but that’d explain the light.
Danny sighs once again.
“Yes, day,” Danny nods. “You were drinking the whole night,” Steve feels ashamed, because Danny looks at him accusatively, “and then you slept almost twelve hours.”
“Shit,” Steve says.
“Yes, shit,” Danny agrees, and Steve thinks it’s strange, because usually when he says things like ‘shit’ or worse ones, Danny gives him a lecture about not swearing, because he has a daughter and he isn’t going to let Steve be anywhere near her if Steve’s going to swear.
“What did I tell you?” Steve asks.
He still has a headache, but he tries to focus, because it’s important to know how much Danny knows.
“You told me that you and Cath broke up,” Danny replies carefully like he wasn’t sure if he should tell this.
Knowing Danno, he probably didn’t want to talk about last night, no, day, with Steve if he wouldn’t remember their conversation, because Danny knows that Steve hates ‘feelings-talks’ et cetera. But Steve knows that Danny hates lying, so he sighs, and asks,”What else?”
Danny just looks at him, and doesn’t answer, and Steve just knows, even if he doesn’t remember, he just knows that he told Danny everything. And it a bad thing, like really really bad, and Steve has no idea why Danno’s still here, because he shouldn’t if he knows everything.
Steve closes his eyes for a moment. His headache is long gone, and now he just feels pain in his chest.
“Why are you still here?” he asks, and he doesn’t look in Danny’s direction.
“Because you need me,” Danny says simply.
Steve looks in his direction, and his eyes meet Danno’s.
“And I need you,” Danny continues with a smile on his face, and Steve thinks for the first time today that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be okay.
“I love you, Steven, platonically, but I love you,” Danny repeats his word from the previous day.
Steve, even if he doesn’t remember yesterday, repeats himself too, “It’s enough,” he says even if they both know that it isn’t.
*
Long after Danny went home, Steve’s still sitting at his table, and is looking out a window in a kitchen, wondering how the hell it’s all happened.
He knew that after repealing of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ he was going to part ways with Cath, but he failed to realise that it was happening right now. Five-0 was working on a tough case, and Steve didn’t watch the news, or read his personal emails, so he was more than surprise when on 28th he saw Cath, still in uniform, waiting in front of his doors.
“Sexy as always,” Steve started.
He was tired, but seeing Cath always made him happier. Steve bent over to kiss her, but she stopped him.
“Cath, what’s wrong?” he asked.
Steve takes a few sips of water, not wanting to remember what happened after his question. Them breaking up, even if it was a wise decision, led to his drinking, and later on to telling Danny things he probably shouldn’t.
“You know I still want you there?” Danny said him a few hours before, while preparing him breakfast.
“I don’t thinks that’s a good idea,” Steve answered then.
This situation was awkward enough. He didn’t want to make it worse by going to Rachel’s.
“Come on, Steve, I’m not going to survive with Rachel and Stan there if you’re not going to show up,” Danny added.
Steve supposed that Danny was right. Rachel and Danny still aren’t exactly friends even though they’re raising their daughter together... at least sort of together.
Now he’s still deciding if it’s a good idea to go there. It probably isn’t, but Danny personally promised to drag him there by force if doesn’t show up. It’s not like Steve’s afraid of Danny, because he isn’t - he’s much stronger than Danny is - but Danno is his friend. Plus, Danny promised to take Kono and Chin with him, and Steve doesn’t exactly want them to see him like this, so messed up.
Which basically means that he needs to get change and look like a human being when the evening comes. Thankfully, he still has more than a couple of hours to get ready for a New Year’s Eve party.
*
“Hey,” Danny says, opening the doors of Rachel and Stan’s residence.
He doesn’t look very surprised seeing him here. Steve sighs. Danny’s already known him too well, so he knew that he was going to come.
Danny actually looks unsettled. Not really sad, but not happy either. Steve supposes that it has something to do with spending their New Year’s Eve in his ex-wife and her new husband’s house. If Steve was Danny, he probably wouldn’t come. But Grace is here, so Steve can’t imagine him being anywhere else.
He can’t imagine himself being anywhere else either.
Steve comes into house, and gives Rachel a bottle of champagne. She smiles at him, and puts the bottle on a shelf, and Steve has a strange feeling that she’s not going to use it. He shrugs his arms, and decides to let it go.
“Good to see you, brah,” Chin greets him with a handshake.
“It’s good to see you too,” Steve answers, and tries to smile at him. He mostly succeeds.
“You look good,” Chin tells him, looking at him carefully, and Steve thinks that maybe he exaggerates.
He wears a red polo t-shirt, and dark jeans. Steve supposes that it can make him a little more elegant than his normal himself.
“Big night, huh?” Chin asks him.
“No, not really, why?”
“Catherine is somewhere there.” Chin shows him a direction.
“Great,” he says a little bit sarcastically, and decides to ignore Chin’s curious look.
Steve should know that she could be here. She’s still on a pass, and Rachel in an act of good will decided to invite all Danny’s friend. So Steve, Chin, and Kono are here now, and Cath apparently is as well. She’s supposed to be Steve’s plus one, but well, she isn’t, and even though they’re still friends - at least Steve hopes they are - he needs a time to process everything, meaning he should steer clear of Cath for a while. He’s never before been so happy that Rachel and Stan have such a big mansion instead of normal house. Maybe he’s going to have luck, and not going to meet Catherine for the rest of the night.
“Hi, Steve,” he hears familiar voice a moment later.
“Great,” Steve just repeats, and Chin claps on his shoulder. Then he shakes his head, and walks away looking for Danny who went to the garden to show Grace colourful fireworks.
“Hey, Cath,” he answers calmly.
It’s hard to see her now when they broke up, but it isn’t as bad as he thought it’s going to be. They really need to move on with their lives, and be who they really are. He just hopes they’re going to find a way to be just good friends. Cath is a big part of his life even without benefits.
“I’m tired,” Cath says, yawning.
“No, you’re drunk,” Steve says, taking her into his arms.
He knows how Cath is when she’s hit the bottle a little too hard. When she’s drunk, she’s always melancholic, and even a little sad. But she always stays more or less in control or her behaviour, and she does remember everything she’s doing while being drunk. Basically, Cath is completely opposite of Steve.
“Let’s go sit somewhere, okay?” he says, and when she nods, he takes her outside to the nearest bench in the garden.
People are celebrating in the garden, and watching enchanting fireworks in the sky. It’s really beautiful out there. It’s a sign that the New Year is coming. Steve hopes that 2011 is going to be better than the end of this one.
He sees Danny with his daughter a few metres away. He’s giving her sparklers, and even if Steve can’t see them clearly because it’s dark, he knows that Grace is smiling.
He smiles.
“So, Danny, huh?” Cath asks, pillowing her head on his arm.
“Yeah,” Steve admits.
*
It isn’t particularly late when the governor calls Steve and tells him that they have a work to do. He probably should be angry, because it’s New Year’s Eve, and no one really wants to work now, but he isn’t.
Talking with Cath isn’t as hard as he thought it would be, but it’s still very hard. They need to clean the atmosphere to be friends once again, and it’s not a very easy task, not really. Not when your ex-girlfriend is asking you about a man you’re in love with, and smirking at you knowingly.
Maybe he shouldn’t be happy about the new case, because if they have work to do, it means something bad happened, but he doesn’t have the strength to be sad about it. Steve’s life is a complete mess now, and when he works he’s always completely focused on the case, and he really needs to clear his mind now, even if just for a bit. Working on another case should help him a little.
“Danny, come on, we need to go,” he comes up to Danno, and claps on his shoulder. “Kono and Chin have already gone,” he adds.
Steve sighs when Danny looks at him completely unhappy. Danny really doesn’t spend enough time with his daughter, so every second with Grace is precious for him. He hates losing those moments. Steve, even though he doesn’t have kids, and probably never will, can understand him.
Danny hugs Grace, kisses her on her head, and promises he’ll be back as soon as he can. And then Danny leaves Gracie with Rachel, who is everything but happy now, yelling and screaming at Danno that he should have different job. One that doesn’t require him working on New Year’s Eve, and a job that isn’t as dangerous as being a cop.
Steve sighs, and covers Grace’s ears during Rachel speech. It’s not that he doesn’t understand her - because he does, he treated his dad the same once - but Danny’s job is important, and Danny is a good detective, and an even better dad.
“Bye, Dad, bye, Uncle Steve,” Grace says when as they leave Rachel and Stan’s mansion.
“See ya later, Gracie,” Steve waves at her.
*
“Any eye witnesses?” Steve asks when he and Danno arrive on a murder scene, even if he already knows the answer.
It’s a dark alley, and there is nothing around. No one could see or hear anything here. Even from where he’s standing, Steve can hear loud music coming from a bar three blocks down the street.
“There was no one here, and there isn’t any cameras,” Chin confirms his suspicions.
“How’d the victim die?”
“Talk to Max,” Chin says to him, showing him the way.
Steve comes up to the old, shabby building. Danny’s already here, talking with Max.
The victim is a man, who can’t be more than thirty. He doesn’t look like he was at a party, which is strange because everyone is partying tonight, and he’s in the area of the city where there are only old buildings, and bars - gay bars, if Steve remembers correctly. The man is wearing an elegant jacket and black trousers. He looks more like he was going to a business meeting rather than a New Year’s Eve party.
“What’s the victim’s name?”
“Jonathan Downey, 29 years old, a writer,” Danny answers, “He was stabbed with a knife. Twice.”
“He’d lost too much blood by the time someone found him,” Max says, standing up from the knees.
“Who exactly found him?” Danny asks.
“Some couple, who were definitely looking for a spot to hook up,” Chin replies, coming up closer to them. “I’ve already checked them. They really are just a random couple. A police officer took them to the station to get their official statement. I can imagine that when they went for a party, they didn’t think that their evening was going to end in that way.”
“No, they didn’t,” Steve agrees.
“We have a partial fingerprint,” Chin informs him. “Kono’s already checking it out at HQ.”
“Good,” Steve nods. “Victim have any relatives?”
“I’ll ask Kono.”
“No, I’ll do it. Stay with Max, Danny and I will talk to them.”
Chin nods.
*
Steve and Danny head to the Camaro. Steve’s talking on the phone with Kono, but he still takes the driver’s seat. Danny just sighs, probably because it’s a habit.
After a minute Steve replaces the receiver, and starts to drive faster, much faster than he should, so Danny fastens his seatbelt, because riding in a car with Steve is far more dangerous than a gunshot.
“So?” Danny asks, when the silence is getting too overwhelming.
“So what?” Steve replies, hands on a wheel, eyes concentrated on a street.
“Relatives, Steve,” Danny says, and sighs, because he’s already sure that something isn’t right.
It seems that a lot of things just don’t seem to be right as of recently, And Danny has a feeling that it’s going to stay this way for a while.
“Ah, yeah. Michael Johnson, the husband of the victim, and the governor’s godson apparently,” Steve answers bitterly and sad, and Danny just wants to hug him, and take away all devilry from this words.
He just wants to protect Steve as much he wants to protect Gracie, but Steve is a grown man, so he probably shouldn’t. The problem with Steve is that what Danny saw not so long ago, the real Steve without any visors and layers, he just can’t stop remembering him like that. He probably hasn’t seen Steve in this condition ever before, and now Danny can’t get it out of his head. Because not too long ago, Steve seemed so broken, and so uncertain of everything. Danny doesn’t want Steve to be that broken ever again.
“When the governor called with the case she didn’t tell you why, right?” Danny asks, and maybe it’s not the best idea, because Steve just clenches his hands around the steering wheel, and locks his eyes on the road, not for a second on Danny.
“Right,” Steve admits, and that’s all. He doesn’t tell anything more.
And Danny has a feeling that’s not it - that it’s not about the governor not filling Steve in on everything. That it’s about something else.
“What happened, Steve?” Danny asks, even if he knows that Steve’s not going to answer.
He is right. Steve doesn’t answer.
The thing is that Danny is a detective, so he should observe, and deduct. He should know what’s wrong this time, only that he doesn’t.
So Danny starts to analyse all the facts he knows.
The case isn’t probably the tough one. Considering the area when it happened, and the fact that the victim had the husband, it isn’t hard to guess that it was a hate crime. Considering that the victim was dressed elegant, he probably had a meeting, so a murder was probably someone who he known, not just a random hater…
And now Danny just gets it, and all he wants to do is punch himself in the face for not realising this earlier. And then he wants to hug Steve, and never let him go.
“Steve…” He touches Steve’s arm gently. “You can stay. I’ll take Chin and go with him to talk to the victim’s husband.”
“I’m okay, Danno,” Steve says, but they both know it isn’t truth.
Danny knows that Steve’s lying, and Steve knows that Danny knows it.
“Steve…” he tries once again.
“Drop it, Danno,” Steve says, so Danny drops it.
Steve starts driving even faster than before.
*
They arrive at the husband’s house, and Steve turns the engine off. They’re looking up at a somewhat small, but very nice, house.
“Steve, you can stay. I can handle it myself,” Danny says.
“I’m okay, Danno, I really am,” Steve answers, and Danny isn’t sure who’s he’s trying to convince. Danny, or himself?
“You can stay, Steve,” Danny repeats.
“I’m fine. Just give me a minute.”
“Steve, stay, trust me on this,” Danny says, because he sees how much it costs Steve to stay calm.
“I trust you, Danno,” Steve replies, not looking at him, and it sounds more than a little melancholic, so Danny thinks that it’s not just about this case, this moment.
“Yeah, I know,” Danny answers, because it’s true.
He knows that Steve trusts him with his life. But that’s the thing - they were trained to trust their partners completely in a matter of life and death, but in any other situation, Steve sometimes (always) has trust issues. So it means a lot when he’s saying something like this. Steve probably still needs to work on trust and everything, but Danny at least knows that the recent events didn’t change their friendship so much, because Steve at least tries to trust him, not only with his life, and it’s good.
“If you trust me Steve, stay here. I’ll handle it, okay?” Danny says, and he knows that it’s a foul-play, but he doesn’t feel guilty about it. Maybe just a little bit.
He probably shouldn’t use Steve’s trust like this, but it’s probably the only way to keep him in the car, and Danny doesn’t think that Steve could handle talking with the victim’s husband right now. It’s not that Steve is weak or anything - because he isn’t, Steve is probably the strongest person Danny knows - but on the lights of the recent events, it would be better if he stayed. Steve doesn’t need more stress or problems right now. He probably has too many of them already.
“Okay, I’ll stay,” Steve replies after a few seconds. He doesn’t sound happy about it, but he at least agrees.
*
Danny knocks on the door, and only a few seconds later, a man opens it. Danny guesses that it has to be the victim’s husband.
Michael Johnson is quite a tall man, probably even taller than Steve. He has a dark blond hair, and blue and intelligent eyes. But that’s not all what Danny notices. The very first thing he sees is that Mr Johnson looks tired, very tired, like he hasn’t slept for weeks, maybe even longer, but that’s completely understandable, because, after all, he’s just lost his husband.
Danny’s really happy that he isn’t the one who has to tell him the bad news - he knows that someone has already done it - because he doesn’t think he would handle it very well right now. He’s worried about Gracie, and Rachel’s stupid ideas - he doesn’t know what she’s up to considering that she’s probably still completely mad that he went to work on a case instead of celebrating New Year’s Eve - and he’s very worried about Steve. These all cause some trouble for him while working - he can’t exactly concentrate completely on the case, and he doesn’t think he could console someone right now. He hopes that Mr Johnson isn’t going to need him to. He hopes that Mr Johnson has someone who’s going to be with him in these hard times.
“Commander Steven McGarrett?” Mr Johnson asks.
Danny denies, “Detective Danny Williams. I’m here to ask you a few questions. I’m working on your husband’s case.”
Mr Johnson lets Danny in to his house, but he doesn’t look happy about it. Danny can imagine how hard it’s going to be for him to talk about his dead husband. Even now, after their divorce, Danny knows that he couldn’t handle if something like that happened to Rachel. He stills cares about her too much. He doesn’t even want to imagine how devastated he would be if something happened to Grace or Steve, or the rest of the Hawaii Five-0 team.
“Where’s Commander McGarrett? The governor has assured me he’s going to work on Jon… my husband’s case,” Mr Johnson asks, showing Danny a place to sit.
Danny doesn’t even have strength to be angry at Mr Johnson for mentioning the governor. Normally he would be pissed off, because Danny hates people with contacts, and family connections that give them more favours than the normal, ordinary people. But now he isn’t.
Because he knows that Mr Johnson has a lot of on his mind right now, and mentioning the governor, and asking for the person who the governor probably told him he can trust, it’s just a way of handling with everything that’s happening. Danny can’t blame him for wanting to be sure that the best person is investigating his husband’s death. It’s not going to bring his husband back, nor is it going to ensure a peace of Mr Johnson’s mind. It’s probably not going to help a lot, but Mr Johnson seems as a man who can’t just seat and grieve in silence; he wants to do something.
And he can’t, because he’s a lawyer, not a cop. But he can at least make sure that the best people are working on this case, and that they will find his husband’s murderer.
“Do you want something to drink?” Mr Johnson asks when Danny’s already seated comfortably on a coach in Michael Johnson’s living room.
Danny isn’t thirsty, but he nods anyway. He knows that Mr Johnson just wants to delay the conversation. He doesn’t blame him for that.
“Did Jonathan have any enemies?” Danny asks after a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence.
Mr Johnson shakes his head negatively.
“Not that I’m aware of,” he answers. “I mean, Jon is… was, mostly working at home. He was a writer after all. He just had bunch of friends which we would hang out with sometimes. There were some critics and readers who didn’t like his stories, but it wasn’t anything serious. He’d never got threats or anything.”
“Where he was going today? A meeting, perhaps?” Danny asks next questions.
Mr Johnson shakes his head again.
“He didn’t say, not really, but his brother called him just before he left. They’d never gotten along very well, and recently Jon’s been talking about finally coming out to his brother… I think he was going to meet him,” Mr Johnson replies, shaking a little.
But Danny is still quite impressed. Mr Johnson is handling everything pretty well, considering. Danny knows that everyone handles situations like this differently, but Mr Johnson is keeping his chin up very well. Danny just wishes that Mr Johnson wasn’t going to fall apart.
“He didn’t tell you?” Danny’s making sure.
“No,” Mr Johnson confirms.
*
“Okay, thanks Kono,” Steve hangs up, leaves a mobile phone on a seat, and he steps out of the car.
He’s just a few metres away from the doors, when something hits him. With astonishment he notices that it was a stone. Steve guesses that it was supposed to knock him out, but it didn’t work. He puts his hand to the back of his head - when he takes it off from there he has blood on his hand. It isn’t bad, but Steve is almost sure that he’s going to need stiches later. Probably sooner than later, but he can survive without it a couple more minutes.
Steve looks around, and he sees the man - tall, blond, in a black suit. He’s taking another stone from the neighbour’s driveway, probably still trying to eliminate him. Steve’s not going to let him do it.
Steve goes after him, and they’re struggling a few seconds, and then the man is the one knocked out. If Danny saw it, he probably would comment something about SEALs and their superpowers, and then he would laugh. Steve smiles unintentionally, and then handcuffs the man. He compares the man with the picture, which Kono sent him. It’s the same man.
Christian Downey, the victim’s older brother.
Steve sighs, and just sits on the ground next to still unconscious Christian Downey. He feels like he didn’t have strength for anything. This case, even if he hasn’t actually worked on it very long, literally kills him off.
He’s still sitting like this when Danny, the victim’s husband, Chin and Kono show up.
*
“Steve, are you okay?” Danny asks as he steps up to Steve. He was going out of Mr Johnson’s house, when he saw Steve struggling with some man. He and Mr Johnson hurried up as much as they could, but when they came upon the two, the fight was already finished, and Steve’s been sitting, tired and exhausted.
“Yeah,” Steve nods, standing up. It’s only a half-lie.
Maybe he still doesn’t have strength for anything, but he’s happy that they finished this case, that they caught a bad guy again.
Not long after Christian Downey recovers and becomes conscious again, Kono and Chin - in two separate cars - arrive.
“Why are you all here?” Steve asks.
“Christian Downey checked out of his hotel, but he didn’t show up at the airport. He missed his flight, and didn’t answer his phone. It didn’t take genius to figure out where he was heading. By the way, Steve, Danny, you think you could pick up the phones for once?” Kono says.
Steve left his phone in the car, and Danny has had a problems with his for a couple of days. He probably should repair it immediately.
“We’re fine,” Steve answers, because he knows that Kono is just about them.
Kono smiles at them a little, and resigned to give them a lecture about their reckless behaviour later. Steve and Danny smile back, and they exchange glances, and Danny knows that he and Steve are thinking exactly the same thing. Not so long ago Kono was just a rookie, new to the game, inexperienced, brave, and clever, but still only a rookie. Now she’s all grown up, and they just wonder when the hell it happened, because now Kono is not only one of the best cops, but she also started mothering them. It’s strange, because she’s the youngest, but Danny doesn’t really mind, neither does Steve, because Kono is a part of family.
“What about Ben?” Michael Johnson asks.
“Leave Ben out of this!” Christian Downey yells, and starts struggling with the handcuffs, but Chin holds him tight.
“Who’s Ben?” Steve wants to know, and then he adds, “Ow,” because his head actually hurts because of tis cut, and he’s really going to need stiches.
“Fuck, Steve, you’re bleeding. Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Danny asks when he steps up, and sees the wound on Steve’s head. “You should be at hospital.”
“I’m okay, Danno,” Steve answers quite sincerely. He feels a little bit dizzy right now, but it’s not so bad. He’s had worse injuries.
“Why did you lie?” Kono asks, and for a moment Steve doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but then he remembers that only a couple of seconds ago he told her that he was fine.
“I’m sorry,” he tells her, because he knows she’s hurt, and then he ignores the worried expressions he can see on his co-workers’ faces, and turns again to Mr Johnson, “Who’s Ben?” Steve repeats the question.
“Jonathan’s nephew, Christian’s son.,” Mr Johnson answers without looking at Christian Downey. He doesn’t look very well - he’s tired - but no one could actually blame him for that. He has every right to be exhausted and sad, now when he not only lost his husband, but also found out that his husband was killed by his own brother.
“I’ll call and ask about Ben’s relatives,” Kono says.
Steve nods in agreement, but Mr Johnson shrugs his head.
“There is no one,” he interrupts, “Ben’s mum died during labour, and Jonathan’s parent passed away a couple of years ago. Christian was Ben’s only relative.”
Christian Downey starts to struggle with Chin, because he knows what can happen.
“No! My son is not going to be raised by some fag!” he screams.
Steve is the one who calms him down. Well, he doesn’t exactly calms him down, he just steps up to Mr Downey, and pushes him up holding his collar, and then he pushes him on the ground. Chin lets him do it. Danny would normally object against this kind of behaviour - because they supposed to be the good guys - but now he doesn’t even protest.
“We all are humans,” Steve tells the victim’s brother, “Even gays, lesbians, black…” and now Steve starts giving examples, but Danny finally interrupts him by putting his hand on Steve’s back, so Steve stops.
“Great, a gay cop, how wonderful…” Christian Downey comments, and then he adds,” I’m going to sue you all. You’re cops, you can’t do something like this,” he pinpoints on himself, lying on the ground, pushed by Steve.
“I haven’t seen anything,” Danny says, and Kono and Chin nods in agreement.
Chin lifts Mr Downey up, and Christian Downey says something similar to ‘Fuck you all’, but no one exactly listens to him, because Kono hugs Steve, Danny smiles, and Chin says, “By the way, nice coming out, boss.”
*
It’s late when Steve finally goes to the hospital, and then comes out with stitches on his head, and complains about the doctors. And Danny just starts laughing, because it’s good, they’re fine, and Steve just behaves as his normal self, and Danny can’t wish for more.
Later Danny goes with Steve to Steve’s house, even if he knows that Rachel’s going to be angry that he didn’t come back as soon as they finished their case - she’s always angry when his work comes up during his time with Grace - but Steve is his best friend, and he needs him, so Danny just can’t leave him alone.
“Danny, you really should go. Rachel and Grace are worried about you,” Steve tells him, when they’re sitting on a coach in the living room; Steve’s head on Danny’s knees.
“I agree with the second part, with the first... not so much,” Danny answers, and strokes Steve’s hair. He feels comfy and safe here, with Steve, and he doesn’t exactly want to go anywhere. Besides, Grace is probably long asleep by now, even though she always swears to stay up the entire New Year’s night, and he really doesn’t feel like having any conversation with Rachel right now.
He tells all of this to Steve, and Steve nods, but he sighs, so Danny knows that Steve thinks he should go anyway.
They stay silent for a while, but then they start talking, or Danny starts talking - he’s never been a silent-type, although silent moments with Steve sometimes are quite nice, because they aren’t uncomfortable or anything. Still, Danny just can’t remain silent for a long time - but Steve doesn’t seem mind at all, because he answers, when Danny asks him about something.
They start off talking about nothing of importance, but then Danny asks quietly, almost whispering, “Are you okay, Steve?”
They both know that he isn’t asking about Steve’s head injury.
“Yes,” Steve answers quite sincerely, but Danny looks at him sceptically and asks anyway, “Really? It was a tough day.”
“Yes,” Steve nods, “I mean… Yeah, this case wasn’t easy, but is there any easy case?”
It’s a rhetorical question, but Danny nods in agreement anyway, because you just can’t disagree with that. Their job is dangerous and they try to help people, but it’s hard. Being a cop is never easy, and every case is tiring. All cases are hard, but some of them are harder than the other.
This was one of them.
“I didn’t like this case,” Steve admits a couple of minutes later.
“I know, Steve, I know,” Danny says, still stroking Steve’s hair. He thinks that this case was probably almost as hard as when Steve was working on his dad’s murder. In some ways, maybe even harder.
Danny wants to say something about Christian Downey killing his brother and then going after Michael Johnson, just because he’s blamed him for turning his brother gay. He wants to say something about narrow-minded intolerant idiots, and how much would be better without people like that.
Instead he just says, “We’re going to be okay.”
“We already are,” Steve answers, and Danny can’t do anything other than smile.
*
“What do you want for a dinner tonight?” Danny asks, walking into Steve’s office, because today is his turn. He’s not as good of a cook as Steve - one of Steve’s many talents apparently - so he usually buys something on the way home. He hopes that Steve agrees on pizza or Chinese.
After their last case Danny insisted on staying with Steve, and then his weekend with Grace came, so she stayed in Steve’s house too, and now they’re all practically living together (Gracie only during the weekends, but still).
“Oh, look at them, aren’t they sweet?” says Kono, who’s happened to be around and hear Danny’s question.
Chin, who’s next to her, smiles and asks Danny and Steve, “Are you sure you don’t want to tell us something? We’d be happy for you, you know. You’ve always behaved like a married couple.”
Kono nods in agreement.
Steve laughs, but his eyes aren’t smiling, so Danny knows it’s fake, but he’s the only one who notices it.
“Seriously guys, you’ve been watching too many episodes of Gossip Girl or 90210,” Danny says, and closes the doors to talk alone with Steve.
“Seriously Danno, Gossip Girl?” Steve laughs, and something in his eyes tells Danny that this time is a quite sincere smile.
He sits down on the chair, while answering, “Ah, Gracie’s older friend, Ann, had her over for a movie night, and they watched Gossip Girl, 90210, and The Vampire something…”
“The Vampire Diaries?” Steve helps him.
“Yes, exactly…” Danny nods. “Wait a second… How did you know? Don’t tell me you watch that crap.”
Steve laughs.
“Cath’s niece is a huge fan,” he says.
“Anyway,” Danny continues, “They watched it, and now it’s all Gracie talks about when she calls me. And I really don’t mind her watching something, but something appropriate for her age, and these series certainly aren’t for such small girls… Even Rachel agrees with me on this, ya know?”
Steve smiles, and then he sighs.
“Listen, Steve, I’m really sorry about these two,” Danny nods in the door’s direction, meaning Kono and Chin of course.
“I’m okay, Danno,” Steve answers.
“No, you’re not,” Danny doesn’t agree, because it isn’t okay. Steve told him he loved him, and feelings like that don’t just disappear so quickly, so it can’t be easy for him to listen to Kono and Chin’s comments.
“I am,” Steve argues, and Danny sighs.
“Do you trust me, Steve? Wait… Have you met someone?” Danny asks.
“Yes, Danny, I trust you. And no, I haven’t met anyone,” Steve rolls his eyes, “But I’m okay, really.”
Danny smiles a little, because even if Steve doesn’t say it directly, he knows what he means. He’s going to move on one day, because he’s got to. It’s the only option.
*
It’s a hot Sunday - nothing unusual in Hawaii - so they eat pizza outside on the beach, even if Steve complains about their unhealthy diet, when Grace asks, “Do you have a special someone, Uncle Steve? Like mum has Stan, and Danno has Maria?”
Shit, thinks Danny, because he was supposed to talk with Steve about Maria, but he didn’t, because he didn’t want to hurt him, and now he probably hurt him even more because finding about something like that from someone else can’t be easy.
“Who’s Maria?” Steve asks, and he tries to smile. He almost succeeds.
“Danno’s girlfriend,” Gracie answers, taking another slice of pizza. “You need to meet her, Uncle Steve. She’s nice.”
“I bet she is.”
“Steve, I’m sorry,” Danny says, because he’s sorry he didn’t mention her earlier, he really is, but he didn’t want to hurt him.
“It’s okay,” Steve replies. “I really would like to meet her one day,” he adds a moment later, and Danny knows Steve doesn’t lie, so he smiles.
“So, Uncle Steve?” Grace asks after.
“Gracie,” Danny starts, trying to stop more questions, because he doesn’t want to make it harder for Steve, but Steve smiles, so Danny lets her ask, because if Steve doesn’t mind, it should be okay.
“Danno said that you liked boys, and it’s okay. My classmate has two moms, you know? So… Do you have a boyfriend, Uncle Steve?” Grace continues.
“Not yet, Gracie, but maybe someday I will,” Steve replies with a big, but kinda shy smile on his face.
“You met someone, didn’t you?” Danny can’t stop himself from asking.
“Kinda,” Steve nods.
“Is he your special someone? Is he nice? When can I meet him?” Gracie starts asking more questions, and Steve just smiles, looking at Danno, because in many ways Grace is just like him. When she gets excited or nervous, she always starts babbling or asking too many questions.
Later when she stops asking so many questions, Steve finally tells them that when he was in the governor’s office, he saw Michael Johnson, who was there asking his godmother for help getting legal guardianship of Ben. Apparently Michael Johnson asked Steve out for a coffee later.
For a moment Danny wants to tell Steve that it’s a bad idea to date with someone connected to one of their cases, especially if this mentioned someone has just lost his husband, but he resigns. He doesn’t want Steve to get hurt, but maybe it’s going to work out eventually, he hopes it will for Steve’s sake.
“Just promise me to be happy.” It’s all he says eventually.
“With you and Gracie around?” Steve says, “I’m always happy.”
Danny smiles, and Grace hugs Steve.
The end
Author(s): coolness_1
Artist(s): monkiainen
Fandom(s): Hawaii Five-0
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~8,473
Characters/Pairings: Steve & Danny bromance, past Cath/Steve, mentioned Steve/OMC, mentioned Danny/OFC
Warnings/Spoilers: -
Summary: You can count on your best friend in every situation, even if your best friend doesn’t return your feelings, at least not in the way you want him to or how Steve learnt to trust Danny in every situation, not only with his life, but in every sense of the word, and found something he didn’t expect along the way.
Author’s Notes: So... my first Big Bang.
Many thanks to CookiesN'Cream124 for beta-reading.
Check the fanmix made by monkiainen.
INCOMPLETE
On December 30th, when they finally finish their latest case, McGarrett lets them go home early in the afternoon, and though it's nothing unusual - after tough cases Steve always tries to give them at least a half-day break - Danny should know better. Steve wasn't himself for the past few days, and he still isn't, but Danny fails to notice. Chin and Kono are no better, but Danny's the one who's going to blame himself later.
They next day is free for everyone because New Year's Eve is coming, and if the governor doesn’t call them, it'll stay that way.
But Danny wakes up at 7 a.m., which is strange - really, really strange - as he never gets up early if he doesn't have to. And worse… he has a pretty bad feeling. He doesn't know how he knows it, but he's sure that something isn't right, that something is wrong with McGarrett. Maybe it's instinct.
Danny had never gotten dressed as fast as he did now. He’s fairly sure that he's broken a record or something, but it doesn't matter, not now, when all he can think about is Steve, and how he failed to notice earlier that something wasn't right. Because something is definitely wrong. Now that Danny thinks about it, he realizes that Steve was behaving strangely for the last two, maybe three days. He was more withdrawn, and sadder than usual.
Danny really should have known better than to let Steve go home by himself the day before.
With a really bad feeling, and a pain in his chest, Danny gets into his car, and drives like madman (meaning: as Steve usually does) to McGarrett's house. When he knocks to the door, no one answers, so he just walks in the door. Steve's house is quiet. Too quiet, and Danny thinks that maybe Steve went for a swim in the sea (he's hoping that Steve went for a swim) as he always does in the morning. Steve had always been a morning person (maybe it's just a military thing, Danny thinks), and it's 7:30 a.m., so he should be back any moment. Yes, that's it, he's going to come back any second, you don't need to worry, Danny tries to tell himself, and when he finally succeeds, he stamps on an empty wine bottle, so he looks around, and sees a lot - a whole lot- of empty wine and beer bottles. There are empty bottles everywhere.
And there is Steve.
He's sitting on the stairs with a blank expression on his face, and a half-empty wine bottle in hand.
Earlier, Danny suspected something wasn’t right, but now he’s one hundred percent sure. Steve is usually a complete control-freak, he hates to lose even the littlest bit of power over things, so when he drinks, he drinks to be just a little relaxed (Danny thinks that he's never actually seen Steve fully relaxed), not for being drunk.
And now he's definitely completely drunk.
Everyone would be drunk after drinking so much, and Danny thinks that either Steve has a really strong head and stomach or he's going to have to take Steve to the nearest hospital if it's an alcohol poisoning.
"Steve?" he asks.
Yes, maybe he sounds really uncertain, but he's just afraid, because his best friend doesn't look very well.
Steve doesn't answer. He doesn't even blink or move.
"Steve?" Danny repeats.
Steve remains silent, so Danny takes the bottle from his hand; Steve still doesn't move, but he lets Danny take it. Some people, while drunk, are all happy and behave as if they loved everyone, while others get angry, even dangerous sometimes.
Steve's just silent.
And it's far more terrifying than the dangerous ones.
"Steve, come on. Let’s put you to bed," Danny takes Steve's hand, and leads him to his bedroom.
And now Steve's sitting on his bed, and he doesn't look at Danny, but he starts talking.
"You should go, Danny," Steve tells him.
"Steve..."
"Danny... Leave me alone... Please," Now Steve's looking at him with such a pain in his eyes that it really hurts Danny.
Danny thinks that maybe he really should Steve alone, because everyone needs to be alone sometimes, but something with Steve’s “please” is telling him that maybe it’d be better if he stayed.
So he stays.
Danny sits down near to Steve, and wants to hug him or something, and Steve’s fighting with him, but in the end he lets him do it.
“What happened to you, Steven?” Danny asks after a few minutes of silence.
Steve doesn’t answer for a while, and Danny starts to think that he’s going to remain silent, but Steve replies, not looking at Danny.
“Cath broke up with me.”
Danny’s surprised. Yes, he knew that they’d dated, sort of, but he didn’t know it was so serious that it’d hurt Steve so much.
“Because it wasn’t,” Steve tells him in a little bit sleepy voice.
Shit, thinks Danny. He said it loudly, and he probably shouldn’t have, and Steve certainly should go sleep, but now when he finally started talking, he’s still speaking, and it isn’t good, because he’s drunk, and he could tell Danny something that he wouldn’t if he was his normal self. It isn’t like Danny’s going to use anything Steve may tell him against him, but Steve should still have a choice about what he’s saying to Danny, and not telling him everything just because he’s drunk.
“I mean… We both knew that it’s going to end some day… but I guess, I didn’t realise that it could happen now…” Steve says, “You know what Cath told me when she broke up with me?”
Of course, Danny doesn’t. In fact just a few minutes ago he wasn’t even aware that Cath and Steve ended their relationship.
Steve doesn’t talk for a while, but Danny waits patiently, because he has a feeling that Steve isn’t going to fell asleep until he finishes.
“That we finally can be who we really are, that we can be ourselves, that we don’t have to hide anymore and… I mean, I’m happy, I really am… but it kinda sucks too, because there always have been certain attraction, and tension between the two of us, and it was good… We were good together… even if… I mean, she was the only woman… and I was the only man, who…” Steve’s speaking quite incoherently, and Danny thinks that maybe they shouldn’t continue this conversation, because it’s getting far too serious for a drunk’s talking, and Steve’s probably going to regret it in the morning, because he normally hates talking about his feelings.
Danny sighs.
“What are you trying to tell me, Steve?” he asks eventually, hoping that Steve isn’t going to remember this conversation in the morning, because knowing Steve, it’d be too awkward for him, and he’d avoid Danny for a long time. Hopefully he isn’t going to remember, and it’s okay, because Danny can be silent, and not mention this ever again.
“I…” Steve starts and then he stops.
His eyes meet Danny’s for a second, and then he averts his eyes.
“I’m gay, Danny,” Steve admits silently.
Danny really didn’t see it coming, and it’s just wow, but it’s okay, and even if he’s in shock, he needs to remain calm, because Steve’s his friend, and he needs him. And Danny doesn’t mind, because he isn’t homophobic or anything. He even had a gay friend in high school, and it was okay, and they were pretty good friends.
“And I think I’m in love with you.”
Danny almost doesn’t hear it, because he’s lost in his thoughts. But he hears it, and it’s a surprise, a big surprise, even bigger surprise than the earlier one, so he closes his eyes just for a moment, because it hurts. It hurts so much, because Steve’s a great guy, and he deserves to be loved, and it’d be great if Danny could return his feelings. But the problem’s that he can’t, he knows he can’t, because he’s completely hetero, and he’s never felt anything to any guy, any attraction at all, and he probably isn’t going to. Yes, he experimented once in a uni, but it didn’t work very well, because he’s always had been only attracted to women, not men. But he loves Steve, in different way than Steve loves him, obviously, but Steve’s his best friend now, and Danny’s never felt before something like that to anyone, and it’s probably love, just a platonic one, but still love, and he explains that to Steve, which causes Steve to start apologizing, “I’m really sorry, Danny. I’m sorry.” Steve’s voice’s breaking Danny’s heart, so he hugs Steve again, and this time Steve’s fighting even longer, but still he eventually lets Danny hugs him.
“I’m sorry,” Steve adds one more time, very quietly, and Danny literally can feel pain in his heart, because this is Steve, and Steve shouldn’t be like this. Steve’s like the only thing stable in his life right now, the only thing Danny can be sure of.
Only that he isn’t. Not now at least.
“No, no… Steve, listen to me, okay?” Danny grabs Steve’s hand, and without even realising it, he’s starting babbling, “Don’t be sorry, okay? Just don’t. Because you don’t have to, okay? I mean, Steve… you really, really don’t need to. I mean… gosh, Steve… I should be the one who apologize, okay? You’re great, Steve, really great, and don’t you ever think otherwise. I love you, Steven, I love you platonically, and I’m so sorry. Gosh, I’m so sorry…”
And Danny knows that Steve, even if he’s drunk and sleepy, understands him, and that he knows what Danny means, even if Danny’s babbling, and he doesn’t finish his sentence. Because it hurts him that he can’t give Steve everything he needs, everything he wants, and it hurts him, because he knows Steve’s even more hurt than he is.
“It’s enough,” Steve says, and then he’s lying on his bed, and he’s sleeping, and Danny just can’t help feeling helpless, and doesn’t know what to do.
So he just takes off Steve’s shoes, and he clothes Steve with a blanket.
*
His head’s hurting him, and Steve thinks (no he doesn’t think, he can’t think right now, it hurts too much) that he probably has never had such a hangover before. When he opens his eyes, and see light, too much light, he closes them immediately, and wishes that he was dead or something. He had to have drunk a whole lot yesterday if he has such a hangover now. And how exactly did he get to his bed? If he was so drunk, he probably wouldn’t make it up the stairs. Actually, Steve doesn’t remember going upstairs at all. His last clear memory is sitting on the stairs drinking. He doesn’t remember how he got himself to bed.
Think, Steve, he tells himself in his thoughts, still keeping eyes close. He’s trying to recall some memories from a last night, but it hurts, his head still horribly hurts. He has a feeling that Danno was there, and that it was light. Both of these things are strange, because they all are supposed to have a free day, so why Danno was here? And light... light is even stranger. It was night, right? It was very late, it shouldn’t be light.
Steve shakes his head, and then he says, “Augh,” because it hurts.
“Steve?” he hears a moment later.
Yes, it’s definitely Danno. Steve doesn’t open eyes to check it, because he recognises Danny’s voice (he hears it almost every day, after all), and he knows it’d hurt too much, because it’s still too light.
“Here, take it,” he hears Danno talking again.
Steve opens his eyes, and closes them a few second later, but he takes a glass of water, and an aspirin from Danno. He doubts that it’s going to help him, but still he’s grateful for it. And he still doesn’t know why Danny’s here.
“Why are you here, Danno?” he asks eventually, because it’s the only reasonable thing to do.
Steve hears Danny’s sigh, but he keeps his eyes closed.
“So…” Danny starts, and he sounds a little bit uncertainly like he was trying to not reveal something, so Steve asks, “Okay, what exactly have I done?”
He even opens his eyes, wanting to know Danny’s reaction on the question. Danny tries to not look at him, and he stand up from the chair on which he was sitting, and goes to a window, and now Steve can only see his back.
“Danny?”
He has a feeling that they talked or maybe just he was talking. The question is how much did he tell Danno, and if he told him everything, why’s he still here?
“How much do you remember from yesterday, Steve?” Danny finally answers, turning around.
“Day?”
He thought it was the night, 29th of December, but that’d explain the light.
Danny sighs once again.
“Yes, day,” Danny nods. “You were drinking the whole night,” Steve feels ashamed, because Danny looks at him accusatively, “and then you slept almost twelve hours.”
“Shit,” Steve says.
“Yes, shit,” Danny agrees, and Steve thinks it’s strange, because usually when he says things like ‘shit’ or worse ones, Danny gives him a lecture about not swearing, because he has a daughter and he isn’t going to let Steve be anywhere near her if Steve’s going to swear.
“What did I tell you?” Steve asks.
He still has a headache, but he tries to focus, because it’s important to know how much Danny knows.
“You told me that you and Cath broke up,” Danny replies carefully like he wasn’t sure if he should tell this.
Knowing Danno, he probably didn’t want to talk about last night, no, day, with Steve if he wouldn’t remember their conversation, because Danny knows that Steve hates ‘feelings-talks’ et cetera. But Steve knows that Danny hates lying, so he sighs, and asks,”What else?”
Danny just looks at him, and doesn’t answer, and Steve just knows, even if he doesn’t remember, he just knows that he told Danny everything. And it a bad thing, like really really bad, and Steve has no idea why Danno’s still here, because he shouldn’t if he knows everything.
Steve closes his eyes for a moment. His headache is long gone, and now he just feels pain in his chest.
“Why are you still here?” he asks, and he doesn’t look in Danny’s direction.
“Because you need me,” Danny says simply.
Steve looks in his direction, and his eyes meet Danno’s.
“And I need you,” Danny continues with a smile on his face, and Steve thinks for the first time today that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be okay.
“I love you, Steven, platonically, but I love you,” Danny repeats his word from the previous day.
Steve, even if he doesn’t remember yesterday, repeats himself too, “It’s enough,” he says even if they both know that it isn’t.
*
Long after Danny went home, Steve’s still sitting at his table, and is looking out a window in a kitchen, wondering how the hell it’s all happened.
He knew that after repealing of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ he was going to part ways with Cath, but he failed to realise that it was happening right now. Five-0 was working on a tough case, and Steve didn’t watch the news, or read his personal emails, so he was more than surprise when on 28th he saw Cath, still in uniform, waiting in front of his doors.
“Sexy as always,” Steve started.
He was tired, but seeing Cath always made him happier. Steve bent over to kiss her, but she stopped him.
“Cath, what’s wrong?” he asked.
Steve takes a few sips of water, not wanting to remember what happened after his question. Them breaking up, even if it was a wise decision, led to his drinking, and later on to telling Danny things he probably shouldn’t.
“You know I still want you there?” Danny said him a few hours before, while preparing him breakfast.
“I don’t thinks that’s a good idea,” Steve answered then.
This situation was awkward enough. He didn’t want to make it worse by going to Rachel’s.
“Come on, Steve, I’m not going to survive with Rachel and Stan there if you’re not going to show up,” Danny added.
Steve supposed that Danny was right. Rachel and Danny still aren’t exactly friends even though they’re raising their daughter together... at least sort of together.
Now he’s still deciding if it’s a good idea to go there. It probably isn’t, but Danny personally promised to drag him there by force if doesn’t show up. It’s not like Steve’s afraid of Danny, because he isn’t - he’s much stronger than Danny is - but Danno is his friend. Plus, Danny promised to take Kono and Chin with him, and Steve doesn’t exactly want them to see him like this, so messed up.
Which basically means that he needs to get change and look like a human being when the evening comes. Thankfully, he still has more than a couple of hours to get ready for a New Year’s Eve party.
*
“Hey,” Danny says, opening the doors of Rachel and Stan’s residence.
He doesn’t look very surprised seeing him here. Steve sighs. Danny’s already known him too well, so he knew that he was going to come.
Danny actually looks unsettled. Not really sad, but not happy either. Steve supposes that it has something to do with spending their New Year’s Eve in his ex-wife and her new husband’s house. If Steve was Danny, he probably wouldn’t come. But Grace is here, so Steve can’t imagine him being anywhere else.
He can’t imagine himself being anywhere else either.
Steve comes into house, and gives Rachel a bottle of champagne. She smiles at him, and puts the bottle on a shelf, and Steve has a strange feeling that she’s not going to use it. He shrugs his arms, and decides to let it go.
“Good to see you, brah,” Chin greets him with a handshake.
“It’s good to see you too,” Steve answers, and tries to smile at him. He mostly succeeds.
“You look good,” Chin tells him, looking at him carefully, and Steve thinks that maybe he exaggerates.
He wears a red polo t-shirt, and dark jeans. Steve supposes that it can make him a little more elegant than his normal himself.
“Big night, huh?” Chin asks him.
“No, not really, why?”
“Catherine is somewhere there.” Chin shows him a direction.
“Great,” he says a little bit sarcastically, and decides to ignore Chin’s curious look.
Steve should know that she could be here. She’s still on a pass, and Rachel in an act of good will decided to invite all Danny’s friend. So Steve, Chin, and Kono are here now, and Cath apparently is as well. She’s supposed to be Steve’s plus one, but well, she isn’t, and even though they’re still friends - at least Steve hopes they are - he needs a time to process everything, meaning he should steer clear of Cath for a while. He’s never before been so happy that Rachel and Stan have such a big mansion instead of normal house. Maybe he’s going to have luck, and not going to meet Catherine for the rest of the night.
“Hi, Steve,” he hears familiar voice a moment later.
“Great,” Steve just repeats, and Chin claps on his shoulder. Then he shakes his head, and walks away looking for Danny who went to the garden to show Grace colourful fireworks.
“Hey, Cath,” he answers calmly.
It’s hard to see her now when they broke up, but it isn’t as bad as he thought it’s going to be. They really need to move on with their lives, and be who they really are. He just hopes they’re going to find a way to be just good friends. Cath is a big part of his life even without benefits.
“I’m tired,” Cath says, yawning.
“No, you’re drunk,” Steve says, taking her into his arms.
He knows how Cath is when she’s hit the bottle a little too hard. When she’s drunk, she’s always melancholic, and even a little sad. But she always stays more or less in control or her behaviour, and she does remember everything she’s doing while being drunk. Basically, Cath is completely opposite of Steve.
“Let’s go sit somewhere, okay?” he says, and when she nods, he takes her outside to the nearest bench in the garden.
People are celebrating in the garden, and watching enchanting fireworks in the sky. It’s really beautiful out there. It’s a sign that the New Year is coming. Steve hopes that 2011 is going to be better than the end of this one.
He sees Danny with his daughter a few metres away. He’s giving her sparklers, and even if Steve can’t see them clearly because it’s dark, he knows that Grace is smiling.
He smiles.
“So, Danny, huh?” Cath asks, pillowing her head on his arm.
“Yeah,” Steve admits.
*
It isn’t particularly late when the governor calls Steve and tells him that they have a work to do. He probably should be angry, because it’s New Year’s Eve, and no one really wants to work now, but he isn’t.
Talking with Cath isn’t as hard as he thought it would be, but it’s still very hard. They need to clean the atmosphere to be friends once again, and it’s not a very easy task, not really. Not when your ex-girlfriend is asking you about a man you’re in love with, and smirking at you knowingly.
Maybe he shouldn’t be happy about the new case, because if they have work to do, it means something bad happened, but he doesn’t have the strength to be sad about it. Steve’s life is a complete mess now, and when he works he’s always completely focused on the case, and he really needs to clear his mind now, even if just for a bit. Working on another case should help him a little.
“Danny, come on, we need to go,” he comes up to Danno, and claps on his shoulder. “Kono and Chin have already gone,” he adds.
Steve sighs when Danny looks at him completely unhappy. Danny really doesn’t spend enough time with his daughter, so every second with Grace is precious for him. He hates losing those moments. Steve, even though he doesn’t have kids, and probably never will, can understand him.
Danny hugs Grace, kisses her on her head, and promises he’ll be back as soon as he can. And then Danny leaves Gracie with Rachel, who is everything but happy now, yelling and screaming at Danno that he should have different job. One that doesn’t require him working on New Year’s Eve, and a job that isn’t as dangerous as being a cop.
Steve sighs, and covers Grace’s ears during Rachel speech. It’s not that he doesn’t understand her - because he does, he treated his dad the same once - but Danny’s job is important, and Danny is a good detective, and an even better dad.
“Bye, Dad, bye, Uncle Steve,” Grace says when as they leave Rachel and Stan’s mansion.
“See ya later, Gracie,” Steve waves at her.
*
“Any eye witnesses?” Steve asks when he and Danno arrive on a murder scene, even if he already knows the answer.
It’s a dark alley, and there is nothing around. No one could see or hear anything here. Even from where he’s standing, Steve can hear loud music coming from a bar three blocks down the street.
“There was no one here, and there isn’t any cameras,” Chin confirms his suspicions.
“How’d the victim die?”
“Talk to Max,” Chin says to him, showing him the way.
Steve comes up to the old, shabby building. Danny’s already here, talking with Max.
The victim is a man, who can’t be more than thirty. He doesn’t look like he was at a party, which is strange because everyone is partying tonight, and he’s in the area of the city where there are only old buildings, and bars - gay bars, if Steve remembers correctly. The man is wearing an elegant jacket and black trousers. He looks more like he was going to a business meeting rather than a New Year’s Eve party.
“What’s the victim’s name?”
“Jonathan Downey, 29 years old, a writer,” Danny answers, “He was stabbed with a knife. Twice.”
“He’d lost too much blood by the time someone found him,” Max says, standing up from the knees.
“Who exactly found him?” Danny asks.
“Some couple, who were definitely looking for a spot to hook up,” Chin replies, coming up closer to them. “I’ve already checked them. They really are just a random couple. A police officer took them to the station to get their official statement. I can imagine that when they went for a party, they didn’t think that their evening was going to end in that way.”
“No, they didn’t,” Steve agrees.
“We have a partial fingerprint,” Chin informs him. “Kono’s already checking it out at HQ.”
“Good,” Steve nods. “Victim have any relatives?”
“I’ll ask Kono.”
“No, I’ll do it. Stay with Max, Danny and I will talk to them.”
Chin nods.
*
Steve and Danny head to the Camaro. Steve’s talking on the phone with Kono, but he still takes the driver’s seat. Danny just sighs, probably because it’s a habit.
After a minute Steve replaces the receiver, and starts to drive faster, much faster than he should, so Danny fastens his seatbelt, because riding in a car with Steve is far more dangerous than a gunshot.
“So?” Danny asks, when the silence is getting too overwhelming.
“So what?” Steve replies, hands on a wheel, eyes concentrated on a street.
“Relatives, Steve,” Danny says, and sighs, because he’s already sure that something isn’t right.
It seems that a lot of things just don’t seem to be right as of recently, And Danny has a feeling that it’s going to stay this way for a while.
“Ah, yeah. Michael Johnson, the husband of the victim, and the governor’s godson apparently,” Steve answers bitterly and sad, and Danny just wants to hug him, and take away all devilry from this words.
He just wants to protect Steve as much he wants to protect Gracie, but Steve is a grown man, so he probably shouldn’t. The problem with Steve is that what Danny saw not so long ago, the real Steve without any visors and layers, he just can’t stop remembering him like that. He probably hasn’t seen Steve in this condition ever before, and now Danny can’t get it out of his head. Because not too long ago, Steve seemed so broken, and so uncertain of everything. Danny doesn’t want Steve to be that broken ever again.
“When the governor called with the case she didn’t tell you why, right?” Danny asks, and maybe it’s not the best idea, because Steve just clenches his hands around the steering wheel, and locks his eyes on the road, not for a second on Danny.
“Right,” Steve admits, and that’s all. He doesn’t tell anything more.
And Danny has a feeling that’s not it - that it’s not about the governor not filling Steve in on everything. That it’s about something else.
“What happened, Steve?” Danny asks, even if he knows that Steve’s not going to answer.
He is right. Steve doesn’t answer.
The thing is that Danny is a detective, so he should observe, and deduct. He should know what’s wrong this time, only that he doesn’t.
So Danny starts to analyse all the facts he knows.
The case isn’t probably the tough one. Considering the area when it happened, and the fact that the victim had the husband, it isn’t hard to guess that it was a hate crime. Considering that the victim was dressed elegant, he probably had a meeting, so a murder was probably someone who he known, not just a random hater…
And now Danny just gets it, and all he wants to do is punch himself in the face for not realising this earlier. And then he wants to hug Steve, and never let him go.
“Steve…” He touches Steve’s arm gently. “You can stay. I’ll take Chin and go with him to talk to the victim’s husband.”
“I’m okay, Danno,” Steve says, but they both know it isn’t truth.
Danny knows that Steve’s lying, and Steve knows that Danny knows it.
“Steve…” he tries once again.
“Drop it, Danno,” Steve says, so Danny drops it.
Steve starts driving even faster than before.
*
They arrive at the husband’s house, and Steve turns the engine off. They’re looking up at a somewhat small, but very nice, house.
“Steve, you can stay. I can handle it myself,” Danny says.
“I’m okay, Danno, I really am,” Steve answers, and Danny isn’t sure who’s he’s trying to convince. Danny, or himself?
“You can stay, Steve,” Danny repeats.
“I’m fine. Just give me a minute.”
“Steve, stay, trust me on this,” Danny says, because he sees how much it costs Steve to stay calm.
“I trust you, Danno,” Steve replies, not looking at him, and it sounds more than a little melancholic, so Danny thinks that it’s not just about this case, this moment.
“Yeah, I know,” Danny answers, because it’s true.
He knows that Steve trusts him with his life. But that’s the thing - they were trained to trust their partners completely in a matter of life and death, but in any other situation, Steve sometimes (always) has trust issues. So it means a lot when he’s saying something like this. Steve probably still needs to work on trust and everything, but Danny at least knows that the recent events didn’t change their friendship so much, because Steve at least tries to trust him, not only with his life, and it’s good.
“If you trust me Steve, stay here. I’ll handle it, okay?” Danny says, and he knows that it’s a foul-play, but he doesn’t feel guilty about it. Maybe just a little bit.
He probably shouldn’t use Steve’s trust like this, but it’s probably the only way to keep him in the car, and Danny doesn’t think that Steve could handle talking with the victim’s husband right now. It’s not that Steve is weak or anything - because he isn’t, Steve is probably the strongest person Danny knows - but on the lights of the recent events, it would be better if he stayed. Steve doesn’t need more stress or problems right now. He probably has too many of them already.
“Okay, I’ll stay,” Steve replies after a few seconds. He doesn’t sound happy about it, but he at least agrees.
*
Danny knocks on the door, and only a few seconds later, a man opens it. Danny guesses that it has to be the victim’s husband.
Michael Johnson is quite a tall man, probably even taller than Steve. He has a dark blond hair, and blue and intelligent eyes. But that’s not all what Danny notices. The very first thing he sees is that Mr Johnson looks tired, very tired, like he hasn’t slept for weeks, maybe even longer, but that’s completely understandable, because, after all, he’s just lost his husband.
Danny’s really happy that he isn’t the one who has to tell him the bad news - he knows that someone has already done it - because he doesn’t think he would handle it very well right now. He’s worried about Gracie, and Rachel’s stupid ideas - he doesn’t know what she’s up to considering that she’s probably still completely mad that he went to work on a case instead of celebrating New Year’s Eve - and he’s very worried about Steve. These all cause some trouble for him while working - he can’t exactly concentrate completely on the case, and he doesn’t think he could console someone right now. He hopes that Mr Johnson isn’t going to need him to. He hopes that Mr Johnson has someone who’s going to be with him in these hard times.
“Commander Steven McGarrett?” Mr Johnson asks.
Danny denies, “Detective Danny Williams. I’m here to ask you a few questions. I’m working on your husband’s case.”
Mr Johnson lets Danny in to his house, but he doesn’t look happy about it. Danny can imagine how hard it’s going to be for him to talk about his dead husband. Even now, after their divorce, Danny knows that he couldn’t handle if something like that happened to Rachel. He stills cares about her too much. He doesn’t even want to imagine how devastated he would be if something happened to Grace or Steve, or the rest of the Hawaii Five-0 team.
“Where’s Commander McGarrett? The governor has assured me he’s going to work on Jon… my husband’s case,” Mr Johnson asks, showing Danny a place to sit.
Danny doesn’t even have strength to be angry at Mr Johnson for mentioning the governor. Normally he would be pissed off, because Danny hates people with contacts, and family connections that give them more favours than the normal, ordinary people. But now he isn’t.
Because he knows that Mr Johnson has a lot of on his mind right now, and mentioning the governor, and asking for the person who the governor probably told him he can trust, it’s just a way of handling with everything that’s happening. Danny can’t blame him for wanting to be sure that the best person is investigating his husband’s death. It’s not going to bring his husband back, nor is it going to ensure a peace of Mr Johnson’s mind. It’s probably not going to help a lot, but Mr Johnson seems as a man who can’t just seat and grieve in silence; he wants to do something.
And he can’t, because he’s a lawyer, not a cop. But he can at least make sure that the best people are working on this case, and that they will find his husband’s murderer.
“Do you want something to drink?” Mr Johnson asks when Danny’s already seated comfortably on a coach in Michael Johnson’s living room.
Danny isn’t thirsty, but he nods anyway. He knows that Mr Johnson just wants to delay the conversation. He doesn’t blame him for that.
“Did Jonathan have any enemies?” Danny asks after a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence.
Mr Johnson shakes his head negatively.
“Not that I’m aware of,” he answers. “I mean, Jon is… was, mostly working at home. He was a writer after all. He just had bunch of friends which we would hang out with sometimes. There were some critics and readers who didn’t like his stories, but it wasn’t anything serious. He’d never got threats or anything.”
“Where he was going today? A meeting, perhaps?” Danny asks next questions.
Mr Johnson shakes his head again.
“He didn’t say, not really, but his brother called him just before he left. They’d never gotten along very well, and recently Jon’s been talking about finally coming out to his brother… I think he was going to meet him,” Mr Johnson replies, shaking a little.
But Danny is still quite impressed. Mr Johnson is handling everything pretty well, considering. Danny knows that everyone handles situations like this differently, but Mr Johnson is keeping his chin up very well. Danny just wishes that Mr Johnson wasn’t going to fall apart.
“He didn’t tell you?” Danny’s making sure.
“No,” Mr Johnson confirms.
*
“Okay, thanks Kono,” Steve hangs up, leaves a mobile phone on a seat, and he steps out of the car.
He’s just a few metres away from the doors, when something hits him. With astonishment he notices that it was a stone. Steve guesses that it was supposed to knock him out, but it didn’t work. He puts his hand to the back of his head - when he takes it off from there he has blood on his hand. It isn’t bad, but Steve is almost sure that he’s going to need stiches later. Probably sooner than later, but he can survive without it a couple more minutes.
Steve looks around, and he sees the man - tall, blond, in a black suit. He’s taking another stone from the neighbour’s driveway, probably still trying to eliminate him. Steve’s not going to let him do it.
Steve goes after him, and they’re struggling a few seconds, and then the man is the one knocked out. If Danny saw it, he probably would comment something about SEALs and their superpowers, and then he would laugh. Steve smiles unintentionally, and then handcuffs the man. He compares the man with the picture, which Kono sent him. It’s the same man.
Christian Downey, the victim’s older brother.
Steve sighs, and just sits on the ground next to still unconscious Christian Downey. He feels like he didn’t have strength for anything. This case, even if he hasn’t actually worked on it very long, literally kills him off.
He’s still sitting like this when Danny, the victim’s husband, Chin and Kono show up.
*
“Steve, are you okay?” Danny asks as he steps up to Steve. He was going out of Mr Johnson’s house, when he saw Steve struggling with some man. He and Mr Johnson hurried up as much as they could, but when they came upon the two, the fight was already finished, and Steve’s been sitting, tired and exhausted.
“Yeah,” Steve nods, standing up. It’s only a half-lie.
Maybe he still doesn’t have strength for anything, but he’s happy that they finished this case, that they caught a bad guy again.
Not long after Christian Downey recovers and becomes conscious again, Kono and Chin - in two separate cars - arrive.
“Why are you all here?” Steve asks.
“Christian Downey checked out of his hotel, but he didn’t show up at the airport. He missed his flight, and didn’t answer his phone. It didn’t take genius to figure out where he was heading. By the way, Steve, Danny, you think you could pick up the phones for once?” Kono says.
Steve left his phone in the car, and Danny has had a problems with his for a couple of days. He probably should repair it immediately.
“We’re fine,” Steve answers, because he knows that Kono is just about them.
Kono smiles at them a little, and resigned to give them a lecture about their reckless behaviour later. Steve and Danny smile back, and they exchange glances, and Danny knows that he and Steve are thinking exactly the same thing. Not so long ago Kono was just a rookie, new to the game, inexperienced, brave, and clever, but still only a rookie. Now she’s all grown up, and they just wonder when the hell it happened, because now Kono is not only one of the best cops, but she also started mothering them. It’s strange, because she’s the youngest, but Danny doesn’t really mind, neither does Steve, because Kono is a part of family.
“What about Ben?” Michael Johnson asks.
“Leave Ben out of this!” Christian Downey yells, and starts struggling with the handcuffs, but Chin holds him tight.
“Who’s Ben?” Steve wants to know, and then he adds, “Ow,” because his head actually hurts because of tis cut, and he’s really going to need stiches.
“Fuck, Steve, you’re bleeding. Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Danny asks when he steps up, and sees the wound on Steve’s head. “You should be at hospital.”
“I’m okay, Danno,” Steve answers quite sincerely. He feels a little bit dizzy right now, but it’s not so bad. He’s had worse injuries.
“Why did you lie?” Kono asks, and for a moment Steve doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but then he remembers that only a couple of seconds ago he told her that he was fine.
“I’m sorry,” he tells her, because he knows she’s hurt, and then he ignores the worried expressions he can see on his co-workers’ faces, and turns again to Mr Johnson, “Who’s Ben?” Steve repeats the question.
“Jonathan’s nephew, Christian’s son.,” Mr Johnson answers without looking at Christian Downey. He doesn’t look very well - he’s tired - but no one could actually blame him for that. He has every right to be exhausted and sad, now when he not only lost his husband, but also found out that his husband was killed by his own brother.
“I’ll call and ask about Ben’s relatives,” Kono says.
Steve nods in agreement, but Mr Johnson shrugs his head.
“There is no one,” he interrupts, “Ben’s mum died during labour, and Jonathan’s parent passed away a couple of years ago. Christian was Ben’s only relative.”
Christian Downey starts to struggle with Chin, because he knows what can happen.
“No! My son is not going to be raised by some fag!” he screams.
Steve is the one who calms him down. Well, he doesn’t exactly calms him down, he just steps up to Mr Downey, and pushes him up holding his collar, and then he pushes him on the ground. Chin lets him do it. Danny would normally object against this kind of behaviour - because they supposed to be the good guys - but now he doesn’t even protest.
“We all are humans,” Steve tells the victim’s brother, “Even gays, lesbians, black…” and now Steve starts giving examples, but Danny finally interrupts him by putting his hand on Steve’s back, so Steve stops.
“Great, a gay cop, how wonderful…” Christian Downey comments, and then he adds,” I’m going to sue you all. You’re cops, you can’t do something like this,” he pinpoints on himself, lying on the ground, pushed by Steve.
“I haven’t seen anything,” Danny says, and Kono and Chin nods in agreement.
Chin lifts Mr Downey up, and Christian Downey says something similar to ‘Fuck you all’, but no one exactly listens to him, because Kono hugs Steve, Danny smiles, and Chin says, “By the way, nice coming out, boss.”
*
It’s late when Steve finally goes to the hospital, and then comes out with stitches on his head, and complains about the doctors. And Danny just starts laughing, because it’s good, they’re fine, and Steve just behaves as his normal self, and Danny can’t wish for more.
Later Danny goes with Steve to Steve’s house, even if he knows that Rachel’s going to be angry that he didn’t come back as soon as they finished their case - she’s always angry when his work comes up during his time with Grace - but Steve is his best friend, and he needs him, so Danny just can’t leave him alone.
“Danny, you really should go. Rachel and Grace are worried about you,” Steve tells him, when they’re sitting on a coach in the living room; Steve’s head on Danny’s knees.
“I agree with the second part, with the first... not so much,” Danny answers, and strokes Steve’s hair. He feels comfy and safe here, with Steve, and he doesn’t exactly want to go anywhere. Besides, Grace is probably long asleep by now, even though she always swears to stay up the entire New Year’s night, and he really doesn’t feel like having any conversation with Rachel right now.
He tells all of this to Steve, and Steve nods, but he sighs, so Danny knows that Steve thinks he should go anyway.
They stay silent for a while, but then they start talking, or Danny starts talking - he’s never been a silent-type, although silent moments with Steve sometimes are quite nice, because they aren’t uncomfortable or anything. Still, Danny just can’t remain silent for a long time - but Steve doesn’t seem mind at all, because he answers, when Danny asks him about something.
They start off talking about nothing of importance, but then Danny asks quietly, almost whispering, “Are you okay, Steve?”
They both know that he isn’t asking about Steve’s head injury.
“Yes,” Steve answers quite sincerely, but Danny looks at him sceptically and asks anyway, “Really? It was a tough day.”
“Yes,” Steve nods, “I mean… Yeah, this case wasn’t easy, but is there any easy case?”
It’s a rhetorical question, but Danny nods in agreement anyway, because you just can’t disagree with that. Their job is dangerous and they try to help people, but it’s hard. Being a cop is never easy, and every case is tiring. All cases are hard, but some of them are harder than the other.
This was one of them.
“I didn’t like this case,” Steve admits a couple of minutes later.
“I know, Steve, I know,” Danny says, still stroking Steve’s hair. He thinks that this case was probably almost as hard as when Steve was working on his dad’s murder. In some ways, maybe even harder.
Danny wants to say something about Christian Downey killing his brother and then going after Michael Johnson, just because he’s blamed him for turning his brother gay. He wants to say something about narrow-minded intolerant idiots, and how much would be better without people like that.
Instead he just says, “We’re going to be okay.”
“We already are,” Steve answers, and Danny can’t do anything other than smile.
*
“What do you want for a dinner tonight?” Danny asks, walking into Steve’s office, because today is his turn. He’s not as good of a cook as Steve - one of Steve’s many talents apparently - so he usually buys something on the way home. He hopes that Steve agrees on pizza or Chinese.
After their last case Danny insisted on staying with Steve, and then his weekend with Grace came, so she stayed in Steve’s house too, and now they’re all practically living together (Gracie only during the weekends, but still).
“Oh, look at them, aren’t they sweet?” says Kono, who’s happened to be around and hear Danny’s question.
Chin, who’s next to her, smiles and asks Danny and Steve, “Are you sure you don’t want to tell us something? We’d be happy for you, you know. You’ve always behaved like a married couple.”
Kono nods in agreement.
Steve laughs, but his eyes aren’t smiling, so Danny knows it’s fake, but he’s the only one who notices it.
“Seriously guys, you’ve been watching too many episodes of Gossip Girl or 90210,” Danny says, and closes the doors to talk alone with Steve.
“Seriously Danno, Gossip Girl?” Steve laughs, and something in his eyes tells Danny that this time is a quite sincere smile.
He sits down on the chair, while answering, “Ah, Gracie’s older friend, Ann, had her over for a movie night, and they watched Gossip Girl, 90210, and The Vampire something…”
“The Vampire Diaries?” Steve helps him.
“Yes, exactly…” Danny nods. “Wait a second… How did you know? Don’t tell me you watch that crap.”
Steve laughs.
“Cath’s niece is a huge fan,” he says.
“Anyway,” Danny continues, “They watched it, and now it’s all Gracie talks about when she calls me. And I really don’t mind her watching something, but something appropriate for her age, and these series certainly aren’t for such small girls… Even Rachel agrees with me on this, ya know?”
Steve smiles, and then he sighs.
“Listen, Steve, I’m really sorry about these two,” Danny nods in the door’s direction, meaning Kono and Chin of course.
“I’m okay, Danno,” Steve answers.
“No, you’re not,” Danny doesn’t agree, because it isn’t okay. Steve told him he loved him, and feelings like that don’t just disappear so quickly, so it can’t be easy for him to listen to Kono and Chin’s comments.
“I am,” Steve argues, and Danny sighs.
“Do you trust me, Steve? Wait… Have you met someone?” Danny asks.
“Yes, Danny, I trust you. And no, I haven’t met anyone,” Steve rolls his eyes, “But I’m okay, really.”
Danny smiles a little, because even if Steve doesn’t say it directly, he knows what he means. He’s going to move on one day, because he’s got to. It’s the only option.
*
It’s a hot Sunday - nothing unusual in Hawaii - so they eat pizza outside on the beach, even if Steve complains about their unhealthy diet, when Grace asks, “Do you have a special someone, Uncle Steve? Like mum has Stan, and Danno has Maria?”
Shit, thinks Danny, because he was supposed to talk with Steve about Maria, but he didn’t, because he didn’t want to hurt him, and now he probably hurt him even more because finding about something like that from someone else can’t be easy.
“Who’s Maria?” Steve asks, and he tries to smile. He almost succeeds.
“Danno’s girlfriend,” Gracie answers, taking another slice of pizza. “You need to meet her, Uncle Steve. She’s nice.”
“I bet she is.”
“Steve, I’m sorry,” Danny says, because he’s sorry he didn’t mention her earlier, he really is, but he didn’t want to hurt him.
“It’s okay,” Steve replies. “I really would like to meet her one day,” he adds a moment later, and Danny knows Steve doesn’t lie, so he smiles.
“So, Uncle Steve?” Grace asks after.
“Gracie,” Danny starts, trying to stop more questions, because he doesn’t want to make it harder for Steve, but Steve smiles, so Danny lets her ask, because if Steve doesn’t mind, it should be okay.
“Danno said that you liked boys, and it’s okay. My classmate has two moms, you know? So… Do you have a boyfriend, Uncle Steve?” Grace continues.
“Not yet, Gracie, but maybe someday I will,” Steve replies with a big, but kinda shy smile on his face.
“You met someone, didn’t you?” Danny can’t stop himself from asking.
“Kinda,” Steve nods.
“Is he your special someone? Is he nice? When can I meet him?” Gracie starts asking more questions, and Steve just smiles, looking at Danno, because in many ways Grace is just like him. When she gets excited or nervous, she always starts babbling or asking too many questions.
Later when she stops asking so many questions, Steve finally tells them that when he was in the governor’s office, he saw Michael Johnson, who was there asking his godmother for help getting legal guardianship of Ben. Apparently Michael Johnson asked Steve out for a coffee later.
For a moment Danny wants to tell Steve that it’s a bad idea to date with someone connected to one of their cases, especially if this mentioned someone has just lost his husband, but he resigns. He doesn’t want Steve to get hurt, but maybe it’s going to work out eventually, he hopes it will for Steve’s sake.
“Just promise me to be happy.” It’s all he says eventually.
“With you and Gracie around?” Steve says, “I’m always happy.”
Danny smiles, and Grace hugs Steve.
The end