(no subject)
Fuck i hate waiting till the last minute to finally get the ball rolling on class assignments. this one in particular is my midterm...yeah fuck its 11:30 and i have yet to do my midterm. I feel as though i'm not cut out for this college thing...bram says this is just part of the sick nature of our educational system. A system which is based on showing your knowledge through tests...one of the worst parts about this is that i know that i'm capable but i lack the motivation for doing any work. i layed on my bed earlier today and wished i wasnt in school... i dont know what the fuck else i'd be doing if i werent in school, but one thing i'm learning is that when you come from a background of not having to work while going to school and then suddenly you rely on work to live and are going to school, the lack of experience in doing this creates and fucked way of not really being able to accomplish one or the other completely. i can't work enough to pay rent, and i work too much along with live in a house with friends that is not the most conducive to studying to be focused enough on school. i also like maxine so much that i have a hard time saying that i cant hang out because i need to do work. but then when i do and she's not there i'm still left with the former situation in living in a house full of distractions where i can hang out and kick it, make music, or dick around on the internet thus rendering my abilities to focus useless...
i'm hoping that just my typing whats on my mind i can de-stress enough to get back on what i need to do. i know its retarded but i do need to do something about it...
my worst fear is the obvious... that i wont do this midterm...and since its worth at least half of the semester grade, i'll flunk the class and further my anxiety about not being engaged enough in school to finish this anthro degree. i really want to do something i'm passionate about, but i dont know if this is that avenue that will get me there.
i've also felt like i've abandoned my former passions regarding politics and current events that i used to have about a year and a half ago.
this rambling is not doing much good other than giving myself the false perception that i'm actually doing work that'll help me get my school assignments done.
i'm hoping that just my typing whats on my mind i can de-stress enough to get back on what i need to do. i know its retarded but i do need to do something about it...
my worst fear is the obvious... that i wont do this midterm...and since its worth at least half of the semester grade, i'll flunk the class and further my anxiety about not being engaged enough in school to finish this anthro degree. i really want to do something i'm passionate about, but i dont know if this is that avenue that will get me there.
i've also felt like i've abandoned my former passions regarding politics and current events that i used to have about a year and a half ago.
this rambling is not doing much good other than giving myself the false perception that i'm actually doing work that'll help me get my school assignments done.