reminiscing? me?
recently i've been thinking about the newness i felt during my highschool years, particularly the second half. i dont know what has brought about it, or even if its really worth mentioning. i dont know. i just kind of miss not knowing what to expect and creating deep bonds with new friends. this post is actually pretty funny because just before i had the urge to write about these thoughts i watched the season finale of dawsons creek, so dont mind this entry if it sounds cliche. i think also reading some old papers i wrote in highschool spured this tanget. its strange i dont really know how my mind works; i cant figure myself out. but yeah back to highschool, i dont know maybe i'm romancing it a little too much, and rewritting history as i look back upon it. like as shitty as highschool was, i really liked it becuase of the friends i had, and the hella cool shit we all did togeather. and in some ways i feel like i was closer with some people then i am now, and i suppose that divergances happen and are kind of unavoidable. maybe i was happier then, or atleast happier then i am now. i'm horrible at making definative statements, i never want to side with an absolute yes or no especially when looking at myself.
i hate feeling awkward especially when i know i shouldnt feel that way, like i social situations with friends. I think its a bi product of a lack of communication between myself and friends, and not wanting to seem strange or weird. i hate not being at ease, and not caring what others think of me, and most of the time i don't but at other times i do and psych myself out, its almost like an anxiety thing, and it kind of leads to myself not being as confidant and then loosing the ability to be myself. i've never formally thought it out liked that but this looks to be about right. huh. i dont know how to put the emotion into words, so it'll probably only make sense to me, but thats all that matters right? ("me speaking to myself": yeah no shit)
there's a kind of safety in silence but it also makes life less interesting, and drudgery.
spaghetti factory is going to be off the hook tomorrow. ya'll should come.
i hate feeling awkward especially when i know i shouldnt feel that way, like i social situations with friends. I think its a bi product of a lack of communication between myself and friends, and not wanting to seem strange or weird. i hate not being at ease, and not caring what others think of me, and most of the time i don't but at other times i do and psych myself out, its almost like an anxiety thing, and it kind of leads to myself not being as confidant and then loosing the ability to be myself. i've never formally thought it out liked that but this looks to be about right. huh. i dont know how to put the emotion into words, so it'll probably only make sense to me, but thats all that matters right? ("me speaking to myself": yeah no shit)
there's a kind of safety in silence but it also makes life less interesting, and drudgery.
spaghetti factory is going to be off the hook tomorrow. ya'll should come.