"To be or not to be, that is the question...
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"
no im not going to kill myself. i just enjoy hamlet and this is my favorite soliloquy. im attempting to do a reasearch paper at midnight the night before its due. sounds about like me. cant seem to get my mind off of other things at the moment. endless frustration is the only way to describe the workings of my mind. so heres my life right now in a nut shell.
i work about 46 hours a week. im techinically in school altho i hardly ever go. i find myself in a very strange state of depression where im happy but stupid things i think about make me sad. i average about 3-4 hours of sleep per night. im eating about 1 meal a day. the girl that i rejected has now turned into a lesbian and moved to california to marry some girl. makes me feel like its my fault. my best friend at work is now living in texas and i miss her a lot. i have a ginormous crush on this girl in my comp 3 class but im too shy to tell her about it. a manager at the eagle harbor store wants to date me but i dont really like her like that. im stressed about what im doing this summer and this fall. my grades suck. im glad to be hanging out with my old friends again even tho they think im a hypocrit. my sister is stressed 24/7 about graduating. i have a movie that i rented from blockbuster over a month ago..still havent watched it. my room is a mess. i keep having frustrating dreams. i cant quit thinking about someone and what they did to me. i need to get away from orange park. ive had 2 offers from people to move in with them out by unf. thats not far enough away. but who knows where ill end up.
ANYWAY.
i went for a drive to clear my head tonight. parked out off of river road and stared out at the st johns and the buckman. i came to the conclusion that i was never actually in love with kt. i just loved having someone who was always there to listen to me bitch. or would do anything to make me happy. or would just cuddle up and watch some tv with me when bored. i dont think it had anything to do with the girl. it could have been any girl and i would have been just as happy. it doesnt make me happy to come to that conclusion tho. i guess the single life just isnt for me. she turned out to be the smart one in this. had a replacement before moving on. i guess thats why guys keep girls "on the backburner". you never know when the person you "love" is gonna dip out on you. im too young to know what love is anyway. i know one thing. itll be a long time before i go throwing out the "love" word again.
i guess this paper isnt going to write itself.
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"
no im not going to kill myself. i just enjoy hamlet and this is my favorite soliloquy. im attempting to do a reasearch paper at midnight the night before its due. sounds about like me. cant seem to get my mind off of other things at the moment. endless frustration is the only way to describe the workings of my mind. so heres my life right now in a nut shell.
i work about 46 hours a week. im techinically in school altho i hardly ever go. i find myself in a very strange state of depression where im happy but stupid things i think about make me sad. i average about 3-4 hours of sleep per night. im eating about 1 meal a day. the girl that i rejected has now turned into a lesbian and moved to california to marry some girl. makes me feel like its my fault. my best friend at work is now living in texas and i miss her a lot. i have a ginormous crush on this girl in my comp 3 class but im too shy to tell her about it. a manager at the eagle harbor store wants to date me but i dont really like her like that. im stressed about what im doing this summer and this fall. my grades suck. im glad to be hanging out with my old friends again even tho they think im a hypocrit. my sister is stressed 24/7 about graduating. i have a movie that i rented from blockbuster over a month ago..still havent watched it. my room is a mess. i keep having frustrating dreams. i cant quit thinking about someone and what they did to me. i need to get away from orange park. ive had 2 offers from people to move in with them out by unf. thats not far enough away. but who knows where ill end up.
ANYWAY.
i went for a drive to clear my head tonight. parked out off of river road and stared out at the st johns and the buckman. i came to the conclusion that i was never actually in love with kt. i just loved having someone who was always there to listen to me bitch. or would do anything to make me happy. or would just cuddle up and watch some tv with me when bored. i dont think it had anything to do with the girl. it could have been any girl and i would have been just as happy. it doesnt make me happy to come to that conclusion tho. i guess the single life just isnt for me. she turned out to be the smart one in this. had a replacement before moving on. i guess thats why guys keep girls "on the backburner". you never know when the person you "love" is gonna dip out on you. im too young to know what love is anyway. i know one thing. itll be a long time before i go throwing out the "love" word again.
i guess this paper isnt going to write itself.