the first conversation i've had with derek in four months:
fuego trabajo: greetings!
zkneech: hey
fuego trabajo: wanted to apologize for being very in-communicado.
zkneech: yeah ; / it sucked!
fuego trabajo: it wasn't cool of me, but I guess I needed it.
at this point i am, of course, crying.
zkneech: yeah i guess not talking was good for me too. i definitely got over everything. it was just weird cause people are always asking about you, and all i can say is i dunno i haven't heard from him in a few months.
fuego trabajo: I know, im very sorry about that.
fuego trabajo: i actually am about to get going, but we'll talk soon!
fuego trabajo: byes : )
fuego trabajo has gone offline.
i always give in. i could sit here for months and proclaim my anger, the fact that i have moved on, but the second derek acknowledges my existence i come crashing to my knees. while he's putting me through this cold shoulder bull shit through no fault of my own, one birthday text message or random im makes me giggle like a school girl who just got noticed by the boy she has a crush on. i forget everything that's made me miserable since he left.
i can't find it in my heart to hate him, because i know this isn't him. whoever it is that's been making me feel worthless can't be derek, because derek would never do anything like this. derek's the boy who made me pancakes and got excited when i was in his bed in the morning and told me he loved me for two fucking years.
whoever he became when he moved to california is different and scary and i hope not permanent. because i can't stop loving this boy. he is too lovable. i want him to come back and be the same derek and be my friend who plays frisbee with me and jenna and robin and erik in the park. i don't know what i'll do if that person is gone forever.
zkneech: hey
fuego trabajo: wanted to apologize for being very in-communicado.
zkneech: yeah ; / it sucked!
fuego trabajo: it wasn't cool of me, but I guess I needed it.
at this point i am, of course, crying.
zkneech: yeah i guess not talking was good for me too. i definitely got over everything. it was just weird cause people are always asking about you, and all i can say is i dunno i haven't heard from him in a few months.
fuego trabajo: I know, im very sorry about that.
fuego trabajo: i actually am about to get going, but we'll talk soon!
fuego trabajo: byes : )
fuego trabajo has gone offline.
i always give in. i could sit here for months and proclaim my anger, the fact that i have moved on, but the second derek acknowledges my existence i come crashing to my knees. while he's putting me through this cold shoulder bull shit through no fault of my own, one birthday text message or random im makes me giggle like a school girl who just got noticed by the boy she has a crush on. i forget everything that's made me miserable since he left.
i can't find it in my heart to hate him, because i know this isn't him. whoever it is that's been making me feel worthless can't be derek, because derek would never do anything like this. derek's the boy who made me pancakes and got excited when i was in his bed in the morning and told me he loved me for two fucking years.
whoever he became when he moved to california is different and scary and i hope not permanent. because i can't stop loving this boy. he is too lovable. i want him to come back and be the same derek and be my friend who plays frisbee with me and jenna and robin and erik in the park. i don't know what i'll do if that person is gone forever.