Holy Fucking Shit
I just had a breakthrough in class today. Or right after class. It doesn't matter, it happened. I suppose I've been having this breakthrough slowly over the past few weeks or months, but today the edges of it started cracking and it came pouring through.
In the game of life, I'm a n00b. A FUCKING n00b. I coasted through high school because it was easy. I didn't give any thought to what college to go to, didn't give thought to what I would do with my life. I assumed since high school was so easy, the rest of life couldn't be that much harder. I was wrong. Obviously. Very wrong. Since then I've just been letting shit slip by. Time, school, classes, jobs, money, friendships, my family. Everything. I've been de-evolving into a lazy, hedonistic, unmotivated piece of shit. I don't do anything. Anything I DO do is just to further my lazy spiral into worthlessness. Things that used to bring me pleasure aren't even fun anymore.
People strive to get ahead. Everyone on the planet is doing the best they can to make a life for themselves. Make a way. Weather it happens to be money, power or fame. Think about it. We're all just single individuals out of 6 BILLION. How do you make a name for yourself? Live comfortably? Be remembered? Have fulfillment? We have to work hard and motivate ourselves to get shit done. Get out there and COMPETE against others to get ahead. What have I been doing? Squandering any good fortune that I've had to this point. I have SO much potential but I don't do a fucking thing with it. If I did some fucking work I could get ahead. I'm smart enough. I just need to break out of this rut and fucking DO something. Get in school, ACTUALLY study, use my fucking brain. It's possible. I just need to do it. I just need to get my shit together. Life is waiting for me, I'm still young. Shit can happen.
GOD!!!! I really hope this isn't just some one time thing going through my head right now. If I could keep this mindset right now I KNOW I could succeed. Maybe this stream of consciousness journal could help jog my memory in the future if I start feeling like a sack of shit again. Kick me in the ass and get me going. Hopefully. We will see. Life is possible. It can happen. I just have to be willing to make it happen.
In the game of life, I'm a n00b. A FUCKING n00b. I coasted through high school because it was easy. I didn't give any thought to what college to go to, didn't give thought to what I would do with my life. I assumed since high school was so easy, the rest of life couldn't be that much harder. I was wrong. Obviously. Very wrong. Since then I've just been letting shit slip by. Time, school, classes, jobs, money, friendships, my family. Everything. I've been de-evolving into a lazy, hedonistic, unmotivated piece of shit. I don't do anything. Anything I DO do is just to further my lazy spiral into worthlessness. Things that used to bring me pleasure aren't even fun anymore.
People strive to get ahead. Everyone on the planet is doing the best they can to make a life for themselves. Make a way. Weather it happens to be money, power or fame. Think about it. We're all just single individuals out of 6 BILLION. How do you make a name for yourself? Live comfortably? Be remembered? Have fulfillment? We have to work hard and motivate ourselves to get shit done. Get out there and COMPETE against others to get ahead. What have I been doing? Squandering any good fortune that I've had to this point. I have SO much potential but I don't do a fucking thing with it. If I did some fucking work I could get ahead. I'm smart enough. I just need to break out of this rut and fucking DO something. Get in school, ACTUALLY study, use my fucking brain. It's possible. I just need to do it. I just need to get my shit together. Life is waiting for me, I'm still young. Shit can happen.
GOD!!!! I really hope this isn't just some one time thing going through my head right now. If I could keep this mindset right now I KNOW I could succeed. Maybe this stream of consciousness journal could help jog my memory in the future if I start feeling like a sack of shit again. Kick me in the ass and get me going. Hopefully. We will see. Life is possible. It can happen. I just have to be willing to make it happen.