(no subject)
Look at me, look at me, using a livejournal to do what I've always told people not to do with livejournals...complain. Oh well. I seriously doubt anyone will read this. If they do, they probably won't care; if they care, they most likely will be insincere or cliche, and the chances of true insight popping up in this post are...none. I suppose I'm writing this entirely for myself. If I'm happier in the future than I am now, I can look back later and be glad that I'm doing better. If I'm not as happy, I can remember happier times. Lame, but whatever.
X Classes officially begin tomorrow.
X I'm scheduled to move into my apartment on September 7th. Its going to be good, I suppose. Always open to friends.
And there's the issue.
X I have no desire to study anything about computers.
X I really don't know what other subjects might or might not interest me. And yes, I've looked, I've just yet to find anything interesting.
X Potential careers seem really, really unfulfilling.
X I have no desire to go to divinity school or be a pastor, not because I don't want to serve God, but because I've seen that people are total hypocrites, and that you can be the most inspiring, theologically-correct, righteous pastor in the world, and no one would care. Funny that I didn't pick that up from the Bible. People don't listen to anyone.
X I essentially have no desire to do anything, nor any plan for the future, short or long-term. Some might say I'm depressed, but I'm not really all that sad. Rather, all of my previous plans are no longer interesting, and I can't think of new plans. Perhaps I'm not creative enough? Sometimes I think that if I dropped out of school and volunteered full time, it would be awesome.
By the way, lacking ambition makes for very, very boring free time. Lacking ambition while you're stuck in Smithfield until your apartment is ready? Even worse.
X My health sucks. Go figure.
X I have maybe two friends in the world. I don't even know that I could count on those two if push came to shove, but they're at least friendly. I think I could count on them, at least.
X I have zero contact with them at the moment, thank you, school.
X The rest either:
1. spurn me,
2. are a bad influence, or
3. have just fallen out of contact
X Da-n moral convictions. If I lacked my morals, the second one wouldn't be an issue, and I'd have plenty of friends still. Yes, I'm still the bizarre Christian I have been, but I really wish I weren't. I wish I could be okay with people's behaviour, I wish I could accept it, condone it, be part of it. It sure would make life more interesting. Less lonely, less boring. Though, no matter if I like my God's requirements or not, they exist, and I shall abide by them. Moving on....
X The dating scene is nonexistant. If there's one thing that adds fuel to the fire that sparked this post, that's it. Oh well. I'm Jonathan Pittard - I should have seen that one coming a mile away.
X Because of my lack of ambition for computer science and pastorship, I have not the slightest clue what I'll do when I get out of school. Boo for randomly drifting through life. I thought that was something that people attributed to druggies and those with low intelligence or a lack of morals. Well....I'm not on drugs, I'd say I'm not dumb, and I'd fit in if I lived in 16th-century New England, but I still have no clue what to do.
X Former pastimes are boring, mainly because they involve a lot more of me and a lot less of everyone I used to know.
The funny thing is, I said my senior year of highschool that college would be this way. I could say that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I worked against it - still do work against it. Its just that "be yourself" is sometimes bad advice.
Six months from now I'll read back on this and see what I think.
X Classes officially begin tomorrow.
X I'm scheduled to move into my apartment on September 7th. Its going to be good, I suppose. Always open to friends.
And there's the issue.
X I have no desire to study anything about computers.
X I really don't know what other subjects might or might not interest me. And yes, I've looked, I've just yet to find anything interesting.
X Potential careers seem really, really unfulfilling.
X I have no desire to go to divinity school or be a pastor, not because I don't want to serve God, but because I've seen that people are total hypocrites, and that you can be the most inspiring, theologically-correct, righteous pastor in the world, and no one would care. Funny that I didn't pick that up from the Bible. People don't listen to anyone.
X I essentially have no desire to do anything, nor any plan for the future, short or long-term. Some might say I'm depressed, but I'm not really all that sad. Rather, all of my previous plans are no longer interesting, and I can't think of new plans. Perhaps I'm not creative enough? Sometimes I think that if I dropped out of school and volunteered full time, it would be awesome.
By the way, lacking ambition makes for very, very boring free time. Lacking ambition while you're stuck in Smithfield until your apartment is ready? Even worse.
X My health sucks. Go figure.
X I have maybe two friends in the world. I don't even know that I could count on those two if push came to shove, but they're at least friendly. I think I could count on them, at least.
X I have zero contact with them at the moment, thank you, school.
X The rest either:
1. spurn me,
2. are a bad influence, or
3. have just fallen out of contact
X Da-n moral convictions. If I lacked my morals, the second one wouldn't be an issue, and I'd have plenty of friends still. Yes, I'm still the bizarre Christian I have been, but I really wish I weren't. I wish I could be okay with people's behaviour, I wish I could accept it, condone it, be part of it. It sure would make life more interesting. Less lonely, less boring. Though, no matter if I like my God's requirements or not, they exist, and I shall abide by them. Moving on....
X The dating scene is nonexistant. If there's one thing that adds fuel to the fire that sparked this post, that's it. Oh well. I'm Jonathan Pittard - I should have seen that one coming a mile away.
X Because of my lack of ambition for computer science and pastorship, I have not the slightest clue what I'll do when I get out of school. Boo for randomly drifting through life. I thought that was something that people attributed to druggies and those with low intelligence or a lack of morals. Well....I'm not on drugs, I'd say I'm not dumb, and I'd fit in if I lived in 16th-century New England, but I still have no clue what to do.
X Former pastimes are boring, mainly because they involve a lot more of me and a lot less of everyone I used to know.
The funny thing is, I said my senior year of highschool that college would be this way. I could say that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I worked against it - still do work against it. Its just that "be yourself" is sometimes bad advice.
Six months from now I'll read back on this and see what I think.