Is this normal?
It’s been 2 weeks since I heard the bad news from the doctor; and about 1 week into the new birth control. I am crying almost every night thinking dark thoughts. I don’t find this normal, but I also haven’t been this shook up by bad news before. Unfortunately for K, he’s now roped into my emotional instability. I am dissecting this relationship and analyzing every piece, spending special attention to everything I dislike about our being together. I asked to work more in order to avoid spending time with him.
Is it normal to feel this kind of stagnancy this early in a relationship? Is this what they mean about “relationships take work”?
I am living in an unnatural perpetual fear that this is going to end. I have to write this all down to form some kind of rational thought.
Am I just simply losing interest? Or am I being impatient? Sam thinks I have unrealistic relationship expectations somewhere on the border of those stupid relationship goals memes on the internet; that there is an envy to wanting something that doesn’t exist, or it does exist but comes in many forms. K is a good guy, not one malicious bone in his body and definitely looking out for me. He is not the best conversationalist in my opinion or the most affectionate - two things I had placed as high priority. But if there was someone I needed to call on for help it would be him.
I also have all this insecurity I want to ask him but he’s not willing to communicate those feelings. I want to ask “Why do you like spending time with me?” “How seriously are you taking this and me?” “How much do you miss me when we’re apart and how much do you think about me?”
I feel so silly typing this because I know he has me in mind for the future. He wanted to pay to take me to a doctor for a faster treatment. He had been asking what kind of mattress would I prefer for his bed. I have toiletries in his bathroom. So it’s a slow work in progress.
Just can’t shake all this sudden onset of paranoia and unease. I am oddly still distrusting. I’m seeking some other form of validation. Until I see that, I don’t feel that mentally I should invest 100% of myself.
These thoughts will all go locked away until the next insomniac adventure.
Is it normal to feel this kind of stagnancy this early in a relationship? Is this what they mean about “relationships take work”?
I am living in an unnatural perpetual fear that this is going to end. I have to write this all down to form some kind of rational thought.
Am I just simply losing interest? Or am I being impatient? Sam thinks I have unrealistic relationship expectations somewhere on the border of those stupid relationship goals memes on the internet; that there is an envy to wanting something that doesn’t exist, or it does exist but comes in many forms. K is a good guy, not one malicious bone in his body and definitely looking out for me. He is not the best conversationalist in my opinion or the most affectionate - two things I had placed as high priority. But if there was someone I needed to call on for help it would be him.
I also have all this insecurity I want to ask him but he’s not willing to communicate those feelings. I want to ask “Why do you like spending time with me?” “How seriously are you taking this and me?” “How much do you miss me when we’re apart and how much do you think about me?”
I feel so silly typing this because I know he has me in mind for the future. He wanted to pay to take me to a doctor for a faster treatment. He had been asking what kind of mattress would I prefer for his bed. I have toiletries in his bathroom. So it’s a slow work in progress.
Just can’t shake all this sudden onset of paranoia and unease. I am oddly still distrusting. I’m seeking some other form of validation. Until I see that, I don’t feel that mentally I should invest 100% of myself.
These thoughts will all go locked away until the next insomniac adventure.