email history to Jason
I went through my email history and looked for everything I had sent Jason. I saw something I wrote back in 2011. This past year since he left for the army and it further strained our communication, I began questioning my sanity and rational thinking. Was this all in my head? Did I really love him all these years? Am I forcing something? And then I read that email. It reminded me that no, your feelings are real because of that shit you wrote. I still remember how I felt when I wrote that. First I had admitted my feelings to him, and then I relinquished him to the world as if to say God, please take care of him even if it means to take him off my hands. It was the year Jason was diagnosed with a tumor in his back and was undergoing surgery. He told me about it at the last minute and I went crazy on him because the news was so devastating.
"...I respect this is the way you want to handle things [with your life choices & directives]. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that I would never get to kiss you."
True love is relinquishing your hold when you know you shouldn't be controlling any more and to just let nature take its course even if the universe tells you it's not meant to be.
But I lucked out. God didn't say he wasn't for me, he just said he wasn't for me at that moment.
Once I had asked where is that man of my dreams? And God said I wasn't ready to meet him yet, and that man wasn't ready yet to meet me.
"...I respect this is the way you want to handle things [with your life choices & directives]. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that I would never get to kiss you."
True love is relinquishing your hold when you know you shouldn't be controlling any more and to just let nature take its course even if the universe tells you it's not meant to be.
But I lucked out. God didn't say he wasn't for me, he just said he wasn't for me at that moment.
Once I had asked where is that man of my dreams? And God said I wasn't ready to meet him yet, and that man wasn't ready yet to meet me.