God gives me friends
I feel God has answered my heart's greatest desires. I needed a friend, some really good listening ears, and 5 girl friends came forward randomly out of the blue. They all texted me within the same 24 hours, saying they were thinking of me and asked how I was.
First was Janelle, a galpha, and the one galpha I spend the most time with. She replied to a previous post I had with concerns to all the sad posts I had been writing about Jason. And I couldn't help vent to her through text. I let out so much, probably out of context, but it felt good to release. The beauty of writing in this LJ is that I don't have to cater to how can I convey my point across, unlike when you talk to people, who react to how you phrase something. She was the second to say I didn't need to defend the relationship to anyone and what goes on between me and Jason is our business. Thank you! I had to reach out to John, me and Jason's mutual online friend from WoW (he's more Jason's friend), to find someone who would defend him. His best comment was "Life is not or supposed to be so streamlined."
Claudia, I had been talking to for awhile since I had gone to her to vent about my unhappiness with Kaina. But Claudia texted me yesterday to ask how I was and to say she was thinking of me. Claudia and I are both very emotional people and we do clash, but always know when to come together and make peace. She is someone I can't let go in my life. I come to her for comfort. In her vast experience at life and her unmeasurable foresight, she understands so many aspects of life and people that very very few do. And Jason is like that. I have finally accepted, as in, put my stubbornness and pride aside, that it is okay to have someone look out for me and be protective over me. Growing up, I've always felt like a loner. I like to do and discover things on my own. So I have a lot of pride and a really bad attitude when I'm being told what to do if I'm not feeling it. It's so simple (and stupid at the same time) like when my mom wanted to make me more fashionable with hair and make up in junior high and I wasn't having it because being a tomboy in converse & oversized sweatshirts was more fun.
Audrey is a childhood friend since I was 9 years old. She was my first friend to get married and have a kid. We have this on and off friendship where we don't see each other for YEARS but we manage to pick up right where we left off. I am so happy that she and I have grown but in the same direction. As you get older, you tend to drop the friends who aren't up to speed with you, be that they are at a stage in their life you don't have patience for, or you're past a stage in your life and they are lolligagging behind in maturity. Audrey texted me randomly that she was thinking of me. And I told her how I felt God had answered a prayer by having her reach out to me. She said to just keep surrounding myself with positive people and positive energy. She and I are supposed to meet up again next month. 2010 is the last time I saw her.
Giselle lives here in New York. We used to work together. She is my other adult kindred spirit. I love how she feels I'm the positive energy in her life (and Ece said the same). Today we had coffee and shared our woes, exchanged advice. We both see life the same way and come from a similar upbringing. I was giving her feedback on her relationship. Some highlights I'll try to recall:
- Few people will learn this until they get in a relationship: when your friend enters a relationship or marriage, you treat both of them as one. You cannot invite your friend and not expect her boyfriend to come along. When I visit my friend, I also expect to see her husband and child. Sometimes when I visit a girl friend and buy food for me and her, I'll buy a little extra because I know her husband will be home. So if your boyfriend's assistant wants to be polite and lessen your suspicions, she should be inviting him and you to events together.
- an honorable woman who is friends with a man must befriend his woman too, out of respect. My friend Matt, I've been through 3 of the women in his life. He makes a point to say how important of a friend I am to him. And I feel he doesn't need to make the girls feel they should win my approval. All the girls, regardless of what I've thought of them, I've been very nice and acknowledged them so they don't feel threatened by me and Matt's friendship.
- Your man has to decide how important it is to appease you. If by being around this other woman makes you uncomfortable, if your happiness is important to him, he should do his best, willingly, to appease you. It's like when Jason said to me that I'm at liberty to party as I please, so long as I don't do anything that would make him suspicious. I could be self-righteous and say oh it's just hugging and dancing, it didn't mean anything. But if I know it'll make him uncomfortable, and I don't lie to him, I won't do anything that will upset him. His happiness and trust in me is very important and I want to keep that trust.
- Trust is 50% of any relationship. He says he is and won't let anything happen with this other woman, you just have to trust him that he can handle/rectify the situation. She may be a snake and try to pull something, and he may be really naive and not see the subtle signs, which means only when she throws herself at him will he realize you were right. You don't have much of a choice but to swallow the big pill and just let go, just trust him 100% like you say you do. Being c'est la vie about it is part of the risk. Your relationship boat may be rocked but it's going to be a test for you both. And it's part of the risk when you love someone.