I promised you all didn't I?
Ok.
That was of course, for yesterday. For those playing at home and just really want to know, I had Vegemite on toast this morning. It was lovely, thank you for asking.
I'm finding it more and more difficult these days to be social. Even 'internetly' speaking. I really hate going out these days and I even more so hate 'dealing' with people. This, of course, makes work just downright awful xD I'm not saying that you guys are all trouble, you're not I assure you, it's just me. It's a little odd to explain but I chose to cut myself off from everyone. I don't really know why though, but I think I really just wanted to think about me and give myself time and whatever rather than give it to any of you. However, it seems that maybe some of you might have needed some of that and I'm so sorry that I deliberately shut myself off from you guys, some of the most important people in my life! (not saying I'm a beacon of advice, happiness, funtimes and rainbows right now though x_X). Please forgive me. I honestly have no idea what on EARTH I'm thinking these days!
I'm really not entirely sure as to why I'm feeling this total plummet of self confidence. I totally hate the way I look, I pretty much despise all my clothes, I absolutely loathe working at Woolies for as long as I have, I hate the fact I have lost a great chunk of control over my body and I hate the fact that I'm hating these facts. I'm guessing it's just from thinking about things too much, definitely a dangerous pastime of mine...
I got my hair cut simply because I just hated look at it and touch it all the time, but the short hair's warming up to me. I think I'll grow it a little longer, we'll see. My clothes are another thing. I just want to burn that heathen wardrobe to the ground. However, such an act will leave me with no clothes to wear. I'm slowly cultivating myself another, more mature and 'my age' wardrobe. Once finshed, then I can burn the damn thing without worries xD I like wearing some of the things I've bought, thinking to myself I actually look like I'm turning 22 this year. Yay for me.
The greater problem here is that even after four months, I'm still unable to work full time, meaning, I'm still at jolly old Woolies. It feels like such a lame and dumb thing to get upset about but I just hate being seen working there. It makes me feel like I've accomplished nothing. *Every* *single* *shift* I'm asked if I am in uni, "oh you've finished have you? Graphic design, how wonderful! Haven't gotten yourself a job yet? That's too bad." and so on and so forth. It's even worse when I see people I know. lkhglhgljhuylg. 5 hours is still the max I can do in a day, but even that's pushing it sometimes. I worked Thurs-Sun last week with three 5hr and a 3.5hr respectively and by Monday I could not get out of bed. Whilst I did play a bit of soccer on the Sunday (which was most likely pushing myself too far, but I like to know what my limits are I guess) I was absolutely spent before then. I more or less recovered yesterday, since the 4hr shift on Wednesday didn't really help matters. I want to go out an apply for jobs, get rejected and all that too but for now I'm still in lovely limbo.
While I'm stoked to go and graduate on the 2nd, I am dreading having to see everyone and explaining everything to them, which again, is just plain stupid. Rrrraaaaaaaggghhhhhhh!!!!1!!!@$#r5y52!!! *hulkifies*.
I'm sorry that this whole post is pure emotional vomit, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I'll pay for the dry cleaning I promise :)
Ok, well the positive thing is that whilst I can't get the job I want and all, Mum suggested that perhaps I should do a few little online courses until I'm fully recovered and ready to go. I have to say, Mum's just been super to me these last four months. But anyway, I'm starting a creative writing course on Monday and that goes for 5 weeks. I really don't know what to expect but I am looking forward to it :D It could just give me the jump start I need for when I'm back in business. I have stuff I want to write, things I want to create and just maybe something like this will make it all the more better. I also hate doing 'nothing' and I love learning, so I believe it's perfect for me right now, especially when I hit the wall and have my bad days, I can just sleep it off at home xD Brilliant!
Kevin Rudd Mum and Dad also got me a 'graduation' present which totally blew me away. Mum was so sneaky about it though. I've been eyeing LCD tellies lately to play my 57454754 games and watch all my 1480738 DVD's with all intention of buying one in the very distant future. While that was going on however, the large tellie in the family room has finally carked it and insists on showing everything is "funny-fun-fair-mirror view." This meant that all the games I'd play would feature protagonists with either long faces or shapely hourglass figures. This was awkward when playing games like Half Life 2 when I'm trying my darnedest to brain my slender captors with my equally slender crowbar of amazing. Anyway, where the hell was I? Mum and I were at jbhifi and Mum says that she wants to have a look at the flat screen tellies. Being oblivious to everything, I thought it was something to replace Mr Easter Show tellie and went off to drool at tellies I liked, while Mum took notes. She then tells springs it on me a few days later which pretty much left me with a heart attack. I couldn't believe how ridiculously spoiled I was, but apparently they both were in cahoots for ages, they just needed an idea of what I wanted. They also got it for a stellar price too. Whoooooo.
Tiax (named after this lovely fellow since he's a TEAC xD) is beautiful. Being able to *see* my games/dvd's is amazing (my last tellie's screen was smaller than my laptop's, making widescreen movies a pain in the eyes to watch *remembers The Fifth Element with Tim xD*). Thank you so much Mum, Dad and Kevin Rudd's stimulus thing.
I'm sure that's enough of the Chunder Magic 3000, I believe you've all had your fill of coolie_bins for one day :) Thanks guys. Even though this was just a selfish rant-fest brimming with tl;dr, I feel better already. I hope to pull my head out of my arse and do a better job of the whole, 'friend' thing ok?
Ok.
That was of course, for yesterday. For those playing at home and just really want to know, I had Vegemite on toast this morning. It was lovely, thank you for asking.
I'm finding it more and more difficult these days to be social. Even 'internetly' speaking. I really hate going out these days and I even more so hate 'dealing' with people. This, of course, makes work just downright awful xD I'm not saying that you guys are all trouble, you're not I assure you, it's just me. It's a little odd to explain but I chose to cut myself off from everyone. I don't really know why though, but I think I really just wanted to think about me and give myself time and whatever rather than give it to any of you. However, it seems that maybe some of you might have needed some of that and I'm so sorry that I deliberately shut myself off from you guys, some of the most important people in my life! (not saying I'm a beacon of advice, happiness, funtimes and rainbows right now though x_X). Please forgive me. I honestly have no idea what on EARTH I'm thinking these days!
I'm really not entirely sure as to why I'm feeling this total plummet of self confidence. I totally hate the way I look, I pretty much despise all my clothes, I absolutely loathe working at Woolies for as long as I have, I hate the fact I have lost a great chunk of control over my body and I hate the fact that I'm hating these facts. I'm guessing it's just from thinking about things too much, definitely a dangerous pastime of mine...
I got my hair cut simply because I just hated look at it and touch it all the time, but the short hair's warming up to me. I think I'll grow it a little longer, we'll see. My clothes are another thing. I just want to burn that heathen wardrobe to the ground. However, such an act will leave me with no clothes to wear. I'm slowly cultivating myself another, more mature and 'my age' wardrobe. Once finshed, then I can burn the damn thing without worries xD I like wearing some of the things I've bought, thinking to myself I actually look like I'm turning 22 this year. Yay for me.
The greater problem here is that even after four months, I'm still unable to work full time, meaning, I'm still at jolly old Woolies. It feels like such a lame and dumb thing to get upset about but I just hate being seen working there. It makes me feel like I've accomplished nothing. *Every* *single* *shift* I'm asked if I am in uni, "oh you've finished have you? Graphic design, how wonderful! Haven't gotten yourself a job yet? That's too bad." and so on and so forth. It's even worse when I see people I know. lkhglhgljhuylg. 5 hours is still the max I can do in a day, but even that's pushing it sometimes. I worked Thurs-Sun last week with three 5hr and a 3.5hr respectively and by Monday I could not get out of bed. Whilst I did play a bit of soccer on the Sunday (which was most likely pushing myself too far, but I like to know what my limits are I guess) I was absolutely spent before then. I more or less recovered yesterday, since the 4hr shift on Wednesday didn't really help matters. I want to go out an apply for jobs, get rejected and all that too but for now I'm still in lovely limbo.
While I'm stoked to go and graduate on the 2nd, I am dreading having to see everyone and explaining everything to them, which again, is just plain stupid. Rrrraaaaaaaggghhhhhhh!!!!1!!!@$#r5y52!!! *hulkifies*.
I'm sorry that this whole post is pure emotional vomit, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I'll pay for the dry cleaning I promise :)
Ok, well the positive thing is that whilst I can't get the job I want and all, Mum suggested that perhaps I should do a few little online courses until I'm fully recovered and ready to go. I have to say, Mum's just been super to me these last four months. But anyway, I'm starting a creative writing course on Monday and that goes for 5 weeks. I really don't know what to expect but I am looking forward to it :D It could just give me the jump start I need for when I'm back in business. I have stuff I want to write, things I want to create and just maybe something like this will make it all the more better. I also hate doing 'nothing' and I love learning, so I believe it's perfect for me right now, especially when I hit the wall and have my bad days, I can just sleep it off at home xD Brilliant!
Kevin Rudd Mum and Dad also got me a 'graduation' present which totally blew me away. Mum was so sneaky about it though. I've been eyeing LCD tellies lately to play my 57454754 games and watch all my 1480738 DVD's with all intention of buying one in the very distant future. While that was going on however, the large tellie in the family room has finally carked it and insists on showing everything is "funny-fun-fair-mirror view." This meant that all the games I'd play would feature protagonists with either long faces or shapely hourglass figures. This was awkward when playing games like Half Life 2 when I'm trying my darnedest to brain my slender captors with my equally slender crowbar of amazing. Anyway, where the hell was I? Mum and I were at jbhifi and Mum says that she wants to have a look at the flat screen tellies. Being oblivious to everything, I thought it was something to replace Mr Easter Show tellie and went off to drool at tellies I liked, while Mum took notes. She then tells springs it on me a few days later which pretty much left me with a heart attack. I couldn't believe how ridiculously spoiled I was, but apparently they both were in cahoots for ages, they just needed an idea of what I wanted. They also got it for a stellar price too. Whoooooo.
Tiax (named after this lovely fellow since he's a TEAC xD) is beautiful. Being able to *see* my games/dvd's is amazing (my last tellie's screen was smaller than my laptop's, making widescreen movies a pain in the eyes to watch *remembers The Fifth Element with Tim xD*). Thank you so much Mum, Dad and Kevin Rudd's stimulus thing.
I'm sure that's enough of the Chunder Magic 3000, I believe you've all had your fill of coolie_bins for one day :) Thanks guys. Even though this was just a selfish rant-fest brimming with tl;dr, I feel better already. I hope to pull my head out of my arse and do a better job of the whole, 'friend' thing ok?
Ok.